--- title: "13 People Quotes By Emo Philips" description: "13 People quotes by Emo Philips. Plus more from Emo Philips and more People sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/862/emo-philips-1788_hate_not-everybody-hates-me-only-the-people-w_2856689.png" --- > [Not everybody hates me. Only the people who've met me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/not-everybody-hates-me-only-the-people-who-ve-met-me/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/862/emo-philips-1788_hate_not-everybody-hates-me-only-the-people-w_2856689.png) > [People come up to me... concerned... that I'll reproduce.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/people-come-up-to-me-concerned-that-i-ll-reproduce/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fab/emo-philips-1788_come_people-come-up-to-me-concerned-that-i-ll_1242689.png) > [You know what I hate the most? People that imitate owls.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/you-know-what-i-hate-the-most-people-that-imitate-owls/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2ca/emo-philips-1788_hate_you-know-what-i-hate-the-most-people-tha_1446199.png) > [People always ask me, 'Where were you when Kennedy was shot?' Well, I don't have an alibi.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/people-always-ask-me-where-were-you-when-kennedy-was-shot-well-i-don/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1b1/emo-philips-1788_alibi_people-always-ask-me-where-were-you-when_385950.png) > [How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/how-many-people-here-have-telekenetic-powers-raise-my-hand/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f56/emo-philips-1788_funny_how-many-people-here-have-telekenetic-po_2040797.png) > [People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/people-come-up-to-me-and-say-emo-do-people-really-come-up-to-you/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/44d/emo-philips-1788_come-up_people-come-up-to-me-and-say-emo-do-peop_1930006.png) > [I think of people as members of an audience. But an audience acts independently of every individual. It's an organism on its…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-think-of-people-as-members-of-an-audience-but-an-audience-acts/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f5d/emo-philips-1788_audience_i-think-of-people-as-members-of-an-audie_1072794.png) > [You know, at parties, people always ask, 'Where were you when Kennedy was shot?' Well, I don't have an alibi!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/you-know-at-parties-people-always-ask-where-were-you-when-kennedy-was/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/48e/emo-philips-1788_alibi_you-know-at-parties-people-always-ask-wh_1198564.png) > [The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow a sweatband is considered a silencer.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/the-scots-are-a-very-tough-people-they-have-drive-by-headbuttings-in/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/faf/emo-philips-1788_glasgow_the-scots-are-a-very-tough-people-they-h_1510692.png) > [I was sick of people making fun of my hair and so I cut it off and I've got much more attention…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-was-sick-of-people-making-fun-of-my-hair-and-so-i-cut-it-off-and-i/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e5/emo-philips-1788_attention_i-was-sick-of-people-making-fun-of-my-ha_727666.png) > [I don't really hang out with people. I like to be by myself. In fact, I've been arrested a few times because…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-don-t-really-hang-out-with-people-i-like-to-be-by-myself-in-fact-i/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bc5/emo-philips-1788_arrested_i-don-t-really-hang-out-with-people-i-li_1338064.jpg) > [What is eternity? You're on the checkout line at a supermarket. There are seven people in front of you. They are all…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/what-is-eternity-you-re-on-the-checkout-line-at-a-supermarket-there/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b71/emo-philips-1788_carts_what-is-eternity-you-re-on-the-checkout_2069545.png) > [The subconscious is like having a laboratory assistant who pretends to love you and help you, but after you go home to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/the-subconscious-is-like-having-a-laboratory-assistant-who-pretends/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ee4/emo-philips-1788_assistants_the-subconscious-is-like-having-a-labora_2671416.png) ## Other authors on People - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b022/author-sunday-adelaja-87912.jpg) Sunday Adelaja 856 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/sunday-adelaja/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b021/author-rush-limbaugh-81741.jpg) Rush Limbaugh 843 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/rush-limbaugh/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b008/author-donald-trump-30060.jpg) Donald Trump 724 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/donald-trump/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b005/author-barack-obama-16275.jpg) Barack Obama 624 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/barack-obama/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b010/author-frederick-lenz-36205.jpg) Frederick Lenz 488 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/frederick-lenz/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b011/author-hillary-clinton-42043.jpg) Hillary Clinton 367 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/hillary-clinton/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b010/author-george-w-bush-38036.jpg) George W. Bush 298 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/george-w-bush/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b018/author-noam-chomsky-71799.jpg) Noam Chomsky 286 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/noam-chomsky/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b005/author-bernie-sanders-17420.jpg) Bernie Sanders 260 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/bernie-sanders/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b013/author-john-c-maxwell-51081.jpg) John C. Maxwell 249 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/john-c-maxwell/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b023/author-terry-pratchett-89528.jpg) Terry Pratchett 244 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/terry-pratchett/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b005/author-bill-gates-17911.jpg) Bill Gates 223 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/bill-gates/) ## More by Emo Philips > [Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/once-i-was-in-a-restaurant-and-i-dropped-my-fork-on-the-floor-and/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [I give money to Unicef because I like the 'bang for your buck' aspect. Here's $10, go and save 1,000 kids from blindness!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-give-money-to-unicef-because-i-like-the-bang-for-your-buck-aspect/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [Libertarians believe consenting adults have the right to do whatever they choose, except band together.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/libertarians-believe-consenting-adults-have-the-right-to-do-whatever/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [I love England. In fact, they're getting to know me so well at Heathrow Immigration that this time I was able to completely bypass…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-love-england-in-fact-they-re-getting-to-know-me-so-well-at-heathrow/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/he-taught-me-never-to-smile-which-helps-me-when-i-visit-disaster-sites/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/the-way-i-understand-it-the-russians-are-sort-of-a-combination-of/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face."…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-got-in-a-fight-one-time-with-a-really-big-guy-and-he-said-i-m-going/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [I don't know if I was put on this Earth for a purpose or not. But I'm fairly confident that I'll be taken off…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-don-t-know-if-i-was-put-on-this-earth-for-a-purpose-or-not-but-i-m/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, If you'll remember,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-got-a-letter-from-the-irs-apparently-i-owe-them-800-so-i-sent-them/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [If you're worth over $50m you should have to dress like that guy on the Monopoly box. The super-rich shouldn't get all the benefits…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/if-you-re-worth-over-50m-you-should-have-to-dress-like-that-guy-on/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [Race is still somewhat of a taboo in comedy. But if you're a minority, then you can make fun of your own minority. And…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/race-is-still-somewhat-of-a-taboo-in-comedy-but-if-you-re-a-minority/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-like-to-play-chess-with-bald-men-in-the-park-although-it-s-hard-to/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee - that will do them in.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/if-computers-get-too-powerful-we-can-organize-them-into-a-committee/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman:…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/you-don-t-appreciate-a-lot-of-stuff-in-school-until-you-get-older/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [Thinking up jokes is easy. The hard part is trying them out on stage, because you never know if they're funny until you get…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/thinking-up-jokes-is-easy-the-hard-part-is-trying-them-out-on-stage/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/emo-philips/#itemlist", "name": "13 People Quotes By Emo Philips", "numberOfItems": 13, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Not everybody hates me. 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But an audience acts independently of every individual. It's an organism on its own. I focus on that living hydra in the dark.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Emo Philips" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-think-of-people-as-members-of-an-audience-but-an-audience-acts/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f5d/emo-philips-1788_audience_i-think-of-people-as-members-of-an-audie_1072794.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f5d/emo-philips-1788_audience_i-think-of-people-as-members-of-an-audie_1072794.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f5d/emo-philips-1788_audience_i-think-of-people-as-members-of-an-audie_1072794.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I think of people as members of an audience. But an audience acts independently of every individual. It's an…” — Emo Philips", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "You know, at parties, people always ask, 'Where were you when Kennedy was shot?' Well, I don't have an alibi!", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Emo Philips" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/you-know-at-parties-people-always-ask-where-were-you-when-kennedy-was/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/48e/emo-philips-1788_alibi_you-know-at-parties-people-always-ask-wh_1198564.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/48e/emo-philips-1788_alibi_you-know-at-parties-people-always-ask-wh_1198564.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/48e/emo-philips-1788_alibi_you-know-at-parties-people-always-ask-wh_1198564.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“You know, at parties, people always ask, 'Where were you when Kennedy was shot?' Well, I don't have an alibi!” — Emo Philips", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow a sweatband is considered a silencer.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Emo Philips" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/the-scots-are-a-very-tough-people-they-have-drive-by-headbuttings-in/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/faf/emo-philips-1788_glasgow_the-scots-are-a-very-tough-people-they-h_1510692.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/faf/emo-philips-1788_glasgow_the-scots-are-a-very-tough-people-they-h_1510692.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/faf/emo-philips-1788_glasgow_the-scots-are-a-very-tough-people-they-h_1510692.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow a sweatband is considered a…” — Emo Philips", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I was sick of people making fun of my hair and so I cut it off and I've got much more attention than ever before. It was like when Mona Lisa was stolen from the Louvre in 1906 - three times more people came to see where it used to be.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Emo Philips" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-was-sick-of-people-making-fun-of-my-hair-and-so-i-cut-it-off-and-i/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e5/emo-philips-1788_attention_i-was-sick-of-people-making-fun-of-my-ha_727666.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e5/emo-philips-1788_attention_i-was-sick-of-people-making-fun-of-my-ha_727666.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e5/emo-philips-1788_attention_i-was-sick-of-people-making-fun-of-my-ha_727666.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I was sick of people making fun of my hair and so I cut it off and I've got much more attention than ever…” — Emo Philips", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I don't really hang out with people. I like to be by myself. In fact, I've been arrested a few times because I like to walk around at two or three in the morning, looking at shop windows. The cops take me to the station and fingerprint me. But I wouldn't call that hanging out.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Emo Philips" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-don-t-really-hang-out-with-people-i-like-to-be-by-myself-in-fact-i/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bc5/emo-philips-1788_arrested_i-don-t-really-hang-out-with-people-i-li_1338064.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bc5/emo-philips-1788_arrested_i-don-t-really-hang-out-with-people-i-li_1338064.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bc5/emo-philips-1788_arrested_i-don-t-really-hang-out-with-people-i-li_1338064.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I don't really hang out with people. I like to be by myself. In fact, I've been arrested a few times because…” — Emo Philips", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "What is eternity? You're on the checkout line at a supermarket. There are seven people in front of you. They are all old. They all have two carts and coupons for every item. They are all paying by check. None of them have ID. It's the checkout girl's first day on the job. She doesn't speak any English. Take away fifteen minutes from that, and you begin to get an idea of what eternity is.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Emo Philips" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/what-is-eternity-you-re-on-the-checkout-line-at-a-supermarket-there/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b71/emo-philips-1788_carts_what-is-eternity-you-re-on-the-checkout_2069545.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b71/emo-philips-1788_carts_what-is-eternity-you-re-on-the-checkout_2069545.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b71/emo-philips-1788_carts_what-is-eternity-you-re-on-the-checkout_2069545.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“What is eternity? You're on the checkout line at a supermarket. There are seven people in front of you. They…” — Emo Philips", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The subconscious is like having a laboratory assistant who pretends to love you and help you, but after you go home to go to sleep it goes back into the lab and starts fumbling with the data and destroying it. It's a very tricky thing. People think our minds are us, but that's not true at all. 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