---
title: "10 Said Quotes By Phyllis Diller"
description: "10 Said quotes by Phyllis Diller. Plus more from Phyllis Diller and more Said sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0d1/phyllis-diller-1622_clerks_i-hate-smart-sales-clerks-i-said-to-one_2985428.png"
---

> [I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/i-hate-smart-sales-clerks-i-said-to-one-what-do-you-have-in-lingerie/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0d1/phyllis-diller-1622_clerks_i-hate-smart-sales-clerks-i-said-to-one_2985428.png)

> [The doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/the-doctor-looked-my-body-over-i-said-is-there-any-hope-he-said-yes/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/896/phyllis-diller-1622_body_the-doctor-looked-my-body-over-i-said-is_3172406.png)

> [Just the other day I said to Fang, "Don't you think we've got a storybook romance?" and he said, "Yes, and every…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/just-the-other-day-i-said-to-fang-don-t-you-think-we-ve-got-a/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9dc/phyllis-diller-1622_pages_just-the-other-day-i-said-to-fang-don-t_2756677.jpg)

> [My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/my-plastic-surgeon-said-my-face-looked-like-a-bouquet-of-elbows/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/792/phyllis-diller-1622_bouquets_my-plastic-surgeon-said-my-face-looked-l_1826155.png)

> [I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/i-asked-the-waiter-is-this-milk-fresh-he-said-lady-three-hours-ago-it/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/add/phyllis-diller-1622_grass_i-asked-the-waiter-is-this-milk-fresh-he_2691191.png)

> [When he proposed he said, "We'll make such beautiful music together," but in this duet, his part seems to be all rests.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/when-he-proposed-he-said-we-ll-make-such-beautiful-music-together-but/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/85b/phyllis-diller-1622_beautiful_when-he-proposed-he-said-we-ll-make-such_2092418.png)

> [I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, "You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed."](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/i-remember-once-a-vocational-director-said-to-fang-you-must-develop/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/617/phyllis-diller-1622_bed_i-remember-once-a-vocational-director-sa_373224.png)

> [ One \[expert\] said, 'Always have a baby sitter who is acquainted with your children.' If they were acquainted with my children, they… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/one-expert-said-always-have-a-baby-sitter-who-is-acquainted-with-your/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3c7/phyllis-diller-1622_baby_one-expert-said-always-have-a-baby-sitte_2690198.png)

> [Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/once-my-husband-said-to-me-i-m-going-to-have-some-coffee-do-you-want/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7ef/phyllis-diller-1622_birth_once-my-husband-said-to-me-i-m-going-to_1966814.jpg)

> [I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/i-was-the-world-s-ugliest-baby-i-have-photos-of-my-folks-leaving-the/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3dc/phyllis-diller-1622_baby_i-was-the-world-s-ugliest-baby-i-have-ph_574820.png)

## Other authors on Said

## More by Phyllis Diller

> [My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/my-mother-in-law-must-be-the-probation-officer-i-got-for-the-crime-i/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [I don't know how you feel about old age... but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/i-don-t-know-how-you-feel-about-old-age-but-in-my-case-i-didn-t-even/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/if-it-weren-t-for-baseball-many-kids-wouldn-t-know-what-a-millionaire/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night... and reduce the crime rate.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/i-m-the-only-woman-who-can-walk-in-central-park-at-night-and-reduce/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/i-was-the-world-s-ugliest-baby-when-i-was-born-the-doctor-slapped/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/by-far-the-most-common-craving-of-pregnant-women-is-not-to-be-pregnant/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/for-fang-getting-out-of-bed-in-the-morning-is-a-career-move/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/women-want-men-careers-money-children-friends-luxury-comfort/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/i-admit-i-have-a-tremendous-sex-drive-my-boyfriend-lives-forty-miles/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/the-reason-women-don-t-play-football-is-because-11-of-them-would/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/if-you-don-t-have-wrinkles-you-haven-t-laughed-enough/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [“A smile is a curve that sets things right.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/a-smile-is-a-curve-that-sets-things-right/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/every-time-i-go-near-the-stove-the-dog-howls/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [Some wives have model husbands, I got one that needed remodeling.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/some-wives-have-model-husbands-i-got-one-that-needed-remodeling/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/my-idea-of-exercise-is-a-good-brisk-sit/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

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