---
title: "663 Next door Quotes by 583 authors"
description: "Browse 663 Next door quotes by 583 authors. Discover the best Next door sayings and thoughts."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/37b/robert-anton-wilson-1198_doors_there-s-a-great-universe-just-next-door_1579060.jpg"
---

> [There's a great universe just next door.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-anton-wilson/there-s-a-great-universe-just-next-door/)

[Robert Anton Wilson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-anton-wilson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/37b/robert-anton-wilson-1198_doors_there-s-a-great-universe-just-next-door_1579060.jpg)

> [I'm the girl next door, not the sex symbol.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carla-gallo/i-m-the-girl-next-door-not-the-sex-symbol/)

[Carla Gallo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carla-gallo/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7c6/carla-gallo-51010_door_i-m-the-girl-next-door-not-the-sex-symbo_2287905.jpg)

> [“You know what they say about boys next door...”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jennifer-l-armentrout/you-know-what-they-say-about-boys-next-door/)

[Jennifer L. Armentrout](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jennifer-l-armentrout/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/029/jennifer-l-armentrout-96_boy-and-girl_you-know-what-they-say-about-boys-next-d_1366663.jpg)

> [I'm just like the girl next door.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sara-davies/i-m-just-like-the-girl-next-door/)

[Sara Davies](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sara-davies/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c22/sara-davies-12106_door_i-m-just-like-the-girl-next-door-2097448_2097448.jpg)

> [I'm the comedic girl next door and a lot of fun.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jenny-mccarthy/i-m-the-comedic-girl-next-door-and-a-lot-of-fun/)

[Jenny McCarthy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jenny-mccarthy/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dd6/jenny-mccarthy-7508_comedic_i-m-the-comedic-girl-next-door-and-a-lot_3058044.jpg)

> [Of course, I'm not exactly the girl next door.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/barbi-benton/of-course-i-m-not-exactly-the-girl-next-door/)

[Barbi Benton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/barbi-benton/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d52/barbi-benton-8588_course_of-course-i-m-not-exactly-the-girl-next_3153857.jpg)

> [Charity begins at home, and justice begins next door.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-dickens/charity-begins-at-home-and-justice-begins-next-door/)

[Charles Dickens](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-dickens/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1a9/charles-dickens-34_charity_charity-begins-at-home-and-justice-begin_277824.jpg)

> [What are Fred and I? Next door neighbors?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-k-rowling-2/what-are-fred-and-i-next-door-neighbors/)

[J. K. Rowling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-k-rowling-2/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fc5/j-k-rowling-2-683_door_what-are-fred-and-i-next-door-neighbors_2607091.jpg)

> [You fall in love with the girl next door but married her sister.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/luanne-rice/you-fall-in-love-with-the-girl-next-door-but-married-her-sister/)

[Luanne Rice](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/luanne-rice/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9c9/luanne-rice-12229_doors_you-fall-in-love-with-the-girl-next-door_2722883.jpg)

> [We tell children what they should do when they grow up so we can impress the people next door.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/we-tell-children-what-they-should-do-when-they-grow-up-so-we-can/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/979/anonymous-1_children_we-tell-children-what-they-should-do-whe_1285554.jpg)

> [I want you to be concerned about your next door neighbor. Do you know your next door neighbor?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mother-teresa/i-want-you-to-be-concerned-about-your-next-door-neighbor-do-you-know/)

[Mother Teresa](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mother-teresa/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/891/mother-teresa-196_concerned_i-want-you-to-be-concerned-about-your-ne_1242953.jpg)

> [I'm like your boy next door who decided that he wanted to be a rebel one day. So... I'm a nice rebel.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adam-lambert/i-m-like-your-boy-next-door-who-decided-that-he-wanted-to-be-a-rebel/)

[Adam Lambert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adam-lambert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d6b/adam-lambert-2417_next-door_i-m-like-your-boy-next-door-who-decided_653794.jpg)

> [I may look like the girl next door, but you wouldn't want to live next door to me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elisabeth-shue/i-may-look-like-the-girl-next-door-but-you-wouldn-t-want-to-live-next/)

[Elisabeth Shue](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elisabeth-shue/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/081/elisabeth-shue-16319_door_i-may-look-like-the-girl-next-door-but-y_1844173.png)

> [If you're trying too hard to be the girl next door, you're not going to be.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/taylor-swift/if-you-re-trying-too-hard-to-be-the-girl-next-door-you-re-not-going/)

[Taylor Swift](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/taylor-swift/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/479/taylor-swift-125_door_if-you-re-trying-too-hard-to-be-the-girl_1820286.jpg)

> [Of course, I would like to play the guy next door, but nobody's going to hire me for that kind of role.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brad-dourif/of-course-i-would-like-to-play-the-guy-next-door-but-nobody-s-going/)

[Brad Dourif](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brad-dourif/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/234/brad-dourif-32994_doors_of-course-i-would-like-to-play-the-guy-n_1433089.png)

> [“Turning, she unlocked the next door and went through it to the larger part of the”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maggie-shayne/turning-she-unlocked-the-next-door-and-went-through-it-to-the-larger/)

[Maggie Shayne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maggie-shayne/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d2d/maggie-shayne-23009_door_turning-she-unlocked-the-next-door-and-w_738100.jpg)

> [For me, the scariest thing about a serial killer is that there's somebody who lives next door to you, running power tools…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-fincher/for-me-the-scariest-thing-about-a-serial-killer-is-that-there-s/)

[David Fincher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-fincher/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eb4/david-fincher-7615_doors_for-me-the-scariest-thing-about-a-serial_91283.jpg)

> [I play video games and watch TV, but there's more to life than that. Faxing and the Internet have created a global…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/i-play-video-games-and-watch-tv-but-there-s-more-to-life-than-that/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/357/anonymous-1_america_i-play-video-games-and-watch-tv-but-ther_2337582.jpg)

> [As I said in my state of the state address, we can no longer rely on gaming and sales taxes to pay…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kenny-guinn/as-i-said-in-my-state-of-the-state-address-we-can-no-longer-rely-on/)

[Kenny Guinn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kenny-guinn/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fc4/kenny-guinn-40101_addresses_as-i-said-in-my-state-of-the-state-addre_874237.jpg)

> [“Was I seriously awake at, let’s see, one sixteen a.m. and attempting to discern the national origin of the woman getting plowed…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-clayton/was-i-seriously-awake-at-let-s-see-one-sixteen-a-m-and-attempting-to/)

[Alice Clayton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alice-clayton/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ef2/alice-clayton-2074_next-door_was-i-seriously-awake-at-let-s-see-one-s_1648847.png)

> [1 in 20 people live next door to a pedophile. Many people have old people as neighbors, but I have two adorable…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/1-in-20-people-live-next-door-to-a-pedophile-many-people-have-old/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ddf/anonymous-1_next-door_1-in-20-people-live-next-door-to-a-pedop_928562.jpg)

> [The kid next door just challenged me to a water fight! So I thought I'd tweet this while I wait for the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/the-kid-next-door-just-challenged-me-to-a-water-fight-so-i-thought-i/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/448/anonymous-1_games_the-kid-next-door-just-challenged-me-to_3085630.jpg)

> [I could not pass up the opportunity to build and operate a casino next door to my hometown. This casino will be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tilman-j-fertitta/i-could-not-pass-up-the-opportunity-to-build-and-operate-a-casino/)

[Tilman J. Fertitta](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tilman-j-fertitta/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/08f/tilman-j-fertitta-15232_door_i-could-not-pass-up-the-opportunity-to-b_1266974.jpg)

> [I've had my share of villains and played some fairly nasty characters. But I've been acting for so long. I started out…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jacki-weaver/i-ve-had-my-share-of-villains-and-played-some-fairly-nasty-characters/)

[Jacki Weaver](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jacki-weaver/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/67f/jacki-weaver-9615_acting_i-ve-had-my-share-of-villains-and-played_676581.jpg)

> [The unfortunate thing is that I live next door to the pub they all drink in. So if I leave my light…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sean-pertwee/the-unfortunate-thing-is-that-i-live-next-door-to-the-pub-they-all/)

[Sean Pertwee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sean-pertwee/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d91/sean-pertwee-31124_bits_the-unfortunate-thing-is-that-i-live-nex_1908236.jpg)

> [You have to understand, I don't play golf for fun. It's my business. When the mailman starts delivering mail on his off…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lee-trevino/you-have-to-understand-i-don-t-play-golf-for-fun-it-s-my-business/)

[Lee Trevino](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lee-trevino/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6f8/lee-trevino-3680_around-the-world_you-have-to-understand-i-don-t-play-golf_598153.jpg)

> [You can have somebody living next door to you and you can live in a completely different world from that person, which…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matt-taibbi/you-can-have-somebody-living-next-door-to-you-and-you-can-live-in-a/)

[Matt Taibbi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matt-taibbi/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2a2/matt-taibbi-2257_different_you-can-have-somebody-living-next-door-t_155722.jpg)

> [Personally I think there is no doubt that sub-atomic energy is available all around us, and that one day man will release…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/francis-william-aston/personally-i-think-there-is-no-doubt-that-sub-atomic-energy-is/)

[Francis William Aston](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/francis-william-aston/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b8c/francis-william-aston-44310_atomic-energy_personally-i-think-there-is-no-doubt-tha_1289642.jpg)

> [All I can focus on right now is playing that record as best we can each night on stage, and that every…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cody-johnson/all-i-can-focus-on-right-now-is-playing-that-record-as-best-we-can/)

[Cody Johnson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cody-johnson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/234/cody-johnson-15676_articles_all-i-can-focus-on-right-now-is-playing_1677036.jpg)

> [“What, you think if you live next door to them, they'll treat you different?" "Why does it always have to be about…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/angie-thomas/what-you-think-if-you-live-next-door-to-them-they-ll-treat-you/)

[Angie Thomas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/angie-thomas/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/91b/angie-thomas-2699_african-americans_what-you-think-if-you-live-next-door-to_2941060.jpg)

> [“Next door but one is Quinlan Broddle, a Viceroy with a fear of gardens. So much so that he sold his garden…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/st-john-morris/next-door-but-one-is-quinlan-broddle-a-viceroy-with-a-fear-of-gardens/)

[St. John Morris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/st-john-morris/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e54/st-john-morris-25489_comedy_next-door-but-one-is-quinlan-broddle-a-v_1365781.jpg)

> [People look at me, and I dress a little unusually and they think, 'Oh you must be from California.' Of course, people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/howard-rheingold/people-look-at-me-and-i-dress-a-little-unusually-and-they-think-oh/)

[Howard Rheingold](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/howard-rheingold/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/574/howard-rheingold-2794_california_people-look-at-me-and-i-dress-a-little-u_971891.jpg)

> [“In that latitude the temperature flirted with a hundred degrees for a few of the dog days, but to a child it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-updike/in-that-latitude-the-temperature-flirted-with-a-hundred-degrees-for-a/)

[John Updike](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-updike/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/153/john-updike-396_dog-days_in-that-latitude-the-temperature-flirted_1580126.jpg)

> [“The biggest potential for helping us overcome shame is this: We are “those people.” The truth is…we are the others. Most of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/the-biggest-potential-for-helping-us-overcome-shame-is-this-we-are/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6ae/bren-brown-280_abortion_the-biggest-potential-for-helping-us-ove_799007.jpg)

> [“On a very hot day in August of 1994, my wife told me she was going down to the Derry Rite Aid…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-king/on-a-very-hot-day-in-august-of-1994-my-wife-told-me-she-was-going/)

[Stephen King](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-king/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a50/stephen-king-13_marriage_on-a-very-hot-day-in-august-of-1994-my-w_1286028.jpg)

> [“What Homer could never have foreseen is the double idiocy into which we now educate our children. We have what look like…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-m-esolen/what-homer-could-never-have-foreseen-is-the-double-idiocy-into-which/)

[Anthony M. Esolen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-m-esolen/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9c4/anthony-m-esolen-35659_aristotle_what-homer-could-never-have-foreseen-is_3107147.jpg)

> [“—but they’re minor-level functionaries. They can’t do that kind of shit. And a demon can’t possess another demon—or a half, for that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/karen-chance/but-they-re-minor-level-functionaries-they-can-t-do-that-kind-of-shit/)

[Karen Chance](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/karen-chance/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cd6/karen-chance-1416_demon_but-they-re-minor-level-functionaries-th_1151960.jpg)

> [“When they reached the table, Hannah started to introduce them. “Layla, this is Joe. Joe, this is—” “We’ve already met,” said Joseph,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/shani-struthers/when-they-reached-the-table-hannah-started-to-introduce-them-layla/)

[Shani Struthers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/shani-struthers/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2f4/shani-struthers-45987_best-friend_when-they-reached-the-table-hannah-start_1690259.jpg)

> [“The old men from the charity hospital next door would come jerking past our rooms, making useless, disjointed leaps. They'd go from…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-ferdinand-celine/the-old-men-from-the-charity-hospital-next-door-would-come-jerking/)

[Louis-Ferdinand Céline](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-ferdinand-celine/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dbc/louis-ferdinand-celine-1139_next-door_the-old-men-from-the-charity-hospital-ne_3050810.jpg)

> [“No, what little inspiration I have in life comes not from any sense of racial pride. It stems from the same age-old…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-beatty/no-what-little-inspiration-i-have-in-life-comes-not-from-any-sense-of/)

[Paul Beatty](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-beatty/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b27/paul-beatty-6684_captains-of-industry_no-what-little-inspiration-i-have-in-lif_1498327.png)

## Top authors on Next door

- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b020/author-ray-bradbury-77494.jpg) Ray Bradbury 7 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/next-door/ray-bradbury/)

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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "What are Fred and I? Next door neighbors?",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "We tell children what they should do when they grow up so we can impress the people next door.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "I want you to be concerned about your next door neighbor. Do you know your next door neighbor?",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "I'm like your boy next door who decided that he wanted to be a rebel one day. So... I'm a nice rebel.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "I may look like the girl next door, but you wouldn't want to live next door to me.",
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                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Elisabeth Shue"
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "If you're trying too hard to be the girl next door, you're not going to be.",
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                        "text": "Of course, I would like to play the guy next door, but nobody's going to hire me for that kind of role.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“Turning, she unlocked the next door and went through it to the larger part of the”",
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                        "text": "I play video games and watch TV, but there's more to life than that. Faxing and the Internet have created a global community. The kid next door has become the kid in Latin America or Asia.",
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                        "text": "As I said in my state of the state address, we can no longer rely on gaming and sales taxes to pay our way. Indian gaming next door in California is eroding our major industry in Nevada.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“Was I seriously awake at, let’s see, one sixteen a.m. and attempting to discern the national origin of the woman getting plowed next door?”",
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                        "text": "1 in 20 people live next door to a pedophile. Many people have old people as neighbors, but I have two adorable 7-year-olds next door.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "The kid next door just challenged me to a water fight! So I thought I'd tweet this while I wait for the kettle to boil...",
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                        "text": "I could not pass up the opportunity to build and operate a casino next door to my hometown. This casino will be where Louisiana locals and Texans will want to play, stay, and enjoy themselves.",
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                        "text": "I've had my share of villains and played some fairly nasty characters. But I've been acting for so long. I started out as the girl next door. Now I'm the grandmother next door.",
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                        "text": "The unfortunate thing is that I live next door to the pub they all drink in. So if I leave my light on and they know I'm in, they all descend on me. I know it's nice, but it's a bit of a bummer if you're trying to watch EastEnders.",
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                        "text": "You have to understand, I don't play golf for fun. It's my business. When the mailman starts delivering mail on his off day, that's when I'll start playing golf for the hell of it. I like to play in tournaments. There are many great courses around the world that I have never played that are next door to tournaments. I have not played them because I don't play for fun.",
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                        "text": "You can have somebody living next door to you and you can live in a completely different world from that person, which is definitely something we've never experienced before. So I think just because of the media landscape and the way we get our information now, we're more atomized and isolated from each other than ever before.",
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                        "text": "Personally I think there is no doubt that sub-atomic energy is available all around us, and that one day man will release and control its almost infinite power. We cannot prevent him from doing so and can only hope that he will not use it exclusively in blowing up his next door neighbour. (1936)",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "All I can focus on right now is playing that record as best we can each night on stage, and that every article or radio spot that I do gives the best depiction of what we're trying to say with this record. The next door will open when it's time to open, and hopefully I'll be lead into the right one.",
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                        "text": "“What, you think if you live next door to them, they'll treat you different?\" \"Why does it always have to be about race with you?\" Uncle Carlos asks. \"Other races aren't killing us nearly as much as we're killing ourselves.\" \"Ne-gro, please. If I kill Tyrone, I'm going to prison. If a cop kills me, he's getting put on leave. Maybe.”",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“Next door but one is Quinlan Broddle, a Viceroy with a fear of gardens. So much so that he sold his garden to Virgin Atlantic and his erstwhile front lawn is now a runway where miniature helicopters and packets of crisps undertake sorties to 1940’s Dresden where they have made several dozen unsuccessful attempts to rescue the Quaker Oats man, who is being held captive by the SS on the basis that his hair looks like ice cream.”",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "People look at me, and I dress a little unusually and they think, 'Oh you must be from California.' Of course, people in California think, 'Oh you must be from from Mars,' so, you know, your next-door neighbour is not necessarily the person that you are going to make a connection with.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“In that latitude the temperature flirted with a hundred degrees for a few of the dog days, but to a child it can hardly ever be too hot. I liked the sun licking the backs of my legs, and the sweat between my shoulder blades, and the violet evenings, with ice cream and fireflies, wherein the long day slowly cooled. I liked the ants piling up dirt like coffee grounds between the bricks of our front walk, and the milkweed spittle in the vacant lot next door. I liked the freedom of shorts, sneakers, and striped T-shirt, with freckles and a short hot-weather haircut. We love easily in summer, perhaps, because we love our summer selves.”",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“The biggest potential for helping us overcome shame is this: We are “those people.” The truth is…we are the others. Most of us are one paycheck, one divorce, one drug-addicted kid, one mental health illness, one sexual assault, one drinking binge, one night of unprotected sex, or one affair away from being “those people”–the ones we don’t trust, the ones we pity, the ones we don’t let our kids play with, the ones bad things happen to, the ones we don’t want living next door.”",
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                        "text": "“On a very hot day in August of 1994, my wife told me she was going down to the Derry Rite Aid to pick up a refill on her sinus medicine prescription - this is stuff you can buy over the counter these days, I believe. I’d finished writing for the day and offered to pick it up for her. She said thanks, but she wanted to get a piece of fish at the supermarket next door anyway; two birds with one stone and all that. She blew a kiss at me off the palm of her and and went out. The next time I saw her, she was on TV. That’s how you identify the dead here in Derry - no walking down a subterranean corridor with green tiles on the walls and long fluorescent bars overhead, no naked body rolling out of a chilly drawer on casters; you just go into an office marked PRIVATE and look at a TV screen and say yep or nope.”",
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                        "text": "“What Homer could never have foreseen is the double idiocy into which we now educate our children. We have what look like our equivalent to the Greek “assemblies”; we can watch them on cable television, as long as one can endure them. For they are charades of political action. They concern themselves constantly, insufferably, about every tiniest feature of human existence, but without slow deliberation, without balance, without any commitment to the difficult virtues. We do not have men locked in intellectual battle with other men, worthy opponents both, as Thomas Paine battled with John Dickinson, or Daniel Webster with Robert Hayne. We have men strutting and mugging for women nagging and bickering. We have the sputters of what used to be language, “tweets,” expressions of something less than opinion. It is the urge to join—something, anything—while remaining aloof from the people who live next door, whose names we do not know. Aristotle once wrote that youths should not study politics, because they had not the wealth of human experience to allow for it; all would become for them abstract and theoretical, like mathematics, which the philosopher said was more suitable for them. He concluded that men should begin to study politics at around the age of forty. Whether that wisdom would help us now, I don’t know.”",
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                        "text": "“—but they’re minor-level functionaries. They can’t do that kind of shit. And a demon can’t possess another demon—or a half, for that matter. So two plus two, okay? His other half ain’t Ahhazu, it’s incubus. And there’s only one half human, half incubus ever been recorded—” “Maybe Pritkin’s birth wasn’t recorded.” “Bullshit. You know damn well who we got—” “Don’t say it.” “—next door, and John Pritkin ain’t his—” “I’m warning you.” “—name. It’s motherfucking Mer—” “Say it and spend the rest of your life in the Jurassic,” I hissed.”",
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                        "text": "“When they reached the table, Hannah started to introduce them. “Layla, this is Joe. Joe, this is—” “We’ve already met,” said Joseph, extending his hand and smiling. “Have we?” asked Layla, baffled. “Have you?” said Hannah. This was news to her. “Yeah, we have,” continued Joseph. “A couple of hours ago. On the road into the village. You tried to kill me, remember?” “Kill you?” gasped Layla. “You’re the biker? The one I knocked over?” “You knocked him over?” repeated Hannah in horror. “I didn’t mean to,” explained Layla quickly. “It was an accident. I was going to tell you about it. I just haven’t had the chance yet.” Turning to Joseph, Hannah asked, “Are you okay? Are you hurt at all?” “Well,” he replied somberly, “apart from my right arm, which I’m not sure is going to be of much use to me ever again, I’m fine.” As Layla’s jaw dropped open, he added quickly, “I’m joking. Really, it’s just a joke. I’m fine.” “Right, well, in that case,” Hannah continued, “as I was saying, Layla, this is Joseph Scott. Joe, this is Layla Lewis, your would-be killer, next door neighbor, and my best friend. She’s house-sitting whilst Lenny’s in Scotland.” “Next door neighbor, huh?” replied Joseph, taking a swig from his pint glass. “That could prove interesting.”",
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                        "text": "“The old men from the charity hospital next door would come jerking past our rooms, making useless, disjointed leaps. They'd go from room to room, spitting out gossip between their decayed teeth, purveying scraps of malignant worn-out slander. Cloistered in their official misery as in an oozing dungeon, those aged workers ruminated the layer of shit that long years of servitude deposit on men's souls. Impotent hatreds grown rancid in the pissy idleness of dormitories. They employed their last quavering energies in hurting each other a little more. In destroying what little pleasure they had left. Their last remaining pleasure! Their shriveled carcasses contained not one solitary atom that was not absolutely vicious!”",
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                        "text": "“No, what little inspiration I have in life comes not from any sense of racial pride. It stems from the same age-old yearning that has produced great presidents and great pretenders, birthed captains of industry and captains of football; that Oedipal yen that makes men do all sorts of shit we’d rather not do, like try out for basketball and fistfight the kid next door because in this family we don’t start shit but we damn sure finish it. I speak only of that most basic of needs, the child’s need to please the father. Many fathers foster that need in their children through a wanton manipulation that starts in infancy. They dote on the kids with airplane spins, ice cream cones on cold days, and weekend custody trips to the Salton Sea and the science museum. The incessant magic tricks that produced dollar pieces out of thin air and the open-house mind games that made you think that the view from the second-floor Tudor-style miracle in the hills, if not the world, would soon be yours are designed to fool us into believing that without daddies and the fatherly guidance they provide, the rest of our lives will be futile Mickey Mouseless I-told-ya-so existences. But later in adolescence, after one too many accidental driveway basketball elbows, drunken midnight slaps to the upside of our heads, puffs of crystal meth exhaled in our faces, jalapeño peppers snapped in half and ground into our lips for saying “fuck” when you were only trying to be like Daddy, you come to realize that the frozen niceties and trips to the drive-thru car wash were bait-and-switch parenting. Ploys and cover-ups for their reduced sex drives, stagnant take-home pay, and their own inabilities to live up to their father’s expectations. The Oedipal yen to please Father is so powerful that it holds sway even in a neighborhood like mine, where fatherhood for the most part happens in absentia, yet nevertheless the kids sit dutifully by the window at night waiting for Daddy to come home. Of course, my problem was that Daddy was always home.”",
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