--- title: "1 Things Sex Quotes By Robert Schimmel" description: "1 Things Sex quotes by Robert Schimmel. Plus more from Robert Schimmel and more Things Sex sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a61/robert-schimmel-22245_penis_they-do-sell-a-lot-of-weird-things-in-se_794685.jpg" --- > [They do sell a lot of weird things in sex shops. They have this stuff called Mr. Big Cream. It says, 'Rub it on your dick and your dick gets bigger.' Great. Wouldnt your hands get bigger too?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/they-do-sell-a-lot-of-weird-things-in-sex-shops-they-have-this-stuff/) [Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a61/robert-schimmel-22245_penis_they-do-sell-a-lot-of-weird-things-in-se_794685.jpg) ## More by Robert Schimmel > [I was making love one night with my wife and she said: 'You're in me.' I know where I am, shut the fuck up.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/i-was-making-love-one-night-with-my-wife-and-she-said-you-re-in-me-i/) [Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/) > [I sit down with my daughter and I said, 'Do you know how babies get here?' And she said, 'Well, the lady has an…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/i-sit-down-with-my-daughter-and-i-said-do-you-know-how-babies-get/) [Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/) > [Caution: Anal intercourse may lead to irregular heart rhythms. Yeah, you know I'm never gonna have to worry about that. Because God gave me…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/caution-anal-intercourse-may-lead-to-irregular-heart-rhythms-yeah-you/) [Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/) > [I'm not ready to die. Period. To begin with, I cannot imagine a future without me in it. Can't do it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/i-m-not-ready-to-die-period-to-begin-with-i-cannot-imagine-a-future/) [Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/) > [They do sell a lot of weird things in sex shops. They have this stuff called Mr. Big Cream. It says, 'Rub it on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/they-do-sell-a-lot-of-weird-things-in-sex-shops-they-have-this-stuff/) [Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/) > [I flew out here on Southwest Airlines. Southwest has a plane that's painted like Shamu the whale from Sea World. Yeah, that'll be easy…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/i-flew-out-here-on-southwest-airlines-southwest-has-a-plane-that-s/) [Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/) > [You know you're out of shape when you have a heart attack when you're watching television.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/you-know-you-re-out-of-shape-when-you-have-a-heart-attack-when-you-re/) [Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/) > [So my wife said she read this article in a magazine and she said: 'You know, maybe you're suffering from premature ejaculation.' Yeah, does…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/so-my-wife-said-she-read-this-article-in-a-magazine-and-she-said-you/) [Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/) > [It's fun to be in California. The police are kind of weird here. They ask you stupid questions. 'Do you know why I pulled…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/it-s-fun-to-be-in-california-the-police-are-kind-of-weird-here-they/) [Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/) > [What do you say when your friends come to visit and the dog starts humping their leg. Well, if it's a pit bull, you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/what-do-you-say-when-your-friends-come-to-visit-and-the-dog-starts/) [Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/) > [Because when you’re laughing, there is no other emotion in that moment except for joy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/because-when-you-re-laughing-there-is-no-other-emotion-in-that-moment/) [Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/) > [My daughter saw this billboard for this place: 'Swim With the Dolphins.' She goes, 'I wanna do that.' I said, 'It's a lot of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/my-daughter-saw-this-billboard-for-this-place-swim-with-the-dolphins/) [Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/) > [My mom told me when I was younger that when you jack off all of your dead relatives are watching. But then I figured…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/my-mom-told-me-when-i-was-younger-that-when-you-jack-off-all-of-your/) [Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/) > [A lot of weird ads. Sally Struthers with that little kid: 'Just 55 cents, the price of a cup of coffee, feeds this kid…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/a-lot-of-weird-ads-sally-struthers-with-that-little-kid-just-55-cents/) [Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/) > [What do you say when your friends come to visit and the dog starts humping their leg. Well, if its a pit bull, you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/what-do-you-say-when-your-friends-come-to-visit-and-the-dog-starts-2/) [Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/things-sex/robert-schimmel/#itemlist", "name": "1 Things Sex Quotes By Robert Schimmel", "numberOfItems": 1, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "They do sell a lot of weird things in sex shops. They have this stuff called Mr. Big Cream. It says, 'Rub it on your dick and your dick gets bigger.' Great. 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