--- title: "20 Sometimes Quotes By Demetri Martin" description: "20 Sometimes quotes by Demetri Martin. Plus more from Demetri Martin and more Sometimes sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/26e/demetri-martin-511_feels_sometimes-i-feel-like-i-m-being-watched_1875068.jpg" --- > [Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/sometimes-i-feel-like-i-m-being-watched-but-then-i-remember-that-my/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/26e/demetri-martin-511_feels_sometimes-i-feel-like-i-m-being-watched_1875068.jpg) > [Sometimes I see a bird fly by and I feel jealous. But then other times I see a bird fly into a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/sometimes-i-see-a-bird-fly-by-and-i-feel-jealous-but-then-other-times/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e7/demetri-martin-511_bird_sometimes-i-see-a-bird-fly-by-and-i-feel_1502139.jpg) > [It's Thursday and it really feels like a Thursday. Sometimes things just work out.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/it-s-thursday-and-it-really-feels-like-a-thursday-sometimes-things/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9aa/demetri-martin-511_feels_it-s-thursday-and-it-really-feels-like-a_2363050.jpg) > [Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/sometimes-it-looks-like-i-m-dancing-but-it-s-just-that-i-walked-into/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/074/demetri-martin-511_dance_sometimes-it-looks-like-i-m-dancing-but_326685.jpg) > [Sometimes I like to go outside without even checking the weather first.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/sometimes-i-like-to-go-outside-without-even-checking-the-weather-first/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/62e/demetri-martin-511_firsts_sometimes-i-like-to-go-outside-without-e_3230853.jpg) > [Sometimes heckling can almost help a set, because it ratchets up the tension in the room... can even bring things to a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/sometimes-heckling-can-almost-help-a-set-because-it-ratchets-up-the/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/774/demetri-martin-511_climax_sometimes-heckling-can-almost-help-a-set_2358884.jpg) > [I like to use 'I Can't Believe it's Not Butter' on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-like-to-use-i-can-t-believe-it-s-not-butter-on-my-toast-in-the/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cc2/demetri-martin-511_believe_i-like-to-use-i-can-t-believe-it-s-not-b_2773789.jpg) > [I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-like-birthdays-because-we-celebrate-life-with-cakes-it-s-so-cool/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/745/demetri-martin-511_baby_i-like-birthdays-because-we-celebrate-li_986190.jpg) > [For me and most of my friends who are comedians, if you've been doing comedy for a while, your tolerance for things…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/for-me-and-most-of-my-friends-who-are-comedians-if-you-ve-been-doing/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/be3/demetri-martin-511_comedian_for-me-and-most-of-my-friends-who-are-co_462872.jpg) > [Sometimes, when something really great happens to me, I like to wait two weeks before I tell anyone about it, because I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/sometimes-when-something-really-great-happens-to-me-i-like-to-wait/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5d2/demetri-martin-511_fortnight_sometimes-when-something-really-great-ha_2744864.jpg) > [Sometimes I feel like I'm making a connection with a stranger, but then it turns out I'm not. Like, I was in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/sometimes-i-feel-like-i-m-making-a-connection-with-a-stranger-but/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/131/demetri-martin-511_comedy_sometimes-i-feel-like-i-m-making-a-conne_2053533.jpg) > [Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/sometimes-i-use-my-jokes-as-building-blocks-for-larger-bits-i-like-to/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0f9/demetri-martin-511_along_sometimes-i-use-my-jokes-as-building-blo_889903.jpg) > [Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/swimming-is-a-confusing-sport-because-sometimes-you-do-it-for-fun-and/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/268/demetri-martin-511_confusing_swimming-is-a-confusing-sport-because-so_530794.jpg) > [I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you're really making a decision about your behavior for the day.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-that-when-you-get-dressed-in-the-morning-sometimes-you-re/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/07e/demetri-martin-511_be-nice-to-people_i-think-that-when-you-get-dressed-in-the_2141245.jpg) > [I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find one…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-live-in-new-york-and-there-are-a-lot-of-famous-pizzerias-in-my/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ce0/demetri-martin-511_delicious_i-live-in-new-york-and-there-are-a-lot-o_1064201.jpg) > [I am sometimes referred to as Excuse Me in an annoyed tone of voice, because apparently I am in the way. I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-am-sometimes-referred-to-as-excuse-me-in-an-annoyed-tone-of-voice/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/45d/demetri-martin-511_annoyed_i-am-sometimes-referred-to-as-excuse-me_3191367.jpg) > [Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, "I'm not racist, but..." I say,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/sometimes-if-i-really-want-to-get-someone-s-attention-i-ll-start-a/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7eb/demetri-martin-511_attention_sometimes-if-i-really-want-to-get-someon_1226330.jpg) > [If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/if-you-remove-a-treehouse-from-a-tree-than-it-s-just-a-shitty-house/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/317/demetri-martin-511_house_if-you-remove-a-treehouse-from-a-tree-th_157337.jpg) > [There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But sometimes I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/there-s-an-old-russian-saying-that-goes-some-way-or-another-i-don-t/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c87/demetri-martin-511_hunger_there-s-an-old-russian-saying-that-goes_806400.jpg) > [I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-am-a-comedian-but-it-s-usually-not-a-compliment-to-be-called-a-prop/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/669/demetri-martin-511_comedian_i-am-a-comedian-but-it-s-usually-not-a-c_972379.jpg) ## Other authors on Sometimes ## More by Demetri Martin > [I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-hair-gel-was-invented-to-make-it-easier-to-identify-assholes/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [Tic Tacs are the maracas of breath mints.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/tic-tacs-are-the-maracas-of-breath-mints/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-someone-describes-themself-as-a-taxpayer-they-re-about-to-be-an/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [I think they named the orange before the carrot.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-they-named-the-orange-before-the-carrot/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-like-to-go-to-concerts-because-i-love-to-see-my-favorite-band/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/how-fast-does-a-zebra-have-to-run-before-it-looks-gray/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [Skiing is my favorite sport, because, that's the only sport that is actually better to watch the worst the person is at it. "That…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/skiing-is-my-favorite-sport-because-that-s-the-only-sport-that-is/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-know-about-woodstock-probably-as-much-as-your-average-person-who-is/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/never-be-less-interesting-than-your-refrigerator-magnets/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-bought-a-cactus-a-week-later-it-died-and-i-got-depressed-because-i/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/a-wednesday-with-no-rain-is-a-dry-hump-day/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [THING TO TRY: If you are asked to describe a suspect to a police sketch artist, describe in precise detail, the features of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/thing-to-try-if-you-are-asked-to-describe-a-suspect-to-a-police/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/if-you-happen-to-catch-on-fire-during-the-show-do-not-panic-or-wave/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/they-say-that-structure-is-freedom-and-in-a-sense-it-is-when-you-re/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-my-favorite-sound-is-the-sound-of-someone-not-playing-the/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sometimes/demetri-martin/#itemlist", "name": "20 Sometimes Quotes By Demetri Martin", "numberOfItems": 20, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/sometimes-i-feel-like-i-m-being-watched-but-then-i-remember-that-my/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/26e/demetri-martin-511_feels_sometimes-i-feel-like-i-m-being-watched_1875068.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/26e/demetri-martin-511_feels_sometimes-i-feel-like-i-m-being-watched_1875068.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/26e/demetri-martin-511_feels_sometimes-i-feel-like-i-m-being-watched_1875068.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Sometimes I see a bird fly by and I feel jealous. 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How was breakfast? Unbelievable.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-like-to-use-i-can-t-believe-it-s-not-butter-on-my-toast-in-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cc2/demetri-martin-511_believe_i-like-to-use-i-can-t-believe-it-s-not-b_2773789.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cc2/demetri-martin-511_believe_i-like-to-use-i-can-t-believe-it-s-not-b_2773789.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cc2/demetri-martin-511_believe_i-like-to-use-i-can-t-believe-it-s-not-b_2773789.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I like to use 'I Can't Believe it's Not Butter' on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over...", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-like-birthdays-because-we-celebrate-life-with-cakes-it-s-so-cool/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/745/demetri-martin-511_baby_i-like-birthdays-because-we-celebrate-li_986190.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/745/demetri-martin-511_baby_i-like-birthdays-because-we-celebrate-li_986190.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/745/demetri-martin-511_baby_i-like-birthdays-because-we-celebrate-li_986190.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. 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I find it very hard to be shocked, and when other people aggressively take offense to something, I'm sometimes confused.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/for-me-and-most-of-my-friends-who-are-comedians-if-you-ve-been-doing/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/be3/demetri-martin-511_comedian_for-me-and-most-of-my-friends-who-are-co_462872.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/be3/demetri-martin-511_comedian_for-me-and-most-of-my-friends-who-are-co_462872.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/be3/demetri-martin-511_comedian_for-me-and-most-of-my-friends-who-are-co_462872.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“For me and most of my friends who are comedians, if you've been doing comedy for a while, your tolerance for…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Sometimes, when something really great happens to me, I like to wait two weeks before I tell anyone about it, because I like to use the word 'fortnight'.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/sometimes-when-something-really-great-happens-to-me-i-like-to-wait/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5d2/demetri-martin-511_fortnight_sometimes-when-something-really-great-ha_2744864.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5d2/demetri-martin-511_fortnight_sometimes-when-something-really-great-ha_2744864.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5d2/demetri-martin-511_fortnight_sometimes-when-something-really-great-ha_2744864.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Sometimes, when something really great happens to me, I like to wait two weeks before I tell anyone about…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Sometimes I feel like I'm making a connection with a stranger, but then it turns out I'm not. Like, I was in a mall, and I saw this lady hitting her kid. So I went up to her, and I was like, \"Yeah, get him!\" She got all mad at me. I was like, \"I'm on your side here.\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/sometimes-i-feel-like-i-m-making-a-connection-with-a-stranger-but/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/131/demetri-martin-511_comedy_sometimes-i-feel-like-i-m-making-a-conne_2053533.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/131/demetri-martin-511_comedy_sometimes-i-feel-like-i-m-making-a-conne_2053533.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/131/demetri-martin-511_comedy_sometimes-i-feel-like-i-m-making-a-conne_2053533.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Sometimes I feel like I'm making a connection with a stranger, but then it turns out I'm not. Like, I was in…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/sometimes-i-use-my-jokes-as-building-blocks-for-larger-bits-i-like-to/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0f9/demetri-martin-511_along_sometimes-i-use-my-jokes-as-building-blo_889903.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0f9/demetri-martin-511_along_sometimes-i-use-my-jokes-as-building-blo_889903.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0f9/demetri-martin-511_along_sometimes-i-use-my-jokes-as-building-blo_889903.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. 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And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/swimming-is-a-confusing-sport-because-sometimes-you-do-it-for-fun-and/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/268/demetri-martin-511_confusing_swimming-is-a-confusing-sport-because-so_530794.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/268/demetri-martin-511_confusing_swimming-is-a-confusing-sport-because-so_530794.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/268/demetri-martin-511_confusing_swimming-is-a-confusing-sport-because-so_530794.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you're really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flipflops, you're saying: 'Hope I don't get chased today.' 'Be nice to people in sneakers.'", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-that-when-you-get-dressed-in-the-morning-sometimes-you-re/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/07e/demetri-martin-511_be-nice-to-people_i-think-that-when-you-get-dressed-in-the_2141245.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/07e/demetri-martin-511_be-nice-to-people_i-think-that-when-you-get-dressed-in-the_2141245.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/07e/demetri-martin-511_be-nice-to-people_i-think-that-when-you-get-dressed-in-the_2141245.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you're really making a decision about your…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 15, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find one that isn't famous. Which sucks sometimes, you know what I mean, sometimes I don't want all that glitz and glamour, I just want something delicious, you know? I don't need a celebrity in my mouth, Ray's Up And Coming Pizza would be fine.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-live-in-new-york-and-there-are-a-lot-of-famous-pizzerias-in-my/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ce0/demetri-martin-511_delicious_i-live-in-new-york-and-there-are-a-lot-o_1064201.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ce0/demetri-martin-511_delicious_i-live-in-new-york-and-there-are-a-lot-o_1064201.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ce0/demetri-martin-511_delicious_i-live-in-new-york-and-there-are-a-lot-o_1064201.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 16, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I am sometimes referred to as Excuse Me in an annoyed tone of voice, because apparently I am in the way. I am so sorry. I am supposed to be some sort of mind reader, I guess. I am moving out of the way now as slowly as I possibly can. I am doing this and there's nothing you can do about it.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-am-sometimes-referred-to-as-excuse-me-in-an-annoyed-tone-of-voice/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/45d/demetri-martin-511_annoyed_i-am-sometimes-referred-to-as-excuse-me_3191367.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/45d/demetri-martin-511_annoyed_i-am-sometimes-referred-to-as-excuse-me_3191367.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/45d/demetri-martin-511_annoyed_i-am-sometimes-referred-to-as-excuse-me_3191367.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I am sometimes referred to as Excuse Me in an annoyed tone of voice, because apparently I am in the way. I…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 17, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, \"I'm not racist, but...\" I say, \"I'm not racist, but you look great today.\" They say, \"That wasn't racist at all.\" I said, \"I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican.\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/sometimes-if-i-really-want-to-get-someone-s-attention-i-ll-start-a/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7eb/demetri-martin-511_attention_sometimes-if-i-really-want-to-get-someon_1226330.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7eb/demetri-martin-511_attention_sometimes-if-i-really-want-to-get-someon_1226330.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7eb/demetri-martin-511_attention_sometimes-if-i-really-want-to-get-someon_1226330.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, \"I'm not…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 18, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/if-you-remove-a-treehouse-from-a-tree-than-it-s-just-a-shitty-house/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/317/demetri-martin-511_house_if-you-remove-a-treehouse-from-a-tree-th_157337.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/317/demetri-martin-511_house_if-you-remove-a-treehouse-from-a-tree-th_157337.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/317/demetri-martin-511_house_if-you-remove-a-treehouse-from-a-tree-th_157337.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. 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I mean what do Russian know about hunger, anyway?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/there-s-an-old-russian-saying-that-goes-some-way-or-another-i-don-t/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c87/demetri-martin-511_hunger_there-s-an-old-russian-saying-that-goes_806400.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c87/demetri-martin-511_hunger_there-s-an-old-russian-saying-that-goes_806400.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c87/demetri-martin-511_hunger_there-s-an-old-russian-saying-that-goes_806400.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 20, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use props. And I always confuse humorist with comedian. 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