--- title: "18 Thinking Quotes By Emo Philips" description: "18 Thinking quotes by Emo Philips. Plus more from Emo Philips and more Thinking sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ad7/emo-philips-1788_devil_i-think-my-ex-girlfriend-has-weekly-less_1098848.png" --- > [I think my ex-girlfriend has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don't know what she charges…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-think-my-ex-girlfriend-has-weekly-lessons-with-the-devil-on-how-to/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ad7/emo-philips-1788_devil_i-think-my-ex-girlfriend-has-weekly-less_1098848.png) > [I think of my body as a temple. Or at least a relatively well-managed Presbyterian youth center.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-think-of-my-body-as-a-temple-or-at-least-a-relatively-well-managed/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0a0/emo-philips-1788_body_i-think-of-my-body-as-a-temple-or-at-lea_2856136.png) > [They have a sign at the beach, "no glass bottles". I think that's so the other sand particles don't feel like underachievers.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/they-have-a-sign-at-the-beach-no-glass-bottles-i-think-that-s-so-the/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e24/emo-philips-1788_beach_they-have-a-sign-at-the-beach-no-glass-b_1007433.jpg) > [I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-think-fur-looks-better-on-an-animal-than-on-a-human-being-so-i/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/09a/emo-philips-1788_animal_i-think-fur-looks-better-on-an-animal-th_1363702.png) > [I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-used-to-think-that-the-brain-was-the-most-wonderful-organ-in-my/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/178/emo-philips-1788_body_i-used-to-think-that-the-brain-was-the-m_2963945.png) > [I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-told-my-wife-she-looks-sexy-with-black-fingernails-now-she-thinks-i/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/47c/emo-philips-1788_black_i-told-my-wife-she-looks-sexy-with-black_972436.png) > [I was at the Wal-Mart, which is where I think everybody goes eventually. If they die without Christ.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-was-at-the-wal-mart-which-is-where-i-think-everybody-goes/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9cc/emo-philips-1788_christ_i-was-at-the-wal-mart-which-is-where-i-t_1121096.png) > [I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-think-the-whole-concept-of-monotheism-is-a-gift-from-the-gods/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fcb/emo-philips-1788_concepts_i-think-the-whole-concept-of-monotheism_1156647.png) > [Thinking up jokes is easy. The hard part is trying them out on stage, because you never know if they're funny until…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/thinking-up-jokes-is-easy-the-hard-part-is-trying-them-out-on-stage/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1b5/emo-philips-1788_comedian_thinking-up-jokes-is-easy-the-hard-part_324464.png) > [I think of people as members of an audience. But an audience acts independently of every individual. It's an organism on its…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-think-of-people-as-members-of-an-audience-but-an-audience-acts/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f5d/emo-philips-1788_audience_i-think-of-people-as-members-of-an-audie_1072794.png) > [I read that nine out of 10 women fantasize about having an unknown man leap through their bedroom window at night and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-read-that-nine-out-of-10-women-fantasize-about-having-an-unknown/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/149/emo-philips-1788_bedroom_i-read-that-nine-out-of-10-women-fantasi_2461970.png) > [There's a joke in everything, the trick is finding it. The best compliment a joke can get is what Huxley said about…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/there-s-a-joke-in-everything-the-trick-is-finding-it-the-best/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/51e/emo-philips-1788_biology_there-s-a-joke-in-everything-the-trick-i_1818064.png) > [I'm totally normal in every respect, but I have this one quirk - I can't give out a number without laughing. It's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-m-totally-normal-in-every-respect-but-i-have-this-one-quirk-i-can-t/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/506/emo-philips-1788_cards_i-m-totally-normal-in-every-respect-but_1972706.png) > [I pray a simple prayer every morning. It's an ecumenical prayer. Whether you're Catholic or Jewish or Muslim or Hindu, I think…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-pray-a-simple-prayer-every-morning-it-s-an-ecumenical-prayer/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ff/emo-philips-1788_amen_i-pray-a-simple-prayer-every-morning-it_1313170.jpg) > [I used to think I knew everything, but older you get the more you see other areas. If you could read everything…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-used-to-think-i-knew-everything-but-older-you-get-the-more-you-see/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f17/emo-philips-1788_areas_i-used-to-think-i-knew-everything-but-ol_1317411.jpg) > [The subconscious is like having a laboratory assistant who pretends to love you and help you, but after you go home to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/the-subconscious-is-like-having-a-laboratory-assistant-who-pretends/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ee4/emo-philips-1788_assistants_the-subconscious-is-like-having-a-labora_2671416.png) > [I think it's good to know more than the average guy. If I'm in a bar now and some pretty girl is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-think-it-s-good-to-know-more-than-the-average-guy-if-i-m-in-a-bar/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d02/emo-philips-1788_average_i-think-it-s-good-to-know-more-than-the_700481.png) > [I love my family. I came home the other days. My brother's passed-out on the couch, holding an empty bottle of sleeping…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-love-my-family-i-came-home-the-other-days-my-brother-s-passed-out/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fbb/emo-philips-1788_bottles_i-love-my-family-i-came-home-the-other-d_1485001.jpg) ## Other authors on Thinking - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b005/author-barack-obama-16275.jpg) Barack Obama 447 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/barack-obama/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b021/author-rush-limbaugh-81741.jpg) Rush Limbaugh 440 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/rush-limbaugh/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b008/author-donald-trump-30060.jpg) Donald Trump 357 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/donald-trump/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b011/author-hillary-clinton-42043.jpg) Hillary Clinton 292 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/hillary-clinton/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b010/author-frederick-lenz-36205.jpg) Frederick Lenz 243 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/frederick-lenz/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b006/author-cassandra-clare-21529.jpg) Cassandra Clare 184 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/cassandra-clare/) - [Ralph Waldo Emerson 161 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/ralph-waldo-emerson/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b018/author-noam-chomsky-71799.jpg) Noam Chomsky 161 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/noam-chomsky/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b003/author-albert-einstein-10494.jpg) Albert Einstein 146 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/albert-einstein/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b022/author-sherrilyn-kenyon-84925.jpg) Sherrilyn Kenyon 143 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/sherrilyn-kenyon/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b023/author-taylor-swift-89132.jpg) Taylor Swift 137 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/taylor-swift/) ## More by Emo Philips > [Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/once-i-was-in-a-restaurant-and-i-dropped-my-fork-on-the-floor-and/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [I give money to Unicef because I like the 'bang for your buck' aspect. Here's $10, go and save 1,000 kids from blindness!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-give-money-to-unicef-because-i-like-the-bang-for-your-buck-aspect/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [Libertarians believe consenting adults have the right to do whatever they choose, except band together.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/libertarians-believe-consenting-adults-have-the-right-to-do-whatever/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [I love England. In fact, they're getting to know me so well at Heathrow Immigration that this time I was able to completely bypass…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-love-england-in-fact-they-re-getting-to-know-me-so-well-at-heathrow/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/he-taught-me-never-to-smile-which-helps-me-when-i-visit-disaster-sites/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/the-way-i-understand-it-the-russians-are-sort-of-a-combination-of/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face."…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-got-in-a-fight-one-time-with-a-really-big-guy-and-he-said-i-m-going/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [I don't know if I was put on this Earth for a purpose or not. But I'm fairly confident that I'll be taken off…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-don-t-know-if-i-was-put-on-this-earth-for-a-purpose-or-not-but-i-m/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, If you'll remember,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-got-a-letter-from-the-irs-apparently-i-owe-them-800-so-i-sent-them/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [If you're worth over $50m you should have to dress like that guy on the Monopoly box. The super-rich shouldn't get all the benefits…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/if-you-re-worth-over-50m-you-should-have-to-dress-like-that-guy-on/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [Race is still somewhat of a taboo in comedy. But if you're a minority, then you can make fun of your own minority. And…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/race-is-still-somewhat-of-a-taboo-in-comedy-but-if-you-re-a-minority/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-like-to-play-chess-with-bald-men-in-the-park-although-it-s-hard-to/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee - that will do them in.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/if-computers-get-too-powerful-we-can-organize-them-into-a-committee/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman:…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/you-don-t-appreciate-a-lot-of-stuff-in-school-until-you-get-older/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [Thinking up jokes is easy. The hard part is trying them out on stage, because you never know if they're funny until you get…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/thinking-up-jokes-is-easy-the-hard-part-is-trying-them-out-on-stage/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/emo-philips/#itemlist", "name": "18 Thinking Quotes By Emo Philips", "numberOfItems": 18, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I think my ex-girlfriend has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. 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Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Emo Philips" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-told-my-wife-she-looks-sexy-with-black-fingernails-now-she-thinks-i/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/47c/emo-philips-1788_black_i-told-my-wife-she-looks-sexy-with-black_972436.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/47c/emo-philips-1788_black_i-told-my-wife-she-looks-sexy-with-black_972436.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/47c/emo-philips-1788_black_i-told-my-wife-she-looks-sexy-with-black_972436.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. 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If they die without Christ.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Emo Philips" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-was-at-the-wal-mart-which-is-where-i-think-everybody-goes/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9cc/emo-philips-1788_christ_i-was-at-the-wal-mart-which-is-where-i-t_1121096.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9cc/emo-philips-1788_christ_i-was-at-the-wal-mart-which-is-where-i-t_1121096.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9cc/emo-philips-1788_christ_i-was-at-the-wal-mart-which-is-where-i-t_1121096.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I was at the Wal-Mart, which is where I think everybody goes eventually. 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The hard part is trying them out on stage, because you never know if they're funny until you get there. Not one comedian in the world ever really knows.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Emo Philips" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/thinking-up-jokes-is-easy-the-hard-part-is-trying-them-out-on-stage/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1b5/emo-philips-1788_comedian_thinking-up-jokes-is-easy-the-hard-part_324464.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1b5/emo-philips-1788_comedian_thinking-up-jokes-is-easy-the-hard-part_324464.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1b5/emo-philips-1788_comedian_thinking-up-jokes-is-easy-the-hard-part_324464.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Thinking up jokes is easy. 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I focus on that living hydra in the dark.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Emo Philips" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-think-of-people-as-members-of-an-audience-but-an-audience-acts/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f5d/emo-philips-1788_audience_i-think-of-people-as-members-of-an-audie_1072794.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f5d/emo-philips-1788_audience_i-think-of-people-as-members-of-an-audie_1072794.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f5d/emo-philips-1788_audience_i-think-of-people-as-members-of-an-audie_1072794.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I think of people as members of an audience. But an audience acts independently of every individual. 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Who would think with those odds, I would now be facing 150 hours of community service.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Emo Philips" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-read-that-nine-out-of-10-women-fantasize-about-having-an-unknown/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/149/emo-philips-1788_bedroom_i-read-that-nine-out-of-10-women-fantasi_2461970.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/149/emo-philips-1788_bedroom_i-read-that-nine-out-of-10-women-fantasi_2461970.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/149/emo-philips-1788_bedroom_i-read-that-nine-out-of-10-women-fantasi_2461970.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I read that nine out of 10 women fantasize about having an unknown man leap through their bedroom window at…” — Emo Philips", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "There's a joke in everything, the trick is finding it. The best compliment a joke can get is what Huxley said about Darwin's theory of evolution - 'Why didn't I think of that?'", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Emo Philips" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/there-s-a-joke-in-everything-the-trick-is-finding-it-the-best/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/51e/emo-philips-1788_biology_there-s-a-joke-in-everything-the-trick-i_1818064.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/51e/emo-philips-1788_biology_there-s-a-joke-in-everything-the-trick-i_1818064.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/51e/emo-philips-1788_biology_there-s-a-joke-in-everything-the-trick-i_1818064.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“There's a joke in everything, the trick is finding it. 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It's a problem when I'm giving my credit card number over the phone because they always think: 'He must have just stolen it.'", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Emo Philips" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-m-totally-normal-in-every-respect-but-i-have-this-one-quirk-i-can-t/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/506/emo-philips-1788_cards_i-m-totally-normal-in-every-respect-but_1972706.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/506/emo-philips-1788_cards_i-m-totally-normal-in-every-respect-but_1972706.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/506/emo-philips-1788_cards_i-m-totally-normal-in-every-respect-but_1972706.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I'm totally normal in every respect, but I have this one quirk - I can't give out a number without laughing…” — Emo Philips", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I pray a simple prayer every morning. It's an ecumenical prayer. Whether you're Catholic or Jewish or Muslim or Hindu, I think it speaks to the heart of every faith. It goes “Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Emo Philips" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-pray-a-simple-prayer-every-morning-it-s-an-ecumenical-prayer/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ff/emo-philips-1788_amen_i-pray-a-simple-prayer-every-morning-it_1313170.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ff/emo-philips-1788_amen_i-pray-a-simple-prayer-every-morning-it_1313170.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ff/emo-philips-1788_amen_i-pray-a-simple-prayer-every-morning-it_1313170.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I pray a simple prayer every morning. It's an ecumenical prayer. 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And you have that much extra time to play Pac-man.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Emo Philips" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-used-to-think-i-knew-everything-but-older-you-get-the-more-you-see/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f17/emo-philips-1788_areas_i-used-to-think-i-knew-everything-but-ol_1317411.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f17/emo-philips-1788_areas_i-used-to-think-i-knew-everything-but-ol_1317411.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f17/emo-philips-1788_areas_i-used-to-think-i-knew-everything-but-ol_1317411.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I used to think I knew everything, but older you get the more you see other areas. 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If I'm in a bar now and some pretty girl is talking to some handsome 24-year-old man, I'll say, \"Okay, who's the emperor after Caligula? What chief mistake did Marcus Aurelius make in choosing a successor?\" He'll just look like an idiot. She'll just gravitate toward me, I'm thinking. It works in Detroit.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Emo Philips" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-think-it-s-good-to-know-more-than-the-average-guy-if-i-m-in-a-bar/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d02/emo-philips-1788_average_i-think-it-s-good-to-know-more-than-the_700481.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d02/emo-philips-1788_average_i-think-it-s-good-to-know-more-than-the_700481.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d02/emo-philips-1788_average_i-think-it-s-good-to-know-more-than-the_700481.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I think it's good to know more than the average guy. 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So I called the paramedics, and they pumped his stomach, and I think he's learned his lesson: you know, never to take my last two sleeping pills.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Emo Philips" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-love-my-family-i-came-home-the-other-days-my-brother-s-passed-out/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fbb/emo-philips-1788_bottles_i-love-my-family-i-came-home-the-other-d_1485001.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fbb/emo-philips-1788_bottles_i-love-my-family-i-came-home-the-other-d_1485001.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fbb/emo-philips-1788_bottles_i-love-my-family-i-came-home-the-other-d_1485001.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I love my family. I came home the other days. 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