---
title: "278 Penis Quotes by 173 authors"
description: "Browse 278 Penis quotes by 173 authors. Discover the best Penis sayings and thoughts."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/326/manny-pacquiao-3255_love_i-love-penis-747333_747333.png"
---

> [I love penis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/manny-pacquiao/i-love-penis/)

[Manny Pacquiao](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/manny-pacquiao/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/326/manny-pacquiao-3255_love_i-love-penis-747333_747333.png)

> [I like Penis!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charlotte-church/i-like-penis/)

[Charlotte Church](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charlotte-church/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/760/charlotte-church-26690_like_i-like-penis-88283_88283.png)

> [Penis is what I love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kanye-west/penis-is-what-i-love/)

[Kanye West](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kanye-west/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a4e/kanye-west-242_love_penis-is-what-i-love-413066_413066.jpg)

> [My penis is black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hart/my-penis-is-black/)

[Kevin Hart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hart/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/500/kevin-hart-506_black_my-penis-is-black-2826230_2826230.jpg)

> [“Look, I have a huge penis --Jake Wethers”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/samantha-towle/look-i-have-a-huge-penis-jake-wethers/)

[Samantha Towle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/samantha-towle/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aaf/samantha-towle-2502_huge_look-i-have-a-huge-penis-jake-wethers-25_2501390.jpg)

> [You can't say Happiness without penis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/you-can-t-say-happiness-without-penis/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c98/anonymous-1_happiness_you-can-t-say-happiness-without-penis-12_125540.jpg)

> [“Never trust a man with a penis.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/darynda-jones/never-trust-a-man-with-a-penis/)

[Darynda Jones](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/darynda-jones/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5aa/darynda-jones-474_humor_never-trust-a-man-with-a-penis-1790702_1790702.png)

> [“Not hard anymore, are you?! Take that Penis!”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/belle-aurora/not-hard-anymore-are-you-take-that-penis/)

[Belle Aurora](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/belle-aurora/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/224/belle-aurora-3330_anymore_not-hard-anymore-are-you-take-that-penis_2435682.jpg)

> [“Oh, thank God. It wasn’t the penis talk.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/courtney-milan/oh-thank-god-it-wasn-t-the-penis-talk/)

[Courtney Milan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/courtney-milan/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f26/courtney-milan-1611_god_oh-thank-god-it-wasn-t-the-penis-talk-25_2537518.png)

> [“Don't let your erection be your direction”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/shon-hyneman/don-t-let-your-erection-be-your-direction/)

[Shon Hyneman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/shon-hyneman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0d9/shon-hyneman-72436_direction_don-t-let-your-erection-be-your-directio_1077852.jpg)

> [“I belong, and my penis, it be long.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-belong-and-my-penis-it-be-long/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ad4/jarod-kintz-2_belong_i-belong-and-my-penis-it-be-long-358478_358478.jpg)

> [“A man’s bank balance is the new penis size.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mokokoma-mokhonoana/a-man-s-bank-balance-is-the-new-penis-size/)

[Mokokoma Mokhonoana](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mokokoma-mokhonoana/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b49/mokokoma-mokhonoana-195_bank-balance_a-man-s-bank-balance-is-the-new-penis-si_1164446.jpg)

> [“I'd never seen a penis in person and I was curious”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erin-mccarthy/i-d-never-seen-a-penis-in-person-and-i-was-curious/)

[Erin McCarthy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erin-mccarthy/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c42/erin-mccarthy-7105_curiosity_i-d-never-seen-a-penis-in-person-and-i-w_285111.jpg)

> [“It's not a nice thing to send a penis to a woman. It's disrespectful.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/it-s-not-a-nice-thing-to-send-a-penis-to-a-woman-it-s-disrespectful/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/509/janet-evanovich-291_anatomy_it-s-not-a-nice-thing-to-send-a-penis-to_2016446.png)

> [“That's what my penis is like: a beautiful, thorny rose.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dash-shaw/that-s-what-my-penis-is-like-a-beautiful-thorny-rose/)

[Dash Shaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dash-shaw/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/593/dash-shaw-87805_beauty_that-s-what-my-penis-is-like-a-beautiful_2146052.jpg)

> [That awkward moment when your friends facebook wasnt hacked, he just really loves penis.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/that-awkward-moment-when-your-friends-facebook-wasnt-hacked-he-just-2/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/320/anonymous-1_awkward-moment_that-awkward-moment-when-your-friends-fa_2725135.jpg)

> [“I’m a magician. I can make food appear—and out of my penis, no less.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-m-a-magician-i-can-make-food-appear-and-out-of-my-penis-no-less/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/add/jarod-kintz-2_food_i-m-a-magician-i-can-make-food-appear-an_2062512.jpg)

> [“How big is my penis? Big enough to touch my hands.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/how-big-is-my-penis-big-enough-to-touch-my-hands/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7a1/jarod-kintz-2_penis_how-big-is-my-penis-big-enough-to-touch_159803.jpg)

> [That awkward moment when your friends facebook wasn—t hacked, he just really loves penis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/unkown/that-awkward-moment-when-your-friends-facebook-wasn-t-hacked-he-just/)

[Unkown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/unkown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4eb/unkown-98_awkward-moment_that-awkward-moment-when-your-friends-fa_512167.jpg)

> [My penis always ends up in the eye of the beholder.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nikhil-saluja/my-penis-always-ends-up-in-the-eye-of-the-beholder/)

[Nikhil Saluja](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nikhil-saluja/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3f4/nikhil-saluja-26_quote_my-penis-always-ends-up-in-the-eye-of-th_997137.jpg)

> [“I now have an erection that is probably tall enough to ride some of the scarier rides at Great America without a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/audrey-niffenegger/i-now-have-an-erection-that-is-probably-tall-enough-to-ride-some-of/)

[Audrey Niffenegger](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/audrey-niffenegger/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fac/audrey-niffenegger-1298_parenting_i-now-have-an-erection-that-is-probably_1811320.jpg)

> [“It took him a long, miserable time before he realized the truth of things: There is a great deal of difference between…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-rothfuss/it-took-him-a-long-miserable-time-before-he-realized-the-truth-of/)

[Patrick Rothfuss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-rothfuss/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/132/patrick-rothfuss-145_heart_it-took-him-a-long-miserable-time-before_606096.jpg)

> [“Do you want to know why men name their penis? So the most important decisions in their life aren't made by a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/linda-howard/do-you-want-to-know-why-men-name-their-penis-so-the-most-important/)

[Linda Howard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/linda-howard/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/689/linda-howard-3072_greatness_do-you-want-to-know-why-men-name-their-p_1091917.jpg)

> [Guy says: Hey wanna hear a joke about my penis? Never mind, its too long. Girl says: Wanna hear a joke about…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/guy-says-hey-wanna-hear-a-joke-about-my-penis-never-mind-its-too-long/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1db/anonymous-1_funny_guy-says-hey-wanna-hear-a-joke-about-my_2978497.jpg)

> [“Girls’ night out was sacred, and that meant nothing with a penis was going to be within ten feet”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maya-banks/girls-night-out-was-sacred-and-that-meant-nothing-with-a-penis-was/)

[Maya Banks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maya-banks/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/331/maya-banks-617_girls-night_girls-night-out-was-sacred-and-that-mean_630430.jpg)

> [“Quetin: Dude, I don't want to talk about Lacey's prom shoes. And I'll tell you why: I have this thing that makes…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/quetin-dude-i-don-t-want-to-talk-about-lacey-s-prom-shoes-and-i-ll/)

[John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b6b/john-green-12_penis_quetin-dude-i-don-t-want-to-talk-about-l_709745.jpg)

> [“Cause that’s all I want. A sweet, mature, normal, loving guy, with no baggage. And who has an absolutely enormous penis.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mindy-kaling/cause-that-s-all-i-want-a-sweet-mature-normal-loving-guy-with-no/)

[Mindy Kaling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mindy-kaling/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5a9/mindy-kaling-672_boyfriend_cause-that-s-all-i-want-a-sweet-mature-n_885961.png)

> [“And don’t even get me started on penis size. Really, it just gets better the farther south your eyes go—trust me.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-van-dyken/and-don-t-even-get-me-started-on-penis-size-really-it-just-gets/)

[Rachel Van Dyken](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-van-dyken/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2ca/rachel-van-dyken-1239_farther_and-don-t-even-get-me-started-on-penis-s_3154750.jpg)

> [“Now he had chanced on one of he standard hard-on sessions of the shower, as on both sides of him and across…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-hollinghurst/now-he-had-chanced-on-one-of-he-standard-hard-on-sessions-of-the/)

[Alan Hollinghurst](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-hollinghurst/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/65b/alan-hollinghurst-19926_gay_now-he-had-chanced-on-one-of-he-standard_1969744.jpg)

> [“Well it seems the cause of some of my problems happens to have a penis. Well, two actually." "Oh sweet Mary! You're…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-leighton-2/well-it-seems-the-cause-of-some-of-my-problems-happens-to-have-a/)

[M Leighton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-leighton-2/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/35d/m-leighton-2-31306_quote_well-it-seems-the-cause-of-some-of-my-pr_966419.jpg)

> [“Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-wong/every-man-is-blessed-with-his-gifts-from-the-lord-one-of-mine-happens-2/)

[David Wong](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-wong/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/848/david-wong-1098_every-man_every-man-is-blessed-with-his-gifts-from_3227579.jpg)

> [“How fares the thumb, boy? well? Aye, merry, ’tis the sign of the penis. With the women, look you, observe the ear.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-h-gass/how-fares-the-thumb-boy-well-aye-merry-tis-the-sign-of-the-penis-with/)

[William H. Gass](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-h-gass/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/242/william-h-gass-4166_penis_how-fares-the-thumb-boy-well-aye-merry-t_2505129.png)

> [“I can handle it. But it stinks, if you ask me, really stinks, that you get to go out somewhere drinking beer…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-d-robb/i-can-handle-it-but-it-stinks-if-you-ask-me-really-stinks-that-you/)

[J.D. Robb](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-d-robb/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cfa/j-d-robb-662_baby-shower_i-can-handle-it-but-it-stinks-if-you-ask_337170.jpg)

> [“It had a sort of a head on it, like a mushroom, and its color was reddish purple. It looked blunt and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-munro/it-had-a-sort-of-a-head-on-it-like-a-mushroom-and-its-color-was/)

[Alice Munro](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alice-munro/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/614/alice-munro-1231_mushroom_it-had-a-sort-of-a-head-on-it-like-a-mus_856682.jpg)

> [“My eyes bulged out of my head as I saw what rested between his hips. “Good Lord!” I said without thinking. A…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jaye-wells/my-eyes-bulged-out-of-my-head-as-i-saw-what-rested-between-his-hips/)

[Jaye Wells](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jaye-wells/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bcd/jaye-wells-11183_humourous_my-eyes-bulged-out-of-my-head-as-i-saw-w_2947405.jpg)

> [“Mother said, haven't you seen older boys of your age, that you should take your rotten hands and play with my son's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-bassey-johnson/mother-said-haven-t-you-seen-older-boys-of-your-age-that-you-should/)

[Michael Bassey Johnson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-bassey-johnson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e9a/michael-bassey-johnson-311_anger_mother-said-haven-t-you-seen-older-boys_1437476.jpg)

> [I want Rons big black penis.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lexi-de-la-hoz/i-want-rons-big-black-penis/)

[Lexi De La Hoz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lexi-de-la-hoz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/954/lexi-de-la-hoz-256485_mature-love_i-want-rons-big-black-penis-2341324_2341324.jpg)

> [“Have a penis? Thou shall move shit.” She”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daisy-prescott/have-a-penis-thou-shall-move-shit-she/)

[Daisy Prescott](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daisy-prescott/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/349/daisy-prescott-51308_quote_have-a-penis-thou-shall-move-shit-she-20_2091025.jpg)

> [Just know that penis is foundation of life!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/junior-d-r-l-testament/just-know-that-penis-is-foundation-of-life/)

[Junior Dè Rèál Testament](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/junior-d-r-l-testament/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d0/junior-d-r-l-testament-741_life_just-know-that-penis-is-foundation-of-li_1679726.jpg)

> [Masturbation darkens the color of the penis.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/masturbation-darkens-the-color-of-the-penis/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/17e/anonymous-1_masturbation_masturbation-darkens-the-color-of-the-pe_735243.jpg)

## Top authors on Penis

- [Jarod Kintz 44 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/penis/jarod-kintz/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b018/author-nikhil-saluja-71464.jpg) Nikhil Saluja 10 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/penis/nikhil-saluja/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b001/author-green-monk-388.jpg) Green Monk 6 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/penis/green-monk/)
- [Mokokoma Mokhonoana 5 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/penis/mokokoma-mokhonoana/)

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                        "text": "“I now have an erection that is probably tall enough to ride some of the scarier rides at Great America without a parent.”",
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                        "text": "“It took him a long, miserable time before he realized the truth of things: There is a great deal of difference between a penis and a heart.”",
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                        "text": "Guy says: Hey wanna hear a joke about my penis? Never mind, its too long. Girl says: Wanna hear a joke about my vagina? Never mind, you wont get it.",
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                        "text": "“Quetin: Dude, I don't want to talk about Lacey's prom shoes. And I'll tell you why: I have this thing that makes me really uniterested in prom shoes. It's called a penis.”",
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                        "text": "“Cause that’s all I want. A sweet, mature, normal, loving guy, with no baggage. And who has an absolutely enormous penis.”",
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                        "text": "“And don’t even get me started on penis size. Really, it just gets better the farther south your eyes go—trust me.”",
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                        "text": "“Now he had chanced on one of he standard hard-on sessions of the shower, as on both sides of him and across the room three queens sported horizontal members which they turned around from time to time to conceal or display, barely exchanging looks as they resolved. The old men took no interest in this activity, knowing perhaps from long experience that it rarely meant anything or led anywhere, was a brief and helpless surrender to the forcing-house of the shower. In a few seconds the hard-on might pass from one end of the room to the other with the foolish perfection of a Busby Berkeley routine.”",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“Well it seems the cause of some of my problems happens to have a penis. Well, two actually.\" \"Oh sweet Mary! You're dating a guy with two dicks.\" \"Ginger, no! It's about two different guys.\" \"Oh,\" she says, obviously disappointed. \"Damn. That woulda been kinda cool.\" \"How so?\" \"I don't know. One for each hole?\" \"You're sick, you know that?\" \"Yeah pretty much.”",
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                        "text": "“Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis’s penis would be larger than your penis.” There was a moment of stunned silence, then I heard Jen start laughing so hard I thought she would choke. “Fuck all of you,” John retorted. “You don’t even exist. We’re all just a figment of my cock’s imagination.”",
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                            "caption": "“Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if…” — David Wong",
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                        "text": "“How fares the thumb, boy? well? Aye, merry, ’tis the sign of the penis. With the women, look you, observe the ear. The parts appear and come together. So obesity and malice. So grumbling and nagging. So gossip, envy, spite, and avarice. Slowly settling into. So feminine weakness. Heartless piety. Savage morals. They come together. No more goody geedge. Ruthless, lifelong revenge. Zrrr. Grease in a cold pan. Stay off from gingerly lobed and delicately whorled ones. Thus appear the parts. Mind your uncle, boy, who knows. And the men then. Lewd speech and slovenly habits. And the peasant’s suspicion, his cruelty and rancor, his anger, drunkenness, pig-headed ignorance and bestiality. Inevitable they should be parts. Hoolyhoohoo. All in the normal course of nature. And they were saying we had evolved. What did it mean? But, he said in a voice that was clearly audible, I protest this world of unilluminated cocks. He caught the sense of his own words—so absurd—and his body began to shake—half in laughter, half in despair.”",
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                        "text": "“I can handle it. But it stinks, if you ask me, really stinks, that you get to go out somewhere drinking beer while I'm stuck at Baby Central. Just because you have a penis.\" \"We'll think fondly of you over beer, me and my penis.\" She ate a little more, then smiled slowly. \"You've still got to be in the birthing room when she pushes it out.\" \"Shut up, Eve.\" \"Your penis won't save you then, Pal.”",
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                        "text": "“It had a sort of a head on it, like a mushroom, and its color was reddish purple. It looked blunt and stupid, compared, say, to fingers and toes with their intelligent expressiveness, or even to an elbow or a knee.”",
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                        "text": "“My eyes bulged out of my head as I saw what rested between his hips. “Good Lord!” I said without thinking. A forked penis will do that to a girl. He glanced down at the appendage and smiled knowingly. “Once you go demon you never go back.”",
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                        "text": "“Mother said, haven't you seen older boys of your age, that you should take your rotten hands and play with my son's penis? I held my mouth, and i really stiffled a giggle. Now i understood the bloody vexation and the reckless act performed by our housegirl. She was fondling my infant part, and i knew she was horny and lost in the act.”",
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