--- title: "17 Shows Quotes By Demetri Martin" description: "17 Shows quotes by Demetri Martin. Plus more from Demetri Martin and more Shows sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/de6/demetri-martin-511_shows_i-never-set-out-to-do-a-sketch-show-2122_2122913.jpg" --- > [I never set out to do a sketch show.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-never-set-out-to-do-a-sketch-show/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/de6/demetri-martin-511_shows_i-never-set-out-to-do-a-sketch-show-2122_2122913.jpg) > [Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/sometimes-i-feel-like-i-m-being-watched-but-then-i-remember-that-my/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/26e/demetri-martin-511_feels_sometimes-i-feel-like-i-m-being-watched_1875068.jpg) > [If you are trying to impress a woman, leave any sort of show farting out of the equation.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/if-you-are-trying-to-impress-a-woman-leave-any-sort-of-show-farting/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cb9/demetri-martin-511_equations_if-you-are-trying-to-impress-a-woman-lea_1920816.jpg) > [When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-someone-shows-you-a-picture-of-their-kids-what-they-don-t-want/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/adb/demetri-martin-511_children_when-someone-shows-you-a-picture-of-thei_1350187.jpg) > [I think statues are great; they show what great people would look like if a bird sh\*t all over them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-statues-are-great-they-show-what-great-people-would-look-like/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8e1/demetri-martin-511_bird_i-think-statues-are-great-they-show-what_1301972.jpg) > [It turns out dentists don't like it very much when you show up for a cleaning in full vampire gear.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/it-turns-out-dentists-don-t-like-it-very-much-when-you-show-up-for-a/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/725/demetri-martin-511_cleaning_it-turns-out-dentists-don-t-like-it-very_377625.jpg) > [I think a lot of people who watch TV don't realize when they're watch TV shows and it says 'produced by' and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-a-lot-of-people-who-watch-tv-don-t-realize-when-they-re-watch/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/41a/demetri-martin-511_doe_i-think-a-lot-of-people-who-watch-tv-don_1025910.jpg) > [I think there's a difference between making comedy and reporting comedy. When you're a joke teller you can easily fall into the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-there-s-a-difference-between-making-comedy-and-reporting/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/666/demetri-martin-511_comedy_i-think-there-s-a-difference-between-mak_2817099.jpg) > [But long story short, I didn't start doing stand-up because I wanted to have a TV show or be an actor or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/but-long-story-short-i-didn-t-start-doing-stand-up-because-i-wanted/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a1e/demetri-martin-511_actors_but-long-story-short-i-didn-t-start-doin_247981.jpg) > [I just started doing this one-man show, and I wanted to be able to score it, so I bought a guitar, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-just-started-doing-this-one-man-show-and-i-wanted-to-be-able-to/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a54/demetri-martin-511_able_i-just-started-doing-this-one-man-show-a_573545.jpg) > [I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-care-about-politics-but-i-have-a-tough-time-making-comedy-out-of-it/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/856/demetri-martin-511_care_i-care-about-politics-but-i-have-a-tough_741235.jpg) > [When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-there-s-someone-who-s-dead-and-then-someone-does-something-that/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bad/demetri-martin-511_corpses_when-there-s-someone-who-s-dead-and-then_512011.jpg) > [If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/if-you-happen-to-catch-on-fire-during-the-show-do-not-panic-or-wave/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/986/demetri-martin-511_arms_if-you-happen-to-catch-on-fire-during-th_125505.jpg) > [When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-people-show-me-pictures-of-their-kids-it-s-okay-but-when-i-give/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/396/demetri-martin-511_giving_when-people-show-me-pictures-of-their-ki_3159293.jpg) > [There are jokes I know I want to tell, and there's sort of a rough order, but usually I try to change…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/there-are-jokes-i-know-i-want-to-tell-and-there-s-sort-of-a-rough/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/78d/demetri-martin-511_audience_there-are-jokes-i-know-i-want-to-tell-an_3023221.jpg) > [I'm a producer on my show, which is great, but it's also kind of a mixed blessing because there's so much responsibility.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-m-a-producer-on-my-show-which-is-great-but-it-s-also-kind-of-a/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f12/demetri-martin-511_blessing_i-m-a-producer-on-my-show-which-is-great_1291076.jpg) > [I call it 'new forms'. When you're starting out, they ask you to do four or five minute sets, but once you're…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-call-it-new-forms-when-you-re-starting-out-they-ask-you-to-do-four/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/433/demetri-martin-511_asks_i-call-it-new-forms-when-you-re-starting_1754884.jpg) ## Other authors on Shows ## More by Demetri Martin > [I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-hair-gel-was-invented-to-make-it-easier-to-identify-assholes/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [Tic Tacs are the maracas of breath mints.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/tic-tacs-are-the-maracas-of-breath-mints/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-someone-describes-themself-as-a-taxpayer-they-re-about-to-be-an/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [I think they named the orange before the carrot.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-they-named-the-orange-before-the-carrot/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-like-to-go-to-concerts-because-i-love-to-see-my-favorite-band/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/how-fast-does-a-zebra-have-to-run-before-it-looks-gray/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [Skiing is my favorite sport, because, that's the only sport that is actually better to watch the worst the person is at it. "That…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/skiing-is-my-favorite-sport-because-that-s-the-only-sport-that-is/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-know-about-woodstock-probably-as-much-as-your-average-person-who-is/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/never-be-less-interesting-than-your-refrigerator-magnets/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-bought-a-cactus-a-week-later-it-died-and-i-got-depressed-because-i/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/a-wednesday-with-no-rain-is-a-dry-hump-day/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [THING TO TRY: If you are asked to describe a suspect to a police sketch artist, describe in precise detail, the features of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/thing-to-try-if-you-are-asked-to-describe-a-suspect-to-a-police/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/if-you-happen-to-catch-on-fire-during-the-show-do-not-panic-or-wave/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/they-say-that-structure-is-freedom-and-in-a-sense-it-is-when-you-re/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-my-favorite-sound-is-the-sound-of-someone-not-playing-the/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/shows/demetri-martin/#itemlist", "name": "17 Shows Quotes By Demetri Martin", "numberOfItems": 17, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I never set out to do a sketch show.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-never-set-out-to-do-a-sketch-show/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/de6/demetri-martin-511_shows_i-never-set-out-to-do-a-sketch-show-2122_2122913.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/de6/demetri-martin-511_shows_i-never-set-out-to-do-a-sketch-show-2122_2122913.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/de6/demetri-martin-511_shows_i-never-set-out-to-do-a-sketch-show-2122_2122913.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I never set out to do a sketch show.” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/sometimes-i-feel-like-i-m-being-watched-but-then-i-remember-that-my/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/26e/demetri-martin-511_feels_sometimes-i-feel-like-i-m-being-watched_1875068.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/26e/demetri-martin-511_feels_sometimes-i-feel-like-i-m-being-watched_1875068.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/26e/demetri-martin-511_feels_sometimes-i-feel-like-i-m-being-watched_1875068.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If you are trying to impress a woman, leave any sort of show farting out of the equation.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/if-you-are-trying-to-impress-a-woman-leave-any-sort-of-show-farting/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cb9/demetri-martin-511_equations_if-you-are-trying-to-impress-a-woman-lea_1920816.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cb9/demetri-martin-511_equations_if-you-are-trying-to-impress-a-woman-lea_1920816.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cb9/demetri-martin-511_equations_if-you-are-trying-to-impress-a-woman-lea_1920816.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If you are trying to impress a woman, leave any sort of show farting out of the equation.” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-someone-shows-you-a-picture-of-their-kids-what-they-don-t-want/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/adb/demetri-martin-511_children_when-someone-shows-you-a-picture-of-thei_1350187.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/adb/demetri-martin-511_children_when-someone-shows-you-a-picture-of-thei_1350187.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/adb/demetri-martin-511_children_when-someone-shows-you-a-picture-of-thei_1350187.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 5, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I think statues are great; they show what great people would look like if a bird sh*t all over them.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-statues-are-great-they-show-what-great-people-would-look-like/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8e1/demetri-martin-511_bird_i-think-statues-are-great-they-show-what_1301972.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8e1/demetri-martin-511_bird_i-think-statues-are-great-they-show-what_1301972.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8e1/demetri-martin-511_bird_i-think-statues-are-great-they-show-what_1301972.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I think statues are great; they show what great people would look like if a bird sh*t all over them.” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 6, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "It turns out dentists don't like it very much when you show up for a cleaning in full vampire gear.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/it-turns-out-dentists-don-t-like-it-very-much-when-you-show-up-for-a/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/725/demetri-martin-511_cleaning_it-turns-out-dentists-don-t-like-it-very_377625.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/725/demetri-martin-511_cleaning_it-turns-out-dentists-don-t-like-it-very_377625.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/725/demetri-martin-511_cleaning_it-turns-out-dentists-don-t-like-it-very_377625.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“It turns out dentists don't like it very much when you show up for a cleaning in full vampire gear.” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I think a lot of people who watch TV don't realize when they're watch TV shows and it says 'produced by' and producer, producer... there are all these producers. What the hell does a producer do? It's funny how much you have to worry about as a producer.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-a-lot-of-people-who-watch-tv-don-t-realize-when-they-re-watch/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/41a/demetri-martin-511_doe_i-think-a-lot-of-people-who-watch-tv-don_1025910.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/41a/demetri-martin-511_doe_i-think-a-lot-of-people-who-watch-tv-don_1025910.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/41a/demetri-martin-511_doe_i-think-a-lot-of-people-who-watch-tv-don_1025910.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I think a lot of people who watch TV don't realize when they're watch TV shows and it says 'produced by' and…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I think there's a difference between making comedy and reporting comedy. When you're a joke teller you can easily fall into the second, you can show up and just say the jokes.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-there-s-a-difference-between-making-comedy-and-reporting/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/666/demetri-martin-511_comedy_i-think-there-s-a-difference-between-mak_2817099.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/666/demetri-martin-511_comedy_i-think-there-s-a-difference-between-mak_2817099.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/666/demetri-martin-511_comedy_i-think-there-s-a-difference-between-mak_2817099.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I think there's a difference between making comedy and reporting comedy. When you're a joke teller you can…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "But long story short, I didn't start doing stand-up because I wanted to have a TV show or be an actor or even wanted to write sketch comedy. I got into stand-up because I love stand-up.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/but-long-story-short-i-didn-t-start-doing-stand-up-because-i-wanted/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a1e/demetri-martin-511_actors_but-long-story-short-i-didn-t-start-doin_247981.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a1e/demetri-martin-511_actors_but-long-story-short-i-didn-t-start-doin_247981.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a1e/demetri-martin-511_actors_but-long-story-short-i-didn-t-start-doin_247981.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“But long story short, I didn't start doing stand-up because I wanted to have a TV show or be an actor or…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I just started doing this one-man show, and I wanted to be able to score it, so I bought a guitar, and got a keyboard and got a harmonica. I remember when I started that I didn't understand why a harmonica had different letters on them.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-just-started-doing-this-one-man-show-and-i-wanted-to-be-able-to/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a54/demetri-martin-511_able_i-just-started-doing-this-one-man-show-a_573545.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a54/demetri-martin-511_able_i-just-started-doing-this-one-man-show-a_573545.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a54/demetri-martin-511_able_i-just-started-doing-this-one-man-show-a_573545.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I just started doing this one-man show, and I wanted to be able to score it, so I bought a guitar, and got a…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to be on The Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart's so funny... but mostly in my own comedy, I care about less relevant things.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-care-about-politics-but-i-have-a-tough-time-making-comedy-out-of-it/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/856/demetri-martin-511_care_i-care-about-politics-but-i-have-a-tough_741235.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/856/demetri-martin-511_care_i-care-about-politics-but-i-have-a-tough_741235.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/856/demetri-martin-511_care_i-care-about-politics-but-i-have-a-tough_741235.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-there-s-someone-who-s-dead-and-then-someone-does-something-that/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bad/demetri-martin-511_corpses_when-there-s-someone-who-s-dead-and-then_512011.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bad/demetri-martin-511_corpses_when-there-s-someone-who-s-dead-and-then_512011.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bad/demetri-martin-511_corpses_when-there-s-someone-who-s-dead-and-then_512011.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give something to panic and wave you arms around and scream about.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/if-you-happen-to-catch-on-fire-during-the-show-do-not-panic-or-wave/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/986/demetri-martin-511_arms_if-you-happen-to-catch-on-fire-during-th_125505.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/986/demetri-martin-511_arms_if-you-happen-to-catch-on-fire-during-th_125505.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/986/demetri-martin-511_arms_if-you-happen-to-catch-on-fire-during-th_125505.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to their kids, I'm weird. What kind of one way street is that?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-people-show-me-pictures-of-their-kids-it-s-okay-but-when-i-give/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/396/demetri-martin-511_giving_when-people-show-me-pictures-of-their-ki_3159293.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/396/demetri-martin-511_giving_when-people-show-me-pictures-of-their-ki_3159293.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/396/demetri-martin-511_giving_when-people-show-me-pictures-of-their-ki_3159293.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. 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Everything is a decision. You have to worry about the money, you have to worry about daylight, who we're going to cast and if this location doesn't work out, what are we going to do?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-m-a-producer-on-my-show-which-is-great-but-it-s-also-kind-of-a/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f12/demetri-martin-511_blessing_i-m-a-producer-on-my-show-which-is-great_1291076.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f12/demetri-martin-511_blessing_i-m-a-producer-on-my-show-which-is-great_1291076.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f12/demetri-martin-511_blessing_i-m-a-producer-on-my-show-which-is-great_1291076.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I'm a producer on my show, which is great, but it's also kind of a mixed blessing because there's so much…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 17, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I call it 'new forms'. When you're starting out, they ask you to do four or five minute sets, but once you're a headliner, you do like 90 minutes. I try to think of different things to divvy up the show, like doing drawings, playing music... I gotta carry the show, that's the problem.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-call-it-new-forms-when-you-re-starting-out-they-ask-you-to-do-four/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/433/demetri-martin-511_asks_i-call-it-new-forms-when-you-re-starting_1754884.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/433/demetri-martin-511_asks_i-call-it-new-forms-when-you-re-starting_1754884.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/433/demetri-martin-511_asks_i-call-it-new-forms-when-you-re-starting_1754884.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I call it 'new forms'. 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