---
title: "12 Shows Quotes By Anthony Jeselnik"
description: "12 Shows quotes by Anthony Jeselnik. Plus more from Anthony Jeselnik and more Shows sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0b1/anthony-jeselnik-1838_comedy_i-never-knew-if-i-would-get-my-own-show_2950771.png"
---

> [I never knew if I would get my own show, but I knew I loved stand-up.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-never-knew-if-i-would-get-my-own-show-but-i-knew-i-loved-stand-up/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0b1/anthony-jeselnik-1838_comedy_i-never-knew-if-i-would-get-my-own-show_2950771.png)

> [God, that Anthony Jeselnik Show sounds really funny.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/god-that-anthony-jeselnik-show-sounds-really-funny/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/590/anthony-jeselnik-1838_funny_god-that-anthony-jeselnik-show-sounds-re_1825817.png)

> [I feel like every first episode of a TV show is bad, you know, and it always improves.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-feel-like-every-first-episode-of-a-tv-show-is-bad-you-know-and-it/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/202/anthony-jeselnik-1838_always_i-feel-like-every-first-episode-of-a-tv_926757.png)

> [Ellen Barkin, your upcoming TV show ‘The New Normal’ premiers on September 11th. September 11th, that sounds about right. Every clip I’ve…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/ellen-barkin-your-upcoming-tv-show-the-new-normal-premiers-on/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5e3/anthony-jeselnik-1838_clip_ellen-barkin-your-upcoming-tv-show-the-n_1693641.jpg)

> [I never go see live comedy shows because I just sit in the audience thinking, "Here's what I would say. Here's what…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-never-go-see-live-comedy-shows-because-i-just-sit-in-the-audience/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b93/anthony-jeselnik-1838_audience_i-never-go-see-live-comedy-shows-because_853729.png)

> [On the show, you have to be more charismatic, a little smoother, but I think I can still be that prince of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/on-the-show-you-have-to-be-more-charismatic-a-little-smoother-but-i/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e7b/anthony-jeselnik-1838_charismatic_on-the-show-you-have-to-be-more-charisma_328006.png)

> [My ultimate goal is to do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it. And that keeps changing. I didn't want…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/my-ultimate-goal-is-to-do-whatever-i-want-whenever-i-want-to-do-it/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bb1/anthony-jeselnik-1838_goal_my-ultimate-goal-is-to-do-whatever-i-wan_1056493.jpg)

> [Katey Sagal, you are an incredible actress. You worked on ‘Married with Children,’ the show that changed comedy, ‘Sons of Anarchy,’ the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/katey-sagal-you-are-an-incredible-actress-you-worked-on-married-with/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/966/anthony-jeselnik-1838_actress_katey-sagal-you-are-an-incredible-actres_1317519.png)

> [One of my favorite things on the show was just getting to do my own monologue and talking about someone who killed…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/one-of-my-favorite-things-on-the-show-was-just-getting-to-do-my-own/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7e7/anthony-jeselnik-1838_able_one-of-my-favorite-things-on-the-show-wa_2867789.png)

> [About a year after I moved to Los Angeles, I decided I wanted to be a joke writer for a late night…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/about-a-year-after-i-moved-to-los-angeles-i-decided-i-wanted-to-be-a/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6e0/anthony-jeselnik-1838_ability_about-a-year-after-i-moved-to-los-angele_59710.png)

> [I think a theater show is a pure version of me doing my material. The theater crowd is a bit more polite,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-think-a-theater-show-is-a-pure-version-of-me-doing-my-material-the/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/865/anthony-jeselnik-1838_about_i-think-a-theater-show-is-a-pure-version_870412.png)

> [I'm really proud of the album. It's something I always wanted to do but I had to wait until I was ready.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-m-really-proud-of-the-album-it-s-something-i-always-wanted-to-do/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fb1/anthony-jeselnik-1838_album_i-m-really-proud-of-the-album-it-s-somet_2585005.png)

## Other authors on Shows

## More by Anthony Jeselnik

> [I have that need in me, I want everyone to love me, but I'm embarrassed by that need, so I wanted to cover it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-have-that-need-in-me-i-want-everyone-to-love-me-but-i-m-embarrassed/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [I want people to just be paying attention even if they're not necessarily laughing at something, or if it takes them a while to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-want-people-to-just-be-paying-attention-even-if-they-re-not/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [I have a twelve year old sex doll. Brand new.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-have-a-twelve-year-old-sex-doll-brand-new/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [Perhaps I'm being too optimistic, but I think this country is finally ready for a black serial killer.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/perhaps-i-m-being-too-optimistic-but-i-think-this-country-is-finally/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [Father's Day makes me wish I could talk to my Dad just one more time, instead of all the time.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/father-s-day-makes-me-wish-i-could-talk-to-my-dad-just-one-more-time/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [About a year after I moved to Los Angeles, I decided I wanted to be a joke writer for a late night talk show.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/about-a-year-after-i-moved-to-los-angeles-i-decided-i-wanted-to-be-a/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [When I was little, I would burn ants with a magnifying glass. But now that I'm older, I'm more of a cat guy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/when-i-was-little-i-would-burn-ants-with-a-magnifying-glass-but-now/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [I'm fascinated by offensive subject matter. Always have been. It is very natural to me, as any teach I've ever had growing up could…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-m-fascinated-by-offensive-subject-matter-always-have-been-it-is/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [I got into comedy because I wanted to get into writing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-got-into-comedy-because-i-wanted-to-get-into-writing/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [I actually never acted on "Deadwood." I have meetings all the time where people look at my IMDb page and see that I played…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-actually-never-acted-on-deadwood-i-have-meetings-all-the-time-where/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [I was a weird kid because I liked to be alone, but I craved attention. It was important for me to be cool, but…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-was-a-weird-kid-because-i-liked-to-be-alone-but-i-craved-attention/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-know-her-in-the-biblical-senseand-when-i-say-that-i-mean-i-don-t/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [I love Pittsburgh. Most of my family still lives there and I try to get back a couple of times a year.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-love-pittsburgh-most-of-my-family-still-lives-there-and-i-try-to/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [I think brilliant stuff comes out of working with limitations. One liners are very limiting, but that's what drew me to them in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-think-brilliant-stuff-comes-out-of-working-with-limitations-one/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [I love anyone who surprises me and makes me laugh.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-love-anyone-who-surprises-me-and-makes-me-laugh/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

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                        "text": "I never go see live comedy shows because I just sit in the audience thinking, \"Here's what I would say. Here's what I would do if I got up there.\" It drives me crazy.",
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                        "text": "Katey Sagal, you are an incredible actress. You worked on ‘Married with Children,’ the show that changed comedy, ‘Sons of Anarchy,’ the show that took comedy to a whole new level and ‘8 Simple Rules,’ the show that killed John Ritter.",
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                        "text": "About a year after I moved to Los Angeles, I decided I wanted to be a joke writer for a late night talk show. So I met with a late night joke writer and he told me that I should start by doing stand-up comedy, because that would really hone my sense of humor and joke writing ability. Eventually I took a stand-up class and a few months later I had a seven-minute act.",
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                        "text": "I think a theater show is a pure version of me doing my material. The theater crowd is a bit more polite, there really aren't hecklers, and there are a lot of people there to see me, and they're excited about the jokes and hanging out with me for a show.",
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                        "text": "I'm really proud of the album. It's something I always wanted to do but I had to wait until I was ready. Shakespeare is a culmination of eight years of stand up experience and joke writing. I recorded two shows at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in New York. The crowds were great and that's what really makes an album.",
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