--- title: "1 Tempting Blame Quotes By William Ury" description: "1 Tempting Blame quotes by William Ury. Plus more from William Ury and more Tempting Blame sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/846/william-ury-16849_blame-game_it-is-so-tempting-to-blame-those-with-wh_1547514.jpg" --- > [“It is so tempting to blame those with whom we are in conflict. Who started the argument, after all, if it wasn’t the other person? Blaming makes us feel innocent. We are the ones who were wronged. We get to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/it-is-so-tempting-to-blame-those-with-whom-we-are-in-conflict-who/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/846/william-ury-16849_blame-game_it-is-so-tempting-to-blame-those-with-wh_1547514.jpg) ## More by William Ury > [“How can we get what we really want and at the same time deal with the needs of others in our lives? Perhaps no…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/how-can-we-get-what-we-really-want-and-at-the-same-time-deal-with-the/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) > [“Yet, as beneficial as it can be, giving respect is often a difficult concession for people to make. In a problematic situation or relationship,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/yet-as-beneficial-as-it-can-be-giving-respect-is-often-a-difficult/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) > [“My friend Donna even likes to give humorous names to her reactive emotions such as “Freddy Fear,” “Judge Judy,” and “Anger Annie.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/my-friend-donna-even-likes-to-give-humorous-names-to-her-reactive/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) > [“We can make a strong unconditional commitment to ourselves to take care of our deepest needs, no matter what other people do or don’t…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/we-can-make-a-strong-unconditional-commitment-to-ourselves-to-take/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) > [“have found that this journey from no to yes with myself is not a single trip, but ultimately a lifelong journey. I have been…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/have-found-that-this-journey-from-no-to-yes-with-myself-is-not-a/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) > [“She began the conversation with Tom by acknowledging his work and then focused on the problem at hand, sticking strictly to the facts:”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/she-began-the-conversation-with-tom-by-acknowledging-his-work-and/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) > [“Michel de Montaigne noted four centuries ago: “My life has been full of terrible misfortunes most of which never happened.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/michel-de-montaigne-noted-four-centuries-ago-my-life-has-been-full-of/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) > [“The lesson . . . ,” Gilbert says, “is that our longings and our worries are both to some degree overblown because we have within us the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/the-lesson-gilbert-says-is-that-our-longings-and-our-worries-are-both/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) > [“The balcony is a metaphor for a mental and emotional place of perspective, calm, and self-control. If life is a stage and we are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/the-balcony-is-a-metaphor-for-a-mental-and-emotional-place-of/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) > [“George Bernard Shaw once observed: “People become attached to their burdens sometimes more than the burdens are attached to them.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/george-bernard-shaw-once-observed-people-become-attached-to-their/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) > [“He who lives not in time, but in the present, is happy. —LUDWIG VON WITTGENSTEIN”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/he-who-lives-not-in-time-but-in-the-present-is-happy-ludwig-von/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) > [“INTRODUCTION THE FIRST NEGOTIATION Let him who would move the world first move himself. —SOCRATES”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/introduction-the-first-negotiation-let-him-who-would-move-the-world/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) > [“3A trap”: we attack, we accommodate (in other words, give in), or we avoid altogether,”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/3a-trap-we-attack-we-accommodate-in-other-words-give-in-or-we-avoid/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) > [“The bedrock desire then, is a universal one: to be loved and happy. This may seem utterly obvious, but uncovering this universal desire can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/the-bedrock-desire-then-is-a-universal-one-to-be-loved-and-happy-this/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) > [“How can we get what we truly want while satisfying the needs and concerns of others in our lives—family members, work colleagues, clients, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-ury/how-can-we-get-what-we-truly-want-while-satisfying-the-needs-and/) [William Ury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-ury/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/tempting-blame/william-ury/#itemlist", "name": "1 Tempting Blame Quotes By William Ury", "numberOfItems": 1, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“It is so tempting to blame those with whom we are in conflict. Who started the argument, after all, if it wasn’t the other person? Blaming makes us feel innocent. We are the ones who were wronged. We get to feel righteous and even superior. And blaming also nicely deflects any residual guilt we might feel. The emotional benefits are clear. But, as I have witnessed in countless conflicts over the years, the costs of the blame game are huge. It escalates disputes needlessly and prevents us from resolving them. It poisons relationships and wastes valuable time and energy. Perhaps most insidiously, it undermines our power: when we blame others for what is wrong in the relationship—whether it is a marital dispute, an office spat, or a superpower clash—we are dwelling on their power and our victimhood. We are overlooking whatever part we may have played in the conflict and are ignoring our freedom to choose how to respond. 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