---
title: "13 Saws Quotes By Steven Wright"
description: "13 Saws quotes by Steven Wright. Plus more from Steven Wright and more Saws sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/789/steven-wright-432_coats_i-saw-a-vegetarian-wearing-a-furry-coat_2932675.jpg"
---

> [I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-saw-a-vegetarian-wearing-a-furry-coat-so-i-looked-closer-it-was/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/789/steven-wright-432_coats_i-saw-a-vegetarian-wearing-a-furry-coat_2932675.jpg)

> [I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-saw-a-man-with-a-wooden-leg-and-a-real-foot/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/211/steven-wright-432_feet_i-saw-a-man-with-a-wooden-leg-and-a-real_1993205.jpg)

> [I saw a sign: "Rest Area 25 Miles". That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-saw-a-sign-rest-area-25-miles-that-s-pretty-big-some-people-must-be/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d36/steven-wright-432_areas_i-saw-a-sign-rest-area-25-miles-that-s-p_2998859.jpg)

> [I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-saw-a-tree-fall-in-the-woods-and-i-didn-t-hear-it/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/416/steven-wright-432_fall_i-saw-a-tree-fall-in-the-woods-and-i-did_24803.jpg)

> [Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/yesterday-i-saw-a-chicken-crossing-the-road-i-asked-it-why-it-told-me/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eb6/steven-wright-432_business_yesterday-i-saw-a-chicken-crossing-the-r_1520785.jpg)

> [I saw a want ad. "light housekeeping." They said "Here, change this bulb." I said "I'll need some friends."](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-saw-a-want-ad-light-housekeeping-they-said-here-change-this-bulb-i/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d0e/steven-wright-432_ads_i-saw-a-want-ad-light-housekeeping-they_1022429.jpg)

> [I was in a grocery store. I saw a sign that said 'pet supplies.' So I did. Then I went outside and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-was-in-a-grocery-store-i-saw-a-sign-that-said-pet-supplies-so-i-did/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b14/steven-wright-432_car_i-was-in-a-grocery-store-i-saw-a-sign-th_2729251.jpg)

> [I saw a small bottle of cologne and asked if it was for sale. She said, "It's free with purchase." I asked…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-saw-a-small-bottle-of-cologne-and-asked-if-it-was-for-sale-she-said/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/006/steven-wright-432_bottles_i-saw-a-small-bottle-of-cologne-and-aske_1021357.jpg)

> [I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, "Stephen, why haven't you called me?" I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-saw-a-close-friend-of-mine-the-other-day-he-said-stephen-why-haven/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/47a/steven-wright-432_calendars_i-saw-a-close-friend-of-mine-the-other-d_149538.jpg)

> [I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-once-tried-to-commit-suicide-by-jumping-off-a-building-i-changed-my/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/49e/steven-wright-432_building_i-once-tried-to-commit-suicide-by-jumpin_2650311.jpg)

> [I never even thought of myself as deadpan until someone wrote an article about me about a year after I was doing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-never-even-thought-of-myself-as-deadpan-until-someone-wrote-an/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/178/steven-wright-432_articles_i-never-even-thought-of-myself-as-deadpa_478652.jpg)

> [I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-saw-a-sign-at-a-gas-station-it-said-help-wanted-there-was-another/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5eb/steven-wright-432_boss_i-saw-a-sign-at-a-gas-station-it-said-he_2751526.jpg)

> [My mother is from another time - the funniest person to her is Lucille Ball; that's what she loves. A lot of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/my-mother-is-from-another-time-the-funniest-person-to-her-is-lucille/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ad2/steven-wright-432_another-time_my-mother-is-from-another-time-the-funni_2338999.jpg)

## Other authors on Saws

## More by Steven Wright

> [Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/depression-is-merely-anger-without-enthusiasm/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/my-dental-hygienist-is-cute-every-time-i-visit-i-eat-a-whole-package/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/if-lawyers-are-disbarred-and-clergymen-defrocked-doesn-t-it-follow/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/if-i-ever-had-twins-i-d-use-one-for-parts/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. While both criminal, they're very different circumstances.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/nobody-can-really-compare-a-relationship-in-which-the-victim-is-15/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-saw-a-tree-fall-in-the-woods-and-i-didn-t-hear-it/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/it-s-very-intense-to-be-in-front-of-a-live-audience-it-s-just-an/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-got-pulled-over-by-a-cop-and-he-said-do-you-know-the-speed-limit/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/babies-don-t-need-a-vacation-but-i-still-see-them-at-the-beach-it/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-just-got-out-of-the-hospital-i-was-in-a-speed-reading-accident-i/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/when-i-m-on-stage-it-s-really-intense-my-mind-is-going-a-million/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-don-t-like-politicians-and-i-don-t-like-politics-i-definitely-don-t/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-went-to-this-restaurant-last-night-that-was-set-up-like-a-big/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/why-isn-t-the-number-11-pronounced-onety-one/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/a-conscience-is-what-hurts-when-all-your-other-parts-feel-so-good/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

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                        "text": "My mother is from another time - the funniest person to her is Lucille Ball; that's what she loves. A lot of times she tells me she doesn't know what I'm talking about. I know if I wasn't her son and she was flipping through the TV and saw me, she would just keep going.",
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