---
title: "1 Real Drunk Quotes By Jack Handy"
description: "1 Real Drunk quotes by Jack Handy. Plus more from Jack Handy and more Real Drunk sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fa8/jack-handy-40777_drunk_and-after-you-re-real-drunk-maybe-go-dow_583819.jpg"
---

> [And after you're real drunk, maybe go down to the public park and stagger around and ask people for money, and then lay down and go to sleep.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handy/and-after-you-re-real-drunk-maybe-go-down-to-the-public-park-and/)

[Jack Handy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handy/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fa8/jack-handy-40777_drunk_and-after-you-re-real-drunk-maybe-go-dow_583819.jpg)

## More by Jack Handy

> [If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like now.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handy/if-i-ever-get-real-rich-i-hope-i-m-not-real-mean-to-poor-people-like/)

[Jack Handy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handy/)

> [If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handy/if-i-lived-back-in-the-wild-west-days-instead-of-carrying-a-six-gun/)

[Jack Handy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handy/)

> [“Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handy/before-you-criticize-someone-walk-a-mile-in-their-shoes-that-way-you/)

[Jack Handy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handy/)

> [And after you're real drunk, maybe go down to the public park and stagger around and ask people for money, and then lay down…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handy/and-after-you-re-real-drunk-maybe-go-down-to-the-public-park-and/)

[Jack Handy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handy/)

> [If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handy/if-i-ever-get-real-rich-i-hope-i-m-not-real-mean-to-poor-people-like-2/)

[Jack Handy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handy/)

> [I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder weapons sale. Many people could really use used ice…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handy/i-think-one-way-the-cops-could-make-money-would-be-to-hold-a-murder/)

[Jack Handy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handy/)

> [If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handy/if-you-ever-drop-your-keys-into-a-river-of-molten-lava-let-em-go/)

[Jack Handy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handy/)

> [It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handy/it-s-easy-to-sit-there-and-say-you-d-like-to-have-more-money-and-i-2/)

[Jack Handy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handy/)

> [Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handy/probably-the-earliest-fly-swatters-were-nothing-more-than-some-sort/)

[Jack Handy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handy/)

> [I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handy/i-d-like-to-see-a-nude-opera-because-when-they-hit-those-high-notes-i/)

[Jack Handy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handy/)

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