--- title: "16 Should Quotes By Mitch Hedberg" description: "16 Should quotes by Mitch Hedberg. Plus more from Mitch Hedberg and more Should sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/827/mitch-hedberg-695_contractions_i-have-a-do-not-disturb-sign-on-my-hotel_2317982.png" --- > [I have a "Do Not Disturb" sign on my hotel door. It's time to go to "Don't Disturb". It's been "Do Not"…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-have-a-do-not-disturb-sign-on-my-hotel-door-it-s-time-to-go-to-don/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/827/mitch-hedberg-695_contractions_i-have-a-do-not-disturb-sign-on-my-hotel_2317982.png) > [I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. I think the entrance to Target should have people splattered all around.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-tried-to-walk-into-target-but-i-missed-i-think-the-entrance-to/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3fe/mitch-hedberg-695_entrances_i-tried-to-walk-into-target-but-i-missed_2959841.png) > [Chicago is known as the Windy City, and Montana is called the Big Sky State, so I think that we should somehow…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/chicago-is-known-as-the-windy-city-and-montana-is-called-the-big-sky/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/40a/mitch-hedberg-695_bigs_chicago-is-known-as-the-windy-city-and-m_798023.png) > [You should never tell someone they have a nice dimple, because maybe they were shot in the face with a BB gun.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/you-should-never-tell-someone-they-have-a-nice-dimple-because-maybe/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/389/mitch-hedberg-695_dimples_you-should-never-tell-someone-they-have_601645.png) > [XM radio doesn't have commercials, so after about thirty minutes of listening to it, I'm like, "What should I buy?"](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/xm-radio-doesn-t-have-commercials-so-after-about-thirty-minutes-of/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/35e/mitch-hedberg-695_commercials_xm-radio-doesn-t-have-commercials-so-aft_2568026.png) > [A friend said to me, "I think the weather is trippy." I said, "No, man, it's not the weather that's trippy, perhaps…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/a-friend-said-to-me-i-think-the-weather-is-trippy-i-said-no-man-it-s/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a8c/mitch-hedberg-695_friendship_a-friend-said-to-me-i-think-the-weather_1276693.png) > [An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/an-escalator-can-never-break-it-can-only-become-stairs-you-should/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/695/mitch-hedberg-695_break_an-escalator-can-never-break-it-can-only_271690.png) > [I think we should only get 3 honks a month on the car horn. Then, someone cuts you off, you press the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-think-we-should-only-get-3-honks-a-month-on-the-car-horn-then/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dd5/mitch-hedberg-695_car_i-think-we-should-only-get-3-honks-a-mon_2032897.jpg) > [I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. Say man, can I turn on the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-want-to-be-a-race-car-passenger-just-a-guy-who-bugs-the-driver-say/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/064/mitch-hedberg-695_bugs_i-want-to-be-a-race-car-passenger-just-a_1943894.png) > [Has anyone seen me on Letterman? Two million people watch that show and I don't know where they are. You might have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/has-anyone-seen-me-on-letterman-two-million-people-watch-that-show/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/943/mitch-hedberg-695_comedian_has-anyone-seen-me-on-letterman-two-mill_837236.png) > [Xylophone is spelled with an X. That's wrong. It should be a Z up front. Next time you spell xylophone, use a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/xylophone-is-spelled-with-an-x-that-s-wrong-it-should-be-a-z-up-front/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/000/mitch-hedberg-695_fronts_xylophone-is-spelled-with-an-x-that-s-wr_503411.png) > [Sometimes I wake up and I think I should start wearing a beret, but I don't do it. One day I'm gonna,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/sometimes-i-wake-up-and-i-think-i-should-start-wearing-a-beret-but-i/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0d7/mitch-hedberg-695_ass_sometimes-i-wake-up-and-i-think-i-should_2692313.png) > [You know they call corn-on-the-cob, "corn-on-the-cob", but that's how it comes out of the ground. They should just call it corn, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/you-know-they-call-corn-on-the-cob-corn-on-the-cob-but-that-s-how-it/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6aa/mitch-hedberg-695_arms_you-know-they-call-corn-on-the-cob-corn_2542936.jpg) > [I went to England to tell jokes, and I wanted to tell my Smokey the Bear joke, but I had to ask…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-went-to-england-to-tell-jokes-and-i-wanted-to-tell-my-smokey-the/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8bd/mitch-hedberg-695_asks_i-went-to-england-to-tell-jokes-and-i-wa_1568042.png) > [I was on a bus once, it was in the middle of the night, and I had a box of crackers and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-was-on-a-bus-once-it-was-in-the-middle-of-the-night-and-i-had-a-box/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fd6/mitch-hedberg-695_boxes_i-was-on-a-bus-once-it-was-in-the-middle_2864792.jpg) > [I like to smoke a pipe, because it's the punch line indicator. Whenever I take a hit of the pipe, you should…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-like-to-smoke-a-pipe-because-it-s-the-punch-line-indicator-whenever/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dd8/mitch-hedberg-695_comedy_i-like-to-smoke-a-pipe-because-it-s-the_1483072.png) ## Other authors on Should ## More by Mitch Hedberg > [I don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same. So if somebody asks me what time it is, I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-don-t-wear-a-watch-because-i-want-my-arms-to-weigh-the-same-so-if/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) > [There was a product on late night TV that you could attach to your garden hose - "You can water your hard-to-reach plants with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/there-was-a-product-on-late-night-tv-that-you-could-attach-to-your/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) > [Imagine if you were a drummer, and you accidentally picked up two magic wands instead of sticks. There you are, keeping the beat, the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/imagine-if-you-were-a-drummer-and-you-accidentally-picked-up-two/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) > [I like wearing necklaces, because it lets me know when I'm upside down.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-like-wearing-necklaces-because-it-lets-me-know-when-i-m-upside-down/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) > [I'm sick of Soup Of The Day, man. It's time we make a decision. I need to know what Soup From Now On is.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-m-sick-of-soup-of-the-day-man-it-s-time-we-make-a-decision-i-need/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) > [I have a friend who is a juggler. If I'm at his house, I don't like to take food from him, if it's in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-have-a-friend-who-is-a-juggler-if-i-m-at-his-house-i-don-t-like-to/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) > [I don't get the regular AIDS test anymore. I get the roundabout AIDS test. I ask my friend Brian, "Do you know anybody who…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-don-t-get-the-regular-aids-test-anymore-i-get-the-roundabout-aids/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) > [I don't know how to fix a car. If the car breaks down, and the gas tank does not say "E", I'm screwed. But…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-don-t-know-how-to-fix-a-car-if-the-car-breaks-down-and-the-gas-tank/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) > [I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-drank-some-boiling-water-because-i-wanted-to-whistle/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) > [What's a sesame seed grow into? I don't know we never give them a chance, what the fuck is a sesame?! It's a street...…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/what-s-a-sesame-seed-grow-into-i-don-t-know-we-never-give-them-a/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) > [I'm an ice sculptor. Last night I made a cube.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-m-an-ice-sculptor-last-night-i-made-a-cube/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) > [I went to a restaurant with my friend, and he said, "Pass the salt." I said, "Screw you! Sit closer to the salt."](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-went-to-a-restaurant-with-my-friend-and-he-said-pass-the-salt-i/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) > [I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of summer, when…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-had-a-bag-of-fritos-they-were-texas-grilled-fritos-these-fritos-had/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) > [I bought a house, it's a two bedroom house, but I think it's up to me to decide how many bedrooms there are. This…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-bought-a-house-it-s-a-two-bedroom-house-but-i-think-it-s-up-to-me/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) > [Mr. Pibb is a poor imitation of Dr. Pepper. Dude didn't even get his degree.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/mr-pibb-is-a-poor-imitation-of-dr-pepper-dude-didn-t-even-get-his/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/should/mitch-hedberg/#itemlist", "name": "16 Should Quotes By Mitch Hedberg", "numberOfItems": 16, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I have a \"Do Not Disturb\" sign on my hotel door. It's time to go to \"Don't Disturb\". It's been \"Do Not\" for too long. 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You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mitch Hedberg" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/an-escalator-can-never-break-it-can-only-become-stairs-you-should/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/695/mitch-hedberg-695_break_an-escalator-can-never-break-it-can-only_271690.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/695/mitch-hedberg-695_break_an-escalator-can-never-break-it-can-only_271690.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/695/mitch-hedberg-695_break_an-escalator-can-never-break-it-can-only_271690.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out…” — Mitch Hedberg", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I think we should only get 3 honks a month on the car horn. Then, someone cuts you off, you press the horn, and nothing happens. You're like, \"Crap! I wish I hadn't seen Ricky on the sidewalk!\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mitch Hedberg" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-think-we-should-only-get-3-honks-a-month-on-the-car-horn-then/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dd5/mitch-hedberg-695_car_i-think-we-should-only-get-3-honks-a-mon_2032897.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dd5/mitch-hedberg-695_car_i-think-we-should-only-get-3-honks-a-mon_2032897.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dd5/mitch-hedberg-695_car_i-think-we-should-only-get-3-honks-a-mon_2032897.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I think we should only get 3 honks a month on the car horn. Then, someone cuts you off, you press the horn…” — Mitch Hedberg", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide..", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mitch Hedberg" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-want-to-be-a-race-car-passenger-just-a-guy-who-bugs-the-driver-say/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/064/mitch-hedberg-695_bugs_i-want-to-be-a-race-car-passenger-just-a_1943894.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/064/mitch-hedberg-695_bugs_i-want-to-be-a-race-car-passenger-just-a_1943894.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/064/mitch-hedberg-695_bugs_i-want-to-be-a-race-car-passenger-just-a_1943894.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. Say man, can I turn on the radio? You…” — Mitch Hedberg", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Has anyone seen me on Letterman? Two million people watch that show and I don't know where they are. You might have seen this next comedian on the Late Show, but I think more people have seen me at the store. That should be my introduction. \"You might have seen this next comedian at the store,\" and people would say \"Hell yes I have!\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mitch Hedberg" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/has-anyone-seen-me-on-letterman-two-million-people-watch-that-show/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/943/mitch-hedberg-695_comedian_has-anyone-seen-me-on-letterman-two-mill_837236.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/943/mitch-hedberg-695_comedian_has-anyone-seen-me-on-letterman-two-mill_837236.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/943/mitch-hedberg-695_comedian_has-anyone-seen-me-on-letterman-two-mill_837236.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Has anyone seen me on Letterman? Two million people watch that show and I don't know where they are. You…” — Mitch Hedberg", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Xylophone is spelled with an X. That's wrong. It should be a Z up front. Next time you spell xylophone, use a Z. If someone says, \"That's wrong!\", you say, \"No, it ain't.\" If you think that's wrong, then you need to have your head Z-rayed.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mitch Hedberg" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/xylophone-is-spelled-with-an-x-that-s-wrong-it-should-be-a-z-up-front/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/000/mitch-hedberg-695_fronts_xylophone-is-spelled-with-an-x-that-s-wr_503411.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/000/mitch-hedberg-695_fronts_xylophone-is-spelled-with-an-x-that-s-wr_503411.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/000/mitch-hedberg-695_fronts_xylophone-is-spelled-with-an-x-that-s-wr_503411.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Xylophone is spelled with an X. That's wrong. It should be a Z up front. Next time you spell xylophone, use…” — Mitch Hedberg", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Sometimes I wake up and I think I should start wearing a beret, but I don't do it. One day I'm gonna, though. You bet your ass, I will have a beret on. That's ridiculous, but it's true. I always fight with wearing a beret.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mitch Hedberg" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/sometimes-i-wake-up-and-i-think-i-should-start-wearing-a-beret-but-i/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0d7/mitch-hedberg-695_ass_sometimes-i-wake-up-and-i-think-i-should_2692313.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0d7/mitch-hedberg-695_ass_sometimes-i-wake-up-and-i-think-i-should_2692313.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0d7/mitch-hedberg-695_ass_sometimes-i-wake-up-and-i-think-i-should_2692313.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Sometimes I wake up and I think I should start wearing a beret, but I don't do it. One day I'm gonna…” — Mitch Hedberg", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "You know they call corn-on-the-cob, \"corn-on-the-cob\", but that's how it comes out of the ground. They should just call it corn, and every other type of corn, corn-off-the-cob. It's not like if someone cut off my arm they would call it \"Mitch\", but then re-attached it, and call it \"Mitch-all-together\".", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mitch Hedberg" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/you-know-they-call-corn-on-the-cob-corn-on-the-cob-but-that-s-how-it/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6aa/mitch-hedberg-695_arms_you-know-they-call-corn-on-the-cob-corn_2542936.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6aa/mitch-hedberg-695_arms_you-know-they-call-corn-on-the-cob-corn_2542936.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6aa/mitch-hedberg-695_arms_you-know-they-call-corn-on-the-cob-corn_2542936.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“You know they call corn-on-the-cob, \"corn-on-the-cob\", but that's how it comes out of the ground. They…” — Mitch Hedberg", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I went to England to tell jokes, and I wanted to tell my Smokey the Bear joke, but I had to ask the English people if they knew who Smokey the Bear is. But they don't. In England, Smokey the Bear is not the forest-fire-prevention representative. They have Smackie the Frog. It's a lot like a bear, but it's a frog. And that's a better system, I think we should adopt it. Because bears can be mean, but frogs are always cool. Never has there been a frog hopping toward me and I thought, \"Man, I better play dead!\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mitch Hedberg" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-went-to-england-to-tell-jokes-and-i-wanted-to-tell-my-smokey-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8bd/mitch-hedberg-695_asks_i-went-to-england-to-tell-jokes-and-i-wa_1568042.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8bd/mitch-hedberg-695_asks_i-went-to-england-to-tell-jokes-and-i-wa_1568042.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8bd/mitch-hedberg-695_asks_i-went-to-england-to-tell-jokes-and-i-wa_1568042.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I went to England to tell jokes, and I wanted to tell my Smokey the Bear joke, but I had to ask the English…” — Mitch Hedberg", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 15, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I was on a bus once, it was in the middle of the night, and I had a box of crackers and a can of Easy Cheese. It was dark, and it was a surprise how much cheese I had applied on each cracker. That's why they should have a glow-in-the-dark version of Easy Cheese. It's not like the product has any integrity to begin with. If you buy a room-temperature cheese that you squeeze out of a can, you probably won't get mad because it glows in the dark too.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mitch Hedberg" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-was-on-a-bus-once-it-was-in-the-middle-of-the-night-and-i-had-a-box/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fd6/mitch-hedberg-695_boxes_i-was-on-a-bus-once-it-was-in-the-middle_2864792.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fd6/mitch-hedberg-695_boxes_i-was-on-a-bus-once-it-was-in-the-middle_2864792.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fd6/mitch-hedberg-695_boxes_i-was-on-a-bus-once-it-was-in-the-middle_2864792.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I was on a bus once, it was in the middle of the night, and I had a box of crackers and a can of Easy…” — Mitch Hedberg", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 16, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I like to smoke a pipe, because it's the punch line indicator. Whenever I take a hit of the pipe, you should be laughing.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mitch Hedberg" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-like-to-smoke-a-pipe-because-it-s-the-punch-line-indicator-whenever/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dd8/mitch-hedberg-695_comedy_i-like-to-smoke-a-pipe-because-it-s-the_1483072.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dd8/mitch-hedberg-695_comedy_i-like-to-smoke-a-pipe-because-it-s-the_1483072.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dd8/mitch-hedberg-695_comedy_i-like-to-smoke-a-pipe-because-it-s-the_1483072.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I like to smoke a pipe, because it's the punch line indicator. 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