---
title: "332 Number Two Quotes by 286 authors"
description: "Browse 332 Number Two quotes by 286 authors. Discover the best Number Two sayings and thoughts."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cc2/morrie-schwartz-9885_inspirational_what-s-wrong-with-being-number-two-12333_1233399.png"
---

> [What's wrong with being number two?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/morrie-schwartz/what-s-wrong-with-being-number-two/)

[Morrie Schwartz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/morrie-schwartz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cc2/morrie-schwartz-9885_inspirational_what-s-wrong-with-being-number-two-12333_1233399.png)

> [Being number two sucks.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andre-agassi/being-number-two-sucks/)

[Andre Agassi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andre-agassi/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ba4/andre-agassi-2822_two_being-number-two-sucks-1036471_1036471.jpg)

> [People who won’t take step number one never take step number two.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zig-ziglar/people-who-won-t-take-step-number-one-never-take-step-number-two/)

[Zig Ziglar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zig-ziglar/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/75b/zig-ziglar-263_numbers_people-who-won-t-take-step-number-one-ne_2300397.png)

> [To this day, my haircut is the number two clippers, which I apply to myself every month.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-rollins/to-this-day-my-haircut-is-the-number-two-clippers-which-i-apply-to/)

[Henry Rollins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-rollins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6fb/henry-rollins-170_day_to-this-day-my-haircut-is-the-number-two_2497463.png)

> [I don't want to be a number two, that's clear. I want to play.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-mignolet/i-don-t-want-to-be-a-number-two-that-s-clear-i-want-to-play/)

[Simon Mignolet](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-mignolet/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/282/simon-mignolet-5460_clear_i-don-t-want-to-be-a-number-two-that-s-c_751331.png)

> [Death is the number two fear that people have and public speaking is the first!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sidney-sheldon/death-is-the-number-two-fear-that-people-have-and-public-speaking-is/)

[Sidney Sheldon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sidney-sheldon/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9cf/sidney-sheldon-7520_death_death-is-the-number-two-fear-that-people_1630400.jpg)

> [I'm nutty bunny number two. I love me and I love you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-mckinney/i-m-nutty-bunny-number-two-i-love-me-and-i-love-you/)

[Mark McKinney](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-mckinney/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2d2/mark-mckinney-38756_bunny_i-m-nutty-bunny-number-two-i-love-me-and_1879567.jpg)

> [Once you set out to copy another painter you can never be more than number two.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sergei-bongart/once-you-set-out-to-copy-another-painter-you-can-never-be-more-than/)

[Sergei Bongart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sergei-bongart/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/91e/sergei-bongart-30562_artist_once-you-set-out-to-copy-another-painter_728190.jpg)

> [I'm playing pretty good now, but my ranking doesn't say that. I'm number two.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vijay-singh/i-m-playing-pretty-good-now-but-my-ranking-doesn-t-say-that-i-m/)

[Vijay Singh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vijay-singh/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/817/vijay-singh-17698_numbers_i-m-playing-pretty-good-now-but-my-ranki_2202121.jpg)

> [“Dear brother," Number Two replied, "I can eat shit, I just don't like the taste.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mo-yan/dear-brother-number-two-replied-i-can-eat-shit-i-just-don-t-like-the/)

[Mo Yan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mo-yan/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e60/mo-yan-11698_brother_dear-brother-number-two-replied-i-can-ea_1188000.png)

> [I'm just trying not to get run over. That's number one. Number two is you gotta catch the guy in front of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dale-earnhardt-jr-2/i-m-just-trying-not-to-get-run-over-that-s-number-one-number-two-is/)

[Dale Earnhardt, Jr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dale-earnhardt-jr-2/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4ed/dale-earnhardt-jr-2-26177_catch_i-m-just-trying-not-to-get-run-over-that_3069656.jpg)

> [The most powerful argument of all for saving open space is economics; in most states, tourism is the number two industry.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-fowler/the-most-powerful-argument-of-all-for-saving-open-space-is-economics/)

[Jim Fowler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-fowler/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9d0/jim-fowler-17104_argument_the-most-powerful-argument-of-all-for-sa_419100.png)

> [“Rule number one. The good guys always win. Rule number two. If the good guys lose, we play again.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-s-faddis/rule-number-one-the-good-guys-always-win-rule-number-two-if-the-good/)

Charles S. Faddis

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b3d/charles-s-faddis-227099_cia_rule-number-one-the-good-guys-always-win_1385562.jpg)

> [I was suddenly really famous, and I didn't know how to cope. I didn't know myself well enough as a person, number…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kate-winslet/i-was-suddenly-really-famous-and-i-didn-t-know-how-to-cope-i-didn-t/)

[Kate Winslet](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kate-winslet/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/683/kate-winslet-875_actor_i-was-suddenly-really-famous-and-i-didn_3061350.jpg)

> [ Number one, \[Hillary Clinton\] is weak. Number two, she has a hair trigger and it's just the opposite with me. ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donald-trump/number-one-hillary-clinton-is-weak-number-two-she-has-a-hair-trigger/)

[Donald Trump](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donald-trump/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/215/donald-trump-18_clinton_number-one-hillary-clinton-is-weak-numbe_1169196.jpg)

> [“When I grew up, I wanted to be a werewolf. Or a writer. But writer was definitely the number two alternative. Werewolfing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/neil-gaiman/when-i-grew-up-i-wanted-to-be-a-werewolf-or-a-writer-but-writer-was/)

[Neil Gaiman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neil-gaiman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/17b/neil-gaiman-29_werewolf_when-i-grew-up-i-wanted-to-be-a-werewolf_2374307.jpg)

> [“As much as I hated to admit it, Ami was right. Rule number two of lying is to make it as airtight…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alicia-thompson/as-much-as-i-hated-to-admit-it-ami-was-right-rule-number-two-of-lying/)

[Alicia Thompson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alicia-thompson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7bc/alicia-thompson-22935_alicia-thompson_as-much-as-i-hated-to-admit-it-ami-was-r_1722587.jpg)

> [The Mogadorian caught Number One in Malaysia, Number Two in England, And Number Three in Kenya. I am Number Four. I am…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pittacus-lore/the-mogadorian-caught-number-one-in-malaysia-number-two-in-england/)

[Pittacus Lore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pittacus-lore/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5eb/pittacus-lore-1736_caught_the-mogadorian-caught-number-one-in-mala_2891398.jpg)

> [Career Education is one of the largest global providers in the higher education sector. We are projecting to be over $1.1 billion…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/career-education-is-one-of-the-largest-global-providers-in-the-higher/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2c9/anonymous-1_billions_career-education-is-one-of-the-largest-g_1484191.jpg)

> [“He started to wonder if maybe they had been raptured while he was in school. He always worried the Lord would show…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-autumn-deering/he-started-to-wonder-if-maybe-they-had-been-raptured-while-he-was-in/)

[Rachel Autumn Deering](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-autumn-deering/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/93e/rachel-autumn-deering-59834_childhood_he-started-to-wonder-if-maybe-they-had-b_2298245.jpg)

> [“He would rock back and forth in his chair, making sure it squeaked ominously. He always found a chair that squeaked ominously.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adrienne-kress/he-would-rock-back-and-forth-in-his-chair-making-sure-it-squeaked/)

[Adrienne Kress](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adrienne-kress/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/49f/adrienne-kress-29716_humor_he-would-rock-back-and-forth-in-his-chai_2228307.jpg)

> [Well, mathematically, there are three ways that you can cut a deficit. One, of course, is to raise taxes. Number two is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitt-romney/well-mathematically-there-are-three-ways-that-you-can-cut-a-deficit/)

[Mitt Romney](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitt-romney/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4b4/mitt-romney-268_deficit_well-mathematically-there-are-three-ways_1678892.jpg)

> [A little righteous anger really brings out the best in the American personality. Our nation was born when 56 patriots got mad…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lee-iacocca/a-little-righteous-anger-really-brings-out-the-best-in-the-american/)

[Lee Iacocca](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lee-iacocca/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c32/lee-iacocca-3170_anger_a-little-righteous-anger-really-brings-o_1593178.png)

> [There are three things that are important for a film. Number one is story, number two is story, number three is story.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-strickson/there-are-three-things-that-are-important-for-a-film-number-one-is/)

[Mark Strickson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-strickson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3c1/mark-strickson-58652_actor_there-are-three-things-that-are-importan_2784236.jpg)

> [“It’s not like they didn’t know who he was. The year before, in 2015, Politico magazine ranked Dave number two in its…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/corey-r-lewandowski/it-s-not-like-they-didn-t-know-who-he-was-the-year-before-in-2015/)

[Corey R. Lewandowski](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/corey-r-lewandowski/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/90e/corey-r-lewandowski-11489_american-politics_it-s-not-like-they-didn-t-know-who-he-wa_887946.jpg)

> [Now the guy that got to the top, the CEO, would obviously be stupid to have a number two guy who was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carl-icahn/now-the-guy-that-got-to-the-top-the-ceo-would-obviously-be-stupid-to/)

[Carl Icahn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carl-icahn/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d1b/carl-icahn-17975_brilliant_now-the-guy-that-got-to-the-top-the-ceo_3166488.png)

> [“I would like to draw three main conclusions. Number one, the earth is warmer in 1988 than at any time in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-mckibben/i-would-like-to-draw-three-main-conclusions-number-one-the-earth-is/)

[Bill McKibben](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-mckibben/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9a2/bill-mckibben-1057_cause-and-effect_i-would-like-to-draw-three-main-conclusi_250804.jpg)

> [With regard to Afghanistan, he said he will end the war in 2014. Governor Romney said we should not set a date,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joe-biden/with-regard-to-afghanistan-he-said-he-will-end-the-war-in-2014/)

[Joe Biden](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joe-biden/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7df/joe-biden-454_bin-laden_with-regard-to-afghanistan-he-said-he-wi_1560160.jpg)

> [You know," I said, holding my ground. "I gotta tell you. The goatee thing? Yeah, way over. And you know a little…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/meg-cabot/you-know-i-said-holding-my-ground-i-gotta-tell-you-the-goatee-thing/)

[Meg Cabot](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/meg-cabot/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ec3/meg-cabot-460_buried_you-know-i-said-holding-my-ground-i-gott_2464629.png)

> [I don't pretend to be a general or an admiral or anything else, but I just - every time I see -…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donald-trump/i-don-t-pretend-to-be-a-general-or-an-admiral-or-anything-else-but-i/)

[Donald Trump](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donald-trump/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b4f/donald-trump-18_admiral_i-don-t-pretend-to-be-a-general-or-an-ad_2190274.jpg)

> [“Four hundred forty-six,” Cole whispered. “What?” she asked. He kept his head down in what seemed to be a prayer. “He counts.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debra-anastasia/four-hundred-forty-six-cole-whispered-what-she-asked-he-kept-his-head/)

[Debra Anastasia](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debra-anastasia/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1a6/debra-anastasia-319_blake_four-hundred-forty-six-cole-whispered-wh_2902624.jpg)

> [“Ostap Bender lay in the dvornik's room, which was warm to the point of reeking, and mentally put the finishing touches on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ilya-ilf/ostap-bender-lay-in-the-dvornik-s-room-which-was-warm-to-the-point-of/)

[Ilya Ilf](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ilya-ilf/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7f4/ilya-ilf-26240_finishing-touches_ostap-bender-lay-in-the-dvornik-s-room-w_2978513.jpg)

> [ “This \[oatmeal\] represents your soul in its pure state. Your soul on the day you were born. You were perfect. You were… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-saunders/this-oatmeal-represents-your-soul-in-its-pure-state-your-soul-on-the/)

[George Saunders](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-saunders/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c0d/george-saunders-317_food_this-oatmeal-represents-your-soul-in-its_2831228.jpg)

> [“Our story begins eight years ago when Ms. Jacobs was living in London with Mr. McAllister. However, she had to leave the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kristen-ashley/our-story-begins-eight-years-ago-when-ms-jacobs-was-living-in-london/)

[Kristen Ashley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kristen-ashley/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fcd/kristen-ashley-74_plane-crash_our-story-begins-eight-years-ago-when-ms_2214786.jpg)

> [Illinois corn farmers are the Nation's number two exporter of feed grains.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-shimkus/illinois-corn-farmers-are-the-nation-s-number-two-exporter-of-feed/)

[John Shimkus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-shimkus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/533/john-shimkus-22003_corn_illinois-corn-farmers-are-the-nation-s-n_2928178.jpg)

> [To be number one, you must train like you are number two.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maurice-greene/to-be-number-one-you-must-train-like-you-are-number-two/)

[Maurice Greene](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maurice-greene/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f1a/maurice-greene-25259_fitness_to-be-number-one-you-must-train-like-you_2858517.jpg)

> [“I saw you see me like a seesaw, and I knew you were the one to be number two.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-saw-you-see-me-like-a-seesaw-and-i-knew-you-were-the-one-to-be/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/645/jarod-kintz-2_seesaw_i-saw-you-see-me-like-a-seesaw-and-i-kne_2668113.jpg)

> [I've said all along I don't want to be a number two goalkeeper.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-mignolet/i-ve-said-all-along-i-don-t-want-to-be-a-number-two-goalkeeper/)

[Simon Mignolet](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-mignolet/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2ad/simon-mignolet-5460_goalkeeper_i-ve-said-all-along-i-don-t-want-to-be-a_2207643.png)

> [There're rules to being the side chick. Rule number one: you're number two.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/there-re-rules-to-being-the-side-chick-rule-number-one-you-re-number/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/078/j-b-smoove-3940_chicks_there-re-rules-to-being-the-side-chick-r_1492354.jpg)

> [God isnt opposed to doctors and medicine, He is opposed to being number two.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-johnson/god-isnt-opposed-to-doctors-and-medicine-he-is-opposed-to-being/)

[Bill Johnson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-johnson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b17/bill-johnson-1147_medicine_god-isnt-opposed-to-doctors-and-medicine_831420.png)

## Top authors on Number Two

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                        "text": "The Mogadorian caught Number One in Malaysia, Number Two in England, And Number Three in Kenya. I am Number Four. I am next...\" - I AM NUMBER FOUR",
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                        "text": "“He started to wonder if maybe they had been raptured while he was in school. He always worried the Lord would show up when he wasn't around. Or when he was on the toilet, taking care of a number two.”",
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                        "text": "“He would rock back and forth in his chair, making sure it squeaked ominously. He always found a chair that squeaked ominously. He was so good at squeaking ominously that he managed to make year-six teacher number two burst into tears.”",
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                        "text": "Well, mathematically, there are three ways that you can cut a deficit. One, of course, is to raise taxes. Number two is to cut spending. And number is to grow the economy, because if more people work in a growing economy, they're paying taxes, and you can get the job done that way.",
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                        "text": "A little righteous anger really brings out the best in the American personality. Our nation was born when 56 patriots got mad enough to sign the Declaration of Independence. We put a man on the moon because Sputnik made us mad at being number two in space. Getting mad in a constructive way is good for the soul- and the country.",
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                        "text": "There are three things that are important for a film. Number one is story, number two is story, number three is story. Good actors can save a bad script and make it bearable, but good actors can't make a bad script good - they can just make it bearable.",
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                        "text": "“It’s not like they didn’t know who he was. The year before, in 2015, Politico magazine ranked Dave number two in its list of the fifty most influential people in American politics. He’d been the president of Citizens United, a conservative advocacy group with over 500,000 members and supporters, since 2001.”",
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                        "text": "Now the guy that got to the top, the CEO, would obviously be stupid to have a number two guy who was a lot smarter than he is. So by definition, since he's a survivor and he got to the top and he isn't that brilliant, his number two guy is going to always be a little worse than he is. So, as time goes on, it's anti-Darwinism, the survival of the un- fittest.",
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                        "text": "“I would like to draw three main conclusions. Number one, the earth is warmer in 1988 than at any time in the history of instrumental measurements. Number two, the global warming is now large enough that we can ascribe with a high degree of confidence a cause and effect relationship to the greenhouse effect. And number three, our computer climate simulations indicate that the greenhouse effect is already large enough to begin to effect the probability of extreme events such as summer heat waves.”",
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                        "text": "With regard to Afghanistan, he said he will end the war in 2014. Governor Romney said we should not set a date, number one. And number two, with regard to 2014, it depends. When it came to Osama bin Laden, the president the first day in office, I was sitting with him in the Oval Office, he called in the CIA and signed an order saying, 'My highest priority is to get bin Laden.'",
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                        "text": "You know,\" I said, holding my ground. \"I gotta tell you. The goatee thing? Yeah, way over. And you know a little jewelry really does go a long way. Just something you might want to consider. I'm actually glad you stopped by, because I have a couple things I've been meaning to say to you. Number one, about your wife? Yeah, she's a skank. And number two, you know that whole thing where you killed Jesse and then buried his remains out back there? Yeah, way un-cool.",
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                        "text": "I don't pretend to be a general or an admiral or anything else, but I just - every time I see - I see President [Barack] Obama get up, \"Ladies and gentleman, we are sending 50 people to Iraq,\" 50.So that's bad in two ways. Number one, it's such a low number that the enemy's saying is that all?And number two, when you think 50, those people now have a target on their back. They wanna find those 50 people and they look for those 50 people.",
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                        "text": "“Four hundred forty-six,” Cole whispered. “What?” she asked. He kept his head down in what seemed to be a prayer. “He counts. You’ve smiled at him four hundred and forty-six times as of a few minutes ago. He announces the number every time I see him.” “I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t think you were real. Considering my line of work, I should have more faith in humanity.” Cole shook his head. “I think it was smile two hundred eighty-six that drove me the most crazy. It was the night train. Blake was so sick, feverish. Honestly, I was considering taking him to the hospital. But no. He didn’t want to miss a smile. He wouldn’t even let me drive him. Blake walked the whole way in the pouring rain for number two eighty-six.”",
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                        "text": "“Ostap Bender lay in the dvornik's room, which was warm to the point of reeking, and mentally put the finishing touches on two possible career plans. He could become a polygamist and move peacefully from town to town, dragging behind him a new suitcase full of valuable items he'd picked up from the latest wife. Or he could go the very next day to the Stargorod Children's Commission and offer them the chance to distribute the as-yet unpainted but brilliantly conceived canvas The Bolsheviks Writing a Letter to Chamberlain, based on the artist Repin's popular painting The Zaporozhian Cossacks Writing a Letter to the Turkish Sultan. If it worked out, this option could bring in something along the line of four hundred rubles. Ostap had thought up both options during his last stay in Moscow. The polygamy option had been born under the influence of the court report from the evening papers, where it was clearly indicated that some polygamist had only gotten two years without strict isolation. Option number two had taken shape in Bender's mind when he was going through the AARR exhibit on a free ticket. However, both options had their downsides. It was impossible to begin a career as a polygamist without a wondrous, dapple-gray suit. In addition, he needed at least ten rubles for hospitality expenses and seduction. Of course, he could get married in his green campaign uniform as well, because Bender's masculine power and attraction were absolutely irresistible to provincial, marriage-ready Margaritas; but that would be, as Bender liked to say, \"Poor-quality goods. Not clean work.\" It wasn't all smooth sailing for the painting, either. Purely technical difficulties could arise. Would it be proper to paint Comrade Kalinin in a papakha and a white burka, or Comrade Chicherin naked to the waist?”",
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                        "text": "“This [oatmeal] represents your soul in its pure state. Your soul on the day you were born. You were perfect. You were happy. You were good. Now, enter Concept Number Two: crap. Don't worry, folks. I don't use actual crap up here. Only imaginary crap. You'll have to supply the crap, using your mind. Now, if someone came up and crapped in your nice warm oatmeal, what would you say? Would you say: 'Wow, super, thanks, please continue crapping in my oatmeal'? Am I being silly? I'm being a little silly. But guess what, in real life people come up and crap in your oatmeal all the time--friends, co-workers, loved ones, even you kids, especially your kids!--and that's exactly what you do. You say, 'Thanks so much!' You say, 'Crap away!' You say, and here the metaphor breaks down a bit, 'Is there some way I can help you crap in my oatmeal?”",
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