--- title: "13 Needs Quotes By Craig Ferguson" description: "13 Needs quotes by Craig Ferguson. Plus more from Craig Ferguson and more Needs sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6c1/craig-ferguson-664_entertainers_i-m-a-vulgar-lounge-entertainer-i-don-t_2944942.png" --- > [I'm a vulgar lounge entertainer, I don't need to wear a tie.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-m-a-vulgar-lounge-entertainer-i-don-t-need-to-wear-a-tie/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6c1/craig-ferguson-664_entertainers_i-m-a-vulgar-lounge-entertainer-i-don-t_2944942.png) > [Wait! Don't applaud my cheapness! I've got other crap I need help with!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/wait-don-t-applaud-my-cheapness-i-ve-got-other-crap-i-need-help-with/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/923/craig-ferguson-664_cheapness_wait-don-t-applaud-my-cheapness-i-ve-got_84228.png) > [Even a chameleon needs the proper amount of suction.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/even-a-chameleon-needs-the-proper-amount-of-suction/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3b9/craig-ferguson-664_amount_even-a-chameleon-needs-the-proper-amount_1011019.png) > [Halloween's eve is also known as mischief night. Kids are supposed go around playing pranks tonight. That's great, just what teenagers need…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/halloween-s-eve-is-also-known-as-mischief-night-kids-are-supposed-go/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/224/craig-ferguson-664_excuse_halloween-s-eve-is-also-known-as-mischie_1271819.png) > [Every year law schools churn out thousands of lawyers. We don't need any more lawyers. We need more lawyers like we need…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/every-year-law-schools-churn-out-thousands-of-lawyers-we-don-t-need/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7ee/craig-ferguson-664_education_every-year-law-schools-churn-out-thousan_2262205.png) > [Personally, I hope he doesn't get out of the campaign. I need Rick Perry. I don't want to spend the next year…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/personally-i-hope-he-doesn-t-get-out-of-the-campaign-i-need-rick/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e2/craig-ferguson-664_campaigns_personally-i-hope-he-doesn-t-get-out-of_587194.png) > [It takes a long time to become a lawyer because you need three things - a bachelor's degree, a law degree, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/it-takes-a-long-time-to-become-a-lawyer-because-you-need-three-things/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fb5/craig-ferguson-664_bachelors_it-takes-a-long-time-to-become-a-lawyer_3083531.png) > [Climate change is a serious problem. We all need to do what we can. Unless that means I've got to change stuff.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/climate-change-is-a-serious-problem-we-all-need-to-do-what-we-can/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/551/craig-ferguson-664_change_climate-change-is-a-serious-problem-we-a_1897583.png) > [Delaware Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell said recently that Hollywood needs to re-evaluate what they're doing because movies these days are all filled…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/delaware-senate-candidate-christine-o-donnell-said-recently-that/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/901/craig-ferguson-664_affair_delaware-senate-candidate-christine-o-do_126651.png) > [...slow down and self-edit and ask yourself the three things you must always ask yourself before you say anything: "Does this need…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/slow-down-and-self-edit-and-ask-yourself-the-three-things-you-must/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ee/craig-ferguson-664_ask-yourself_slow-down-and-self-edit-and-ask-yourself_596921.png) > [A New York City judge struck down a proposed law to ban sodas larger than 16 ounces. I think Mayor Bloomberg should…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/a-new-york-city-judge-struck-down-a-proposed-law-to-ban-sodas-larger/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/376/craig-ferguson-664_bans_a-new-york-city-judge-struck-down-a-prop_1963388.png) > [Scientists say over the next hundred years, the coast of California will sink almost five feet. So the presidential candidates need to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/scientists-say-over-the-next-hundred-years-the-coast-of-california/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/056/craig-ferguson-664_california_scientists-say-over-the-next-hundred-yea_233138.jpg) > [When you need to borrow money the Mob seems like a better deal I think. 'You don't pay me back I break…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/when-you-need-to-borrow-money-the-mob-seems-like-a-better-deal-i/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ce5/craig-ferguson-664_banking_when-you-need-to-borrow-money-the-mob-se_641530.png) ## Other authors on Needs ## More by Craig Ferguson > [“I was ambitious and desperate to direct my first film, so I capitulated and blew it. Never again. Never fucking again.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-was-ambitious-and-desperate-to-direct-my-first-film-so-i/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [Sometimes people think you’re smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/sometimes-people-think-you-re-smart-if-you-question-the-status-quo-if/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [Sober alkies are often asked: "When did you hit rock bottom?" but a more informed question might be: "How many times did you hit…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/sober-alkies-are-often-asked-when-did-you-hit-rock-bottom-but-a-more/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/remember-the-band-flock-of-seagulls-they-had-their-van-stolen-i-was/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/people-spend-thousands-of-dollars-trying-to-keep-their-teeth-straight/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [Whoever I had become had to die.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/whoever-i-had-become-had-to-die/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [My pilot's license. I'm proud of that.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/my-pilot-s-license-i-m-proud-of-that/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/people-are-saying-that-anderson-cooper-could-be-the-new-oprah-and/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-think-comedy-comes-more-from-a-low-sense-of-self-esteem-and-i/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [I'm so excited about the new iPad, I just iPeed my iPants.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-m-so-excited-about-the-new-ipad-i-just-ipeed-my-ipants/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she wrote: I give you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/for-my-birthday-that-year-anne-gave-me-an-inflatable-atlas-globe/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [114 isn't as old as it used to be they say its the new 104.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/114-isn-t-as-old-as-it-used-to-be-they-say-its-the-new-104/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [I have to do a show which is of interest to me, or else I'm lost.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-have-to-do-a-show-which-is-of-interest-to-me-or-else-i-m-lost/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [The first ads for medical marijuana have started airing on television in California. The ads are quite expensive. It costs a lot of money…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/the-first-ads-for-medical-marijuana-have-started-airing-on-television/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [I wanted to be a rock star.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-wanted-to-be-a-rock-star/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/needs/craig-ferguson/#itemlist", "name": "13 Needs Quotes By Craig Ferguson", "numberOfItems": 13, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I'm a vulgar lounge entertainer, I don't need to wear a tie.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-m-a-vulgar-lounge-entertainer-i-don-t-need-to-wear-a-tie/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6c1/craig-ferguson-664_entertainers_i-m-a-vulgar-lounge-entertainer-i-don-t_2944942.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6c1/craig-ferguson-664_entertainers_i-m-a-vulgar-lounge-entertainer-i-don-t_2944942.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6c1/craig-ferguson-664_entertainers_i-m-a-vulgar-lounge-entertainer-i-don-t_2944942.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I'm a vulgar lounge entertainer, I don't need to wear a tie.” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Wait! 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Kids are supposed go around playing pranks tonight. That's great, just what teenagers need -- another excuse to be jerks.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/halloween-s-eve-is-also-known-as-mischief-night-kids-are-supposed-go/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/224/craig-ferguson-664_excuse_halloween-s-eve-is-also-known-as-mischie_1271819.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/224/craig-ferguson-664_excuse_halloween-s-eve-is-also-known-as-mischie_1271819.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/224/craig-ferguson-664_excuse_halloween-s-eve-is-also-known-as-mischie_1271819.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Halloween's eve is also known as mischief night. Kids are supposed go around playing pranks tonight. 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We need more lawyers like we need more talk-show hosts.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/every-year-law-schools-churn-out-thousands-of-lawyers-we-don-t-need/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7ee/craig-ferguson-664_education_every-year-law-schools-churn-out-thousan_2262205.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7ee/craig-ferguson-664_education_every-year-law-schools-churn-out-thousan_2262205.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7ee/craig-ferguson-664_education_every-year-law-schools-churn-out-thousan_2262205.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Every year law schools churn out thousands of lawyers. We don't need any more lawyers. 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I don't want to spend the next year trying to do jokes about Mitt Romney.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/personally-i-hope-he-doesn-t-get-out-of-the-campaign-i-need-rick/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e2/craig-ferguson-664_campaigns_personally-i-hope-he-doesn-t-get-out-of_587194.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e2/craig-ferguson-664_campaigns_personally-i-hope-he-doesn-t-get-out-of_587194.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e2/craig-ferguson-664_campaigns_personally-i-hope-he-doesn-t-get-out-of_587194.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Personally, I hope he doesn't get out of the campaign. I need Rick Perry. 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We all need to do what we can. Unless that means I've got to change stuff. Then I'm not doing it.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/climate-change-is-a-serious-problem-we-all-need-to-do-what-we-can/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/551/craig-ferguson-664_change_climate-change-is-a-serious-problem-we-a_1897583.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/551/craig-ferguson-664_change_climate-change-is-a-serious-problem-we-a_1897583.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/551/craig-ferguson-664_change_climate-change-is-a-serious-problem-we-a_1897583.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Climate change is a serious problem. We all need to do what we can. Unless that means I've got to change…” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Delaware Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell said recently that Hollywood needs to re-evaluate what they're doing because movies these days are all filled with gay sex and extramarital affairs. And I thought, 'Have fun in Congress then.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/delaware-senate-candidate-christine-o-donnell-said-recently-that/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/901/craig-ferguson-664_affair_delaware-senate-candidate-christine-o-do_126651.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/901/craig-ferguson-664_affair_delaware-senate-candidate-christine-o-do_126651.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/901/craig-ferguson-664_affair_delaware-senate-candidate-christine-o-do_126651.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Delaware Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell said recently that Hollywood needs to re-evaluate what they're…” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "...slow down and self-edit and ask yourself the three things you must always ask yourself before you say anything: \"Does this need to be said?\" \"Does this need to be said by me?\" \"Does this need to be said by me now?\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/slow-down-and-self-edit-and-ask-yourself-the-three-things-you-must/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ee/craig-ferguson-664_ask-yourself_slow-down-and-self-edit-and-ask-yourself_596921.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ee/craig-ferguson-664_ask-yourself_slow-down-and-self-edit-and-ask-yourself_596921.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ee/craig-ferguson-664_ask-yourself_slow-down-and-self-edit-and-ask-yourself_596921.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“...slow down and self-edit and ask yourself the three things you must always ask yourself before you say…” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "A New York City judge struck down a proposed law to ban sodas larger than 16 ounces. I think Mayor Bloomberg should spend his time trying to improve stuff like education. New York needs a better education system if kids didn't figure out they could get around the 16-ounce soda ban by simply purchasing two 12-ounce sodas.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/a-new-york-city-judge-struck-down-a-proposed-law-to-ban-sodas-larger/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/376/craig-ferguson-664_bans_a-new-york-city-judge-struck-down-a-prop_1963388.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/376/craig-ferguson-664_bans_a-new-york-city-judge-struck-down-a-prop_1963388.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/376/craig-ferguson-664_bans_a-new-york-city-judge-struck-down-a-prop_1963388.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“A New York City judge struck down a proposed law to ban sodas larger than 16 ounces. I think Mayor Bloomberg…” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Scientists say over the next hundred years, the coast of California will sink almost five feet. So the presidential candidates need to do something. Mitt Romney is conflicted. On one hand, he denies that global warming exists. But if California is under water, he would definitely win the next election.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/scientists-say-over-the-next-hundred-years-the-coast-of-california/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/056/craig-ferguson-664_california_scientists-say-over-the-next-hundred-yea_233138.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/056/craig-ferguson-664_california_scientists-say-over-the-next-hundred-yea_233138.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/056/craig-ferguson-664_california_scientists-say-over-the-next-hundred-yea_233138.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Scientists say over the next hundred years, the coast of California will sink almost five feet. So the…” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When you need to borrow money the Mob seems like a better deal I think. 'You don't pay me back I break both yer legs.' Is that all? You won't take my house or wreck my credit rating? Fine where do I sign. Legs? Fine. You don't even have to sign anything.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/when-you-need-to-borrow-money-the-mob-seems-like-a-better-deal-i/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ce5/craig-ferguson-664_banking_when-you-need-to-borrow-money-the-mob-se_641530.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ce5/craig-ferguson-664_banking_when-you-need-to-borrow-money-the-mob-se_641530.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ce5/craig-ferguson-664_banking_when-you-need-to-borrow-money-the-mob-se_641530.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When you need to borrow money the Mob seems like a better deal I think. 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