--- title: "14 Sometimes Quotes By Jack Handey" description: "14 Sometimes quotes by Jack Handey. Plus more from Jack Handey and more Sometimes sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/055/jack-handey-829_deep-thought_sometimes-life-seems-like-a-dream-especi_2109.jpg" --- > [Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-life-seems-like-a-dream-especially-when-i-look-down-and-see/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/055/jack-handey-829_deep-thought_sometimes-life-seems-like-a-dream-especi_2109.jpg) > [Sometimes I wonder if I'm patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-i-wonder-if-i-m-patriotic-enough-yes-i-want-to-kill-people/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/151/jack-handey-829_deep-thought_sometimes-i-wonder-if-i-m-patriotic-enou_28362.jpg) > [Sometimes I think the so-called experts actually ARE experts.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-i-think-the-so-called-experts-actually-are-experts/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/27b/jack-handey-829_deep-thought_sometimes-i-think-the-so-called-experts_620851.jpg) > [One thing that makes me believe in UFOs is, sometimes I lose stuff.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/one-thing-that-makes-me-believe-in-ufos-is-sometimes-i-lose-stuff/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e7/jack-handey-829_believe_one-thing-that-makes-me-believe-in-ufos_2602570.jpg) > [I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived in a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-guess-of-all-my-uncles-i-liked-uncle-caveman-the-best-we-called-him/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e7d/jack-handey-829_bears_i-guess-of-all-my-uncles-i-liked-uncle-c_242044.jpg) > [Sometimes the beauty of the world is so overwhelming, I just want to throw back my head and gargle. Just gargle and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-the-beauty-of-the-world-is-so-overwhelming-i-just-want-to/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/535/jack-handey-829_beautiful_sometimes-the-beauty-of-the-world-is-so_1026128.jpg) > [Sometimes I think the world has gone completely mad. And then I think, "Aw, who cares?" And then I think, "Hey, what's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-i-think-the-world-has-gone-completely-mad-and-then-i-think/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/47d/jack-handey-829_care_sometimes-i-think-the-world-has-gone-com_1059072.jpg) > [Sometimes I wonder if I'm sexy enough. When I walk into a singles bar with my "fashionable" shirt, "fashionable" slacks, and a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-i-wonder-if-i-m-sexy-enough-when-i-walk-into-a-singles-bar/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/573/jack-handey-829_bars_sometimes-i-wonder-if-i-m-sexy-enough-wh_1421911.jpg) > [Sometimes I wish Marta were more loyal to me. Like the other day. The car parked next to ours had a real…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-i-wish-marta-were-more-loyal-to-me-like-the-other-day-the/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/319/jack-handey-829_car_sometimes-i-wish-marta-were-more-loyal-t_337166.jpg) > [Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/fear-can-sometimes-be-a-useful-emotion-for-instance-let-s-say-you-re/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ddc/jack-handey-829_astronaut_fear-can-sometimes-be-a-useful-emotion-f_880404.jpg) > [Sometimes, when I drive across the desert in the middle of the night, with no other cars around, I start imagining: What…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-when-i-drive-across-the-desert-in-the-middle-of-the-night/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fda/jack-handey-829_car_sometimes-when-i-drive-across-the-desert_478267.jpg) > [Sometimes when I'm driving behind a big cement truck, I think of how the valve on the truck could suddenly open, spilling…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-when-i-m-driving-behind-a-big-cement-truck-i-think-of-how/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/614/jack-handey-829_behinds_sometimes-when-i-m-driving-behind-a-big_1862358.jpg) > [Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-when-i-reflect-back-on-all-the-beer-i-drink-i-feel-ashamed/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1dc/jack-handey-829_ashamed_sometimes-when-i-reflect-back-on-all-the_3133373.jpg) > [Sometimes you have to be careful when selecting a new nickname for yourself. For instance, let's say you have chosen the nickname…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-you-have-to-be-careful-when-selecting-a-new-nickname-for/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d71/jack-handey-829_air_sometimes-you-have-to-be-careful-when-se_3047527.jpg) ## Other authors on Sometimes ## More by Jack Handey > [Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-life-seems-like-a-dream-especially-when-i-look-down-and-see/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [I think the best Thanksgiving we ever had was one where we didn't even have a turkey. Mom and Dad sat us kids down…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-think-the-best-thanksgiving-we-ever-had-was-one-where-we-didn-t/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/at-first-i-thought-if-i-were-superman-a-perfect-secret-identity-would/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [Sometimes I wonder if I'm patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-i-wonder-if-i-m-patriotic-enough-yes-i-want-to-kill-people/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [I don't understand people who say life is a mystery, because what is it they want to know?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-don-t-understand-people-who-say-life-is-a-mystery-because-what-is/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/it-s-probably-not-a-good-idea-to-be-chewing-on-a-toothpick-if-you-re/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because WHERE DOES HE THINK…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/probably-to-a-shark-about-the-funniest-thing-there-is-is-a-wounded/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [I wish I lived back in the Old West days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I could buy…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-wish-i-lived-back-in-the-old-west-days-because-i-d-save-up-my-money/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [Why do there have to be rules for everything? It's gotten to the point that rules dominate just about every aspect of our lives.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/why-do-there-have-to-be-rules-for-everything-it-s-gotten-to-the-point/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/most-people-don-t-realize-that-large-pieces-of-coral-which-have-been/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [Here's a suggestion for a new animal, if some new ones get created or evolve: something that stings you, then laughs at you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/here-s-a-suggestion-for-a-new-animal-if-some-new-ones-get-created-or/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [When you go ice-skating, try not to swing your arms too much, because that really annoys me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/when-you-go-ice-skating-try-not-to-swing-your-arms-too-much-because/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [When you go to a party at somebody's house, don't automatically assume that the drinks are free. Ask, and ask often.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/when-you-go-to-a-party-at-somebody-s-house-don-t-automatically-assume/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/he-was-a-cowboy-mister-and-he-loved-the-land-he-loved-it-so-much-he/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [If you were a gladiator in olden days, I bet the inefficiency of how the gladiator fights were organized and scheduled would just drive…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/if-you-were-a-gladiator-in-olden-days-i-bet-the-inefficiency-of-how/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sometimes/jack-handey/#itemlist", "name": "14 Sometimes Quotes By Jack Handey", "numberOfItems": 14, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-life-seems-like-a-dream-especially-when-i-look-down-and-see/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/055/jack-handey-829_deep-thought_sometimes-life-seems-like-a-dream-especi_2109.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/055/jack-handey-829_deep-thought_sometimes-life-seems-like-a-dream-especi_2109.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/055/jack-handey-829_deep-thought_sometimes-life-seems-like-a-dream-especi_2109.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Sometimes I wonder if I'm patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-i-wonder-if-i-m-patriotic-enough-yes-i-want-to-kill-people/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/151/jack-handey-829_deep-thought_sometimes-i-wonder-if-i-m-patriotic-enou_28362.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/151/jack-handey-829_deep-thought_sometimes-i-wonder-if-i-m-patriotic-enou_28362.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/151/jack-handey-829_deep-thought_sometimes-i-wonder-if-i-m-patriotic-enou_28362.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Sometimes I wonder if I'm patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides.” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Sometimes I think the so-called experts actually ARE experts.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-i-think-the-so-called-experts-actually-are-experts/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/27b/jack-handey-829_deep-thought_sometimes-i-think-the-so-called-experts_620851.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/27b/jack-handey-829_deep-thought_sometimes-i-think-the-so-called-experts_620851.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/27b/jack-handey-829_deep-thought_sometimes-i-think-the-so-called-experts_620851.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Sometimes I think the so-called experts actually ARE experts.” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "One thing that makes me believe in UFOs is, sometimes I lose stuff.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/one-thing-that-makes-me-believe-in-ufos-is-sometimes-i-lose-stuff/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e7/jack-handey-829_believe_one-thing-that-makes-me-believe-in-ufos_2602570.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e7/jack-handey-829_believe_one-thing-that-makes-me-believe-in-ufos_2602570.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e7/jack-handey-829_believe_one-thing-that-makes-me-believe-in-ufos_2602570.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“One thing that makes me believe in UFOs is, sometimes I lose stuff.” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 5, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived in a cave and because sometimes he'd eat one of us. Later, we found out he was a bear.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-guess-of-all-my-uncles-i-liked-uncle-caveman-the-best-we-called-him/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e7d/jack-handey-829_bears_i-guess-of-all-my-uncles-i-liked-uncle-c_242044.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e7d/jack-handey-829_bears_i-guess-of-all-my-uncles-i-liked-uncle-c_242044.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e7d/jack-handey-829_bears_i-guess-of-all-my-uncles-i-liked-uncle-c_242044.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived in a…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 6, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Sometimes the beauty of the world is so overwhelming, I just want to throw back my head and gargle. Just gargle and gargle, and I don't care who hears me, because I am beautiful.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-the-beauty-of-the-world-is-so-overwhelming-i-just-want-to/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/535/jack-handey-829_beautiful_sometimes-the-beauty-of-the-world-is-so_1026128.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/535/jack-handey-829_beautiful_sometimes-the-beauty-of-the-world-is-so_1026128.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/535/jack-handey-829_beautiful_sometimes-the-beauty-of-the-world-is-so_1026128.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Sometimes the beauty of the world is so overwhelming, I just want to throw back my head and gargle. Just…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Sometimes I think the world has gone completely mad. And then I think, \"Aw, who cares?\" And then I think, \"Hey, what's for supper?\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-i-think-the-world-has-gone-completely-mad-and-then-i-think/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/47d/jack-handey-829_care_sometimes-i-think-the-world-has-gone-com_1059072.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/47d/jack-handey-829_care_sometimes-i-think-the-world-has-gone-com_1059072.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/47d/jack-handey-829_care_sometimes-i-think-the-world-has-gone-com_1059072.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Sometimes I think the world has gone completely mad. And then I think, \"Aw, who cares?\" And then I think…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Sometimes I wonder if I'm sexy enough. When I walk into a singles bar with my \"fashionable\" shirt, \"fashionable\" slacks, and a big new rubber manta-ray helmet, I can't help wondering: Do women want to talk to me for myself, or do they just want to get a feel of that nice rubber manta skin?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-i-wonder-if-i-m-sexy-enough-when-i-walk-into-a-singles-bar/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/573/jack-handey-829_bars_sometimes-i-wonder-if-i-m-sexy-enough-wh_1421911.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/573/jack-handey-829_bars_sometimes-i-wonder-if-i-m-sexy-enough-wh_1421911.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/573/jack-handey-829_bars_sometimes-i-wonder-if-i-m-sexy-enough-wh_1421911.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Sometimes I wonder if I'm sexy enough. When I walk into a singles bar with my \"fashionable\" shirt…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Sometimes I wish Marta were more loyal to me. Like the other day. The car parked next to ours had a real dirty windshield; so I wrote THIS CAR LOOKS LIKE A FART in the dirt. Later I asked Marta if she thought it was a childish thing to do. She said, \"Well, maybe,\" Man, whose side is she on, anyway?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-i-wish-marta-were-more-loyal-to-me-like-the-other-day-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/319/jack-handey-829_car_sometimes-i-wish-marta-were-more-loyal-t_337166.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/319/jack-handey-829_car_sometimes-i-wish-marta-were-more-loyal-t_337166.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/319/jack-handey-829_car_sometimes-i-wish-marta-were-more-loyal-t_337166.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Sometimes I wish Marta were more loyal to me. Like the other day. The car parked next to ours had a real…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, \"Think again, bat man.\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/fear-can-sometimes-be-a-useful-emotion-for-instance-let-s-say-you-re/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ddc/jack-handey-829_astronaut_fear-can-sometimes-be-a-useful-emotion-f_880404.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ddc/jack-handey-829_astronaut_fear-can-sometimes-be-a-useful-emotion-f_880404.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ddc/jack-handey-829_astronaut_fear-can-sometimes-be-a-useful-emotion-f_880404.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Sometimes, when I drive across the desert in the middle of the night, with no other cars around, I start imagining: What if there were no civilization out there? No cities, no factories, no people? And then I think: No people or factories? Then who made this car? And this highway? And I get so confused I have to stick my head out the window into the driving rain-unless there's lightning, because I could get struck on the head by a bolt.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-when-i-drive-across-the-desert-in-the-middle-of-the-night/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fda/jack-handey-829_car_sometimes-when-i-drive-across-the-desert_478267.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fda/jack-handey-829_car_sometimes-when-i-drive-across-the-desert_478267.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fda/jack-handey-829_car_sometimes-when-i-drive-across-the-desert_478267.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Sometimes, when I drive across the desert in the middle of the night, with no other cars around, I start…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Sometimes when I'm driving behind a big cement truck, I think of how the valve on the truck could suddenly open, spilling cement over my car, encasing me inside and leaving me to slowly fall into an oxygen-deprived coma, from which I awaken five years later to find my wife remarried to my best friend. But then I think maybe I'm just being paranoid, because what are the odds of *that* happening again?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-when-i-m-driving-behind-a-big-cement-truck-i-think-of-how/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/614/jack-handey-829_behinds_sometimes-when-i-m-driving-behind-a-big_1862358.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/614/jack-handey-829_behinds_sometimes-when-i-m-driving-behind-a-big_1862358.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/614/jack-handey-829_behinds_sometimes-when-i-m-driving-behind-a-big_1862358.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Sometimes when I'm driving behind a big cement truck, I think of how the valve on the truck could suddenly…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than to be selfish and worry about my liver.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-when-i-reflect-back-on-all-the-beer-i-drink-i-feel-ashamed/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1dc/jack-handey-829_ashamed_sometimes-when-i-reflect-back-on-all-the_3133373.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1dc/jack-handey-829_ashamed_sometimes-when-i-reflect-back-on-all-the_3133373.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1dc/jack-handey-829_ashamed_sometimes-when-i-reflect-back-on-all-the_3133373.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Sometimes you have to be careful when selecting a new nickname for yourself. For instance, let's say you have chosen the nickname \"Fly Head\". Normally, you would think that \"Fly Head\" would mean a person who had beautiful swept-back features, as if flying though the air. But think again. Couldn't it also mean \"having a head like a fly\"? I'm afraid some people might actually think that.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-you-have-to-be-careful-when-selecting-a-new-nickname-for/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d71/jack-handey-829_air_sometimes-you-have-to-be-careful-when-se_3047527.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d71/jack-handey-829_air_sometimes-you-have-to-be-careful-when-se_3047527.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d71/jack-handey-829_air_sometimes-you-have-to-be-careful-when-se_3047527.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Sometimes you have to be careful when selecting a new nickname for yourself. For instance, let's say you…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } } ] }, { "@type": "CollectionPage", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sometimes/jack-handey/#webpage", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sometimes/jack-handey/", "name": "Sometimes Quotes by Jack Handey", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sometimes/jack-handey/#itemlist" }, "primaryImageOfPage": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/055/jack-handey-829_deep-thought_sometimes-life-seems-like-a-dream-especi_2109.jpg" }, "description": "14 Sometimes quotes by Jack Handey. Plus more from Jack Handey and more Sometimes sayings from other authors.", "breadcrumb": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sometimes/jack-handey/#breadcrumb" } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sometimes/jack-handey/#breadcrumb", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Topics", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/categories/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "Sometimes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sometimes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 5, "name": "Jack Handey", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sometimes/jack-handey/" } ] }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```