---
title: "24 Spouse Quotes By Gary Chapman"
description: "24 Spouse quotes by Gary Chapman. Plus more from Gary Chapman and more Spouse sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/19f/gary-chapman-1325_courage_your-words-may-give-your-spouse-the-cour_2513905.png"
---

> [“Your words may give your spouse the courage necessary to take that first step.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/your-words-may-give-your-spouse-the-courage-necessary-to-take-that/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/19f/gary-chapman-1325_courage_your-words-may-give-your-spouse-the-cour_2513905.png)

> [“Your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese from English.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/your-emotional-love-language-and-the-language-of-your-spouse-may-be/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/589/gary-chapman-1325_emotional-love_your-emotional-love-language-and-the-lan_1144386.jpg)

> [Our spouse will usually interpret our message based on our tone of voice, not the words we use.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/our-spouse-will-usually-interpret-our-message-based-on-our-tone-of/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1a2/gary-chapman-1325_marriage_our-spouse-will-usually-interpret-our-me_476252.png)

> [“We must first learn what is important to our spouse.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/we-must-first-learn-what-is-important-to-our-spouse/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/94f/gary-chapman-1325_education_we-must-first-learn-what-is-important-to_1090174.png)

> [“Love makes requests, not demands. When I demand things from my spouse, I become a parent and she the child.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/love-makes-requests-not-demands-when-i-demand-things-from-my-spouse-i/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/83d/gary-chapman-1325_children_love-makes-requests-not-demands-when-i-d_823969.png)

> [If you want to improve a relationship, it's not that you demand your spouse to change. You have to ask, 'Where did…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/if-you-want-to-improve-a-relationship-it-s-not-that-you-demand-your/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/acb/gary-chapman-1325_change_if-you-want-to-improve-a-relationship-it_984671.png)

> [I think one of the other myths is that your environment determines your happiness. That if you are living with an alcoholic…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/i-think-one-of-the-other-myths-is-that-your-environment-determines/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9ca/gary-chapman-1325_alcoholics_i-think-one-of-the-other-myths-is-that-y_2280925.png)

> [We cannot rely on our native tongue if our spouse does not understand it. If we want them to feel the love…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/we-cannot-rely-on-our-native-tongue-if-our-spouse-does-not-understand/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/540/gary-chapman-1325_communicate_we-cannot-rely-on-our-native-tongue-if-o_3009449.png)

> [People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/people-tend-to-criticize-their-spouse-most-loudly-in-the-area-where/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/926/gary-chapman-1325_criticism_people-tend-to-criticize-their-spouse-mo_2947565.png)

> [“With enough criticism, you may get acquiescence from your spouse. He may do what you want, but probably it will not be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/with-enough-criticism-you-may-get-acquiescence-from-your-spouse-he/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e91/gary-chapman-1325_acquiescence_with-enough-criticism-you-may-get-acquie_3077873.png)

> [I think one of the myths is that people don't change. A lot of people believe that. Their spouse has been an…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/i-think-one-of-the-myths-is-that-people-don-t-change-a-lot-of-people/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4b2/gary-chapman-1325_alcoholic_i-think-one-of-the-myths-is-that-people_2373905.jpg)

> [The fastest way to have a loving, supportive, understanding spouse is to become a loving, supportive, understanding spouse.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/the-fastest-way-to-have-a-loving-supportive-understanding-spouse-is/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/16b/gary-chapman-1325_become_the-fastest-way-to-have-a-loving-support_680945.png)

> [We all desperately need love. If a spouse in a difficult marriage will learn the love language of that spouse, and they…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/we-all-desperately-need-love-if-a-spouse-in-a-difficult-marriage-will/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8a6/gary-chapman-1325_consistently_we-all-desperately-need-love-if-a-spouse_212869.png)

> [Sometimes when the spouse is really the culprit, it is hard to admit what you consider your little failures, but if you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/sometimes-when-the-spouse-is-really-the-culprit-it-is-hard-to-admit/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/689/gary-chapman-1325_admitting_sometimes-when-the-spouse-is-really-the_126632.jpg)

> [We can certainly see contemporary examples of people who radically change. As long you believe your spouse will never change and you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/we-can-certainly-see-contemporary-examples-of-people-who-radically/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/068/gary-chapman-1325_believe_we-can-certainly-see-contemporary-exampl_3169643.png)

> [When you're married, the person you would most like to love you is your spouse. And if you feel loved by your…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/when-you-re-married-the-person-you-would-most-like-to-love-you-is/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e02/gary-chapman-1325_dark_when-you-re-married-the-person-you-would_777622.jpg)

> [“Instead of cursing the darkness, light a candle in your own heart. Say to God, “If you will give me a vision…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/instead-of-cursing-the-darkness-light-a-candle-in-your-own-heart-say/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4aa/gary-chapman-1325_bible_instead-of-cursing-the-darkness-light-a_603094.jpg)

> [Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from your spouse's perspective. We must first learn what is important to our spouse. Only…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/encouragement-requires-empathy-and-seeing-the-world-from-your-spouse/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/154/gary-chapman-1325_ability_encouragement-requires-empathy-and-seein_1728282.jpg)

> [“The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love. It…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/the-object-of-love-is-not-getting-something-you-want-but-doing-3/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9c7/gary-chapman-1325_love_the-object-of-love-is-not-getting-someth_2559936.png)

> [Once you identify and learn to speak your spouse’s primary love language, I believe that you will have discovered the key to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/once-you-identify-and-learn-to-speak-your-spouse-s-primary-love/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dc9/gary-chapman-1325_alive_once-you-identify-and-learn-to-speak-you_2906059.jpg)

> [What is emotional intimacy? It is that depp sense of being connected to one another. It is feeling loved, respected and appreciated,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/what-is-emotional-intimacy-it-is-that-depp-sense-of-being-connected/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/06d/gary-chapman-1325_ability_what-is-emotional-intimacy-it-is-that-de_1764735.png)

> [“Andre didn’t make that connection at first. He worked hard—at the wrong tasks. And he failed to make a dent in his…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/andre-didn-t-make-that-connection-at-first-he-worked-hard-at-the/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7e3/gary-chapman-1325_acts-of-service_andre-didn-t-make-that-connection-at-fir_2568994.png)

> [This is a huge thing if you are going to have a positive impact on your spouse. You have to not only…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/this-is-a-huge-thing-if-you-are-going-to-have-a-positive-impact-on/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e55/gary-chapman-1325_huge_this-is-a-huge-thing-if-you-are-going-to_1539490.png)

> [“There is a third truth, which only the mature lover will be able to hear. My spouse’s criticisms about my behavior provide…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/there-is-a-third-truth-which-only-the-mature-lover-will-be-able-to/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e11/gary-chapman-1325_habits_there-is-a-third-truth-which-only-the-ma_151671.png)

## Other authors on Spouse

## More by Gary Chapman

> [Marriages are always moving from one season to another. Sometimes we find ourselves in winter--discouraged, detached, and dissatisfied; other times we experience springtime, with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/marriages-are-always-moving-from-one-season-to-another-sometimes-we/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

> [Something in our nature cries out to be loved by another. Isolation is devastating to the human psyche. That is why solitary confinement is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/something-in-our-nature-cries-out-to-be-loved-by-another-isolation-is/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

> [Most of us have more potential than we will ever develop. What holds us back is often a lack of courage.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/most-of-us-have-more-potential-than-we-will-ever-develop-what-holds/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

> [On the other hand, if I walk in the house, I don't even bother to find her, I just walk in the den and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/on-the-other-hand-if-i-walk-in-the-house-i-don-t-even-bother-to-find/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

> [“I look for three things in hiring people. The first is personal integrity, the second is intelligence, and the third is a high energy…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/i-look-for-three-things-in-hiring-people-the-first-is-personal/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

> [Love is always freely given. Love cannot be demanded. We can request things of each other, but we must never demand anything. Requests give…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/love-is-always-freely-given-love-cannot-be-demanded-we-can-request/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

> [“Psychologist William James said that possibly the deepest human need is the need to feel appreciated.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/psychologist-william-james-said-that-possibly-the-deepest-human-need/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

> [I think that in today's world, by nature, we are all self-centered. And that often leads to selfishness.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/i-think-that-in-today-s-world-by-nature-we-are-all-self-centered-and/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

> [Sometimes when the spouse is really the culprit, it is hard to admit what you consider your little failures, but if you are going…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/sometimes-when-the-spouse-is-really-the-culprit-it-is-hard-to-admit/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

> [“There is a third truth, which only the mature lover will be able to hear. My spouse’s criticisms about my behavior provide me with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/there-is-a-third-truth-which-only-the-mature-lover-will-be-able-to/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

> [ The getting out part \[of advise\] may well be true. Because if you have tried the tender love thing... typically the abuser is not… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/the-getting-out-part-of-advise-may-well-be-true-because-if-you-have/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

> [ I wrote this book \[ Desperate Marriages\] because of my own marriage. My wife and I struggled greatly in the early years of marriage.… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/i-wrote-this-book-desperate-marriages-because-of-my-own-marriage-my/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

> [As a senior in high school, I had a strong sense that God wanted me in some kind of ministry.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/as-a-senior-in-high-school-i-had-a-strong-sense-that-god-wanted-me-in/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

> [We all desperately need love. If a spouse in a difficult marriage will learn the love language of that spouse, and they will, with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/we-all-desperately-need-love-if-a-spouse-in-a-difficult-marriage-will/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

> [“If acts of service do not come naturally for you, it is still a love language worth acquiring. It is a way of expressing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/if-acts-of-service-do-not-come-naturally-for-you-it-is-still-a-love/)

[Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/)

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                        "text": "I think one of the other myths is that your environment determines your happiness. That if you are living with an alcoholic or living with a depressed spouse for a long time, you are just going to be unhappy.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "We cannot rely on our native tongue if our spouse does not understand it. If we want them to feel the love we are trying to communicate, we must express it in his or her primary love language.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.",
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                            "@type": "Person",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“With enough criticism, you may get acquiescence from your spouse. He may do what you want, but probably it will not be an expression of love.”",
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                        "text": "I think one of the myths is that people don't change. A lot of people believe that. Their spouse has been an alcoholic for the first 10 years of the marriage, and they say they are never going to change.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "The fastest way to have a loving, supportive, understanding spouse is to become a loving, supportive, understanding spouse.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "We all desperately need love. If a spouse in a difficult marriage will learn the love language of that spouse, and they will, with the help of God, consistently speak their love language no matter how they are treated.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Sometimes when the spouse is really the culprit, it is hard to admit what you consider your little failures, but if you are going to have a better relationship, you admitting your part in the dynamics is a step in the road to healing. Because if they see you modeling apology, for example, and they see you modeling love, they may well get the idea that maybe they need to apologize.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "We can certainly see contemporary examples of people who radically change. As long you believe your spouse will never change and you keep telling yourself that, then you live with no hope. But if you understand that that's a myth, then you open up the door to hope.",
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                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "When you're married, the person you would most like to love you is your spouse. And if you feel loved by your spouse, the world looks bright. But if the love tank is empty, and you don't feel loved by your spouse, the world begins to look dark.",
                        "creator": {
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“Instead of cursing the darkness, light a candle in your own heart. Say to God, “If you will give me a vision of what a godly spouse would look like, then I’m willing to make changes.” Then read the Bible and look for those passages that tell you what a Christian husband or wife should be. Let this be your dream, and meditate on it throughout the day. Ask God to help you live up to his model.”",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from your spouse's perspective. We must first learn what is important to our spouse. Only then can we give encouragement. With verbal encouragement, we are trying to communicate, \"I know. I care. I am with you. How can I help?\" We are trying to show that we believe in him and in his abilities. We are giving credit and praise.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love. It is a fact, however, that when we receive affirming words we are far more likely to be motivated to reciprocate and do something our spouse desires.”",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Once you identify and learn to speak your spouse’s primary love language, I believe that you will have discovered the key to a long-lasting, loving marriage. Love need not evaporate after the wedding, but in order to keep it alive most of us will have to put forth effort to learn a secondary love language. We cannot rely on our native tongue if our spouse does not understand it. If we want them to feel the love we are trying to communicate, we must express it in his or her primary love language.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "What is emotional intimacy? It is that depp sense of being connected to one another. It is feeling loved, respected and appreciated, while at the same time seeking to reciprocate. To feel loved is to have the sense that the other person genuinely cares about your well-being. Respect has to do with feeling that your potential spouse has positive regard for your personhood, intellect, abilities and personality. Appreciation is that inner sense that your partner values your contribution to the relationship.",
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                        "text": "“Andre didn’t make that connection at first. He worked hard—at the wrong tasks. And he failed to make a dent in his wife’s love-language needs. For someone who takes pride in his work, that can be a tough pill to swallow. Most of us are wired with an instinctive desire to prove our worth—as husbands, providers, and caretakers. Beyond that, we want our work to mean something. And we want credit for the things we do. The Way Things Used to Be Many people get married believing their spouse is already fluent in acts of service. They base their belief on the way the spouse acted while they were dating. Many of these people quickly discover that what two people do for each other before marriage is no indication of what they’ll do after marriage.”",
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