--- title: "1 Thing Scares Quotes By Dave Attell" description: "1 Thing Scares quotes by Dave Attell. Plus more from Dave Attell and more Thing Scares sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eca/dave-attell-6101_alright_capital-punishment-that-thing-scares-me_1880227.jpg" --- > [Capital punishment, that thing scares me, it really does. I was talking to my friend about the electric chair, and he starts freakin' out. He's like 'the electric chair? That's too good for these people. That's too good for them'.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/capital-punishment-that-thing-scares-me-it-really-does-i-was-talking/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eca/dave-attell-6101_alright_capital-punishment-that-thing-scares-me_1880227.jpg) ## More by Dave Attell > [If you take off your pants and her first reaction is, "Awwww, look at it...like a little baby Jesus." Time to buy a Porsche.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/if-you-take-off-your-pants-and-her-first-reaction-is-awwww-look-at-it/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) > [You see a guy with one leg, he's got a story. "Land mine '69." You see a guy with one arm, he's got a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/you-see-a-guy-with-one-leg-he-s-got-a-story-land-mine-69-you-see-a/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) > [I gotta quit smoking, doctor's orders, and the drinking, court orders.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/i-gotta-quit-smoking-doctor-s-orders-and-the-drinking-court-orders/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) > [You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/you-ever-make-fun-of-someone-so-much-you-think-you-should-thank-them/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) > [I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/i-masturbate-i-do-it-like-i-think-if-i-keep-doing-it-i-m-gonna-win/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) > [Men are having sex with animals and we wonder why the animals attack us. And I'll tell you why: it's cuz of that one…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/men-are-having-sex-with-animals-and-we-wonder-why-the-animals-attack/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) > [Jesse Joyce is a great writer.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/jesse-joyce-is-a-great-writer/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) > [Why do they collect garbarge at 5am? Why? It's garbage. It's not going to go bad again.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/why-do-they-collect-garbarge-at-5am-why-it-s-garbage-it-s-not-going/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) > [What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/what-s-the-two-things-they-tell-you-are-healthiest-to-eat-chicken-and/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) > [This one guy, the worst guy in the music. The Yanni man. You know Yanni? First of all, anyone who looks like a magician…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/this-one-guy-the-worst-guy-in-the-music-the-yanni-man-you-know-yanni/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) > [Pre-mature ejaculation. Let's talk about it. Pre-mature ejaculation. That's a pretty fancy term for, Ooooooh Oh no. This has never happened before.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/pre-mature-ejaculation-let-s-talk-about-it-pre-mature-ejaculation/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) > [It's a horrible economy but I'm trying to do my part. I just bought a new shower curtain it has all the presidents on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/it-s-a-horrible-economy-but-i-m-trying-to-do-my-part-i-just-bought-a/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) > [I never wanted to be famous.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/i-never-wanted-to-be-famous/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) > [I keep getting these people at my shows who only know me from television. I can always tell when they're, like, emotionally flinching when…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/i-keep-getting-these-people-at-my-shows-who-only-know-me-from/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) > [Friends are important, dontcha think? Hmmm? I think so. The way I see it, you got friends, and you got your best friend, big…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/friends-are-important-dontcha-think-hmmm-i-think-so-the-way-i-see-it/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thing-scares/dave-attell/#itemlist", "name": "1 Thing Scares Quotes By Dave Attell", "numberOfItems": 1, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Capital punishment, that thing scares me, it really does. I was talking to my friend about the electric chair, and he starts freakin' out. He's like 'the electric chair? That's too good for these people. That's too good for them'. Alright, how do we make the electric chair worse? How about this? They have to pedal a car battery to their own head. Is that ok? 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