---
title: "Famous Sense of humor Quotes"
description: "Browse 1,738 Sense of humor quotes by 1,339 authors. Discover the best Sense of humor sayings and thoughts."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1e2/josh-gad-15191_comedy_i-do-have-a-dirty-sense-of-humor-1420830_1420830.png"
---

> [I do have a dirty sense of humor.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/josh-gad/i-do-have-a-dirty-sense-of-humor/)

[Josh Gad](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/josh-gad/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1e2/josh-gad-15191_comedy_i-do-have-a-dirty-sense-of-humor-1420830_1420830.png)

> [Be wary of the horse with a sense of humor.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pam-brown/be-wary-of-the-horse-with-a-sense-of-humor/)

[Pam Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pam-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/878/pam-brown-9219_cowboys-and-horses_be-wary-of-the-horse-with-a-sense-of-hum_991833.png)

> [I have no sense of humor about losing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rafael-nadal/i-have-no-sense-of-humor-about-losing/)

[Rafael Nadal](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rafael-nadal/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d79/rafael-nadal-1804_football_i-have-no-sense-of-humor-about-losing-17_1756278.png)

> [Life sure has a sick sense of humor, doesn’t it?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-swayze/life-sure-has-a-sick-sense-of-humor-doesn-t-it/)

[Patrick Swayze](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-swayze/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fd8/patrick-swayze-10429_comedy_life-sure-has-a-sick-sense-of-humor-does_1687543.png)

> [One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/larry-gelbart/one-doesn-t-have-a-sense-of-humor-it-has-you/)

[Larry Gelbart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/larry-gelbart/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/67a/larry-gelbart-21506_humor_one-doesn-t-have-a-sense-of-humor-it-has_1314309.jpg)

> [A lion would never cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/winfredable/a-lion-would-never-cheat-on-his-wife-but-a-tiger-wood/)

[Winfredable](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/winfredable/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/59b/winfredable-58075_funny_a-lion-would-never-cheat-on-his-wife-but_664721.jpg)

> [I'm strange! I have a weird sense of humor! I look crazy!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/trixie-mattel/i-m-strange-i-have-a-weird-sense-of-humor-i-look-crazy/)

[Trixie Mattel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/trixie-mattel/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/794/trixie-mattel-6028_crazy_i-m-strange-i-have-a-weird-sense-of-humo_2388308.jpg)

> [As I get older, my sense of humor is my biggest asset.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-alan-grier/as-i-get-older-my-sense-of-humor-is-my-biggest-asset/)

[David Alan Grier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-alan-grier/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d52/david-alan-grier-21112_assets_as-i-get-older-my-sense-of-humor-is-my-b_2514643.jpg)

> [A sense of humor...is superior to any religion so far devised.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tom-robbins/a-sense-of-humor-is-superior-to-any-religion-so-far-devised/)

[Tom Robbins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tom-robbins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a5e/tom-robbins-169_comedy_a-sense-of-humor-is-superior-to-any-reli_16847.jpg)

> [Sometimes life has a cruel sense of humor, giving you the thing you always wanted at the worst time possible.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-kleypas/sometimes-life-has-a-cruel-sense-of-humor-giving-you-the-thing-you/)

[Lisa Kleypas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-kleypas/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a42/lisa-kleypas-111_comedy_sometimes-life-has-a-cruel-sense-of-humo_594462.png)

> [If you don't have a sense of humor, you'll hurt yourself arguing with me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ted-nugent/if-you-don-t-have-a-sense-of-humor-you-ll-hurt-yourself-arguing-with/)

[Ted Nugent](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ted-nugent/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ff4/ted-nugent-1735_arguing_if-you-don-t-have-a-sense-of-humor-you-l_2218280.png)

> [I was blessed with 7 senses.. the last 2 are common- and humor-](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mishan-amithab-kasiparsad/i-was-blessed-with-7-senses-the-last-2-are-common-and-humor/)

[Mishan Amithab Kasiparsad](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mishan-amithab-kasiparsad/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e6a/mishan-amithab-kasiparsad-4333_being-myself_i-was-blessed-with-7-senses-the-last-2-a_1147914.jpg)

> [Sense of humor: A thread of illuminated intelligence that links two opposite ideas.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thomas-lansing-masson/sense-of-humor-a-thread-of-illuminated-intelligence-that-links-two/)

[Thomas Lansing Masson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thomas-lansing-masson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cae/thomas-lansing-masson-42819_humor_sense-of-humor-a-thread-of-illuminated-i_1504366.jpg)

> [I think it's important to have a good sense of humor and joke around with your kids. That's what I do a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stanley-tucci/i-think-it-s-important-to-have-a-good-sense-of-humor-and-joke-around/)

[Stanley Tucci](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stanley-tucci/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/68e/stanley-tucci-10260_good-sense_i-think-it-s-important-to-have-a-good-se_2382559.jpg)

> [Bands from Akron have a sense of humor and don't tend to take themselves too seriously.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-auerbach/bands-from-akron-have-a-sense-of-humor-and-don-t-tend-to-take/)

[Dan Auerbach](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-auerbach/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f37/dan-auerbach-15977_band_bands-from-akron-have-a-sense-of-humor-a_1688563.jpg)

> [“Maybe they are militaristic, overly programmed, and somewhat lacking in a sense of humor.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/suzanne-collins/maybe-they-are-militaristic-overly-programmed-and-somewhat-lacking-in/)

[Suzanne Collins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/suzanne-collins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c87/suzanne-collins-60_humor_maybe-they-are-militaristic-overly-progr_2170252.jpg)

> [I have a funny sense of humor. If I was a comedian and I was up on stage, people would think that's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lil-b/i-have-a-funny-sense-of-humor-if-i-was-a-comedian-and-i-was-up-on/)

[Lil B](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lil-b/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/703/lil-b-1222_comedian_i-have-a-funny-sense-of-humor-if-i-was-a_2023601.jpg)

> [5 Things I Find Attractive; A woman with a good sense of humor. A pretty smile. Bright eyes. Soft hair. A horrifying…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/5-things-i-find-attractive-a-woman-with-a-good-sense-of-humor-a/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c51/anonymous-1_dying-alone_5-things-i-find-attractive-a-woman-with_1431831.jpg)

> [“Oh, God, oh, God. A sense of humor. She’d thought the hardly-even-a-hint she’d caught of it a while back had been a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-andersen/oh-god-oh-god-a-sense-of-humor-she-d-thought-the-hardly-even-a-hint/)

[Susan Andersen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-andersen/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0c7/susan-andersen-25804_humor_oh-god-oh-god-a-sense-of-humor-she-d-tho_847482.jpg)

> [“Finding any semblance of unity would require extraordinary pattern-recognition skills, a keen imagination, and a hearty sense of humor”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-halpern/finding-any-semblance-of-unity-would-require-extraordinary-pattern/)

[Paul Halpern](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-halpern/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5b5/paul-halpern-268661_creativity_finding-any-semblance-of-unity-would-req_1454537.jpg)

> [“ When God created the Earth, he had such a sick wicked sense of humor. He made everything that’s wrong feel really,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/miranda-kenneally/when-god-created-the-earth-he-had-such-a-sick-wicked-sense-of-humor/)

[Miranda Kenneally](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/miranda-kenneally/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ffc/miranda-kenneally-4377_earth_when-god-created-the-earth-he-had-such-a_2589420.jpg)

> [My mother was always the one with the dark, really filthy sense of humor. She was a vulgar woman. She used to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/doug-stanhope/my-mother-was-always-the-one-with-the-dark-really-filthy-sense-of/)

[Doug Stanhope](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/doug-stanhope/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a42/doug-stanhope-1528_comedy_my-mother-was-always-the-one-with-the-da_3219102.png)

> [In comedy, you have to do all of the same stuff you do in drama and then put the comedy on top…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-lovitz/in-comedy-you-have-to-do-all-of-the-same-stuff-you-do-in-drama-and/)

[Jon Lovitz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-lovitz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/42a/jon-lovitz-16902_actors_in-comedy-you-have-to-do-all-of-the-same_884601.jpg)

> [I started out of course with Hemingway when I learned how to write. Until I realized Hemingway doesn't have a sense of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elmore-leonard/i-started-out-of-course-with-hemingway-when-i-learned-how-to-write/)

[Elmore Leonard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elmore-leonard/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8a6/elmore-leonard-3471_humor_i-started-out-of-course-with-hemingway-w_1533578.jpg)

> [ The early symptoms of the disease \[California Curse\], which break out almost on arrival in Hollywood, are a sense of exaggerated self-importance… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elinor-glyn/the-early-symptoms-of-the-disease-california-curse-which-break-out/)

[Elinor Glyn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elinor-glyn/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/11b/elinor-glyn-19721_abandonment_the-early-symptoms-of-the-disease-califo_2847900.jpg)

> [ The original WAS a fun film. \[Paul\] Verhoeven made a couple of 'Robocops' that were so great, too. I think the level… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/colin-farrell/the-original-was-a-fun-film-paul-verhoeven-made-a-couple-of-robocops/)

[Colin Farrell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/colin-farrell/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/959/colin-farrell-2887_charismatic_the-original-was-a-fun-film-paul-verhoev_2492650.jpg)

> [“I’m not here because I want you to impress me with your cooking. You already impress me because of who you are.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-higginson/i-m-not-here-because-i-want-you-to-impress-me-with-your-cooking-you/)

[Rachel Higginson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-higginson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b8a/rachel-higginson-3579_business_i-m-not-here-because-i-want-you-to-impre_1785554.jpg)

> [Imagine if you've got the diva of all divas. If we've got to be somewhere at five or six o'clock, I tell…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-cannon/imagine-if-you-ve-got-the-diva-of-all-divas-if-we-ve-got-to-be/)

[Nick Cannon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-cannon/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/544/nick-cannon-7630_clock_imagine-if-you-ve-got-the-diva-of-all-di_950191.jpg)

> [ Nobody else even approaches the trumpet like \[Sweets Edison\] does: Never too much and always plenty. He's the greatest trumpet player to… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ella-fitzgerald/nobody-else-even-approaches-the-trumpet-like-sweets-edison-does-never/)

[Ella Fitzgerald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ella-fitzgerald/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a39/ella-fitzgerald-13294_answers_nobody-else-even-approaches-the-trumpet_991999.jpg)

> [Lights! Lights would be very good right now! (Amanda) Since they hurt my eyes to the point I can barely see, no…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sherrilyn-kenyon/lights-lights-would-be-very-good-right-now-amanda-since-they-hurt-my/)

[Sherrilyn Kenyon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sherrilyn-kenyon/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f76/sherrilyn-kenyon-25_amanda_lights-lights-would-be-very-good-right-n_1832376.jpg)

> [To me, being funny is more important than making a point, but I don't know. Most politicians are so interested in making…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tom-lehrer/to-me-being-funny-is-more-important-than-making-a-point-but-i-don-t/)

[Tom Lehrer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tom-lehrer/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e75/tom-lehrer-3442_funny_to-me-being-funny-is-more-important-than_1338363.jpg)

> [There's usually a sense of humor about all of it. It is what it is. I had two characters that were equally…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pablo-schreiber/there-s-usually-a-sense-of-humor-about-all-of-it-it-is-what-it-is-i/)

[Pablo Schreiber](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pablo-schreiber/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/30c/pablo-schreiber-32116_bits_there-s-usually-a-sense-of-humor-about-a_2823339.jpg)

> [How to Start a Conversation and make Friends 1. Be receptive to new ideas 2. Be the first to say hello 3.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/how-to-start-a-conversation-and-make-friends-1-be-receptive-to-new/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/249/anonymous-1_body-language_how-to-start-a-conversation-and-make-fri_1167165.jpg)

> [“Jep has turned into an excellent cameraman. He shoots our Duckman videos and does a lot editing. Phil brags about how no…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/willie-robertson/jep-has-turned-into-an-excellent-cameraman-he-shoots-our-duckman/)

[Willie Robertson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/willie-robertson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2a1/willie-robertson-12290_life-is-too-short_jep-has-turned-into-an-excellent-cameram_478668.jpg)

> [I can't have discussions about it anymore, I just can't. When someone asks me if I've found Jesus, I say, 'Yeah, I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tori-amos/i-can-t-have-discussions-about-it-anymore-i-just-can-t-when-someone/)

[Tori Amos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tori-amos/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0d4/tori-amos-679_amusing_i-can-t-have-discussions-about-it-anymor_1409786.jpg)

> [“Shoving aside fear and self-doubt, I met his eyes, aiming for absolute confidence in both my stance and my voice. “My father…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-vincent/shoving-aside-fear-and-self-doubt-i-met-his-eyes-aiming-for-absolute/)

[Rachel Vincent](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-vincent/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/402/rachel-vincent-677_confidence_shoving-aside-fear-and-self-doubt-i-met_373137.png)

> [“Scott still stares at Sid, then turns to Alice and hands her the Scotch. “We’re going to go see Joanie today,” he…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kaui-hart-hemmings/scott-still-stares-at-sid-then-turns-to-alice-and-hands-her-the/)

[Kaui Hart Hemmings](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kaui-hart-hemmings/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e0d/kaui-hart-hemmings-13772_alex-king_scott-still-stares-at-sid-then-turns-to_1077791.png)

> [You've decided to do it. Life is impossible. Suicide is your way out. Fine--but before you kill yourself consider these facts: Suicide…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kaile-stewart/you-ve-decided-to-do-it-life-is-impossible-suicide-is-your-way-out/)

[Kaile Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kaile-stewart/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/32f/kaile-stewart-16885_getting-used_you-ve-decided-to-do-it-life-is-impossib_2853336.jpg)

> [“As with most small town southerners, respectability was as much a part of my DNA as was my hair and eye color.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/katherine-allred/as-with-most-small-town-southerners-respectability-was-as-much-a-part/)

[Katherine Allred](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/katherine-allred/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9ff/katherine-allred-16259_eye-color_as-with-most-small-town-southerners-resp_2925863.jpg)

> [“Aelin's hand wavered slightly over his wound. "What's your shield made of, then?" Fenrys tried and failed to shrug. But Gavriel muttered…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-j-maas/aelin-s-hand-wavered-slightly-over-his-wound-what-s-your-shield-made/)

[Sarah J. Maas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-j-maas/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/24d/sarah-j-maas-58_aedion-ashryver_aelin-s-hand-wavered-slightly-over-his-w_1240892.png)

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                        "text": "“Oh, God, oh, God. A sense of humor. She’d thought the hardly-even-a-hint she’d caught of it a while back had been a one-off thing, but that was a joke he’d just made. An honest-to-God joke! She wanted to have his baby.”",
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                        "text": "“Finding any semblance of unity would require extraordinary pattern-recognition skills, a keen imagination, and a hearty sense of humor”",
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                        "text": "“ When God created the Earth, he had such a sick wicked sense of humor. He made everything that’s wrong feel really, really good. ”",
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                        "text": "My mother was always the one with the dark, really filthy sense of humor. She was a vulgar woman. She used to tell me to do comedy before I even tried it. She was always up for any gag.",
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                        "text": "In comedy, you have to do all of the same stuff you do in drama and then put the comedy on top of it. You, the actor, are aware of the comedy but the character is oblivious. And you have to have a sense of humor.",
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                        "text": "I started out of course with Hemingway when I learned how to write. Until I realized Hemingway doesn't have a sense of humor. He never has anything funny in his stories.",
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                        "text": "The early symptoms of the disease [California Curse], which break out almost on arrival in Hollywood, are a sense of exaggerated self-importance and self-centeredness which naturally alienates all old friends. Next comes a great desire for and belief in the importance of money above all else, a loss of the normal sense of humor and proportion and finally, in extreme cases, the abandonment of all previous standards of moral value.",
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                        "text": "The original WAS a fun film. [Paul] Verhoeven made a couple of 'Robocops' that were so great, too. I think the level of excitement is great and Arnie [Schwarzenegger] was particularly charismatic with that chopped up English, and the size of the man with his confidence and sense of humor.",
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                        "text": "“I’m not here because I want you to impress me with your cooking. You already impress me because of who you are. You impress me with your knack for business. You impress me with your painting, and design style and mural making. You impress me with your kindness, your sense of humor and the way you nibble on your bottom lip when you’re deciding what you want.”",
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                        "text": "Imagine if you've got the diva of all divas. If we've got to be somewhere at five or six o'clock, I tell her its time to go at noon so she gets those five hours to do what she needs to do. But were both kids at heart. She is the funniest person ever and she has a great sense of humor. We connect at a spiritual level.",
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                        "text": "Nobody else even approaches the trumpet like [Sweets Edison] does: Never too much and always plenty. He's the greatest trumpet player to play along with singers. He exactly knows how to play with you, how to answer you about what you just sang ... On top of that, he has some great sense of humor, both as a musician and as a man. Every time I see him, I'm laughing so much. Sweets is impeccable and incomparable.",
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                        "text": "Lights! Lights would be very good right now! (Amanda) Since they hurt my eyes to the point I can barely see, no they wouldn't. Trust me. (Kyrian) Trust you, my left foot! I'm not immortal over here! (Amanda) Yeah, well, in a bad enough car wreck, neither am I. (Kyrian) I really hate your sense of humor. (Amanda)",
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                        "text": "To me, being funny is more important than making a point, but I don't know. Most politicians are so interested in making points that they don't ... I'd rather be funny myself, and I'd rather listen to somebody with a little sense of humor.",
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                        "text": "There's usually a sense of humor about all of it. It is what it is. I had two characters that were equally detestable, in very different ways, that hit the airwaves, at the same time. It was a very interesting year in my career, in that way. But I have no fear, on that note. I have a new project for HBO, where I'm going to play the good guy. That's going to be fun and exciting, and shift the paradigm a bit.",
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                        "text": "How to Start a Conversation and make Friends 1. Be receptive to new ideas 2. Be the first to say hello 3. Let others play the expert 4. Display your sense of humor 5. Introduce yourself to others 6. Greet people you see regularly 7. Ask other people their opinions 8. Go out of your way to meet new people 9. Listen carefully for free information 10. Show curiosity and interest in others 11. Take risks. Dont anticipate rejection 12. Look for the positive in those you meet 13. Make an effort to help people if you can 14. Be aware of open and closed body language 15. Dont use the word you when you mean I 16. Accept a persons right to be an individual 17. Ask a persons name if you have forgotten it 18. Be open to answering common ritual questions 19. Keep in touch with friends and acquaintances 20. Express your feelings, opinions, and feelings 21. Always search for another persons hot button 22. Balance the giving and receiving of information",
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                        "text": "“Jep has turned into an excellent cameraman. He shoots our Duckman videos and does a lot editing. Phil brags about how no one can capture ducks like Jep does. You have to be a hunter to do it, and Jep knows exactly how ducks fly and where he needs to be at all times to capture them on film. Plus, Jep isn’t as outgoing as Jase and me, so he works well behind a camera. He loves to hunt but doesn’t mind being a guy who sits and watches the action, and that’s something Jase and I could never do. Plus, I really like hanging out with Jep. He and I share a love for cooking and coming up with new recipes. He’s the brother I would always choose first to accompany me on a road trip for a hunt or business deal. He’s quieter than the rest of us, but his sense of humor is epic, and he is an awesome deer hunter. He accompanies me on many trips for deer and gets everything set up for me. I guess I have kind of prided myself on seeing value in people, no matter how big or small. When people are more outspoken about their talents, anyone can see the value, but for others you have to help them along to really unleash their potential. And hey, life is too short to spend it with boring people. Jep and I have the same spirit of adventure. When we travel, Jase and Phil will just sit in their rooms, eat some ham and cheese, and do nothing. Jep and I always need to kick it up a notch.”",
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                        "text": "I can't have discussions about it anymore, I just can't. When someone asks me if I've found Jesus, I say, 'Yeah, I saw him at a Nirvana concert a couple of years ago.' It's like, Jesus has got things to do, he's got a ten o'clock. He's not going to fix things for me, I have to fix things for myself, so I try and have a sense of humor about it and nobody finds my humor very amusing. We've just got to lighten up on the savior bit, folks. You know, get off the cross, we need the wood.",
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                        "text": "“Shoving aside fear and self-doubt, I met his eyes, aiming for absolute confidence in both my stance and my voice. “My father taught me to disarm my opponent at all costs—regardless of his choice of weapon,” I said, glancing pointedly at his groin. “Are you threatening me?” “Damn right. Lay one hand on me and you’ll never stand to pee again.” His eyes darkened, and his laugh sounded forced. “You’re very funny, gatita.” “I’m glad you think so. I’ve always considered my sense of humor to be largely under-appreciated, so it’s nice to finally meet a fan.”",
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                        "text": "“Scott still stares at Sid, then turns to Alice and hands her the Scotch. “We’re going to go see Joanie today,” he says. Alice grins. “And Chachi?” she asks. Sid bursts out laughing and Scott turns back to him, then places a hand on his shoulder, which makes me fear for his life. “You be quiet, son,” Scott says. “I could kill you with this hand. This hand has been places.” I shake my head and look at both Sid and Alex. Scott lifts his hand off Sid’s shoulder and turns again to his wife. “No, Alice. Our Joanie. Our daughter. We’re going to give her anything she wants.” He glares at me. “Think about what she would want, Alice. We’re going to get it for her and bring it to her. Bring it right to her bed.” “Joanie and Chachi,” Alice chants. “Joanie and Chachi!” “Shut up, Alice!” Scott yells. Alice looks at Scott as though he just said “Cheese.” She clasps her hands together and smiles, staying in the pose for a few seconds. He looks at her face and squints. “Sorry, old gal,” he says. “You go ahead and say whatever you want.” “It was funny,” Sid says. “All I was doing was laughing. She has a good sense of humor. That’s all. Maybe she knows she’s being funny. I think she does.” “I’m going to hit you,” Scott says. His arms hang alongside him, the muscles flexed, veins big like milk-shake straws. I know he’s going to hit Sid because that’s what he does. I’ve seen him hit Barry. I, too, have been hit by Scott after I beat him and his buddies at a game of poker. His hands are in fists, and I can see his knobby old-man knuckles, the many liver spots almost joining to become one big discoloration, like a burn. Then he pops his fist up toward Sid, a movement like a snake rearing its head and lunging forth. I see Sid start to bring his arm up to block his face, but then he brings it down and clutches his thigh. It’s almost as if he decided not to protect himself. The end result is a punch in his right eye, a screaming older daughter, a frightened younger daughter, a father trying to calm many people at once, and a mother-in-law cheering wildly as though we have all done something truly amazing.”",
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                        "text": "You've decided to do it. Life is impossible. Suicide is your way out. Fine--but before you kill yourself consider these facts: Suicide is not usually successful. You think you know a way to guarantee it Ask the 25-year-old who tried to electrocute himself. He lived. But both his arms are gone. What about jumping? Ask John. He used to be intelligent, with an engaging sense of humor. That was before he leapt from a building. Now, he's brain-damaged and will always need care. He staggers and has seizures. He lives in a fog. But, worst of all, he KNOWS he used to be normal. What about pills? Ask the 12-year-old with extensive liver damage from an overdose. Have you ever seen anyone die of liver damage? You turn yellow. It's a hard way to go. What about a gun? Ask the 24-year-old who shot himself in the head. Now he drags one leg, has a useless arm and has no vision or hearing on one side. He lived through his foolproof suicide. You might too. But... Who will clean your blood off the carpet or scrape your brains from the ceiling? Commercial cleaning companies may refuse that job--but SOMEONE has to do it. Who will have to cut you down from where you hung yourself or identify your bloated body after you've drowned? Who will be the one to find you? Your father? Your mother? Your wife? Your son? The carefully worded loving suicide note is of no help. Those who loved you will NEVER completely recover. They'll feel regret and an unending pain. Suicide is contagious. Look around your family. Look closely at the 4 year old playing with his cars on the rug. Kill yourself tonight, and he may do it ten years from now. You DO have other choices. There are people who can help you through this crisis. Call a hotline. Call a friend. Call your minister or priest. Call a doctor or hospital. Call the police. They will tell you that there's hope. Maybe you'll find it in the mail tomorrow. Or in a phone call this weekend. But what you're seeking could be just a minute, a month, or a day away. You say you don't want to be stopped? Still want to do it? Well, then, I may see you in the psychiatric ward later. And we'll work with whatever you have left. Her pretty smile drawn from her face Her eyes a pool of tears She was my one closest friend I'd known throughout the years But something weird had happened She wasnt exactly the same She hid behind that grin she wore Just covering the pain She lost her every confidence The day her spirits died She tried to hide the sorrows To cover up the tears she cried The people didnt understand They couldnt see the truth That they had caused the pain she bared Killed this prideful happy youth She always cared what others thought It left her in such pain Because what others think is always mean For People are so vain One day she couldnt bear it She killed herself in strife The people who were rude to her Had cost that girl her life So take this razor and sign your name across my wrist' so everyone will know who left me like this.* So next time when you look at my wrist and say nobody in this world thinks about you, you can remember - I do.* Although I might act like it doesnt hurt.. Your words cut me deeper than any of my knives. These bandages cover more than scrapes. Cuts and bruises from regret and mistakes what you would expect. A perfect child? With pretty scars all over my wrists Im sorry; I didn't mean to hurt you. Now that I've felt this way it seems as if forever pain or love no longer affect me. After being hurt so many times I feel almost nothing and the funny thing about is most of those times I was the one who hurt myself. if I could swallow a bottle of Tylenol I would and end it for good to say goodbye to Hollywood I probably should these problems are piling all at once cause everything that bothers me I got it bottled up I think Im bottoming out but Im not about to give up I got to get up I'm staring down at the scars I have the scars that you left me with.. Yeah I got to scar I can talk about. In fact, I have many. When I wake up alone, the shades are still drawn on the cold window pane so they cast their lines on my bed and lines on my face. I feel like hanging myself with a barbed rope on the tallest and shadiest tree swinging from left to right with a smile on my face. I hope you are happy now. I'm not getting over you... I'm just getting used to the pain [Id rather bleed with cuts of love then live without any scars] in the last 30 years ' .. teenage suicide has increased 300% in North America suicide… giving hopeless people hope Suicide is just one person escaping the world without even getting back at the people that made her kill herself~ so cut my wrists and black my eyes . So I can fall asleep tonight and die' because you kill me and you know this you kill me well you like it too can",
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                        "text": "“As with most small town southerners, respectability was as much a part of my DNA as was my hair and eye color. It was the goal everyone strived for, the standard by which every citizen of Morganville was judged. And while my family, the Frenchs, weren’t the richest- that honor going to Ian and Helena Morgan- we were one of the most respected. Thanks mostly to the Judge, my grandfather. His name was Carl, but no one, including his daughters, had ever called him anything but Judge. He retired from the bench when I was five, and since my own father pulled a vanishing act shortly before my birth, the Judge stepped forward to fill that role for me. I thought the man walked on water and took every word from his lips as gospel. “Alix,” he told me. “Stay away from the railroad tracks. A wowzer cat lives under the trestle, and you don’t want to get tangled up with one of those.” “What’s a wowzer cat?” I asked, enthralled. “It’s a fifty pound cat with eight legs and nine bung holes, and it’s meaner than a gar.” The Judge had an odd sense of humor.”",
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                        "text": "“Aelin's hand wavered slightly over his wound. \"What's your shield made of, then?\" Fenrys tried and failed to shrug. But Gavriel muttered from where he worked on the still-whimpering pirate, \"Arrogance.\" Aelin snorted, but didn't dare take her eyes off Fenrys's injury as she said, \"So you do have sense of humor, Gavriel.\" The Lion of Doranelle gave a wary smile over his shoulder. The rare-sighted, restrained twin to Aedion's own flashing grins. Aelin had called him Uncle Kitty-Cat all of one time before Aedion had snarled viciously enough to make her think carefully before using the term again. Gavriel, to his credit, had merely given Aelin a long-suffereing sigh that seemed to be used only when she or Fenrys were around. \"That sense of humor only appears about once every century,\" Fenrys rasped, \"so you'd better hope you Settle, or else that's the last time you'll see it.”",
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