---
title: "25 People Quotes By Dana Gould"
description: "25 People quotes by Dana Gould. Plus more from Dana Gould and more People sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e66/dana-gould-1290_fashion_how-come-when-people-wear-half-shirts-it_2778255.png"
---

> [How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/how-come-when-people-wear-half-shirts-it-s-always-the-top-half/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e66/dana-gould-1290_fashion_how-come-when-people-wear-half-shirts-it_2778255.png)

> [Twitter is not a good place for people who feel they're being followed.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/twitter-is-not-a-good-place-for-people-who-feel-they-re-being-followed/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c3f/dana-gould-1290_feels_twitter-is-not-a-good-place-for-people-w_2985130.png)

> [What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/what-do-people-in-prison-say-when-they-meet-new-friends-give-me-your/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d48/dana-gould-1290_cells_what-do-people-in-prison-say-when-they-m_2381391.png)

> [When homeless people go camping, how do they know?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/when-homeless-people-go-camping-how-do-they-know/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b44/dana-gould-1290_camping_when-homeless-people-go-camping-how-do-t_3222174.png)

> [Why do old people drive with their mouths open?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/why-do-old-people-drive-with-their-mouths-open/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ba6/dana-gould-1290_drive_why-do-old-people-drive-with-their-mouth_793289.png)

> [Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/our-dog-just-wanders-around-the-house-with-a-concerned-look-on-his/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b1a/dana-gould-1290_animal_our-dog-just-wanders-around-the-house-wi_2174671.png)

> [Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/every-thanksgiving-we-feed-the-homeless-so-they-may-join-us-as-we/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f8d/dana-gould-1290_celebrate_every-thanksgiving-we-feed-the-homeless_2996028.png)

> [People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/people-get-into-stand-up-comedy-by-and-large-because-they-re-smart/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/182/dana-gould-1290_comedy_people-get-into-stand-up-comedy-by-and-l_1243132.png)

> [When all the people covered in tattoos turn about 70 years old, they're going to look like a strange race of melting clowns.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/when-all-the-people-covered-in-tattoos-turn-about-70-years-old-they/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e48/dana-gould-1290_clown_when-all-the-people-covered-in-tattoos-t_1696373.png)

> [Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/why-do-some-bald-guys-grow-ponytails-it-it-the-same-reason-people-too/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/25e/dana-gould-1290_bald_why-do-some-bald-guys-grow-ponytails-it_940528.png)

> [I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-don-t-mind-being-alone-when-i-m-surrounded-by-people-i-just-hate/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c38/dana-gould-1290_hate_i-don-t-mind-being-alone-when-i-m-surrou_2364991.png)

> [Somewhere a woman is praying her toddler wins a beauty pageant. I say this because sometimes people wonder why God lets tornadoes…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/somewhere-a-woman-is-praying-her-toddler-wins-a-beauty-pageant-i-say/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/80c/dana-gould-1290_beauty_somewhere-a-woman-is-praying-her-toddler_410397.png)

> [The simple act of smiling at people makes the world a better place. Unless it's the day you decide to walk around…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/the-simple-act-of-smiling-at-people-makes-the-world-a-better-place/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4cf/dana-gould-1290_better-place_the-simple-act-of-smiling-at-people-make_1958808.png)

> [I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-live-in-los-angeles-it-s-a-very-liberal-city-but-it-s-so/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/815/dana-gould-1290_boulevard_i-live-in-los-angeles-it-s-a-very-libera_1558927.png)

> [What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/what-if-you-died-and-you-found-out-that-when-you-died-we-all-went-to/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/748/dana-gould-1290_arguing_what-if-you-died-and-you-found-out-that_1125732.jpg)

> [Usually the people that peak in high school are tragic, tragic adults. Most of them end up working for the water department…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/usually-the-people-that-peak-in-high-school-are-tragic-tragic-adults/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/325/dana-gould-1290_adults_usually-the-people-that-peak-in-high-sch_1795445.png)

> [You will never experience less reality than when you are watching a reality show. You're watching people who aren't actors, put into…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/you-will-never-experience-less-reality-than-when-you-are-watching-a/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a47/dana-gould-1290_actors_you-will-never-experience-less-reality-t_961603.jpg)

> [A lot of people think my sarcasm comes from insecurity and defensiveness, but I assure you I'm just being petty and cruel.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/a-lot-of-people-think-my-sarcasm-comes-from-insecurity-and/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ce1/dana-gould-1290_defensiveness_a-lot-of-people-think-my-sarcasm-comes-f_553698.png)

> [If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/if-pop-music-reflects-the-culture-this-will-surely-go-down-as-the-era/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/401/dana-gould-1290_culture_if-pop-music-reflects-the-culture-this-w_1606913.png)

> [I've often been accused of being the comic's comic. It's a bad business model when your fans are the people who get…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-ve-often-been-accused-of-being-the-comic-s-comic-it-s-a-bad/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8fb/dana-gould-1290_accused_i-ve-often-been-accused-of-being-the-com_2751197.png)

> [I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-went-to-high-school-with-some-wonderful-people-but-my-entire-high/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f89/dana-gould-1290_experience_i-went-to-high-school-with-some-wonderfu_1847340.png)

> [Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/do-people-in-the-ku-klux-klan-who-die-and-come-back-as-ghosts-have-to/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cd6/dana-gould-1290_attending_do-people-in-the-ku-klux-klan-who-die-an_228784.png)

> [A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/a-lot-of-people-are-looking-for-their-soul-mates-along-the-way-it-s/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8fb/dana-gould-1290_bumps_a-lot-of-people-are-looking-for-their-so_2215416.png)

> [Reality TV is the perfect antidote to people who don't have enough self-centered douchebags in their life.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/reality-tv-is-the-perfect-antidote-to-people-who-don-t-have-enough/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/367/dana-gould-1290_antidote_reality-tv-is-the-perfect-antidote-to-pe_455047.png)

> [A lot of people have a particular song that, no matter their mood, turns them on. With me, it's Eleanor Rigby.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/a-lot-of-people-have-a-particular-song-that-no-matter-their-mood/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d90/dana-gould-1290_eleanor_a-lot-of-people-have-a-particular-song-t_1248348.png)

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## More by Dana Gould

> [As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/as-hard-as-i-try-to-live-with-some-degree-of-faith-in-my-life-i-just/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

> [The older I get, the more I look like my favorite shoes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/the-older-i-get-the-more-i-look-like-my-favorite-shoes/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

> [Somewhere, there's someone who's masturbation ritual ends with them setting up ventriloquist dummies facing the bed. I mean, someone else.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/somewhere-there-s-someone-who-s-masturbation-ritual-ends-with-them/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

> [I feel very uncomfortable when I eat in restaurants. I'm obnoxiously polite with the waiters: 'I just want a tuna sandwich. I'll go get…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-feel-very-uncomfortable-when-i-eat-in-restaurants-i-m-obnoxiously/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

> [Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/cowboy-boots-with-a-suit-you-re-a-rough-tough-businessman-chaps-with/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

> [Despite a primitive brain, the octopus possesses an intricate system that helps it decide which tentacle to masturbate with.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/despite-a-primitive-brain-the-octopus-possesses-an-intricate-system/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

> [I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-got-mugged-about-six-months-ago-the-oddest-thing-about-the-entire/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

> [I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-m-the-forrest-gump-of-comedy/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

> [It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/it-s-gonna-be-awesome-a-suspected-pedophile-dunks-my-kids-head-in-a/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

> [If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/if-i-ever-go-into-a-coma-one-of-you-has-to-promise-to-come-by/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

> [They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/they-say-that-god-is-in-the-details-then-again-they-also-say-that-the/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

> [I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-have-one-phobia-snakes-and-by-snakes-i-mean-intimacy/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

> [My whole approach to marriage is simple: my wife will do something that drives me insane, I won't say anything, and then, later, I'll…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/my-whole-approach-to-marriage-is-simple-my-wife-will-do-something/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

> [Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/wrote-a-science-fiction-novel-about-a-man-who-wins-an-argument-with/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

> [If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/if-life-begins-at-conception-but-you-can-be-born-again-later-only-to/)

[Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/)

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                        "text": "When homeless people go camping, how do they know?",
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                        "text": "Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.",
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                        "text": "Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.",
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                        "text": "When all the people covered in tattoos turn about 70 years old, they're going to look like a strange race of melting clowns.",
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                        "text": "Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?",
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                        "text": "Somewhere a woman is praying her toddler wins a beauty pageant. I say this because sometimes people wonder why God lets tornadoes happen.",
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                        "text": "The simple act of smiling at people makes the world a better place. Unless it's the day you decide to walk around with your dong out.",
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                        "text": "I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! That's sick!",
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                        "text": "What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.",
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                        "text": "Usually the people that peak in high school are tragic, tragic adults. Most of them end up working for the water department in their hometown and driving around said high school as the decades slip past.",
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                        "text": "You will never experience less reality than when you are watching a reality show. You're watching people who aren't actors, put into situations created by people who aren't writers and they're second guessing how they think you would like to see them behave if this were a real situation, which it's not. And you are passively observing this; watching an amateur production of nothing. It's like a photo of a drawing of a hologram.",
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                        "text": "A lot of people think my sarcasm comes from insecurity and defensiveness, but I assure you I'm just being petty and cruel.",
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                        "text": "If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.",
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