---
title: "1 Shape Heart Quotes By Robert Schimmel"
description: "1 Shape Heart quotes by Robert Schimmel. Plus more from Robert Schimmel and more Shape Heart sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6db/robert-schimmel-22245_heart_you-know-you-re-out-of-shape-when-you-ha_1250389.jpg"
---

> [You know you're out of shape when you have a heart attack when you're watching television.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/you-know-you-re-out-of-shape-when-you-have-a-heart-attack-when-you-re/)

[Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6db/robert-schimmel-22245_heart_you-know-you-re-out-of-shape-when-you-ha_1250389.jpg)

## More by Robert Schimmel

> [I was making love one night with my wife and she said: 'You're in me.' I know where I am, shut the fuck up.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/i-was-making-love-one-night-with-my-wife-and-she-said-you-re-in-me-i/)

[Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/)

> [I sit down with my daughter and I said, 'Do you know how babies get here?' And she said, 'Well, the lady has an…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/i-sit-down-with-my-daughter-and-i-said-do-you-know-how-babies-get/)

[Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/)

> [Caution: Anal intercourse may lead to irregular heart rhythms. Yeah, you know I'm never gonna have to worry about that. Because God gave me…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/caution-anal-intercourse-may-lead-to-irregular-heart-rhythms-yeah-you/)

[Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/)

> [I'm not ready to die. Period. To begin with, I cannot imagine a future without me in it. Can't do it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/i-m-not-ready-to-die-period-to-begin-with-i-cannot-imagine-a-future/)

[Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/)

> [They do sell a lot of weird things in sex shops. They have this stuff called Mr. Big Cream. It says, 'Rub it on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/they-do-sell-a-lot-of-weird-things-in-sex-shops-they-have-this-stuff/)

[Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/)

> [I flew out here on Southwest Airlines. Southwest has a plane that's painted like Shamu the whale from Sea World. Yeah, that'll be easy…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/i-flew-out-here-on-southwest-airlines-southwest-has-a-plane-that-s/)

[Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/)

> [You know you're out of shape when you have a heart attack when you're watching television.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/you-know-you-re-out-of-shape-when-you-have-a-heart-attack-when-you-re/)

[Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/)

> [So my wife said she read this article in a magazine and she said: 'You know, maybe you're suffering from premature ejaculation.' Yeah, does…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/so-my-wife-said-she-read-this-article-in-a-magazine-and-she-said-you/)

[Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/)

> [It's fun to be in California. The police are kind of weird here. They ask you stupid questions. 'Do you know why I pulled…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/it-s-fun-to-be-in-california-the-police-are-kind-of-weird-here-they/)

[Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/)

> [What do you say when your friends come to visit and the dog starts humping their leg. Well, if it's a pit bull, you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/what-do-you-say-when-your-friends-come-to-visit-and-the-dog-starts/)

[Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/)

> [Because when you’re laughing, there is no other emotion in that moment except for joy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/because-when-you-re-laughing-there-is-no-other-emotion-in-that-moment/)

[Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/)

> [My daughter saw this billboard for this place: 'Swim With the Dolphins.' She goes, 'I wanna do that.' I said, 'It's a lot of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/my-daughter-saw-this-billboard-for-this-place-swim-with-the-dolphins/)

[Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/)

> [My mom told me when I was younger that when you jack off all of your dead relatives are watching. But then I figured…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/my-mom-told-me-when-i-was-younger-that-when-you-jack-off-all-of-your/)

[Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/)

> [A lot of weird ads. Sally Struthers with that little kid: 'Just 55 cents, the price of a cup of coffee, feeds this kid…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/a-lot-of-weird-ads-sally-struthers-with-that-little-kid-just-55-cents/)

[Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/)

> [What do you say when your friends come to visit and the dog starts humping their leg. Well, if its a pit bull, you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-schimmel/what-do-you-say-when-your-friends-come-to-visit-and-the-dog-starts-2/)

[Robert Schimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-schimmel/)

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