---
title: "Top Sarcasm Quotes"
description: "Browse 1,265 Sarcasm quotes by 760 authors. Discover the best Sarcasm sayings and thoughts."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ed3/will-rogers-272_algebra_when-you-are-dissatisfied-and-would-like_1488479.jpg"
---

> [When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/will-rogers/when-you-are-dissatisfied-and-would-like-to-go-back-to-youth-think-of/)

[Will Rogers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/will-rogers/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ed3/will-rogers-272_algebra_when-you-are-dissatisfied-and-would-like_1488479.jpg)

> [Cool Story Bro..Why Don't You Write A Book About iT Then Sell iT To Someone Who Actually Gives A Fuhk..!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/cool-story-bro-why-don-t-you-write-a-book-about-it-then-sell-it-to/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/196/anonymous-1_books_cool-story-bro-why-don-t-you-write-a-boo_624867.jpg)

> [If I can't kiss my own ass what makes you think I'm going to kiss yours?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nicole-hill/if-i-can-t-kiss-my-own-ass-what-makes-you-think-i-m-going-to-kiss/)

[Nicole Hill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nicole-hill/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/62b/nicole-hill-10417_keeping-it-real_if-i-can-t-kiss-my-own-ass-what-makes-yo_1997142.jpg)

> [“I used to be a mddle-of-the-road kid, but now with my freaky looks I'm definately an outsider. Hooray.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/evan-kuhlman/i-used-to-be-a-mddle-of-the-road-kid-but-now-with-my-freaky-looks-i-m/)

[Evan Kuhlman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/evan-kuhlman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3f0/evan-kuhlman-53609_humor_i-used-to-be-a-mddle-of-the-road-kid-but_8806.jpg)

> [Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. So said by the idiot who can't understand it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ramandeep-singh/sarcasm-is-the-lowest-form-of-wit-so-said-by-the-idiot-who-can-t/)

[Ramandeep Singh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ramandeep-singh/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/478/ramandeep-singh-740_humor_sarcasm-is-the-lowest-form-of-wit-so-sai_2972272.jpg)

> [Never vote for the best candidate, vote for the one who will do the least harm.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/frank-dane/never-vote-for-the-best-candidate-vote-for-the-one-who-will-do-the/)

[Frank Dane](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/frank-dane/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/113/frank-dane-27045_candidates_never-vote-for-the-best-candidate-vote-f_2059314.jpg)

> [Getting married is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mae-west/getting-married-is-like-trading-in-the-adoration-of-many-for-the/)

[Mae West](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mae-west/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b8f/mae-west-1200_adoration_getting-married-is-like-trading-in-the-a_2506324.jpg)

> [It's amazing how everyone becomes a political genius one month every 4 years.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/it-s-amazing-how-everyone-becomes-a-political-genius-one-month-every/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/437/anonymous-1_annoying-people_it-s-amazing-how-everyone-becomes-a-poli_1326727.jpg)

> [You know, your sarcasm isn’t appreciated right now. I’ve been drugged, beaten, nearly raped, saved, drugged again, hijacked, and now threatened by…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sherrilyn-kenyon/you-know-your-sarcasm-isn-t-appreciated-right-now-i-ve-been-drugged/)

[Sherrilyn Kenyon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sherrilyn-kenyon/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/00b/sherrilyn-kenyon-25_appreciated_you-know-your-sarcasm-isn-t-appreciated_14916.jpg)

> [“If she hasn't learned to appreciate my sterling character and spectacular good looks by this time, it's not likely she will.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-peters/if-she-hasn-t-learned-to-appreciate-my-sterling-character-and/)

[Elizabeth Peters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-peters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/463/elizabeth-peters-11531_humor_if-she-hasn-t-learned-to-appreciate-my-s_1575365.jpg)

> [Nature wishes that woman should attract man, yet she often cunningly moulds into her face a little sarcasm, which seems to say,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ralph-waldo-emerson/nature-wishes-that-woman-should-attract-man-yet-she-often-cunningly/)

[Ralph Waldo Emerson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ralph-waldo-emerson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/433/ralph-waldo-emerson-6_attract_nature-wishes-that-woman-should-attract_2661516.png)

> [“Oh, my! I'm so sorry, my lord!" I apologised, my voice coated with sarcasm. "As hardy as I am, it's just impossible…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cayla-kluver/oh-my-i-m-so-sorry-my-lord-i-apologised-my-voice-coated-with-sarcasm/)

[Cayla Kluver](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cayla-kluver/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/510/cayla-kluver-10449_sarcasm_oh-my-i-m-so-sorry-my-lord-i-apologised_658918.jpg)

> [“Um, hate to break it to you, nut Em doesn't need justice", I pointed out, voice heavy with sarcasm. "She needs to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joanna-wylde/um-hate-to-break-it-to-you-nut-em-doesn-t-need-justice-i-pointed-out/)

[Joanna Wylde](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joanna-wylde/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/310/joanna-wylde-3043_first-place_um-hate-to-break-it-to-you-nut-em-doesn_1262317.jpg)

> [“You like them," I realized. Noah's eyebrows lifted in question. "Like as people." "As opposed to...furniture?" "They're my PARENTS." "That is my…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michelle-hodkin/you-like-them-i-realized-noah-s-eyebrows-lifted-in-question-like-as/)

[Michelle Hodkin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michelle-hodkin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5ed/michelle-hodkin-917_humor_you-like-them-i-realized-noah-s-eyebrows_1293918.png)

> [“I'm good. And it's good to see you've kept up the tradition of getting the holy shit beat out of you,even when…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-caine/i-m-good-and-it-s-good-to-see-you-ve-kept-up-the-tradition-of-getting/)

[Rachel Caine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-caine/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/963/rachel-caine-217_sarcasm_i-m-good-and-it-s-good-to-see-you-ve-kep_1597635.jpg)

> [Wit is the salt of conversation, not the food, and few things in the world are more wearying than a sarcastic attitude…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/agnes-repplier/wit-is-the-salt-of-conversation-not-the-food-and-few-things-in-the/)

[Agnes Repplier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/agnes-repplier/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/01b/agnes-repplier-1850_attitude_wit-is-the-salt-of-conversation-not-the_1593658.png)

> [A lot of people try to use sarcasm to flirt, and it tends not to read well. Most people who are successful…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amy-webb/a-lot-of-people-try-to-use-sarcasm-to-flirt-and-it-tends-not-to-read/)

[Amy Webb](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amy-webb/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/97e/amy-webb-18614_asks_a-lot-of-people-try-to-use-sarcasm-to-fl_974234.jpg)

> [“I throw on some sweatpants and tell everyone I want a 'real' coffee which sounds more believable than telling them I'm going…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/juno-dawson/i-throw-on-some-sweatpants-and-tell-everyone-i-want-a-real-coffee/)

Juno Dawson

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/366/juno-dawson-68823_coffee_i-throw-on-some-sweatpants-and-tell-ever_1065704.jpg)

> [“You know the difference between right and wrong,' he repeated finally. 'Man, why did you need Initiation—by the Golden Dawn, or by…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-anton-wilson/you-know-the-difference-between-right-and-wrong-he-repeated-finally/)

[Robert Anton Wilson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-anton-wilson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/90a/robert-anton-wilson-1198_intelligent-person_you-know-the-difference-between-right-an_735832.jpg)

> [“Just three words? Nothing about his physical health? His equipment? His supplies?' 'You got me,' she said. 'He left a detailed status…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andy-weir/just-three-words-nothing-about-his-physical-health-his-equipment-his/)

[Andy Weir](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andy-weir/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/929/andy-weir-1865_bureaucracy_just-three-words-nothing-about-his-physi_2799342.jpg)

> [I noticed I been spacing off quite a lot today... Most would say I'm unfocused and bored But I say this once…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mrcountry/i-noticed-i-been-spacing-off-quite-a-lot-today-most-would-say-i-m/)

MrCountry

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/531/mrcountry-5018_being-a-good-person_i-noticed-i-been-spacing-off-quite-a-lot_318253.jpg)

> [“I couldn’t very well make a special delivery to the door of the constabulary now could I? And he’d have made the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ella-j-fraser/i-couldn-t-very-well-make-a-special-delivery-to-the-door-of-the/)

[Ella J. Fraser](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ella-j-fraser/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e85/ella-j-fraser-54417_guilt_i-couldn-t-very-well-make-a-special-deli_3086574.jpg)

> [“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but any organization that claims you for a member doesn’t get to call itself sinister,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/courtney-milan-the-suffragette-scandal/i-don-t-know-what-you-re-talking-about-but-any-organization-that/)

[Courtney Milan - The Suffragette Scandal](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/courtney-milan-the-suffragette-scandal/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c18/courtney-milan-the-suffragette_left-handed_i-don-t-know-what-you-re-talking-about-b_2128286.jpg)

> [“I once visited a place where they killed people by putting them in a chair. Not torture — that was common enough;…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iain-m-banks/i-once-visited-a-place-where-they-killed-people-by-putting-them-in-a/)

[Iain M. Banks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iain-m-banks/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d97/iain-m-banks-3729_capital-punishment_i-once-visited-a-place-where-they-killed_1883221.jpg)

> [I hate the part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/i-hate-the-part-of-the-morning-where-i-have-to-get-out-of-bed-and/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/97d/anonymous-1_being-tired_i-hate-the-part-of-the-morning-where-i-h_2743957.jpg)

> [I have my own views about Nature's methods, though I feel that it is rather like a beetle giving his](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/arthur-conan-doyle/i-have-my-own-views-about-nature-s-methods-though-i-feel-that-it-is/)

[Arthur Conan Doyle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/arthur-conan-doyle/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2c2/arthur-conan-doyle-273_beetles_i-have-my-own-views-about-nature-s-metho_206065.jpg)

> [The atmosphere of Venus consists of ammonia, sulfur, and nitric oxide. Man must have lived there once.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andre-brie/the-atmosphere-of-venus-consists-of-ammonia-sulfur-and-nitric-oxide/)

Andre Brie

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f87/andre-brie-79418_atmosphere_the-atmosphere-of-venus-consists-of-ammo_940740.jpg)

> [It is after you have lost your teeth that you can afford to buy steaks.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pierre-auguste-renoir/it-is-after-you-have-lost-your-teeth-that-you-can-afford-to-buy-steaks/)

[Pierre-Auguste Renoir](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pierre-auguste-renoir/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/526/pierre-auguste-renoir-7064_inspirational_it-is-after-you-have-lost-your-teeth-tha_1365799.png)

> [Yeah, my boyfriend does this REAAAALLYY cute thing..where he doesn't exist.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/yeah-my-boyfriend-does-this-reaaaallyy-cute-thing-where-he-doesn-t/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f42/anonymous-1_being-single_yeah-my-boyfriend-does-this-reaaaallyy-c_1114537.jpg)

> [“Such polite manners for an armed man who was kidnapping me. Danilo could take a few lessons from him.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robin-bridges/such-polite-manners-for-an-armed-man-who-was-kidnapping-me-danilo/)

[robin bridges](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robin-bridges/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ebb/robin-bridges-23944_sarcasm_such-polite-manners-for-an-armed-man-who_1229861.jpg)

> [I had always been warned that American didn't always get sarcasm](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lindsey-kelk/i-had-always-been-warned-that-american-didn-t-always-get-sarcasm/)

[Lindsey Kelk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lindsey-kelk/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d1a/lindsey-kelk-21229_american_i-had-always-been-warned-that-american-d_1079663.png)

> [Sarcasm doesn't suit you, Melissa,' Graham growled. 'Really? I've always thought it brings out my eyes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christine-warren/sarcasm-doesn-t-suit-you-melissa-graham-growled-really-i-ve-always/)

[Christine Warren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christine-warren/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/681/christine-warren-16857_eye_sarcasm-doesn-t-suit-you-melissa-graham_776335.png)

> [“Satan impregnated my mother one lovely spring morning. We didn’t have the heart to tell my father.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/holly-hood/satan-impregnated-my-mother-one-lovely-spring-morning-we-didn-t-have/)

[Holly Hood](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/holly-hood/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/363/holly-hood-7442_boonville_satan-impregnated-my-mother-one-lovely-s_309271.jpg)

> [Im the kind of person who thinks that sarcasm should be bottled and sold in department stores.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cellan-slarcas/im-the-kind-of-person-who-thinks-that-sarcasm-should-be-bottled-and/)

[Cellan Slarcas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cellan-slarcas/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aab/cellan-slarcas-32549_quote_im-the-kind-of-person-who-thinks-that-sa_1024942.jpg)

> [If you wait for the waiter in the restaurant, Aren't you a waiter?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-angelo-de-leon/if-you-wait-for-the-waiter-in-the-restaurant-aren-t-you-a-waiter/)

[Michael Angelo De Leon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-angelo-de-leon/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/21c/michael-angelo-de-leon-17789_sarcasm_if-you-wait-for-the-waiter-in-the-restau_2909842.jpg)

> [“Even better. We're going to be murdered in our beds by infidels.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-anderson-coats/even-better-we-re-going-to-be-murdered-in-our-beds-by-infidels/)

J. Anderson Coats

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/165/j-anderson-coats-65160_infidels_even-better-we-re-going-to-be-murdered-i_2970898.jpg)

> [I've been invited to a Halloween party tonight in America. To scare all the Yanks, I'm going as low-fat food!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/i-ve-been-invited-to-a-halloween-party-tonight-in-america-to-scare/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6b7/anonymous-1_americans_i-ve-been-invited-to-a-halloween-party-t_2582455.jpg)

> [Sorry, honey. Sarcasm falls from my mouth as easily as stupidity falls from yours...](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/sorry-honey-sarcasm-falls-from-my-mouth-as-easily-as-stupidity-falls/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a1b/anonymous-1_insults_sorry-honey-sarcasm-falls-from-my-mouth_35016.jpg)

> [“There, at her console, he dialed 594: pleased acknowledgement of husband's superior wisdom in all matters”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/philip-k-dick/there-at-her-console-he-dialed-594-pleased-acknowledgement-of-husband/)

[Philip K. Dick](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/philip-k-dick/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e9/philip-k-dick-502_funny_there-at-her-console-he-dialed-594-pleas_3129026.jpg)

> [Person: YOU GET ON MY F\*CKING NERVES! Me: So you're gonna caps-lock me to death?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/psyche-zeroh/person-you-get-on-my-f-cking-nerves-me-so-you-re-gonna-caps-lock-me/)

Psyche\_Zeroh

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/08f/psyche-zeroh-31967_attitude_person-you-get-on-my-f-cking-nerves-me-s_2670191.jpg)

## Top authors on Sarcasm

- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b004/author-arthur-conan-doyle-14897.jpg) Arthur Conan Doyle 30 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sarcasm/arthur-conan-doyle/)
- [Nenia Campbell 20 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sarcasm/nenia-campbell/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b006/author-cassandra-clare-21529.jpg) Cassandra Clare 17 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sarcasm/cassandra-clare/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b001/author-ljupka-cvetanova-3477.jpg) Ljupka Cvetanova 13 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sarcasm/ljupka-cvetanova/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b022/author-sherrilyn-kenyon-84925.jpg) Sherrilyn Kenyon 11 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sarcasm/sherrilyn-kenyon/)
- [Mark Twain 11 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sarcasm/mark-twain/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b002/author-rakii-retondo-7522.jpg) Rakii Retondo 8 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sarcasm/rakii-retondo/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b018/author-nikhil-saluja-71464.jpg) Nikhil Saluja 6 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sarcasm/nikhil-saluja/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b023/author-terry-pratchett-89528.jpg) Terry Pratchett 5 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sarcasm/terry-pratchett/)
- [SouL 5 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sarcasm/soul/)

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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "If I can't kiss my own ass what makes you think I'm going to kiss yours?",
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                        "text": "“I used to be a mddle-of-the-road kid, but now with my freaky looks I'm definately an outsider. Hooray.”",
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                        "text": "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. So said by the idiot who can't understand it.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Never vote for the best candidate, vote for the one who will do the least harm.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Getting married is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.",
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                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Mae West"
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                            "caption": "“Getting married is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.” — Mae West",
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                        "text": "It's amazing how everyone becomes a political genius one month every 4 years.",
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                            "@type": "Person",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "You know, your sarcasm isn’t appreciated right now. I’ve been drugged, beaten, nearly raped, saved, drugged again, hijacked, and now threatened by you. Tell me, what else should I look forward to? Torture, or just a good maiming? (Kiara)",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“If she hasn't learned to appreciate my sterling character and spectacular good looks by this time, it's not likely she will.”",
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                            "name": "Elizabeth Peters"
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                        "text": "Nature wishes that woman should attract man, yet she often cunningly moulds into her face a little sarcasm, which seems to say, 'Yes, I am willing to attract, but to attract a little better kind of a man than any I yet behold",
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                            "caption": "“Nature wishes that woman should attract man, yet she often cunningly moulds into her face a little sarcasm…” — Ralph Waldo Emerson",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“Oh, my! I'm so sorry, my lord!\" I apologised, my voice coated with sarcasm. \"As hardy as I am, it's just impossible to catch myself when I trip.”",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“Um, hate to break it to you, nut Em doesn't need justice\", I pointed out, voice heavy with sarcasm. \"She needs to not get cut with a knife in the first place. Women are finicky that way - we like not getting cut.”",
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                            "name": "Joanna Wylde"
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“You like them,\" I realized. Noah's eyebrows lifted in question. \"Like as people.\" \"As opposed to...furniture?\" \"They're my PARENTS.\" \"That is my understanding, yes.”",
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                            "caption": "“You like them,\" I realized. Noah's eyebrows lifted in question. \"Like as people.\" \"As opposed…” — Michelle Hodkin",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“I'm good. And it's good to see you've kept up the tradition of getting the holy shit beat out of you,even when you're in a nice, civilized place.”",
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                        "text": "A lot of people try to use sarcasm to flirt, and it tends not to read well. Most people who are successful at flirting do so via instant message instead of email. The best way to flirt is to care deeply about whatever your date is saying and to focus all of your attention on him or her. Ask thoughtful questions. Take a keen interest in the conversation. Be enthusiastic.",
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                        "text": "“I throw on some sweatpants and tell everyone I want a 'real' coffee which sounds more believable than telling them I'm going for a run. That would literally never happen unless I was running away from a murderer and even then I'd try to reason with him”",
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                        "text": "“You know the difference between right and wrong,' he repeated finally. 'Man, why did you need Initiation—by the Golden Dawn, or by anybody else? You are a genius, a sage, a giant among men. You have solved the problem which philosophers have been debating since antiquity—the mystery about which no two nations or tribes have ever agreed, and no two men or women have ever agreed, and no intelligent person has ever agreed totally with himself from one day to the next. You know the difference between right and wrong. I am overawed. I swoon. I figuratively kiss your feet.”",
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                        "text": "I noticed I been spacing off quite a lot today... Most would say I'm unfocused and bored But I say this once and only once... THE ARE WRONG I only focusing on you girl from the moment you walked in I had forgotten my name and might even asked that have I gone to heaven Me bored? You make me laugh; I am very excited when you sat next to me with my head being filled up to the rim of how to make you mine and me yours",
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                        "text": "“I couldn’t very well make a special delivery to the door of the constabulary now could I? And he’d have made the perfect scapegoat. That aura of misery he wraps himself in. So Byronesque. He’s too immersed in his own guilt to ever suspect it in another.”",
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                        "text": "“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but any organization that claims you for a member doesn’t get to call itself sinister, whether you’re left-handed or not. I would be insulted to be offered membership in such a namby-pamby organization. It would be like the Archbishop of Canterbury calling a select club of his compatriots ‘Bad, Bad Bishops’.” Marshall sniggered. “Watch out for the clergy,” Edward said. “They’re absolutely wild. Sometimes they have an extra biscuit at tea.”",
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                        "text": "“I once visited a place where they killed people by putting them in a chair. Not torture — that was common enough; beds and chairs were very much the par when it came to getting people helpless and confined, to inflict pain upon them — but actually set it up to kill them while they sat. They — get this — they either gassed them or they passed very high electric currents through them. A pellet dropped into a container beneath the seat, like some obscene image of a commode, producing a fatal gas; or a cap over their head, and their hands dipped in some conducting fluid, to fry their brains. You want to know the punch line? Yeah, [...] give us the punch line. This same state had a law that forbade — and I quote — “cruel and unusual punishments!” Can you believe that?”",
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                        "text": "I hate the part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.",
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                        "text": "The atmosphere of Venus consists of ammonia, sulfur, and nitric oxide. Man must have lived there once.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "It is after you have lost your teeth that you can afford to buy steaks.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Yeah, my boyfriend does this REAAAALLYY cute thing..where he doesn't exist.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“Such polite manners for an armed man who was kidnapping me. Danilo could take a few lessons from him.”",
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                        "text": "I had always been warned that American didn't always get sarcasm",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Sarcasm doesn't suit you, Melissa,' Graham growled. 'Really? I've always thought it brings out my eyes.",
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