---
title: "68 Rosie Quotes by 45 authors"
description: "Browse 68 Rosie quotes by 45 authors. Discover the best Rosie sayings and thoughts."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/733/dennis-miller-1315_dessert_he-lasted-about-as-long-as-the-dessert-t_1186353.png"
---

> [He lasted about as long as the dessert tray at Rosie O'Donnell's house.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dennis-miller/he-lasted-about-as-long-as-the-dessert-tray-at-rosie-o-donnell-s-house/)

[Dennis Miller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dennis-miller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/733/dennis-miller-1315_dessert_he-lasted-about-as-long-as-the-dessert-t_1186353.png)

> [Use it, Rosie, that's what it's there for.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bruce-springsteen/use-it-rosie-that-s-what-it-s-there-for/)

[Bruce Springsteen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bruce-springsteen/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7f1/bruce-springsteen-546_action_use-it-rosie-that-s-what-it-s-there-for_1373104.jpg)

> [Rosie laughed in a not too reassuring way if you like sane laughter.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louise-rennison/rosie-laughed-in-a-not-too-reassuring-way-if-you-like-sane-laughter/)

[Louise Rennison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louise-rennison/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/649/louise-rennison-2819_comedy_rosie-laughed-in-a-not-too-reassuring-wa_1011118.png)

> [Rosie get off your desk, and please put your beard away.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louise-rennison/rosie-get-off-your-desk-and-please-put-your-beard-away/)

[Louise Rennison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louise-rennison/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a5a/louise-rennison-2819_away_rosie-get-off-your-desk-and-please-put-y_1739531.png)

> [Well the frog men finally got Rosie.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/art-donovan/well-the-frog-men-finally-got-rosie/)

[Art Donovan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/art-donovan/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d68/art-donovan-25659_finally_well-the-frog-men-finally-got-rosie-8308_830893.png)

> [Rosie Grier was the springboard to the return of my life.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-carlos/rosie-grier-was-the-springboard-to-the-return-of-my-life/)

[John Carlos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-carlos/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/74b/john-carlos-16923_life_rosie-grier-was-the-springboard-to-the-r_1527494.jpg)

> [Do you ever think about having sex with Rosie O'Donnell because you are straight? Same thing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-thorne/do-you-ever-think-about-having-sex-with-rosie-o-donnell-because-you/)

[David Thorne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-thorne/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/147/david-thorne-27213_having-sex_do-you-ever-think-about-having-sex-with_1803673.jpg)

> [“Rosies mother was a highly strung bundle of barely thought-through prejudices, worries and feuds.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/neil-gaiman/rosies-mother-was-a-highly-strung-bundle-of-barely-thought-through/)

[Neil Gaiman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neil-gaiman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0a6/neil-gaiman-29_anansi-boys_rosies-mother-was-a-highly-strung-bundle_2472617.jpg)

> [The mainstream needs Ellen DeGeneres and Rosie O'Donnell. The mainstream needs RuPaul.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/billy-eichner/the-mainstream-needs-ellen-degeneres-and-rosie-o-donnell-the/)

[Billy Eichner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/billy-eichner/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/def/billy-eichner-2900_mainstream_the-mainstream-needs-ellen-degeneres-and_2129056.jpg)

> [Take thou of me, sweet pillowes, sweetest bed; A chamber deafe of noise, and blind of light, A rosie garland and a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/philip-sidney/take-thou-of-me-sweet-pillowes-sweetest-bed-a-chamber-deafe-of-noise/)

[Philip Sidney](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/philip-sidney/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e63/philip-sidney-2095_bed_take-thou-of-me-sweet-pillowes-sweetest_2537207.png)

> [I know this song!’ Rosie laughed. ‘If you didn’t, that’d be the final proof that you’re from Mars.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/graeme-simsion/i-know-this-song-rosie-laughed-if-you-didn-t-that-d-be-the-final/)

[Graeme Simsion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/graeme-simsion/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/463/graeme-simsion-3122_finals_i-know-this-song-rosie-laughed-if-you-di_2504656.png)

> [Cara Delevingne, Gisele Bundchen and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley are all gorgeous.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vogue-williams/cara-delevingne-gisele-bundchen-and-rosie-huntington-whiteley-are-all/)

[Vogue Williams](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vogue-williams/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5b8/vogue-williams-6088_gorgeous_cara-delevingne-gisele-bundchen-and-rosi_494440.jpg)

> [“I'm hungry for a juicy life. I lean out my window at night and I can taste it out there, just waiting…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brigid-lowry/i-m-hungry-for-a-juicy-life-i-lean-out-my-window-at-night-and-i-can/)

[Brigid Lowry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brigid-lowry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0d2/brigid-lowry-53099_hungry_i-m-hungry-for-a-juicy-life-i-lean-out-m_1231000.jpg)

> [When you turn out the light, I've got to hand it to me. Looks like it's you and me again tonight Rosie.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jackson-browne/when-you-turn-out-the-light-i-ve-got-to-hand-it-to-me-looks-like-it-s/)

[Jackson Browne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jackson-browne/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/509/jackson-browne-4505_hands_when-you-turn-out-the-light-i-ve-got-to_1257934.png)

> [Here comes old Rosie she's looking mighty fine, here comes hot Nancy she's steppin' right on time. There go the street lights…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-seger/here-comes-old-rosie-she-s-looking-mighty-fine-here-comes-hot-nancy/)

[Bob Seger](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-seger/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0b1/bob-seger-4275_faces_here-comes-old-rosie-she-s-looking-might_3697.png)

> [“Up the narrow stairs and into the kitchen. Rosie's mother looked around and made a face as if to indicate that it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/neil-gaiman/up-the-narrow-stairs-and-into-the-kitchen-rosie-s-mother-looked/)

[Neil Gaiman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neil-gaiman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4a8/neil-gaiman-29_anansi-boys_up-the-narrow-stairs-and-into-the-kitche_1531830.jpg)

> [Those of us of a certain age grew up expecting that by now we would have Rosie the Robot from 'The Jetsons'…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/juan-enriquez/those-of-us-of-a-certain-age-grew-up-expecting-that-by-now-we-would/)

[Juan Enriquez](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/juan-enriquez/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7a3/juan-enriquez-10680_age_those-of-us-of-a-certain-age-grew-up-exp_15074.png)

> [“My gaze drifts up again to the break in the wall and the night sky beyond it. 'So why call this the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/caragh-m-o-brien/my-gaze-drifts-up-again-to-the-break-in-the-wall-and-the-night-sky/)

[Caragh M. O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/caragh-m-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/456/caragh-m-o-brien-15365_caragh-m-o-brien_my-gaze-drifts-up-again-to-the-break-in_331528.jpg)

> [“Essie came up behind Rosie and put an arm around her neck, then took the glass from her hand. "God, I hope…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lara-morgan/essie-came-up-behind-rosie-and-put-an-arm-around-her-neck-then-took/)

[Lara Morgan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lara-morgan/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b50/lara-morgan-40826_aunt-essie_essie-came-up-behind-rosie-and-put-an-ar_89816.jpg)

> [The character of Rosie is based on a woman who used to live in the same apartment building I lived in many…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sue-grafton/the-character-of-rosie-is-based-on-a-woman-who-used-to-live-in-the/)

[Sue Grafton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sue-grafton/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9f3/sue-grafton-1640_apartment_the-character-of-rosie-is-based-on-a-wom_1364912.png)

> [The prostitute journalist is a familiar and well-understood figure in the Middle East, and Saddam Hussein's regime made lavish use of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-hitchens/the-prostitute-journalist-is-a-familiar-and-well-understood-figure-in/)

[Christopher Hitchens](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-hitchens/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ad2/christopher-hitchens-117_east_the-prostitute-journalist-is-a-familiar_1370444.jpg)

> [To the world's most perfect woman. It was lucky my father was not present. Perfect is an absolute that cannot be modified,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/graeme-simsion/to-the-world-s-most-perfect-woman-it-was-lucky-my-father-was-not/)

[Graeme Simsion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/graeme-simsion/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ab3/graeme-simsion-3122_brain_to-the-world-s-most-perfect-woman-it-was_1509283.jpg)

> [If Rosie’s mother had known that eye colour was not a reliable indicator of paternity, and organised a DNA test to confirm…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/graeme-simsion/if-rosie-s-mother-had-known-that-eye-colour-was-not-a-reliable/)

[Graeme Simsion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/graeme-simsion/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7af/graeme-simsion-3122_adventure_if-rosie-s-mother-had-known-that-eye-col_968627.jpg)

> [ But the uproar this caused was nothing compared with the uproar when Katronia noticed \[Rosie\] had also cut her eyelashes. Various negotiations… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robin-mckinley/but-the-uproar-this-caused-was-nothing-compared-with-the-uproar-when/)

[Robin McKinley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robin-mckinley/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2d3/robin-mckinley-1591_cutting_but-the-uproar-this-caused-was-nothing-c_3147724.png)

> [“Dean ‘Ruckus’ Cole was a different kind of asshole to Baron ‘Vicious’ Spencer. He fucked you over with a polite smile on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/l-j-shen/dean-ruckus-cole-was-a-different-kind-of-asshole-to-baron-vicious/)

[L.J. Shen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/l-j-shen/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/50c/l-j-shen-1983_dean_dean-ruckus-cole-was-a-different-kind-of_1960712.jpg)

> [Gene told me the next day that I got it wrong. But he was not in a taxi, after an evening of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/graeme-simsion/gene-told-me-the-next-day-that-i-got-it-wrong-but-he-was-not-in-a/)

[Graeme Simsion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/graeme-simsion/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fcb/graeme-simsion-3122_answers_gene-told-me-the-next-day-that-i-got-it_1250192.jpg)

> [Back in the twentieth century, we thought that robots would have taken over by this time, and, in a way, they have.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-norris/back-in-the-twentieth-century-we-thought-that-robots-would-have-taken/)

[Mary Norris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-norris/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/44d/mary-norris-31685_boss_back-in-the-twentieth-century-we-thought_336598.jpg)

> [You can't have Rosie on The View and Elton John packing Mom and Pop in at Caesars Palace and gay people all…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-savage/you-can-t-have-rosie-on-the-view-and-elton-john-packing-mom-and-pop/)

[Dan Savage](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-savage/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5be/dan-savage-2880_culture_you-can-t-have-rosie-on-the-view-and-elt_1608206.jpg)

> ['Feminist comedy,' practically an oxymoron, had a couple of good years after WWII. Chalk it up to the forced female autonomy that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/grace-slick/feminist-comedy-practically-an-oxymoron-had-a-couple-of-good-years/)

[Grace Slick](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/grace-slick/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4af/grace-slick-6380_allies_feminist-comedy-practically-an-oxymoron_1414606.jpg)

> [I remember going onstage on Broadway in this Leigh Bowery thing for a track like "Ich Bin Kunst." I've got breasts, this…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/boy-george/i-remember-going-onstage-on-broadway-in-this-leigh-bowery-thing-for-a/)

[Boy George](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/boy-george/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6d9/boy-george-1385_annie_i-remember-going-onstage-on-broadway-in_43793.png)

> [“Just then a familiar voiced spoke right in to Stephens’s ear which startled him as his eyes once again began slowly opening.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-peeling/just-then-a-familiar-voiced-spoke-right-in-to-stephens-s-ear-which/)

Gary Peeling

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ca3/gary-peeling-93299_adventure_just-then-a-familiar-voiced-spoke-right_353578.jpg)

> [“You’re saying your mother engaged in unprotected sex outside her primary relationship?’ ‘With some other student,’ replied Rosie. ‘While she was dating…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/graeme-simsion/you-re-saying-your-mother-engaged-in-unprotected-sex-outside-her/)

[Graeme Simsion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/graeme-simsion/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d06/graeme-simsion-3122_don_you-re-saying-your-mother-engaged-in-unp_492005.png)

> [“At first we had so much to catch up on we were talking a hundred words a second, barely even listening to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cecelia-ahern/at-first-we-had-so-much-to-catch-up-on-we-were-talking-a-hundred/)

[Cecelia Ahern](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cecelia-ahern/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a9f/cecelia-ahern-535_alex_at-first-we-had-so-much-to-catch-up-on-w_1028176.jpg)

> [“FatherMichael has entered the room Wildflower: Ah don’t tell me you’re through a divorce yourself Father? SureOne: Don’t be silly Wildflower, have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cecelia-ahern/fathermichael-has-entered-the-room-wildflower-ah-don-t-tell-me-you-re/)

[Cecelia Ahern](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cecelia-ahern/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e87/cecelia-ahern-535_bride-and-groom_fathermichael-has-entered-the-room-wildf_2569440.jpg)

> [“Don't be a hero for me." Only for you , Rosie thought but didn't say it.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lara-morgan/don-t-be-a-hero-for-me-only-for-you-rosie-thought-but-didn-t-say-it/)

[Lara Morgan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lara-morgan/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d61/lara-morgan-40826_dark-star_don-t-be-a-hero-for-me-only-for-you-rosi_761617.jpg)

> [When I was a kid, Ellen DeGeneres and Rosie O'Donnell were mere blips on the gaydar; and they were both still in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/beth-ditto/when-i-was-a-kid-ellen-degeneres-and-rosie-o-donnell-were-mere-blips/)

[Beth Ditto](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/beth-ditto/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/048/beth-ditto-3017_both_when-i-was-a-kid-ellen-degeneres-and-ros_438616.png)

> [Rosie is a Hall of Fame player, and I wouldn't be in the Hall of Fame if it weren't for him.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/frank-gifford/rosie-is-a-hall-of-fame-player-and-i-wouldn-t-be-in-the-hall-of-fame/)

[Frank Gifford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/frank-gifford/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2de/frank-gifford-50930_fame_rosie-is-a-hall-of-fame-player-and-i-wou_905228.jpg)

> [So that's little Scorpious. Make sure you beat him in every test, Rosie. Thank god you've inherited your mother's brains.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/so-that-s-little-scorpious-make-sure-you-beat-him-in-every-test-rosie/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/272/anonymous-1_beats_so-that-s-little-scorpious-make-sure-you_1890029.jpg)

> [“Did Berg teach you?' Orson says. 'No,' I say. He never taught me anything but fear.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/caragh-m-o-brien/did-berg-teach-you-orson-says-no-i-say-he-never-taught-me-anything/)

[Caragh M. O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/caragh-m-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/68d/caragh-m-o-brien-15365_caragh-m-o-brien_did-berg-teach-you-orson-says-no-i-say-h_1912193.jpg)

> [Men are the Rosie-the-Riveters of parenting. They're brought in only when needed, and considered disposable thereafter.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/warren-farrell/men-are-the-rosie-the-riveters-of-parenting-they-re-brought-in-only/)

[Warren Farrell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/warren-farrell/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/010/warren-farrell-1187_disposable_men-are-the-rosie-the-riveters-of-parent_2186303.png)

## Top authors on Rosie

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                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Use it, Rosie, that's what it's there for.",
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                            "name": "Bruce Springsteen"
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Rosie laughed in a not too reassuring way if you like sane laughter.",
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                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Louise Rennison"
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                        "text": "The prostitute journalist is a familiar and well-understood figure in the Middle East, and Saddam Hussein's regime made lavish use of the buyability of the regional press. Now we, too, have hired that clapped-out old floozy, Miss Rosie Scenario, and sent her whoring through the streets.",
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                        "text": "To the world's most perfect woman. It was lucky my father was not present. Perfect is an absolute that cannot be modified, like unique or pregnant. My love for Rosie was so powerful that it had caused my brain to make a grammatical error.",
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                        "text": "If Rosie’s mother had known that eye colour was not a reliable indicator of paternity, and organised a DNA test to confirm her suspicions, there would have been no Father Project, no Great Cocktail Night, no New York Adventure, no Reform Don Project—and no Rosie Project. Had it not been for this unscheduled series of events, her daughter and I would not have fallen in love. And I would still be eating lobster every Tuesday night. Incredible.",
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                        "text": "But the uproar this caused was nothing compared with the uproar when Katronia noticed [Rosie] had also cut her eyelashes. Various negotiations (including, finally, such desperate measures as \"supposing you ever want to eat again\") eventually produced the grudging promise that, in return for Katronia keeping her hair cut short, she would leave her eyelashes alone.",
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                        "text": "“Dean ‘Ruckus’ Cole was a different kind of asshole to Baron ‘Vicious’ Spencer. He fucked you over with a polite smile on his face. In that sense, he was the Joker. In his mix of confidence, cockiness, good looks, and money, there was a dash of insanity thrown in. Enough to let you know that he meant every word he said.”",
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                        "text": "Gene told me the next day that I got it wrong. But he was not in a taxi, after an evening of total sensory overload, with the most beautiful woman in the world. I believed I did well. I detected the trick question. I wanted Rosie to like me, and I remembered her passionate statement about men treating women as objects. She was testing to see if I saw her as an object or as a person. Obviously the correct answer was the latter. ‘I haven’t really noticed,’ I told the most beautiful woman in the world.",
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                        "text": "Back in the twentieth century, we thought that robots would have taken over by this time, and, in a way, they have. But robots as a race have proved disappointing. Instead of getting to boss around underlings made of steel and plastic with circuitry and blinking lights and tank treads, like Rosie the maid on The Jetsons, we humans have outfitted ourselves with robotic external organs. Our iPods dictate what we listen to next, gadgets in our cars tell us which way to go, and smartphones finish our sentences for us. We have become our own robots.",
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                        "text": "You can't have Rosie on The View and Elton John packing Mom and Pop in at Caesars Palace and gay people all over television, and then have these politicians run out there with a straight face and say that gay and lesbian relationships are a threat to the family. We are winning in the culture - which is why we'll ultimately win the political war.",
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                        "text": "'Feminist comedy,' practically an oxymoron, had a couple of good years after WWII. Chalk it up to the forced female autonomy that occurred during wartime, when Rosie the Riveter went to work in the factories, constructing the Allies' war machines while taking charge of the finances, the home, and the children.",
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                        "text": "I remember going onstage on Broadway in this Leigh Bowery thing for a track like \"Ich Bin Kunst.\" I've got breasts, this latex dripping down on my head, and I come out in a box. I just remember the audience looking really horrified because Rosie [O'Donnell] was trying to sell the show as sort of Pippin and Annie. She was saying it's a family show.",
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                        "text": "“Just then a familiar voiced spoke right in to Stephens’s ear which startled him as his eyes once again began slowly opening. “Don’t try to move or talk you two, not that you could if you wanted to anyway.” It was Bob inches away from his face and he sounded very different now, his voice was low and threatening and his eyes were unsmiling and cold. “Very soon you will be gone and there will be no trace of any of you here, or us for that matter.” He felt Bob go through his pockets until eventually he saw that he had pulled his van keys out of his pocket. Stephen looked around for his baby and he could see the others passing a sleeping Rosie clutching Roo and her dummy to the goblin like creatures. They grabbed her with their long thin hands with talon like fingers and then began sniffing her like animals that smelt out the prey. Bob saw him looking at them walking off with Rosie. “Don’t worry Stephen. The sproggers will care for her” Bob told him before letting out a spine shivering sinister laugh.”",
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                        "text": "“You’re saying your mother engaged in unprotected sex outside her primary relationship?’ ‘With some other student,’ replied Rosie. ‘While she was dating my’ – at this point Rosie raised her hands and made a downwards movement, twice, with the index and middle fingers of both hands – ‘father. My real dad’s a doctor. I just don’t know which one. Really, really pisses me off.’ I was fascinated by the hand movements and silent for a while as I tried to work them out. Were they a sign of distress at not knowing who her father was? If so, it was not one I was familiar with. And why had she chosen to punctuate her speech at that point … of course! Punctuation! ‘Quotation marks,’ I said aloud as the idea hit me. ‘What?’ ‘You made quotation marks around “father” to draw attention to the fact that the word should not be interpreted in the usual way. Very clever.’ ‘Well, there you go,’ she said. ‘And there I was thinking you were reflecting on my minor problem with my whole fucking life. And might have something intelligent to say.’ I corrected her. ‘It’s not a minor problem at all!’ I pointed my finger in the air to indicate an exclamation mark. ‘You should insist on being informed.’ I stabbed the same finger to indicate a full stop. This was quite fun.”",
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                        "text": "“At first we had so much to catch up on we were talking a hundred words a second, barely even listening to the ends of one another's sentences before moving onto the next. And there was laughing. Lots of laughing. Then the laughing stopped and there was this silence. What the hell was it? It was like the world stopped turning in that instant. Like everyone around us had disappeared. Like everything at home was forgotten about. It was as if those few minutes on this world were created just for us and all we could do was look at each other. It was like he was seeing my face for the first time. He looked confused but kind of amused. Exactly how I felt. Because I was sitting on the grass with my best friend Alex, and that was my best friend Alex's face and nose and eyes and lips, but they seemed different. So I kissed him. I seized the moment and I kissed him,”",
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                        "text": "“FatherMichael has entered the room Wildflower: Ah don’t tell me you’re through a divorce yourself Father? SureOne: Don’t be silly Wildflower, have a bit of respect! He’s here for the ceremony. Wildflower: I know that. I was just trying to lighten the atmosphere. FatherMichael: So have the loving couple arrived yet? SureOne: No but it’s customary for the bride to be late. FatherMichael: Well is the groom here? SingleSam has entered the room Wildflower: Here he is now. Hello there SingleSam. I think this is the first time ever that both the bride and groom will have to change their names. SingleSam: Hello all. Buttercup: Where’s the bride? LonelyLady: Probably fixing her makeup. Wildflower: Oh don’t be silly. No one can even see her. LonelyLady: SingleSam can see her. SureOne: She’s not doing her makeup; she’s supposed to keep the groom waiting. SingleSam: No she’s right here on the laptop beside me. She’s just having problems with her password logging in. SureOne: Doomed from the start. Divorced_1 has entered the room Wildflower: Wahoo! Here comes the bride, all dressed in . . . SingleSam: Black. Wildflower: How charming. Buttercup: She’s right to wear black. Divorced_1: What’s wrong with misery guts today? LonelyLady: She found a letter from Alex that was written 12 years ago proclaiming his love for her and she doesn’t know what to do. Divorced_1: Here’s a word of advice. Get over it, he’s married. Now let’s focus the attention on me for a change. SoOverHim has entered the room FatherMichael: OK let’s begin. We are gathered here online today to witness the marriage of SingleSam (soon to be “Sam”) and Divorced_1 (soon to be “Married_1”). SoOverHim: WHAT?? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE? THIS IS A MARRIAGE CEREMONY IN A DIVORCED PEOPLE CHAT ROOM?? Wildflower: Uh-oh, looks like we got ourselves a gate crasher here. Excuse me can we see your wedding invite please? Divorced_1: Ha ha. SoOverHim: YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY? YOU PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK, COMING IN HERE AND TRYING TO UPSET OTHERS WHO ARE GENUINELY TROUBLED. Buttercup: Oh we are genuinely troubled alright. And could you please STOP SHOUTING. LonelyLady: You see SoOverHim, this is where SingleSam and Divorced_1 met for the first time. SoOverHim: OH I HAVE SEEN IT ALL NOW! Buttercup: Sshh! SoOverHim: Sorry. Mind if I stick around? Divorced_1: Sure grab a pew; just don’t trip over my train. Wildflower: Ha ha. FatherMichael: OK we should get on with this; I don’t want to be late for my 2 o’clock. First I have to ask, is there anyone in here who thinks there is any reason why these two should not be married? LonelyLady: Yes. SureOne: I could give more than one reason. Buttercup: Hell yes. SoOverHim: DON’T DO IT! FatherMichael: Well I’m afraid this has put me in a very tricky predicament. Divorced_1: Father we are in a divorced chat room, of course they all object to marriage. Can we get on with it? FatherMichael: Certainly. Do you Sam take Penelope to be your lawful wedded wife? SingleSam: I do. FatherMichael: Do you Penelope take Sam to be your lawful wedded husband? Divorced_1: I do (yeah, yeah my name is Penelope). FatherMichael: You have already e-mailed your vows to me so by the online power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride. Now if the witnesses could click on the icon to the right of the screen they will find a form to type their names, addresses, and phone numbers. Once that’s filled in just e-mail it off to me. I’ll be off now. Congratulations again. FatherMichael has left the room Wildflower: Congrats Sam and Penelope! Divorced_1: Thanks girls for being here. SoOverHim: Freaks. SoOverHim has left the room”",
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