--- title: "12 Talking Quotes By Dave Barry" description: "12 Talking quotes by Dave Barry. Plus more from Dave Barry and more Talking sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/719/dave-barry-222_bills_i-watched-as-an-extremely-nerdy-exhibito_139871.png" --- > [I watched as an extremely nerdy exhibitor - I'm talking about a guy who makes Bill Gates look like Brad Pitt.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/i-watched-as-an-extremely-nerdy-exhibitor-i-m-talking-about-a-guy-who/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/719/dave-barry-222_bills_i-watched-as-an-extremely-nerdy-exhibito_139871.png) > [Talking about golf is always boring. Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/talking-about-golf-is-always-boring-playing-golf-can-be-interesting/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/258/dave-barry-222_balls_talking-about-golf-is-always-boring-play_1424733.png) > [Guys care about sports teams. I'm not talking about simply rooting; I'm talking about a relationship that guys develop, a commitment to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/guys-care-about-sports-teams-i-m-not-talking-about-simply-rooting-i-m/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cbd/dave-barry-222_care_guys-care-about-sports-teams-i-m-not-tal_2947105.png) > [Reporters aren't stupid. We were standing around talking about which of the 900 health-care proposals that nobody's going to accept is that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/reporters-aren-t-stupid-we-were-standing-around-talking-about-which/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4c2/dave-barry-222_accepting_reporters-aren-t-stupid-we-were-standing_958202.png) > [I guess libertarianism is always considered so weird and fringe that people assume that you're in the closet if you don't go…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/i-guess-libertarianism-is-always-considered-so-weird-and-fringe-that/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/594/dave-barry-222_assuming_i-guess-libertarianism-is-always-conside_2049185.png) > [As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/as-you-get-older-you-ve-probably-noticed-that-you-tend-to-forget/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/678/dave-barry-222_aging_as-you-get-older-you-ve-probably-noticed_2092825.png) > [If Congress were to pass a 'flat' tax, you'd simply pay a fixed percentage of your income, and you wouldn't have to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/if-congress-were-to-pass-a-flat-tax-you-d-simply-pay-a-fixed/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e49/dave-barry-222_broccoli_if-congress-were-to-pass-a-flat-tax-you_718096.jpg) > [When I say "dogs", I'm talking about dogs, which are large, bounding, salivating animals, usually with bad breath. I am not talking…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/when-i-say-dogs-i-m-talking-about-dogs-which-are-large-bounding/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d69/dave-barry-222_animal_when-i-say-dogs-i-m-talking-about-dogs-w_2583850.png) > [Nature is located mainly in national parks, which are vast tracts of wilderness that have been set aside by the United States…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/nature-is-located-mainly-in-national-parks-which-are-vast-tracts-of/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/746/dave-barry-222_bears_nature-is-located-mainly-in-national-par_1737568.png) > [I am absolutely sick unto death of hearing people say - they all say this; it must be Item One on the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/i-am-absolutely-sick-unto-death-of-hearing-people-say-they-all-say/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3a2/dave-barry-222_answering-machines_i-am-absolutely-sick-unto-death-of-heari_1628125.jpg) > [We are talking about mutated women, the result of cruel genetic experiments performed by fashion designers so lacking in any sense of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/we-are-talking-about-mutated-women-the-result-of-cruel-genetic/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d58/dave-barry-222_causes_we-are-talking-about-mutated-women-the-r_401210.png) > [I really need to know where I'm going with fiction to write it in a way that at least I'm happy with.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/i-really-need-to-know-where-i-m-going-with-fiction-to-write-it-in-a/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f30/dave-barry-222_book_i-really-need-to-know-where-i-m-going-wi_443060.jpg) ## Other authors on Talking ## More by Dave Barry > [This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/this-is-true-virtually-all-edible-substances-and-many-automotive/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/this-ball-was-so-crowded-that-it-took-me-a-trained-professional/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-hardest-thing-about-being-a-guy-is-that-women-don-t-accept-that/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-ultimate-camping-trip-was-the-lewis-and-clark-expedition/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/although-golf-was-originally-restricted-to-wealthy-overweight/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/entire-new-continent-can-emerge-from-the-ocean-in-the-time-it-takes/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [He was distracted by a giggle, and turned to see a rare sight: a girl.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/he-was-distracted-by-a-giggle-and-turned-to-see-a-rare-sight-a-girl/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-major-parties-could-conduct-live-human-sacrifices-on-their/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/if-you-look-at-any-list-of-great-modern-writers-such-as-ernest/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/don-t-you-wish-you-had-a-job-like-mine-all-you-have-to-do-is-think-up/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/despite-the-gulf-physical-and-cultural-between-the-united-states-and/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/before-going-on-a-diet-you-should-consult-your-doctor-or-at-least/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [Never trust anything you read in a travel article.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/never-trust-anything-you-read-in-a-travel-article/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/in-the-old-days-it-was-not-called-the-holiday-season-the-christians/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [Always remember that if editors were so damned smart, they would know how to dress.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/always-remember-that-if-editors-were-so-damned-smart-they-would-know/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/talking/dave-barry/#itemlist", "name": "12 Talking Quotes By Dave Barry", "numberOfItems": 12, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I watched as an extremely nerdy exhibitor - I'm talking about a guy who makes Bill Gates look like Brad Pitt.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dave Barry" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/i-watched-as-an-extremely-nerdy-exhibitor-i-m-talking-about-a-guy-who/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/719/dave-barry-222_bills_i-watched-as-an-extremely-nerdy-exhibito_139871.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/719/dave-barry-222_bills_i-watched-as-an-extremely-nerdy-exhibito_139871.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/719/dave-barry-222_bills_i-watched-as-an-extremely-nerdy-exhibito_139871.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I watched as an extremely nerdy exhibitor - I'm talking about a guy who makes Bill Gates look like Brad Pitt.” — Dave Barry", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Talking about golf is always boring. Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball; only the part where you drive the cart.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dave Barry" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/talking-about-golf-is-always-boring-playing-golf-can-be-interesting/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/258/dave-barry-222_balls_talking-about-golf-is-always-boring-play_1424733.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/258/dave-barry-222_balls_talking-about-golf-is-always-boring-play_1424733.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/258/dave-barry-222_balls_talking-about-golf-is-always-boring-play_1424733.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Talking about golf is always boring. 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I'm not talking about simply rooting; I'm talking about a relationship that guys develop, a commitment to a sport team that guys take way more seriously than, for example, wedding vows.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dave Barry" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/guys-care-about-sports-teams-i-m-not-talking-about-simply-rooting-i-m/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cbd/dave-barry-222_care_guys-care-about-sports-teams-i-m-not-tal_2947105.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cbd/dave-barry-222_care_guys-care-about-sports-teams-i-m-not-tal_2947105.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cbd/dave-barry-222_care_guys-care-about-sports-teams-i-m-not-tal_2947105.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Guys care about sports teams. 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But that's what they do.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dave Barry" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/reporters-aren-t-stupid-we-were-standing-around-talking-about-which/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4c2/dave-barry-222_accepting_reporters-aren-t-stupid-we-were-standing_958202.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4c2/dave-barry-222_accepting_reporters-aren-t-stupid-we-were-standing_958202.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4c2/dave-barry-222_accepting_reporters-aren-t-stupid-we-were-standing_958202.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Reporters aren't stupid. 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You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and you'll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can't remember his or her name. This can be very embarassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dave Barry" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/as-you-get-older-you-ve-probably-noticed-that-you-tend-to-forget/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/678/dave-barry-222_aging_as-you-get-older-you-ve-probably-noticed_2092825.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/678/dave-barry-222_aging_as-you-get-older-you-ve-probably-noticed_2092825.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/678/dave-barry-222_aging_as-you-get-older-you-ve-probably-noticed_2092825.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at…” — Dave Barry", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If Congress were to pass a 'flat' tax, you'd simply pay a fixed percentage of your income, and you wouldn't have to fill out any complicated forms, and there would be no loopholes for politically connected groups, and normal people would actually understand the tax laws, and giant talking broccoli stalks would come around and mow your lawn for free, because Congress is NOT going to pass a flat tax, you pathetic fool.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dave Barry" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/if-congress-were-to-pass-a-flat-tax-you-d-simply-pay-a-fixed/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e49/dave-barry-222_broccoli_if-congress-were-to-pass-a-flat-tax-you_718096.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e49/dave-barry-222_broccoli_if-congress-were-to-pass-a-flat-tax-you_718096.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e49/dave-barry-222_broccoli_if-congress-were-to-pass-a-flat-tax-you_718096.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If Congress were to pass a 'flat' tax, you'd simply pay a fixed percentage of your income, and you wouldn't…” — Dave Barry", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When I say \"dogs\", I'm talking about dogs, which are large, bounding, salivating animals, usually with bad breath. I am not talking about those little squeaky things you can hold on your lap and carry around. Zoologically speaking, these are not dogs at all; they are members of the pillow family.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dave Barry" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/when-i-say-dogs-i-m-talking-about-dogs-which-are-large-bounding/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d69/dave-barry-222_animal_when-i-say-dogs-i-m-talking-about-dogs-w_2583850.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d69/dave-barry-222_animal_when-i-say-dogs-i-m-talking-about-dogs-w_2583850.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d69/dave-barry-222_animal_when-i-say-dogs-i-m-talking-about-dogs-w_2583850.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When I say \"dogs\", I'm talking about dogs, which are large, bounding, salivating animals, usually with bad…” — Dave Barry", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Nature is located mainly in national parks, which are vast tracts of wilderness that have been set aside by the United States government so citizens will always have someplace to go where they can be attacked by bears. And we're not talking about ordinary civilian bears, either: We're talking about federal bears, which can behave however they want to because they are protected by the same union as postal clerks.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dave Barry" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/nature-is-located-mainly-in-national-parks-which-are-vast-tracts-of/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/746/dave-barry-222_bears_nature-is-located-mainly-in-national-par_1737568.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/746/dave-barry-222_bears_nature-is-located-mainly-in-national-par_1737568.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/746/dave-barry-222_bears_nature-is-located-mainly-in-national-par_1737568.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Nature is located mainly in national parks, which are vast tracts of wilderness that have been set aside by…” — Dave Barry", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I am absolutely sick unto death of hearing people say - they all say this; it must be Item One on the curriculum in Trend College - \"I just hate to talk to a machine!\" They say this as though it is a major philosophical position, as opposed to a description of a minor neurosis. My feeling is, if you have a problem like this, you shouldn't go around trumpeting it; you should stay home and practice talking to a machine you can feel comfortable with, such as your Water Pik, until you are ready to assume your place in modern society.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dave Barry" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/i-am-absolutely-sick-unto-death-of-hearing-people-say-they-all-say/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3a2/dave-barry-222_answering-machines_i-am-absolutely-sick-unto-death-of-heari_1628125.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3a2/dave-barry-222_answering-machines_i-am-absolutely-sick-unto-death-of-heari_1628125.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3a2/dave-barry-222_answering-machines_i-am-absolutely-sick-unto-death-of-heari_1628125.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I am absolutely sick unto death of hearing people say - they all say this; it must be Item One on the…” — Dave Barry", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "We are talking about mutated women, the result of cruel genetic experiments performed by fashion designers so lacking in any sense of human decency that they think nothing of putting their initials on your eyeglass lenses. The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates. If a normal woman puts on clothing designed for these unfortunate people, she is quite naturally going to look like Revenge of the Pork Person.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dave Barry" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/we-are-talking-about-mutated-women-the-result-of-cruel-genetic/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d58/dave-barry-222_causes_we-are-talking-about-mutated-women-the-r_401210.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d58/dave-barry-222_causes_we-are-talking-about-mutated-women-the-r_401210.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d58/dave-barry-222_causes_we-are-talking-about-mutated-women-the-r_401210.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“We are talking about mutated women, the result of cruel genetic experiments performed by fashion designers…” — Dave Barry", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I really need to know where I'm going with fiction to write it in a way that at least I'm happy with. And I really think that a lot of fiction books end badly because terrific writers said, \"I'll just figure it out\" and plunge in, but have created so many problems that they are kind of impossible to solve. I mean, I'm talking really good writers do this and you can tell when they got to the end they either had to do something preposterous or they just don't really resolve things. So for fiction I spend a lot more time outlining and for humor I really don't do much of it.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dave Barry" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/i-really-need-to-know-where-i-m-going-with-fiction-to-write-it-in-a/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f30/dave-barry-222_book_i-really-need-to-know-where-i-m-going-wi_443060.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f30/dave-barry-222_book_i-really-need-to-know-where-i-m-going-wi_443060.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f30/dave-barry-222_book_i-really-need-to-know-where-i-m-going-wi_443060.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I really need to know where I'm going with fiction to write it in a way that at least I'm happy with. And I…” — Dave Barry", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } } ] }, { "@type": "CollectionPage", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/talking/dave-barry/#webpage", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/talking/dave-barry/", "name": "Talking Quotes by Dave Barry", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/talking/dave-barry/#itemlist" }, "primaryImageOfPage": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/719/dave-barry-222_bills_i-watched-as-an-extremely-nerdy-exhibito_139871.png" }, "description": "12 Talking quotes by Dave Barry. 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