--- title: "14 Thinking Quotes By Dana Gould" description: "14 Thinking quotes by Dana Gould. Plus more from Dana Gould and more Thinking sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3d8/dana-gould-1290_airplane_this-is-just-a-hunch-but-i-bet-airplanes_2040558.png" --- > [This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/this-is-just-a-hunch-but-i-bet-airplanes-think-helicopters-are/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3d8/dana-gould-1290_airplane_this-is-just-a-hunch-but-i-bet-airplanes_2040558.png) > [I like to think of murder-suicide as extreme multitasking.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-like-to-think-of-murder-suicide-as-extreme-multitasking/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6b5/dana-gould-1290_extremes_i-like-to-think-of-murder-suicide-as-ext_2871246.png) > [I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-think-i-had-an-argument-with-a-hypnotist-this-morning-it-makes/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bbb/dana-gould-1290_argument_i-think-i-had-an-argument-with-a-hypnoti_2524875.png) > [I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-like-to-think-of-doritos-as-emotional-packing-material-to-safeguard/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ae6/dana-gould-1290_doritos_i-like-to-think-of-doritos-as-emotional_2534859.png) > [What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/what-men-say-i-m-sorry-honey-i-was-wrong-what-men-think-i-d-love-a/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/27c/dana-gould-1290_honey_what-men-say-i-m-sorry-honey-i-was-wrong_1026974.png) > [Always think twice before asking anything of anyone that ends in the words, on your face.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/always-think-twice-before-asking-anything-of-anyone-that-ends-in-the/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f45/dana-gould-1290_asking_always-think-twice-before-asking-anythin_2780725.png) > [Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/every-time-the-circus-comes-to-town-i-can-t-help-thinking-somewhere/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d49/dana-gould-1290_circus_every-time-the-circus-comes-to-town-i-ca_1680258.png) > [I would think, if you were horny enough, there'd come a time when it was hos before bros.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-would-think-if-you-were-horny-enough-there-d-come-a-time-when-it/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e03/dana-gould-1290_bros_i-would-think-if-you-were-horny-enough-t_1585575.png) > [No one has ever thought this: Now that I'm out of therapy and have fixed my mental problems, I think I want…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/no-one-has-ever-thought-this-now-that-i-m-out-of-therapy-and-have/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/161/dana-gould-1290_fixed_no-one-has-ever-thought-this-now-that-i_1173062.png) > [A lot of people think my sarcasm comes from insecurity and defensiveness, but I assure you I'm just being petty and cruel.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/a-lot-of-people-think-my-sarcasm-comes-from-insecurity-and/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ce1/dana-gould-1290_defensiveness_a-lot-of-people-think-my-sarcasm-comes-f_553698.png) > [I used to pessimistically think I was going to die alone, but now I optimistically know I'm going to die hoping to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-used-to-pessimistically-think-i-was-going-to-die-alone-but-now-i/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2d7/dana-gould-1290_dies_i-used-to-pessimistically-think-i-was-go_882160.png) > [I bet when all the punctuation marks have a party, they quietly look at exclamation point's wife and think, that poor woman.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-bet-when-all-the-punctuation-marks-have-a-party-they-quietly-look/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/22b/dana-gould-1290_exclamation_i-bet-when-all-the-punctuation-marks-hav_2930494.png) > [You will never experience less reality than when you are watching a reality show. You're watching people who aren't actors, put into…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/you-will-never-experience-less-reality-than-when-you-are-watching-a/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a47/dana-gould-1290_actors_you-will-never-experience-less-reality-t_961603.jpg) > [If anything, I believe that when I die, I will have to stand in front of all the children who went to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/if-anything-i-believe-that-when-i-die-i-will-have-to-stand-in-front/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/958/dana-gould-1290_bed_if-anything-i-believe-that-when-i-die-i_2771414.png) ## Other authors on Thinking - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b005/author-barack-obama-16275.jpg) Barack Obama 447 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/barack-obama/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b021/author-rush-limbaugh-81741.jpg) Rush Limbaugh 440 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/rush-limbaugh/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b008/author-donald-trump-30060.jpg) Donald Trump 357 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/donald-trump/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b011/author-hillary-clinton-42043.jpg) Hillary Clinton 292 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/hillary-clinton/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b010/author-frederick-lenz-36205.jpg) Frederick Lenz 243 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/frederick-lenz/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b006/author-cassandra-clare-21529.jpg) Cassandra Clare 184 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/cassandra-clare/) - [Ralph Waldo Emerson 161 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/ralph-waldo-emerson/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b018/author-noam-chomsky-71799.jpg) Noam Chomsky 161 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/noam-chomsky/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b003/author-albert-einstein-10494.jpg) Albert Einstein 146 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/albert-einstein/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b022/author-sherrilyn-kenyon-84925.jpg) Sherrilyn Kenyon 143 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/sherrilyn-kenyon/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b023/author-taylor-swift-89132.jpg) Taylor Swift 137 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/taylor-swift/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b022/author-stephen-king-87054.jpg) Stephen King 137 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/stephen-king/) ## More by Dana Gould > [As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/as-hard-as-i-try-to-live-with-some-degree-of-faith-in-my-life-i-just/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [The older I get, the more I look like my favorite shoes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/the-older-i-get-the-more-i-look-like-my-favorite-shoes/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [Somewhere, there's someone who's masturbation ritual ends with them setting up ventriloquist dummies facing the bed. I mean, someone else.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/somewhere-there-s-someone-who-s-masturbation-ritual-ends-with-them/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [I feel very uncomfortable when I eat in restaurants. I'm obnoxiously polite with the waiters: 'I just want a tuna sandwich. I'll go get…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-feel-very-uncomfortable-when-i-eat-in-restaurants-i-m-obnoxiously/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/cowboy-boots-with-a-suit-you-re-a-rough-tough-businessman-chaps-with/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [Despite a primitive brain, the octopus possesses an intricate system that helps it decide which tentacle to masturbate with.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/despite-a-primitive-brain-the-octopus-possesses-an-intricate-system/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-got-mugged-about-six-months-ago-the-oddest-thing-about-the-entire/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-m-the-forrest-gump-of-comedy/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/it-s-gonna-be-awesome-a-suspected-pedophile-dunks-my-kids-head-in-a/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/if-i-ever-go-into-a-coma-one-of-you-has-to-promise-to-come-by/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/they-say-that-god-is-in-the-details-then-again-they-also-say-that-the/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-have-one-phobia-snakes-and-by-snakes-i-mean-intimacy/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [My whole approach to marriage is simple: my wife will do something that drives me insane, I won't say anything, and then, later, I'll…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/my-whole-approach-to-marriage-is-simple-my-wife-will-do-something/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/wrote-a-science-fiction-novel-about-a-man-who-wins-an-argument-with/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/if-life-begins-at-conception-but-you-can-be-born-again-later-only-to/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/dana-gould/#itemlist", "name": "14 Thinking Quotes By Dana Gould", "numberOfItems": 14, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dana Gould" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/this-is-just-a-hunch-but-i-bet-airplanes-think-helicopters-are/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3d8/dana-gould-1290_airplane_this-is-just-a-hunch-but-i-bet-airplanes_2040558.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3d8/dana-gould-1290_airplane_this-is-just-a-hunch-but-i-bet-airplanes_2040558.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3d8/dana-gould-1290_airplane_this-is-just-a-hunch-but-i-bet-airplanes_2040558.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.” — Dana Gould", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I like to think of murder-suicide as extreme multitasking.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dana Gould" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-like-to-think-of-murder-suicide-as-extreme-multitasking/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6b5/dana-gould-1290_extremes_i-like-to-think-of-murder-suicide-as-ext_2871246.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6b5/dana-gould-1290_extremes_i-like-to-think-of-murder-suicide-as-ext_2871246.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6b5/dana-gould-1290_extremes_i-like-to-think-of-murder-suicide-as-ext_2871246.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I like to think of murder-suicide as extreme multitasking.” — Dana Gould", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. 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ends in the words, on your face.” — Dana Gould", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dana Gould" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/every-time-the-circus-comes-to-town-i-can-t-help-thinking-somewhere/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d49/dana-gould-1290_circus_every-time-the-circus-comes-to-town-i-ca_1680258.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d49/dana-gould-1290_circus_every-time-the-circus-comes-to-town-i-ca_1680258.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d49/dana-gould-1290_circus_every-time-the-circus-comes-to-town-i-ca_1680258.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Every time the circus comes to town, 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were horny enough, there'd come a time when it was hos before bros.” — Dana Gould", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "No one has ever thought this: Now that I'm out of therapy and have fixed my mental problems, I think I want to be a ventriloquist.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dana Gould" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/no-one-has-ever-thought-this-now-that-i-m-out-of-therapy-and-have/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/161/dana-gould-1290_fixed_no-one-has-ever-thought-this-now-that-i_1173062.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/161/dana-gould-1290_fixed_no-one-has-ever-thought-this-now-that-i_1173062.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/161/dana-gould-1290_fixed_no-one-has-ever-thought-this-now-that-i_1173062.png", "width": 1080, "height": 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"https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2d7/dana-gould-1290_dies_i-used-to-pessimistically-think-i-was-go_882160.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2d7/dana-gould-1290_dies_i-used-to-pessimistically-think-i-was-go_882160.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I used to pessimistically think I was going to die alone, but now I optimistically know I'm going to die…” — Dana Gould", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I bet when all the punctuation marks have a party, they quietly look at exclamation point's wife and think, that poor woman.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dana Gould" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-bet-when-all-the-punctuation-marks-have-a-party-they-quietly-look/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": 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You're watching people who aren't actors, put into situations created by people who aren't writers and they're second guessing how they think you would like to see them behave if this were a real situation, which it's not. And you are passively observing this; watching an amateur production of nothing. 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