--- title: "10 People Quotes By Greg Giraldo" description: "10 People quotes by Greg Giraldo. Plus more from Greg Giraldo and more People sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e4d/greg-giraldo-10617_black_there-are-no-black-people-in-iraq-so-how_641286.png" --- > [There are no black people in Iraq, so how will they know who to shoot at?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/there-are-no-black-people-in-iraq-so-how-will-they-know-who-to-shoot/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e4d/greg-giraldo-10617_black_there-are-no-black-people-in-iraq-so-how_641286.png) > [I like when people give up chocolate for Lent. Ooh, just like being nailed to a cross.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/i-like-when-people-give-up-chocolate-for-lent-ooh-just-like-being/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d79/greg-giraldo-10617_chocolate_i-like-when-people-give-up-chocolate-for_2416516.png) > [People come to this country from all over the world to pursue their dreams of driving a taxi or selling hot dogs…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/people-come-to-this-country-from-all-over-the-world-to-pursue-their/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d1f/greg-giraldo-10617_country_people-come-to-this-country-from-all-ove_2975072.png) > [You think they could stop putting these experts on the news with their doomsday scenarios of how the terrorists might attack us?…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/you-think-they-could-stop-putting-these-experts-on-the-news-with/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/487/greg-giraldo-10617_doomsday_you-think-they-could-stop-putting-these_1056930.jpg) > [People always want to compare their dogs to having kids. That's insulting. First of all, nobody has a dog because they were…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/people-always-want-to-compare-their-dogs-to-having-kids-that-s/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bd8/greg-giraldo-10617_animal_people-always-want-to-compare-their-dogs_135150.jpg) > [George Bush says that gay people getting married would violate the sanctity of marriage. Is anybody here married? Does it feel like…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/george-bush-says-that-gay-people-getting-married-would-violate-the/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ea7/greg-giraldo-10617_doe_george-bush-says-that-gay-people-getting_1716460.jpg) > [Some people say Larry the Cable Guy's only successful because he's pandering to the lowest common denominator, blatantly and not ironically exploiting…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/some-people-say-larry-the-cable-guy-s-only-successful-because-he-s/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e31/greg-giraldo-10617_bitter_some-people-say-larry-the-cable-guy-s-on_3063672.png) > [Norm MacDonald is here - one of the funniest people ever. Norm's got a giant gambling problem. He's dropped more coin in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/norm-macdonald-is-here-one-of-the-funniest-people-ever-norm-s-got-a/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/55a/greg-giraldo-10617_casinos_norm-macdonald-is-here-one-of-the-funnie_1478486.png) > [Some people are just really goofy kind of guitar acts, and they go out and do these colleges and start making a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/some-people-are-just-really-goofy-kind-of-guitar-acts-and-they-go-out/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fc6/greg-giraldo-10617_acts_some-people-are-just-really-goofy-kind-o_2555952.jpg) > [The Japanese scientists just found a 25,000-year-old mammoth in the ice in Siberia, and they're about to clone it... You think the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/the-japanese-scientists-just-found-a-25-000-year-old-mammoth-in-the/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b92/greg-giraldo-10617_animal_the-japanese-scientists-just-found-a-25_2929643.png) ## Other authors on People - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b022/author-sunday-adelaja-87912.jpg) Sunday Adelaja 856 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/sunday-adelaja/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b021/author-rush-limbaugh-81741.jpg) Rush Limbaugh 843 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/rush-limbaugh/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b008/author-donald-trump-30060.jpg) Donald Trump 724 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/donald-trump/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b005/author-barack-obama-16275.jpg) Barack Obama 624 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/barack-obama/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b010/author-frederick-lenz-36205.jpg) Frederick Lenz 488 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/frederick-lenz/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b011/author-hillary-clinton-42043.jpg) Hillary Clinton 367 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/hillary-clinton/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b010/author-george-w-bush-38036.jpg) George W. Bush 298 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/george-w-bush/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b018/author-noam-chomsky-71799.jpg) Noam Chomsky 286 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/noam-chomsky/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b005/author-bernie-sanders-17420.jpg) Bernie Sanders 260 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/bernie-sanders/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b013/author-john-c-maxwell-51081.jpg) John C. Maxwell 249 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/john-c-maxwell/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b023/author-terry-pratchett-89528.jpg) Terry Pratchett 244 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/terry-pratchett/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b005/author-bill-gates-17911.jpg) Bill Gates 223 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/bill-gates/) ## More by Greg Giraldo > [Terrorism is obviously on everybody's mind. The other day my son says to me, 'Daddy, how come the bad men hate us?' How sad…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/terrorism-is-obviously-on-everybody-s-mind-the-other-day-my-son-says/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) > [The things that make me laugh are considered smart or whatever, I guess. But stuff that's self-consciously intelligent or self-consciously hip or cool, that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/the-things-that-make-me-laugh-are-considered-smart-or-whatever-i/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) > [Even before the kids are born, you've go to make these decisions. If it's a boy, do we get him circumcised? If it's a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/even-before-the-kids-are-born-you-ve-go-to-make-these-decisions-if-it/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) > [Look at the insane things the Jews believe. The Jews believe that Barbra Streisand is worth $1,000 bucks a ticket.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/look-at-the-insane-things-the-jews-believe-the-jews-believe-that/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) > [People always want to compare their dogs to having kids. That's insulting. First of all, nobody has a dog because they were too drunk…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/people-always-want-to-compare-their-dogs-to-having-kids-that-s/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) > [All the evidence we need that God is angry with us is Justin Timberlake's career.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/all-the-evidence-we-need-that-god-is-angry-with-us-is-justin/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) > [The hardest part, for real, is probably when you just don't feel like going on stage and being funny.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/the-hardest-part-for-real-is-probably-when-you-just-don-t-feel-like/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) > [There's been so much talk in the news lately about illegal aliens in the workplace. When was the last time an illegal alien stole…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/there-s-been-so-much-talk-in-the-news-lately-about-illegal-aliens-in/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) > [My advice to graduates is to stay positive. Life is short, and you'll be dead soon.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/my-advice-to-graduates-is-to-stay-positive-life-is-short-and-you-ll/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) > [If you're going to dedicate your career to ranting about the excesses of American capitalism, you probably shouldn't weigh 450 pounds.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/if-you-re-going-to-dedicate-your-career-to-ranting-about-the-excesses/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) > [When I heard you could get a disease from playing with your prairie dog, I thought, 'Wow, what a euphemism.' I thought playing with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/when-i-heard-you-could-get-a-disease-from-playing-with-your-prairie/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) > [I've always had real trouble knowing what my actual desires and goals are. I've just been dragged along by fate.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/i-ve-always-had-real-trouble-knowing-what-my-actual-desires-and-goals/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) > [A dangerous fire retardant chemical is being found in women's breast milk. My wife's breastfeeding, but you know, you gotta be an optimist. I'm…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/a-dangerous-fire-retardant-chemical-is-being-found-in-women-s-breast/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) > [A good joke provides tension, and then, release of that tension. You build the tension by saying things that are controversial. The release is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/a-good-joke-provides-tension-and-then-release-of-that-tension-you/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) > [There are no black people in Iraq, so how will they know who to shoot at?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/there-are-no-black-people-in-iraq-so-how-will-they-know-who-to-shoot/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/greg-giraldo/#itemlist", "name": "10 People Quotes By Greg Giraldo", "numberOfItems": 10, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "There are no black people in Iraq, so how will they know who to shoot at?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Greg Giraldo" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/there-are-no-black-people-in-iraq-so-how-will-they-know-who-to-shoot/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e4d/greg-giraldo-10617_black_there-are-no-black-people-in-iraq-so-how_641286.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e4d/greg-giraldo-10617_black_there-are-no-black-people-in-iraq-so-how_641286.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e4d/greg-giraldo-10617_black_there-are-no-black-people-in-iraq-so-how_641286.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“There are no black people in Iraq, so how will they know who to shoot at?” — Greg Giraldo", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I like when people give up chocolate for Lent. Ooh, just like being nailed to a cross.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Greg Giraldo" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/i-like-when-people-give-up-chocolate-for-lent-ooh-just-like-being/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d79/greg-giraldo-10617_chocolate_i-like-when-people-give-up-chocolate-for_2416516.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d79/greg-giraldo-10617_chocolate_i-like-when-people-give-up-chocolate-for_2416516.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d79/greg-giraldo-10617_chocolate_i-like-when-people-give-up-chocolate-for_2416516.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I like when people give up chocolate for Lent. 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Because you get the sense they're coming up with ideas that these people haven't thought of themselves.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Greg Giraldo" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/you-think-they-could-stop-putting-these-experts-on-the-news-with/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/487/greg-giraldo-10617_doomsday_you-think-they-could-stop-putting-these_1056930.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/487/greg-giraldo-10617_doomsday_you-think-they-could-stop-putting-these_1056930.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/487/greg-giraldo-10617_doomsday_you-think-they-could-stop-putting-these_1056930.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“You think they could stop putting these experts on the news with their doomsday scenarios of how the…” — Greg Giraldo", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 5, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "People always want to compare their dogs to having kids. That's insulting. First of all, nobody has a dog because they were too drunk to pull out.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Greg Giraldo" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/people-always-want-to-compare-their-dogs-to-having-kids-that-s/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bd8/greg-giraldo-10617_animal_people-always-want-to-compare-their-dogs_135150.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bd8/greg-giraldo-10617_animal_people-always-want-to-compare-their-dogs_135150.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bd8/greg-giraldo-10617_animal_people-always-want-to-compare-their-dogs_135150.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“People always want to compare their dogs to having kids. That's insulting. First of all, nobody has a dog…” — Greg Giraldo", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 6, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "George Bush says that gay people getting married would violate the sanctity of marriage. Is anybody here married? Does it feel like a gift from God to you?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Greg Giraldo" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/george-bush-says-that-gay-people-getting-married-would-violate-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ea7/greg-giraldo-10617_doe_george-bush-says-that-gay-people-getting_1716460.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ea7/greg-giraldo-10617_doe_george-bush-says-that-gay-people-getting_1716460.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ea7/greg-giraldo-10617_doe_george-bush-says-that-gay-people-getting_1716460.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“George Bush says that gay people getting married would violate the sanctity of marriage. Is anybody here…” — Greg Giraldo", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Some people say Larry the Cable Guy's only successful because he's pandering to the lowest common denominator, blatantly and not ironically exploiting people's racist and homophobic tendencies. Don't listen to these people, Larry. They're just bitter and jealous and right.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Greg Giraldo" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/some-people-say-larry-the-cable-guy-s-only-successful-because-he-s/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e31/greg-giraldo-10617_bitter_some-people-say-larry-the-cable-guy-s-on_3063672.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e31/greg-giraldo-10617_bitter_some-people-say-larry-the-cable-guy-s-on_3063672.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e31/greg-giraldo-10617_bitter_some-people-say-larry-the-cable-guy-s-on_3063672.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Some people say Larry the Cable Guy's only successful because he's pandering to the lowest common…” — Greg Giraldo", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Norm MacDonald is here - one of the funniest people ever. Norm's got a giant gambling problem. He's dropped more coin in a casino than Michael J. Fox at a parking meter.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Greg Giraldo" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/norm-macdonald-is-here-one-of-the-funniest-people-ever-norm-s-got-a/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/55a/greg-giraldo-10617_casinos_norm-macdonald-is-here-one-of-the-funnie_1478486.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/55a/greg-giraldo-10617_casinos_norm-macdonald-is-here-one-of-the-funnie_1478486.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/55a/greg-giraldo-10617_casinos_norm-macdonald-is-here-one-of-the-funnie_1478486.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Norm MacDonald is here - one of the funniest people ever. Norm's got a giant gambling problem. He's dropped…” — Greg Giraldo", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Some people are just really goofy kind of guitar acts, and they go out and do these colleges and start making a fortune pretty early on. And other people - I know guys who are great comics, who've done the Letterman show many times, who still barely pay their bills.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Greg Giraldo" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/some-people-are-just-really-goofy-kind-of-guitar-acts-and-they-go-out/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fc6/greg-giraldo-10617_acts_some-people-are-just-really-goofy-kind-o_2555952.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fc6/greg-giraldo-10617_acts_some-people-are-just-really-goofy-kind-o_2555952.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fc6/greg-giraldo-10617_acts_some-people-are-just-really-goofy-kind-o_2555952.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Some people are just really goofy kind of guitar acts, and they go out and do these colleges and start…” — Greg Giraldo", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The Japanese scientists just found a 25,000-year-old mammoth in the ice in Siberia, and they're about to clone it... You think the Japanese of all people would want nothing to do with prehistoric animals after what happened with Godzilla.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Greg Giraldo" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/the-japanese-scientists-just-found-a-25-000-year-old-mammoth-in-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b92/greg-giraldo-10617_animal_the-japanese-scientists-just-found-a-25_2929643.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b92/greg-giraldo-10617_animal_the-japanese-scientists-just-found-a-25_2929643.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b92/greg-giraldo-10617_animal_the-japanese-scientists-just-found-a-25_2929643.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The Japanese scientists just found a 25,000-year-old mammoth in the ice in Siberia, and they're about to…” — Greg Giraldo", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } } ] }, { "@type": "CollectionPage", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/greg-giraldo/#webpage", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/greg-giraldo/", "name": "People Quotes by Greg Giraldo", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/greg-giraldo/#itemlist" }, "primaryImageOfPage": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e4d/greg-giraldo-10617_black_there-are-no-black-people-in-iraq-so-how_641286.png" }, "description": "10 People quotes by Greg Giraldo. 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