--- title: "1 Oompa Loompa Quotes By Molly Harper" description: "1 Oompa Loompa quotes by Molly Harper. Plus more from Molly Harper and more Oompa Loompa sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cc9/molly-harper-2053_dog-days_it-s-that-time-of-the-month-again-as-we_1356213.jpg" --- > [“It’s that time of the month again… As we head into those dog days of July, Mike would like to thank those who helped him get the toys he needs to enjoy his summer. Thanks to you, he bought a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/molly-harper/it-s-that-time-of-the-month-again-as-we-head-into-those-dog-days-of/) [Molly Harper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/molly-harper/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cc9/molly-harper-2053_dog-days_it-s-that-time-of-the-month-again-as-we_1356213.jpg) ## More by Molly Harper > [“I was shameless in my supermarket-shelf mass-market taste. I loved King, Evanovich, Grisham and Brown. I won't lie; the oficial-looking filing cabinet in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/molly-harper/i-was-shameless-in-my-supermarket-shelf-mass-market-taste-i-loved/) [Molly Harper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/molly-harper/) > [You can take the girl out of the library, but you can’t take the neurotic, compulsively curious librarian out of the girl.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/molly-harper/you-can-take-the-girl-out-of-the-library-but-you-can-t-take-the/) [Molly Harper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/molly-harper/) > [ “The fact that these kits \[vampire protection\] were generally useless didn’t bother me nearly as much as the idea of holy water being sold… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/molly-harper/the-fact-that-these-kits-vampire-protection-were-generally-useless/) [Molly Harper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/molly-harper/) > [“Wait, is this a nice-ish way of telling me we had sex and I was lousy? That's how you can tell I'm inexperienced? Because,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/molly-harper/wait-is-this-a-nice-ish-way-of-telling-me-we-had-sex-and-i-was-lousy/) [Molly Harper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/molly-harper/) > [“My color schemes were limited to what would go with the pewter-gray gown...except for the bridesmaids' gowns. I'd already decided that they were going…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/molly-harper/my-color-schemes-were-limited-to-what-would-go-with-the-pewter-gray/) [Molly Harper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/molly-harper/) > [“I look like Barbara Bush in drag." Aunt Jettie”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/molly-harper/i-look-like-barbara-bush-in-drag-aunt-jettie/) [Molly Harper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/molly-harper/) > [“When a naked man shows up on your doorstep with a bear trap clamped around his ankle, it's best just to do what he…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/molly-harper/when-a-naked-man-shows-up-on-your-doorstep-with-a-bear-trap-clamped/) [Molly Harper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/molly-harper/) > [If you want to hurt me, fine. Take my books. Burn down my house. Shave my head while I am sleeping. But nobody, nobody…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/molly-harper/if-you-want-to-hurt-me-fine-take-my-books-burn-down-my-house-shave-my/) [Molly Harper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/molly-harper/) > [“He doesn’t drink too much. He’s employed and works hard. He doesn’t have commitment issues, kids, or crazy ex-girlfriends. He doesn’t attach way too…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/molly-harper/he-doesn-t-drink-too-much-he-s-employed-and-works-hard-he-doesn-t/) [Molly Harper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/molly-harper/) > [“He was always 'checking in' to see if I needed any help with my campaign, which on the surface seemed nice enough, but it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/molly-harper/he-was-always-checking-in-to-see-if-i-needed-any-help-with-my/) [Molly Harper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/molly-harper/) > [I am a former newspaper reporter turned church secretary turned vampire novelist. I wrote my first complete novel, 'Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs,' at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/molly-harper/i-am-a-former-newspaper-reporter-turned-church-secretary-turned/) [Molly Harper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/molly-harper/) > [“Really. How do you respond when someone gifts you with nonlethal law-enforcement equipment?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/molly-harper/really-how-do-you-respond-when-someone-gifts-you-with-nonlethal-law/) [Molly Harper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/molly-harper/) > [“Establishing dominance early in the relationship is key. Vampire children are like human children in that they can sense weakness. They will wait for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/molly-harper/establishing-dominance-early-in-the-relationship-is-key-vampire/) [Molly Harper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/molly-harper/) > [“Did I just get psychically pimp-slapped by a little old lady?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/molly-harper/did-i-just-get-psychically-pimp-slapped-by-a-little-old-lady/) [Molly Harper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/molly-harper/) > [Contrary to popular myth, werewolves myth, werewolves are born, not made. No matter how many times they bite someone, that person will not turn,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/molly-harper/contrary-to-popular-myth-werewolves-myth-werewolves-are-born-not-made/) [Molly Harper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/molly-harper/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/oompa-loompa/molly-harper/#itemlist", "name": "1 Oompa Loompa Quotes By Molly Harper", "numberOfItems": 1, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“It’s that time of the month again… As we head into those dog days of July, Mike would like to thank those who helped him get the toys he needs to enjoy his summer. Thanks to you, he bought a new bass boat, which we don’t need; a condo in Florida, where we don’t spend any time; and a $2,000 set of golf clubs…which he had been using as an alibi to cover the fact that he has been remorselessly banging his secretary, Beebee, for the last six months. Tragically, I didn’t suspect a thing. Right up until the moment Cherry Glick inadvertently delivered a lovely floral arrangement to our house, apparently intended to celebrate the anniversary of the first time Beebee provided Mike with her special brand of administrative support. Sadly, even after this damning evidence-and seeing Mike ram his tongue down Beebee’s throat-I didn’t quite grasp the depth of his deception. It took reading the contents of his secret e-mail account before I was convinced. I learned that cheap motel rooms have been christened. Office equipment has been sullied. And you should think twice before calling Mike’s work number during his lunch hour, because there’s a good chance that Beebee will be under his desk “assisting” him. I must confess that I was disappointed by Mike’s over-wrought prose, but I now understand why he insisted that I write this newsletter every month. I would say this is a case of those who can write, do; and those who can’t do Taxes. And since seeing is believing, I could have included a Hustler-ready pictorial layout of the photos of Mike’s work wife. However, I believe distributing these photos would be a felony. The camera work isn’t half-bad, though. It’s good to see that Mike has some skill in the bedroom, even if it’s just photography. And what does Beebee have to say for herself? Not Much. In fact, attempts to interview her for this issue were met with spaced-out indifference. I’ve had a hard time not blaming the conniving, store-bought-cleavage-baring Oompa Loompa-skinned adulteress for her part in the destruction of my marriage. But considering what she’s getting, Beebee has my sympathies. I blame Mike. I blame Mike for not honoring the vows he made to me. I blame Mike for not being strong enough to pass up the temptation of readily available extramarital sex. And I blame Mike for not being enough of a man to tell me he was having an affair, instead letting me find out via a misdirected floral delivery. I hope you have enjoyed this new digital version of the Terwilliger and Associates Newsletter. Next month’s newsletter will not be written by me as I will be divorcing Mike’s cheating ass. As soon as I press send on this e-mail, I’m hiring Sammy “the Shark” Shackleton. I don’t know why they call him “the Shark” but I did hear about a case where Sammy got a woman her soon-to-be ex-husband’s house, his car, his boat and his manhood in a mayonnaise jar. And one last thing, believe me when I say I will not be letting Mike off with “irreconcilable differences” in divorce court. Mike Terwilliger will own up to being the faithless, loveless, spineless, useless, dickless wonder he is.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Molly Harper" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/molly-harper/it-s-that-time-of-the-month-again-as-we-head-into-those-dog-days-of/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cc9/molly-harper-2053_dog-days_it-s-that-time-of-the-month-again-as-we_1356213.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cc9/molly-harper-2053_dog-days_it-s-that-time-of-the-month-again-as-we_1356213.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cc9/molly-harper-2053_dog-days_it-s-that-time-of-the-month-again-as-we_1356213.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“It’s that time of the month again… As we head into those dog days of July, Mike would like to thank those…” — Molly Harper", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } } ] }, { "@type": "CollectionPage", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/oompa-loompa/molly-harper/#webpage", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/oompa-loompa/molly-harper/", "name": "Oompa Loompa Quotes by Molly Harper", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/oompa-loompa/molly-harper/#itemlist" }, "primaryImageOfPage": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cc9/molly-harper-2053_dog-days_it-s-that-time-of-the-month-again-as-we_1356213.jpg" }, "description": "1 Oompa Loompa quotes by Molly Harper. Plus more from Molly Harper and more Oompa Loompa sayings from other authors.", "breadcrumb": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/oompa-loompa/molly-harper/#breadcrumb" } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/oompa-loompa/molly-harper/#breadcrumb", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Topics", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/categories/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "Oompa Loompa", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/oompa-loompa/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 5, "name": "Molly Harper", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/oompa-loompa/molly-harper/" } ] }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```