--- title: "14 Standup Comedian Quotes by 14 authors" description: "Browse 14 Standup Comedian quotes by 14 authors. Discover the best Standup Comedian sayings and thoughts." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e08/paul-feig-3624_comedian_i-was-a-standup-comedian-which-is-kind-o_239487.png" --- > [I was a standup comedian, which is kind of like writing and directing yourself.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-feig/i-was-a-standup-comedian-which-is-kind-of-like-writing-and-directing/) [Paul Feig](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-feig/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e08/paul-feig-3624_comedian_i-was-a-standup-comedian-which-is-kind-o_239487.png) > [As a standup comedian, I've worked almost every New Year's Eve of my adult life. It's the best-paying night of the year.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elayne-boosler/as-a-standup-comedian-i-ve-worked-almost-every-new-year-s-eve-of-my/) [Elayne Boosler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elayne-boosler/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/613/elayne-boosler-6166_adult-life_as-a-standup-comedian-i-ve-worked-almost_1813174.jpg) > [I would hate to be a standup comedian for ever. It would not be good. It would be the worst.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rose-matafeo/i-would-hate-to-be-a-standup-comedian-for-ever-it-would-not-be-good/) [Rose Matafeo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rose-matafeo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b6a/rose-matafeo-19518_comedian_i-would-hate-to-be-a-standup-comedian-fo_2124814.jpg) > [Ross Noble at the Leicester De Montfort Hall on his Randomist tour - it's the only time I've hurt from laughing at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-acaster/ross-noble-at-the-leicester-de-montfort-hall-on-his-randomist-tour-it/) [James Acaster](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-acaster/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c91/james-acaster-14082_comedian_ross-noble-at-the-leicester-de-montfort_188070.jpg) > [I continue to do standup because there's a connection with a live audience - there are skills that you do learn as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bobcat-goldthwait/i-continue-to-do-standup-because-there-s-a-connection-with-a-live/) [Bobcat Goldthwait](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bobcat-goldthwait/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ec2/bobcat-goldthwait-3748_comedy_i-continue-to-do-standup-because-there-s_1404304.png) > [Hopefully the only things off-limits are crummy jokes, but being a standup comedian, I know that's not always the case... You know…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/hopefully-the-only-things-off-limits-are-crummy-jokes-but-being-a/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/64b/jon-stewart-455_cases_hopefully-the-only-things-off-limits-are_350516.jpg) > [I never really saw myself as a standup comedian. I always just thought of myself as someone who used the eight minutes…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kristen-schaal/i-never-really-saw-myself-as-a-standup-comedian-i-always-just-thought/) [Kristen Schaal](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kristen-schaal/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a6c/kristen-schaal-9687_always_i-never-really-saw-myself-as-a-standup-c_1776442.png) > [I'm a standup comedian who can't drive. I have never learned. I don't trust my hand-eye coordination. You're looking at someone who…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nish-kumar/i-m-a-standup-comedian-who-can-t-drive-i-have-never-learned-i-don-t/) [Nish Kumar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nish-kumar/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7b0/nish-kumar-11365_cricket_i-m-a-standup-comedian-who-can-t-drive-i_1835592.jpg) > [Genuinely love doing standup and I'm a comedian first, so for me what makes my standup special is the fact that I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hart/genuinely-love-doing-standup-and-i-m-a-comedian-first-so-for-me-what/) [Kevin Hart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/709/kevin-hart-506_appeals_genuinely-love-doing-standup-and-i-m-a-c_527588.jpg) > [I'm a standup comedian who gets to act. I'm never going to not do standup. I love doing it and when I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-burr/i-m-a-standup-comedian-who-gets-to-act-i-m-never-going-to-not-do/) [Bill Burr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-burr/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a00/bill-burr-1900_acting_i-m-a-standup-comedian-who-gets-to-act-i_1726256.png) > [I can't quite give standup all the time and attention that I did early on that I'm so grateful for. But back…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-povitsky/i-can-t-quite-give-standup-all-the-time-and-attention-that-i-did/) [Esther Povitsky](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-povitsky/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c34/esther-povitsky-5830_attention_i-can-t-quite-give-standup-all-the-time_991277.jpg) > [I have a hard time describing myself as a standup comedian because I don't feel like I'm doing stand up jokes more…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patti-harrison/i-have-a-hard-time-describing-myself-as-a-standup-comedian-because-i/) [Patti Harrison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patti-harrison/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ecf/patti-harrison-6137_bad_i-have-a-hard-time-describing-myself-as_2948208.jpg) > [As a standup comedian, you have to develop a sense of fearlessness. It's really important for your livelihood and your well-being. And…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-dimaggio/as-a-standup-comedian-you-have-to-develop-a-sense-of-fearlessness-it/) [John DiMaggio](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-dimaggio/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2b3/john-dimaggio-30326_able_as-a-standup-comedian-you-have-to-develo_2710088.jpg) > [I am a standup comedian who has performed comedy in the Middle East in front of thousands of Muslims. And believe it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maz-jobrani/i-am-a-standup-comedian-who-has-performed-comedy-in-the-middle-east/) [Maz Jobrani](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maz-jobrani/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2d9/maz-jobrani-8028_believe_i-am-a-standup-comedian-who-has-performe_3170974.jpg) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/standup-comedian/#itemlist", "name": "Standup Comedian Quotes", "numberOfItems": 14, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I was a standup comedian, which is kind of like writing and directing yourself.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Paul Feig" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-feig/i-was-a-standup-comedian-which-is-kind-of-like-writing-and-directing/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e08/paul-feig-3624_comedian_i-was-a-standup-comedian-which-is-kind-o_239487.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e08/paul-feig-3624_comedian_i-was-a-standup-comedian-which-is-kind-o_239487.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e08/paul-feig-3624_comedian_i-was-a-standup-comedian-which-is-kind-o_239487.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I was a standup comedian, which is kind of like writing and directing yourself.” — Paul Feig", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "As a standup comedian, I've worked almost every New Year's Eve of my adult life. It's the best-paying night of the year.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Elayne Boosler" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elayne-boosler/as-a-standup-comedian-i-ve-worked-almost-every-new-year-s-eve-of-my/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/613/elayne-boosler-6166_adult-life_as-a-standup-comedian-i-ve-worked-almost_1813174.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/613/elayne-boosler-6166_adult-life_as-a-standup-comedian-i-ve-worked-almost_1813174.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/613/elayne-boosler-6166_adult-life_as-a-standup-comedian-i-ve-worked-almost_1813174.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“As a standup comedian, I've worked almost every New Year's Eve of my adult life. 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It would be the worst.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rose Matafeo" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rose-matafeo/i-would-hate-to-be-a-standup-comedian-for-ever-it-would-not-be-good/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b6a/rose-matafeo-19518_comedian_i-would-hate-to-be-a-standup-comedian-fo_2124814.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b6a/rose-matafeo-19518_comedian_i-would-hate-to-be-a-standup-comedian-fo_2124814.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b6a/rose-matafeo-19518_comedian_i-would-hate-to-be-a-standup-comedian-fo_2124814.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I would hate to be a standup comedian for ever. It would not be good. 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You know it when you have to take a shower afterward.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/hopefully-the-only-things-off-limits-are-crummy-jokes-but-being-a/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/64b/jon-stewart-455_cases_hopefully-the-only-things-off-limits-are_350516.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/64b/jon-stewart-455_cases_hopefully-the-only-things-off-limits-are_350516.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/64b/jon-stewart-455_cases_hopefully-the-only-things-off-limits-are_350516.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Hopefully the only things off-limits are crummy jokes, but being a standup comedian, I know that's not…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I never really saw myself as a standup comedian. I always just thought of myself as someone who used the eight minutes or 10 minutes she was allotted and had a blast.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Kristen Schaal" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kristen-schaal/i-never-really-saw-myself-as-a-standup-comedian-i-always-just-thought/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a6c/kristen-schaal-9687_always_i-never-really-saw-myself-as-a-standup-c_1776442.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a6c/kristen-schaal-9687_always_i-never-really-saw-myself-as-a-standup-c_1776442.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a6c/kristen-schaal-9687_always_i-never-really-saw-myself-as-a-standup-c_1776442.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I never really saw myself as a standup comedian. I always just thought of myself as someone who used the…” — Kristen Schaal", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I'm a standup comedian who can't drive. I have never learned. I don't trust my hand-eye coordination. You're looking at someone who once dropped a cricket ball on to his own head during a routine catching practice; I don't think it's a great idea to have me in control of a high-speed metal death robot.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Nish Kumar" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nish-kumar/i-m-a-standup-comedian-who-can-t-drive-i-have-never-learned-i-don-t/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7b0/nish-kumar-11365_cricket_i-m-a-standup-comedian-who-can-t-drive-i_1835592.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7b0/nish-kumar-11365_cricket_i-m-a-standup-comedian-who-can-t-drive-i_1835592.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7b0/nish-kumar-11365_cricket_i-m-a-standup-comedian-who-can-t-drive-i_1835592.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I'm a standup comedian who can't drive. I have never learned. I don't trust my hand-eye coordination. You're…” — Nish Kumar", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Genuinely love doing standup and I'm a comedian first, so for me what makes my standup special is the fact that I don't have to adapt or adjust. I am who I am. I appeal to everyone, hence in the movie doing a world tour.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Kevin Hart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hart/genuinely-love-doing-standup-and-i-m-a-comedian-first-so-for-me-what/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/709/kevin-hart-506_appeals_genuinely-love-doing-standup-and-i-m-a-c_527588.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/709/kevin-hart-506_appeals_genuinely-love-doing-standup-and-i-m-a-c_527588.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/709/kevin-hart-506_appeals_genuinely-love-doing-standup-and-i-m-a-c_527588.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Genuinely love doing standup and I'm a comedian first, so for me what makes my standup special is the fact…” — Kevin Hart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I'm a standup comedian who gets to act. I'm never going to not do standup. I love doing it and when I go through periods where I'm doing a lot of acting work, I still do standup.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Bill Burr" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-burr/i-m-a-standup-comedian-who-gets-to-act-i-m-never-going-to-not-do/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a00/bill-burr-1900_acting_i-m-a-standup-comedian-who-gets-to-act-i_1726256.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a00/bill-burr-1900_acting_i-m-a-standup-comedian-who-gets-to-act-i_1726256.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a00/bill-burr-1900_acting_i-m-a-standup-comedian-who-gets-to-act-i_1726256.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I'm a standup comedian who gets to act. I'm never going to not do standup. I love doing it and when I go…” — Bill Burr", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I can't quite give standup all the time and attention that I did early on that I'm so grateful for. But back then I didn't really believe in having a life, and I'm glad that I do now. I missed weddings, funerals - I checked out of the real world and just was a standup comedian, or was trying to be.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Esther Povitsky" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-povitsky/i-can-t-quite-give-standup-all-the-time-and-attention-that-i-did/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c34/esther-povitsky-5830_attention_i-can-t-quite-give-standup-all-the-time_991277.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c34/esther-povitsky-5830_attention_i-can-t-quite-give-standup-all-the-time_991277.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c34/esther-povitsky-5830_attention_i-can-t-quite-give-standup-all-the-time_991277.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I can't quite give standup all the time and attention that I did early on that I'm so grateful for. But back…” — Esther Povitsky", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I have a hard time describing myself as a standup comedian because I don't feel like I'm doing stand up jokes more than I am acting like a person who has a bad point of view.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Patti Harrison" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patti-harrison/i-have-a-hard-time-describing-myself-as-a-standup-comedian-because-i/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ecf/patti-harrison-6137_bad_i-have-a-hard-time-describing-myself-as_2948208.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ecf/patti-harrison-6137_bad_i-have-a-hard-time-describing-myself-as_2948208.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ecf/patti-harrison-6137_bad_i-have-a-hard-time-describing-myself-as_2948208.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I have a hard time describing myself as a standup comedian because I don't feel like I'm doing stand up…” — Patti Harrison", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "As a standup comedian, you have to develop a sense of fearlessness. It's really important for your livelihood and your well-being. And if you don't do that, you're going to fail; you're never going to be able to stand up on the cliff and jump off.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "John DiMaggio" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-dimaggio/as-a-standup-comedian-you-have-to-develop-a-sense-of-fearlessness-it/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2b3/john-dimaggio-30326_able_as-a-standup-comedian-you-have-to-develo_2710088.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2b3/john-dimaggio-30326_able_as-a-standup-comedian-you-have-to-develo_2710088.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2b3/john-dimaggio-30326_able_as-a-standup-comedian-you-have-to-develo_2710088.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“As a standup comedian, you have to develop a sense of fearlessness. It's really important for your…” — John DiMaggio", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I am a standup comedian who has performed comedy in the Middle East in front of thousands of Muslims. And believe it or not, they laughed at plenty, especially when we poked fun at local culture. The Lebanese loved it when you would make fun of their driving and how, in Lebanon, a red light is just a suggestion to stop.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Maz Jobrani" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maz-jobrani/i-am-a-standup-comedian-who-has-performed-comedy-in-the-middle-east/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2d9/maz-jobrani-8028_believe_i-am-a-standup-comedian-who-has-performe_3170974.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2d9/maz-jobrani-8028_believe_i-am-a-standup-comedian-who-has-performe_3170974.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2d9/maz-jobrani-8028_believe_i-am-a-standup-comedian-who-has-performe_3170974.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I am a standup comedian who has performed comedy in the Middle East in front of thousands of Muslims. 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