---
title: "4 Pathetic Quotes By Dave Barry"
description: "4 Pathetic quotes by Dave Barry. Plus more from Dave Barry and more Pathetic sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a1a/dave-barry-222_accepting_the-hardest-thing-about-being-a-guy-is-t_12314.jpg"
---

> [The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-hardest-thing-about-being-a-guy-is-that-women-don-t-accept-that/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a1a/dave-barry-222_accepting_the-hardest-thing-about-being-a-guy-is-t_12314.jpg)

> [If Congress were to pass a 'flat' tax, you'd simply pay a fixed percentage of your income, and you wouldn't have to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/if-congress-were-to-pass-a-flat-tax-you-d-simply-pay-a-fixed/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e49/dave-barry-222_broccoli_if-congress-were-to-pass-a-flat-tax-you_718096.jpg)

> [To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/to-better-understand-why-you-need-a-personal-computer-let-s-take-a/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2b5/dave-barry-222_computer_to-better-understand-why-you-need-a-pers_1251700.png)

> [Common criticism of the Internet is that it is dominated by the crude, the uninformed, the immature, the smug, the untalented, the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/common-criticism-of-the-internet-is-that-it-is-dominated-by-the-crude/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b7c/dave-barry-222_borderline_common-criticism-of-the-internet-is-that_2780183.jpg)

## Other authors on Pathetic

## More by Dave Barry

> [This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/this-is-true-virtually-all-edible-substances-and-many-automotive/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/this-ball-was-so-crowded-that-it-took-me-a-trained-professional/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-hardest-thing-about-being-a-guy-is-that-women-don-t-accept-that/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-ultimate-camping-trip-was-the-lewis-and-clark-expedition/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/although-golf-was-originally-restricted-to-wealthy-overweight/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/entire-new-continent-can-emerge-from-the-ocean-in-the-time-it-takes/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [He was distracted by a giggle, and turned to see a rare sight: a girl.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/he-was-distracted-by-a-giggle-and-turned-to-see-a-rare-sight-a-girl/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-major-parties-could-conduct-live-human-sacrifices-on-their/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/if-you-look-at-any-list-of-great-modern-writers-such-as-ernest/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/don-t-you-wish-you-had-a-job-like-mine-all-you-have-to-do-is-think-up/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/despite-the-gulf-physical-and-cultural-between-the-united-states-and/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/before-going-on-a-diet-you-should-consult-your-doctor-or-at-least/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [Never trust anything you read in a travel article.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/never-trust-anything-you-read-in-a-travel-article/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/in-the-old-days-it-was-not-called-the-holiday-season-the-christians/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [Always remember that if editors were so damned smart, they would know how to dress.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/always-remember-that-if-editors-were-so-damned-smart-they-would-know/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

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