--- title: "18 Our Quotes By Martha Beck" description: "18 Our quotes by Martha Beck. Plus more from Martha Beck and more Our sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5e3/martha-beck-961_abandon_our-ideas-about-love-and-attractiveness_1459168.jpg" --- > [Our ideas about love and attractiveness are so primal, our need for belonging so intense, that most of us are loath to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/our-ideas-about-love-and-attractiveness-are-so-primal-our-need-for/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5e3/martha-beck-961_abandon_our-ideas-about-love-and-attractiveness_1459168.jpg) > [All mental hygiene is based on the core practice of doing nothing. Most of us are good at wasting time, staring at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/all-mental-hygiene-is-based-on-the-core-practice-of-doing-nothing/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c2a/martha-beck-961_active_all-mental-hygiene-is-based-on-the-core_1015094.png) > [Realizing that we've surrendered our self-esteem to others and choosing to be accountable for our own self-worth would mean absorbing the terrifying…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/realizing-that-we-ve-surrendered-our-self-esteem-to-others-and/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4fd/martha-beck-961_absorb_realizing-that-we-ve-surrendered-our-sel_703468.jpg) > [Comparing and contrasting is a valuable human skill - and not just during high school English exams. Our ability to rank-order things…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/comparing-and-contrasting-is-a-valuable-human-skill-and-not-just/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/72f/martha-beck-961_ability_comparing-and-contrasting-is-a-valuable_2866875.png) > [Our culture has created two almost irreconcilable descriptions of a 'good woman.' The first is the individual achiever; the second, the self-sacrificing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/our-culture-has-created-two-almost-irreconcilable-descriptions-of-a/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7a1/martha-beck-961_achiever_our-culture-has-created-two-almost-irrec_2182399.png) > [Getting bogged down in old stories stops the flow of learning by censoring our perceptions, making us functionally deaf and blind to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/getting-bogged-down-in-old-stories-stops-the-flow-of-learning-by/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d50/martha-beck-961_blind_getting-bogged-down-in-old-stories-stops_1550447.png) > [In the developed world, hundreds of millions of us now face the bizarre problem of surfeit. Yet our brains, instincts, and socialized…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/in-the-developed-world-hundreds-of-millions-of-us-now-face-the/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a10/martha-beck-961_behavior_in-the-developed-world-hundreds-of-milli_724043.jpg) > [Self-improvement books, friends, and polite strangers often tell soothing lies about our physical appearance that prevent many of us from facing, discussing,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/self-improvement-books-friends-and-polite-strangers-often-tell/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/370/martha-beck-961_about_self-improvement-books-friends-and-polit_424379.png) > [As I obsess about my ancient problems, I feel more like I'm sinking in quicksand than lighting a torch. I'm creating neither…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/as-i-obsess-about-my-ancient-problems-i-feel-more-like-i-m-sinking-in/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c34/martha-beck-961_about_as-i-obsess-about-my-ancient-problems-i_2719226.png) > [A designated patient 'carries' the group's dysfunction. A designated issue performs the same service for an individual, dominating our psyches so that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/a-designated-patient-carries-the-group-s-dysfunction-a-designated/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/763/martha-beck-961_carries_a-designated-patient-carries-the-group-s_2812358.jpg) > [Western democracies exalt the ideal of social equality, but our economic system arguably emerged from 16th-century Calvinism, a religion whose members believed…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/western-democracies-exalt-the-ideal-of-social-equality-but-our/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/44d/martha-beck-961_arguably_western-democracies-exalt-the-ideal-of-s_2261030.png) > [Cheerfully fessing up to our failures turns crazy mind off, humility and compassion on. I learned this in a karate dojo that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/cheerfully-fessing-up-to-our-failures-turns-crazy-mind-off-humility/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6b1/martha-beck-961_after_cheerfully-fessing-up-to-our-failures-tu_649202.png) > [The great power of separating the watching mind from the thinking mind is that the watching mind is innately loving. Some call…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/the-great-power-of-separating-the-watching-mind-from-the-thinking/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e6f/martha-beck-961_call_the-great-power-of-separating-the-watchi_1313980.jpg) > [Once we're willing to confront our emotional suffering, we begin making choices based on attraction instead of aversion, love instead of fear.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/once-we-re-willing-to-confront-our-emotional-suffering-we-begin/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ba/martha-beck-961_about_once-we-re-willing-to-confront-our-emoti_110171.jpg) > [Our thoughts about an event can have a dramatic effect on how we go through the event itself. When our expectations are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/our-thoughts-about-an-event-can-have-a-dramatic-effect-on-how-we-go/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/afe/martha-beck-961_about_our-thoughts-about-an-event-can-have-a-d_534988.jpg) > [Since our society equates happiness with youth, we often assume that sorrow, quiet desperation, and hopelessness go hand in hand with getting…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/since-our-society-equates-happiness-with-youth-we-often-assume-that/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9f9/martha-beck-961_assume_since-our-society-equates-happiness-with_2034840.jpg) > [One reason most people never stop thinking is that mental frenzy keeps us from having to see the upsetting aspects of our…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/one-reason-most-people-never-stop-thinking-is-that-mental-frenzy/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8f0/martha-beck-961_about_one-reason-most-people-never-stop-thinki_448912.png) > [I'm not saying we have power over everything in our lives - if that were true, my hair would look so, so…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/i-m-not-saying-we-have-power-over-everything-in-our-lives-if-that/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dfd/martha-beck-961_am_i-m-not-saying-we-have-power-over-everyt_2877082.jpg) ## Other authors on Our ## More by Martha Beck > [Imagine what you'd do if it absolutely didn't matter what people thought of you. Got it? Good. Never go back.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/imagine-what-you-d-do-if-it-absolutely-didn-t-matter-what-people/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) > [In one century, we've added 28 years to our average life span - a change so rapid that our brains couldn't possibly have evolved…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/in-one-century-we-ve-added-28-years-to-our-average-life-span-a-change/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) > [If I tell a man he needs to quit his soul-sucking job, he has to go home and fight with his wife or fight…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/if-i-tell-a-man-he-needs-to-quit-his-soul-sucking-job-he-has-to-go/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) > [I was learning to track rhinoceroses in Africa and tracked right up on an animal that really I thought was going to kill me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/i-was-learning-to-track-rhinoceroses-in-africa-and-tracked-right-up/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) > [There has never been, and never will be, anyone who sees, thinks, or responds exactly the way you do. Whether you’re revolutionizing physics or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/there-has-never-been-and-never-will-be-anyone-who-sees-thinks-or/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) > [Loneliness is proof that your innate search for connection is intact.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/loneliness-is-proof-that-your-innate-search-for-connection-is-intact/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) > [Most of my clients don't realize that the way they look and the way they think about their looks are two separate issues.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/most-of-my-clients-don-t-realize-that-the-way-they-look-and-the-way/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) > [The power to bring me out of solitude - or to push me back into it - had never belonged to another person. It…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/the-power-to-bring-me-out-of-solitude-or-to-push-me-back-into-it-had/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) > [Learning to quit while you're not ahead, when the dull ooze of depression tells you things are not going to get any better, is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/learning-to-quit-while-you-re-not-ahead-when-the-dull-ooze-of/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) > [The important thing is to tell yourself a life story in which you, the hero, are primarily a problem solver rather than a helpless…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/the-important-thing-is-to-tell-yourself-a-life-story-in-which-you-the/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) > [A joyful life isn’t about others; it’s about the brightness that is associated with being alive. Your path to it is through anything that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/a-joyful-life-isn-t-about-others-it-s-about-the-brightness-that-is/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) > [Fear is the raw material from which courage is manufactured. Without it, we wouldn't even know what it means to be brave.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/fear-is-the-raw-material-from-which-courage-is-manufactured-without/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) > [Many people think passion is a fuzzy feeling that makes taking action effortless. In fact, it's the gritty courage and tenacity to forge onward.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/many-people-think-passion-is-a-fuzzy-feeling-that-makes-taking-action/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) > [Angels come in many shapes and sizes, and most of them are not invisible.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/angels-come-in-many-shapes-and-sizes-and-most-of-them-are-not/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) > [Truth itself is something you live, not something you think.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/truth-itself-is-something-you-live-not-something-you-think/) [Martha Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-beck/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/our/martha-beck/#itemlist", "name": "18 Our Quotes By Martha Beck", "numberOfItems": 18, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Our ideas about love and attractiveness are so primal, our need for belonging so intense, that most of us are loath to abandon our favorite beliefs on these issues. 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Yet our brains, instincts, and socialized behavior are still geared to an environment of lack. The result? Overwhelm - on an unprecedented scale.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Martha Beck" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/in-the-developed-world-hundreds-of-millions-of-us-now-face-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a10/martha-beck-961_behavior_in-the-developed-world-hundreds-of-milli_724043.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a10/martha-beck-961_behavior_in-the-developed-world-hundreds-of-milli_724043.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a10/martha-beck-961_behavior_in-the-developed-world-hundreds-of-milli_724043.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“In the developed world, hundreds of millions of us now face the bizarre problem of surfeit. 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I'm creating neither heat nor light, just the icky, perversely pleasurable squish of self-pity between my toes. My only defense is that I'm not the only one down here in the muck - our whole culture is doting on tales of personal tragedy.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Martha Beck" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/as-i-obsess-about-my-ancient-problems-i-feel-more-like-i-m-sinking-in/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c34/martha-beck-961_about_as-i-obsess-about-my-ancient-problems-i_2719226.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c34/martha-beck-961_about_as-i-obsess-about-my-ancient-problems-i_2719226.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c34/martha-beck-961_about_as-i-obsess-about-my-ancient-problems-i_2719226.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“As I obsess about my ancient problems, I feel more like I'm sinking in quicksand than lighting a torch. 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A designated issue performs the same service for an individual, dominating our psyches so that other troubles can go unnoticed.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Martha Beck" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/a-designated-patient-carries-the-group-s-dysfunction-a-designated/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/763/martha-beck-961_carries_a-designated-patient-carries-the-group-s_2812358.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/763/martha-beck-961_carries_a-designated-patient-carries-the-group-s_2812358.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/763/martha-beck-961_carries_a-designated-patient-carries-the-group-s_2812358.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“A designated patient 'carries' the group's dysfunction. 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I learned this in a karate dojo that had a strange tradition. Everyone there loved recounting failure stories, and after an evening of smacking one another, we'd sit and have a beer while the students swapped tales of martial arts disaster.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Martha Beck" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/cheerfully-fessing-up-to-our-failures-turns-crazy-mind-off-humility/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6b1/martha-beck-961_after_cheerfully-fessing-up-to-our-failures-tu_649202.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6b1/martha-beck-961_after_cheerfully-fessing-up-to-our-failures-tu_649202.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6b1/martha-beck-961_after_cheerfully-fessing-up-to-our-failures-tu_649202.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Cheerfully fessing up to our failures turns crazy mind off, humility and compassion on. 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Where we used to think about what was 'safe,' we now become interested in doing what seems right or fun or meaningful or ripe with possibilities.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Martha Beck" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-beck/once-we-re-willing-to-confront-our-emotional-suffering-we-begin/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ba/martha-beck-961_about_once-we-re-willing-to-confront-our-emoti_110171.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ba/martha-beck-961_about_once-we-re-willing-to-confront-our-emoti_110171.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ba/martha-beck-961_about_once-we-re-willing-to-confront-our-emoti_110171.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Once we're willing to confront our emotional suffering, we begin making choices based on attraction instead…” — Martha Beck", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 15, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Our thoughts about an event can have a dramatic effect on how we go through the event itself. 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When our…” — Martha Beck", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 16, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Since our society equates happiness with youth, we often assume that sorrow, quiet desperation, and hopelessness go hand in hand with getting older. They don't. 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If I'm constantly brooding about my children or career, I won't notice that I'm lonely. 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