---
title: "30 My dad Quotes By Christopher Titus"
description: "30 My dad quotes by Christopher Titus. Plus more from Christopher Titus and more My dad sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/98a/christopher-titus-1916_armadillos_if-you-ask-my-dad-for-help-he-ll-help-li_329445.jpg"
---

> [If you ask my dad for help... he'll help. Like a vulture helps an over-run armadillo on a Texas highway. One peck…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/if-you-ask-my-dad-for-help-he-ll-help-like-a-vulture-helps-an-over/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/98a/christopher-titus-1916_armadillos_if-you-ask-my-dad-for-help-he-ll-help-li_329445.jpg)

> [Denial is a powerful weapon. My dad taught me mind over matter. No matter how hurt I got, he didn't mind.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/denial-is-a-powerful-weapon-my-dad-taught-me-mind-over-matter-no/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d6d/christopher-titus-1916_dad_denial-is-a-powerful-weapon-my-dad-taugh_2706587.jpg)

> [The only way to tell my Dad something is to write it on a note, and tie it to a brick, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/the-only-way-to-tell-my-dad-something-is-to-write-it-on-a-note-and/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b46/christopher-titus-1916_bricks_the-only-way-to-tell-my-dad-something-is_1383733.jpg)

> [A black widow loves her mate then kills him. A praying mantis loves her mate then eats him. Women love my dad,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/a-black-widow-loves-her-mate-then-kills-him-a-praying-mantis-loves/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e0/christopher-titus-1916_bigs_a-black-widow-loves-her-mate-then-kills_1297314.jpg)

> [Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/socrates-said-the-unexamined-life-is-not-worth-living-my-dad-said/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/275/christopher-titus-1916_booty_socrates-said-the-unexamined-life-is-not_2789987.jpg)

> [My dad's all I've ever had. When I was 3 and 4, my mom used to take me to bars. I understand…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/my-dad-s-all-i-ve-ever-had-when-i-was-3-and-4-my-mom-used-to-take-me/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/389/christopher-titus-1916_babysitter_my-dad-s-all-i-ve-ever-had-when-i-was-3_273929.jpg)

> [My dad's full of encouragement and support. It just feels like abandonment and neglect.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/my-dad-s-full-of-encouragement-and-support-it-just-feels-like/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c0a/christopher-titus-1916_abandonment_my-dad-s-full-of-encouragement-and-suppo_1707365.jpg)

> [A salamander can grow a new tail in three weeks. My dad can score new tail in three minutes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/a-salamander-can-grow-a-new-tail-in-three-weeks-my-dad-can-score-new/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/df5/christopher-titus-1916_dad_a-salamander-can-grow-a-new-tail-in-thre_3025322.jpg)

> [I'm glad I was raised by my dad for other reasons, too. There are things you can learn from a father, as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/i-m-glad-i-was-raised-by-my-dad-for-other-reasons-too-there-are/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b0d/christopher-titus-1916_challenges_i-m-glad-i-was-raised-by-my-dad-for-othe_1254370.jpg)

> [The closer you get to death, the more alive you feel. Dylan Thomas wrote, Do not go gentle into that good night.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/the-closer-you-get-to-death-the-more-alive-you-feel-dylan-thomas/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f0a/christopher-titus-1916_alive_the-closer-you-get-to-death-the-more-ali_456409.jpg)

> [Of course, here's the weird part. After I fought my dad, all of a sudden we're buddies now. Like he's my friend…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/of-course-here-s-the-weird-part-after-i-fought-my-dad-all-of-a-sudden/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fc2/christopher-titus-1916_beats_of-course-here-s-the-weird-part-after-i_2672920.jpg)

> [My mum is in a mental hospital. There's a fine line between genius and insanity. Winston Churchill, Mozart, John Lennon. These people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/my-mum-is-in-a-mental-hospital-there-s-a-fine-line-between-genius-and/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/936/christopher-titus-1916_brilliance_my-mum-is-in-a-mental-hospital-there-s-a_2148410.jpg)

> [To be successful in life, there are many hurdles you have to get over. For me, the biggest hurdle to success has…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/to-be-successful-in-life-there-are-many-hurdles-you-have-to-get-over/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/72b/christopher-titus-1916_amount_to-be-successful-in-life-there-are-many_2255682.jpg)

> [In a crisis, my family puts aside all its petty differences and hatreds... Because a crisis, is a perfect opportunity to create…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/in-a-crisis-my-family-puts-aside-all-its-petty-differences-and/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b0e/christopher-titus-1916_cooks_in-a-crisis-my-family-puts-aside-all-its_1410775.jpg)

> [My dad got divorced six times. Well, he actually only got divorced five times. He wouldn't divorce the sixth one 'cause he…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/my-dad-got-divorced-six-times-well-he-actually-only-got-divorced-five/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f04/christopher-titus-1916_causes_my-dad-got-divorced-six-times-well-he-ac_874327.jpg)

> [The towers fell, and the first thing that went through my head was my dad's voice: 'Well, you brought a new life…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/the-towers-fell-and-the-first-thing-that-went-through-my-head-was-my/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/366/christopher-titus-1916_dad_the-towers-fell-and-the-first-thing-that_651019.jpg)

> [When you screw up, you got to pay the price. Shoot up a supermarket, you go to jail. Ride a motorcycle without…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/when-you-screw-up-you-got-to-pay-the-price-shoot-up-a-supermarket-you/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c31/christopher-titus-1916_brain_when-you-screw-up-you-got-to-pay-the-pri_2047679.jpg)

> [There's a one in six billion chance you'll find your soul mate. And that's if they're not dead. At best they're probably…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/there-s-a-one-in-six-billion-chance-you-ll-find-your-soul-mate-and/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/597/christopher-titus-1916_beads_there-s-a-one-in-six-billion-chance-you_1493832.jpg)

> [Everybody's a racist. It's the one human trait that makes us all exactly the same. Deep down, we only like people who…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/everybody-s-a-racist-it-s-the-one-human-trait-that-makes-us-all/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b88/christopher-titus-1916_beats_everybody-s-a-racist-it-s-the-one-human_456062.jpg)

> [Normal people, want to be accepted. Screwed up people, want to be accepted. It's one of the few things we have in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/normal-people-want-to-be-accepted-screwed-up-people-want-to-be/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e2e/christopher-titus-1916_acceptance_normal-people-want-to-be-accepted-screwe_2593962.jpg)

> [My dad also survived five divorces, and the women he married cleaned his ass out every time. I used to think my…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/my-dad-also-survived-five-divorces-and-the-women-he-married-cleaned/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5ae/christopher-titus-1916_ass_my-dad-also-survived-five-divorces-and-t_1607914.jpg)

> [My dad invented road rage. He wasn't the first guy to get mad in the car, but he was first guy to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/my-dad-invented-road-rage-he-wasn-t-the-first-guy-to-get-mad-in-the/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8ee/christopher-titus-1916_car_my-dad-invented-road-rage-he-wasn-t-the_2578722.jpg)

> [My dad don't like lies. He says it hurts people in the long race. He prefers the truth. That hurts them instantly.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/my-dad-don-t-like-lies-he-says-it-hurts-people-in-the-long-race-he/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/096/christopher-titus-1916_dad_my-dad-don-t-like-lies-he-says-it-hurts_2987031.jpg)

> [My mom shot and killed her last husband. Yeah, my dad used to say "Hey, dodged that bullet. Ha ha."](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/my-mom-shot-and-killed-her-last-husband-yeah-my-dad-used-to-say-hey/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fed/christopher-titus-1916_bullets_my-mom-shot-and-killed-her-last-husband_1552748.jpg)

> [Everybody has hope for the perfect love. Normal people are raised to believe that there's someone out there who's your soulmate, your…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/everybody-has-hope-for-the-perfect-love-normal-people-are-raised-to/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5e1/christopher-titus-1916_believe_everybody-has-hope-for-the-perfect-love_508206.jpg)

> [My parents got divorced. Early and ugly. My mum was nuts so I lived with my dad. We used to play a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/my-parents-got-divorced-early-and-ugly-my-mum-was-nuts-so-i-lived/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d5f/christopher-titus-1916_beer_my-parents-got-divorced-early-and-ugly-m_3063743.jpg)

> [How far would you go for someone you love ? I heard this story, about this woman, who actually lifted a car…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/how-far-would-you-go-for-someone-you-love-i-heard-this-story-about/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ff6/christopher-titus-1916_baby_how-far-would-you-go-for-someone-you-lov_389286.jpg)

> [My father? A hard drinking man from the 70's. We actually have no pictures of my dad where he is not holding…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/my-father-a-hard-drinking-man-from-the-70-s-we-actually-have-no/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3c2/christopher-titus-1916_beer_my-father-a-hard-drinking-man-from-the-7_29448.jpg)

> [I swore I would never get involved in my dad's life. But then he started blowing it. So I had to get…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/i-swore-i-would-never-get-involved-in-my-dad-s-life-but-then-he/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1d4/christopher-titus-1916_blowing-it_i-swore-i-would-never-get-involved-in-my_2565810.jpg)

> [I had a real job at fourteen years old. At seventeen, I was on my own. At twenty, I cut the liver…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/i-had-a-real-job-at-fourteen-years-old-at-seventeen-i-was-on-my-own/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/91f/christopher-titus-1916_bucks_i-had-a-real-job-at-fourteen-years-old-a_1764912.jpg)

## Other authors on My dad

## More by Christopher Titus

> [My father thrives on fear. You know that prayer If I should die before I wake? I had sheets that said that!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/my-father-thrives-on-fear-you-know-that-prayer-if-i-should-die-before/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

> [Ladies, if you're at the mall and you think your man is looking at other girls just remember: If your man is at the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/ladies-if-you-re-at-the-mall-and-you-think-your-man-is-looking-at/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

> [I find that Americans are all in the middle somewhere, except for the extreme nuts, and extreme nuts on both sides are the loudest.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/i-find-that-americans-are-all-in-the-middle-somewhere-except-for-the/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

> [My father? A hard drinking man from the 70's. We actually have no pictures of my dad where he is not holding a beer.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/my-father-a-hard-drinking-man-from-the-70-s-we-actually-have-no/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

> [Everybody I've ever met was destroyed by a member of the opposite sex early on and that damage you took into every relationship after…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/everybody-i-ve-ever-met-was-destroyed-by-a-member-of-the-opposite-sex/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

> [Psychiatrist are like mind hookers. Give them 200 dollars and they just screw with your head.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/psychiatrist-are-like-mind-hookers-give-them-200-dollars-and-they/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

> [All of Dad's relationships ended exactly the same: subpoena, beep of a moving van backing up the driveway, pile of his clothes burning on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/all-of-dad-s-relationships-ended-exactly-the-same-subpoena-beep-of-a/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

> [Texas is a hell hole, man. Dirt, cactus, lizards, dirt, cactus, the Bush family.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/texas-is-a-hell-hole-man-dirt-cactus-lizards-dirt-cactus-the-bush/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

> [Sometimes failure makes your future because you set the past on fire.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/sometimes-failure-makes-your-future-because-you-set-the-past-on-fire/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

> [When you are a screwed up person, you have a responsibility to keep your normal friends from getting walked on. 'Cos, how bad could…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/when-you-are-a-screwed-up-person-you-have-a-responsibility-to-keep/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

> [If you're a racist, right now, in 2011... You just look like a retard, man.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/if-you-re-a-racist-right-now-in-2011-you-just-look-like-a-retard-man/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

> [Why should I learn English? I'm never going to England. Shah, pffff, ur, doy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/why-should-i-learn-english-i-m-never-going-to-england-shah-pffff-ur/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

> [Passion, manners, and 80 ounces of beer will win the heart of any woman. And if it doesn't, you'll be too hammered to remember.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/passion-manners-and-80-ounces-of-beer-will-win-the-heart-of-any-woman/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

> [The most powerful person in your life is the one that knows all your secrets and all your lies.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/the-most-powerful-person-in-your-life-is-the-one-that-knows-all-your/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

> [Haiti fell over? Who built Haiti? Two of the three little pigs?!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/haiti-fell-over-who-built-haiti-two-of-the-three-little-pigs/)

[Christopher Titus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-titus/)

```json
{
    "@context": "https://schema.org",
    "@graph": [
        {
            "@type": "ItemList",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/my-dad/christopher-titus/#itemlist",
            "name": "30 My dad Quotes By Christopher Titus",
            "numberOfItems": 30,
            "itemListElement": [
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 1,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "If you ask my dad for help... he'll help. Like a vulture helps an over-run armadillo on a Texas highway. One peck at the time.",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Christopher Titus"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/if-you-ask-my-dad-for-help-he-ll-help-like-a-vulture-helps-an-over/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/98a/christopher-titus-1916_armadillos_if-you-ask-my-dad-for-help-he-ll-help-li_329445.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/98a/christopher-titus-1916_armadillos_if-you-ask-my-dad-for-help-he-ll-help-li_329445.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/98a/christopher-titus-1916_armadillos_if-you-ask-my-dad-for-help-he-ll-help-li_329445.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“If you ask my dad for help... he'll help. Like a vulture helps an over-run armadillo on a Texas highway. One…” — Christopher Titus",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 2,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Denial is a powerful weapon. My dad taught me mind over matter. No matter how hurt I got, he didn't mind.",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Christopher Titus"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/denial-is-a-powerful-weapon-my-dad-taught-me-mind-over-matter-no/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d6d/christopher-titus-1916_dad_denial-is-a-powerful-weapon-my-dad-taugh_2706587.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d6d/christopher-titus-1916_dad_denial-is-a-powerful-weapon-my-dad-taugh_2706587.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d6d/christopher-titus-1916_dad_denial-is-a-powerful-weapon-my-dad-taugh_2706587.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“Denial is a powerful weapon. My dad taught me mind over matter. No matter how hurt I got, he didn't mind.” — Christopher Titus",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 3,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "The only way to tell my Dad something is to write it on a note, and tie it to a brick, and throw it through a window. Of course, now Dad's armed with a brick.",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Christopher Titus"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/the-only-way-to-tell-my-dad-something-is-to-write-it-on-a-note-and/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b46/christopher-titus-1916_bricks_the-only-way-to-tell-my-dad-something-is_1383733.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b46/christopher-titus-1916_bricks_the-only-way-to-tell-my-dad-something-is_1383733.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b46/christopher-titus-1916_bricks_the-only-way-to-tell-my-dad-something-is_1383733.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“The only way to tell my Dad something is to write it on a note, and tie it to a brick, and throw it through…” — Christopher Titus",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 4,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "A black widow loves her mate then kills him. A praying mantis loves her mate then eats him. Women love my dad, but he's too big to eat.",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Christopher Titus"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/a-black-widow-loves-her-mate-then-kills-him-a-praying-mantis-loves/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e0/christopher-titus-1916_bigs_a-black-widow-loves-her-mate-then-kills_1297314.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e0/christopher-titus-1916_bigs_a-black-widow-loves-her-mate-then-kills_1297314.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e0/christopher-titus-1916_bigs_a-black-widow-loves-her-mate-then-kills_1297314.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“A black widow loves her mate then kills him. A praying mantis loves her mate then eats him. Women love my…” — Christopher Titus",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 5,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Christopher Titus"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/socrates-said-the-unexamined-life-is-not-worth-living-my-dad-said/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/275/christopher-titus-1916_booty_socrates-said-the-unexamined-life-is-not_2789987.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/275/christopher-titus-1916_booty_socrates-said-the-unexamined-life-is-not_2789987.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/275/christopher-titus-1916_booty_socrates-said-the-unexamined-life-is-not_2789987.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.” — Christopher Titus",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 6,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "My dad's all I've ever had. When I was 3 and 4, my mom used to take me to bars. I understand why now - babysitters cost beer, beer and-a-half an hour.",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Christopher Titus"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/my-dad-s-all-i-ve-ever-had-when-i-was-3-and-4-my-mom-used-to-take-me/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/389/christopher-titus-1916_babysitter_my-dad-s-all-i-ve-ever-had-when-i-was-3_273929.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/389/christopher-titus-1916_babysitter_my-dad-s-all-i-ve-ever-had-when-i-was-3_273929.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/389/christopher-titus-1916_babysitter_my-dad-s-all-i-ve-ever-had-when-i-was-3_273929.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“My dad's all I've ever had. When I was 3 and 4, my mom used to take me to bars. I understand why now…” — Christopher Titus",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 7,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "My dad's full of encouragement and support. It just feels like abandonment and neglect.",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Christopher Titus"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/my-dad-s-full-of-encouragement-and-support-it-just-feels-like/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c0a/christopher-titus-1916_abandonment_my-dad-s-full-of-encouragement-and-suppo_1707365.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c0a/christopher-titus-1916_abandonment_my-dad-s-full-of-encouragement-and-suppo_1707365.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c0a/christopher-titus-1916_abandonment_my-dad-s-full-of-encouragement-and-suppo_1707365.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“My dad's full of encouragement and support. It just feels like abandonment and neglect.” — Christopher Titus",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 8,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "A salamander can grow a new tail in three weeks. My dad can score new tail in three minutes.",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Christopher Titus"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/a-salamander-can-grow-a-new-tail-in-three-weeks-my-dad-can-score-new/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/df5/christopher-titus-1916_dad_a-salamander-can-grow-a-new-tail-in-thre_3025322.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/df5/christopher-titus-1916_dad_a-salamander-can-grow-a-new-tail-in-thre_3025322.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/df5/christopher-titus-1916_dad_a-salamander-can-grow-a-new-tail-in-thre_3025322.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“A salamander can grow a new tail in three weeks. My dad can score new tail in three minutes.” — Christopher Titus",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 9,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "I'm glad I was raised by my dad for other reasons, too. There are things you can learn from a father, as a son, that you can never learn from Mom. Special things, important things. Like \"never challenge Dad to a fist fight.",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Christopher Titus"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/i-m-glad-i-was-raised-by-my-dad-for-other-reasons-too-there-are/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b0d/christopher-titus-1916_challenges_i-m-glad-i-was-raised-by-my-dad-for-othe_1254370.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b0d/christopher-titus-1916_challenges_i-m-glad-i-was-raised-by-my-dad-for-othe_1254370.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b0d/christopher-titus-1916_challenges_i-m-glad-i-was-raised-by-my-dad-for-othe_1254370.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“I'm glad I was raised by my dad for other reasons, too. There are things you can learn from a father, as a…” — Christopher Titus",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 10,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "The closer you get to death, the more alive you feel. Dylan Thomas wrote, Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. My dad always taught me to live like that. Dad wrote a poem too. It goes, Dune buggies. Woohoo!",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Christopher Titus"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/the-closer-you-get-to-death-the-more-alive-you-feel-dylan-thomas/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f0a/christopher-titus-1916_alive_the-closer-you-get-to-death-the-more-ali_456409.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f0a/christopher-titus-1916_alive_the-closer-you-get-to-death-the-more-ali_456409.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f0a/christopher-titus-1916_alive_the-closer-you-get-to-death-the-more-ali_456409.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“The closer you get to death, the more alive you feel. Dylan Thomas wrote, Do not go gentle into that good…” — Christopher Titus",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 11,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Of course, here's the weird part. After I fought my dad, all of a sudden we're buddies now. Like he's my friend now, we start hanging out. But we're still the same people. So we'd go out on Sunday, you know, and just be hanging out, then he'd, like, pick a guy, and we'd just go beat the crap out of that guy as a team. Memories, huh?",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Christopher Titus"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/of-course-here-s-the-weird-part-after-i-fought-my-dad-all-of-a-sudden/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fc2/christopher-titus-1916_beats_of-course-here-s-the-weird-part-after-i_2672920.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fc2/christopher-titus-1916_beats_of-course-here-s-the-weird-part-after-i_2672920.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fc2/christopher-titus-1916_beats_of-course-here-s-the-weird-part-after-i_2672920.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“Of course, here's the weird part. After I fought my dad, all of a sudden we're buddies now. Like he's my…” — Christopher Titus",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 12,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "My mum is in a mental hospital. There's a fine line between genius and insanity. Winston Churchill, Mozart, John Lennon. These people all had a touch of crazy that fuelled their brilliance. They were not locked up for it like my mum. Pft. Then again, Winston Churchill never tried to kill my dad.",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Christopher Titus"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/my-mum-is-in-a-mental-hospital-there-s-a-fine-line-between-genius-and/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/936/christopher-titus-1916_brilliance_my-mum-is-in-a-mental-hospital-there-s-a_2148410.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/936/christopher-titus-1916_brilliance_my-mum-is-in-a-mental-hospital-there-s-a_2148410.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/936/christopher-titus-1916_brilliance_my-mum-is-in-a-mental-hospital-there-s-a_2148410.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“My mum is in a mental hospital. There's a fine line between genius and insanity. Winston Churchill, Mozart…” — Christopher Titus",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 13,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "To be successful in life, there are many hurdles you have to get over. For me, the biggest hurdle to success has always been failure. But, growing up, my Dad was always positive... that I'd never amount to anything.",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Christopher Titus"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/to-be-successful-in-life-there-are-many-hurdles-you-have-to-get-over/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/72b/christopher-titus-1916_amount_to-be-successful-in-life-there-are-many_2255682.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/72b/christopher-titus-1916_amount_to-be-successful-in-life-there-are-many_2255682.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/72b/christopher-titus-1916_amount_to-be-successful-in-life-there-are-many_2255682.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“To be successful in life, there are many hurdles you have to get over. For me, the biggest hurdle to success…” — Christopher Titus",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 14,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "In a crisis, my family puts aside all its petty differences and hatreds... Because a crisis, is a perfect opportunity to create *new* petty differences and hatreds! My dad's from that era when you lived to 50, your heart exploded and that was that. You know when you cook bacon and you pour the grease into the can? My dad's the can!",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Christopher Titus"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/in-a-crisis-my-family-puts-aside-all-its-petty-differences-and/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b0e/christopher-titus-1916_cooks_in-a-crisis-my-family-puts-aside-all-its_1410775.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b0e/christopher-titus-1916_cooks_in-a-crisis-my-family-puts-aside-all-its_1410775.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b0e/christopher-titus-1916_cooks_in-a-crisis-my-family-puts-aside-all-its_1410775.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“In a crisis, my family puts aside all its petty differences and hatreds... Because a crisis, is a perfect…” — Christopher Titus",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 15,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "My dad got divorced six times. Well, he actually only got divorced five times. He wouldn't divorce the sixth one 'cause he said he didn't want people to think he couldn't commit. 'I don't want people not taking me serious.' Dad, your last marriage was performed in Reno by an ordained lesbian Elvis impersonator. Who you hit on.",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Christopher Titus"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/my-dad-got-divorced-six-times-well-he-actually-only-got-divorced-five/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f04/christopher-titus-1916_causes_my-dad-got-divorced-six-times-well-he-ac_874327.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f04/christopher-titus-1916_causes_my-dad-got-divorced-six-times-well-he-ac_874327.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f04/christopher-titus-1916_causes_my-dad-got-divorced-six-times-well-he-ac_874327.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“My dad got divorced six times. Well, he actually only got divorced five times. He wouldn't divorce the sixth…” — Christopher Titus",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 16,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "The towers fell, and the first thing that went through my head was my dad's voice: 'Well, you brought a new life into the world, and the world's over. Nice timing, numbnuts!",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Christopher Titus"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/the-towers-fell-and-the-first-thing-that-went-through-my-head-was-my/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/366/christopher-titus-1916_dad_the-towers-fell-and-the-first-thing-that_651019.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/366/christopher-titus-1916_dad_the-towers-fell-and-the-first-thing-that_651019.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/366/christopher-titus-1916_dad_the-towers-fell-and-the-first-thing-that_651019.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“The towers fell, and the first thing that went through my head was my dad's voice: 'Well, you brought a new…” — Christopher Titus",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 17,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "When you screw up, you got to pay the price. Shoot up a supermarket, you go to jail. Ride a motorcycle without a helmet, permanent brain damage and in California you're getting a ticket. Too chatty on a date with my dad, well, he'll push you in front of a cross town bus. Of course, you know, I'm speaking metaphorically. My dad will push you in front of any bus.",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Christopher Titus"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/when-you-screw-up-you-got-to-pay-the-price-shoot-up-a-supermarket-you/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c31/christopher-titus-1916_brain_when-you-screw-up-you-got-to-pay-the-pri_2047679.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c31/christopher-titus-1916_brain_when-you-screw-up-you-got-to-pay-the-pri_2047679.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c31/christopher-titus-1916_brain_when-you-screw-up-you-got-to-pay-the-pri_2047679.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“When you screw up, you got to pay the price. Shoot up a supermarket, you go to jail. Ride a motorcycle…” — Christopher Titus",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 18,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "There's a one in six billion chance you'll find your soul mate. And that's if they're not dead. At best they're probably living in some Siberian ice cave eating bugs and weaving beads into their back hair. But they're out there. My dad believed that to find your perfect soul mate, first, you had to look through a bunch of other guys' soul mates.",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Christopher Titus"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/there-s-a-one-in-six-billion-chance-you-ll-find-your-soul-mate-and/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/597/christopher-titus-1916_beads_there-s-a-one-in-six-billion-chance-you_1493832.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/597/christopher-titus-1916_beads_there-s-a-one-in-six-billion-chance-you_1493832.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/597/christopher-titus-1916_beads_there-s-a-one-in-six-billion-chance-you_1493832.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“There's a one in six billion chance you'll find your soul mate. And that's if they're not dead. At best…” — Christopher Titus",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 19,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Everybody's a racist. It's the one human trait that makes us all exactly the same. Deep down, we only like people who are exactly like us. And it doesn't matter. White. Black. Red. Yellow. Purple, uh oh, the purple people, are the worst. Man. All prejudiced and birth marky. But, we've got to learn to get past our differences. I learned that at the museum of tolerance. After my dad beat the crap out of a guy over a parking spot.",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Christopher Titus"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/everybody-s-a-racist-it-s-the-one-human-trait-that-makes-us-all/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b88/christopher-titus-1916_beats_everybody-s-a-racist-it-s-the-one-human_456062.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b88/christopher-titus-1916_beats_everybody-s-a-racist-it-s-the-one-human_456062.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b88/christopher-titus-1916_beats_everybody-s-a-racist-it-s-the-one-human_456062.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“Everybody's a racist. It's the one human trait that makes us all exactly the same. Deep down, we only like…” — Christopher Titus",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 20,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Normal people, want to be accepted. Screwed up people, want to be accepted. It's one of the few things we have in common. My whole life, all I ever wanted was my dad to pat me on the top of the head and go, Who's a good boy ? Who's a good boy? But, instead, all he ever did was wipe peanut butter on the end of my nose and laugh while I tried to lick it off.",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Christopher Titus"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/normal-people-want-to-be-accepted-screwed-up-people-want-to-be/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e2e/christopher-titus-1916_acceptance_normal-people-want-to-be-accepted-screwe_2593962.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e2e/christopher-titus-1916_acceptance_normal-people-want-to-be-accepted-screwe_2593962.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e2e/christopher-titus-1916_acceptance_normal-people-want-to-be-accepted-screwe_2593962.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“Normal people, want to be accepted. Screwed up people, want to be accepted. It's one of the few things we…” — Christopher Titus",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 21,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "My dad also survived five divorces, and the women he married cleaned his ass out every time. I used to think my dad got divorced because he wanted new furniture. At one point in my life, all we had left was a wooden box, a 12 black-and-white TV, and a four-man rubber raft for a couch. And yet, I was the coolest kid in third grade. Mom, can we have a sleepover in Christopher Titus' house? They have a raft in the living room! We can row to breakfast in the morning. I can actually be Captain Crunch!",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Christopher Titus"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/my-dad-also-survived-five-divorces-and-the-women-he-married-cleaned/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5ae/christopher-titus-1916_ass_my-dad-also-survived-five-divorces-and-t_1607914.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5ae/christopher-titus-1916_ass_my-dad-also-survived-five-divorces-and-t_1607914.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5ae/christopher-titus-1916_ass_my-dad-also-survived-five-divorces-and-t_1607914.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“My dad also survived five divorces, and the women he married cleaned his ass out every time. I used to think…” — Christopher Titus",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 22,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "My dad invented road rage. He wasn't the first guy to get mad in the car, but he was first guy to get mad enough to make the paper.",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Christopher Titus"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/my-dad-invented-road-rage-he-wasn-t-the-first-guy-to-get-mad-in-the/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8ee/christopher-titus-1916_car_my-dad-invented-road-rage-he-wasn-t-the_2578722.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8ee/christopher-titus-1916_car_my-dad-invented-road-rage-he-wasn-t-the_2578722.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8ee/christopher-titus-1916_car_my-dad-invented-road-rage-he-wasn-t-the_2578722.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“My dad invented road rage. He wasn't the first guy to get mad in the car, but he was first guy to get mad…” — Christopher Titus",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 23,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "My dad don't like lies. He says it hurts people in the long race. He prefers the truth. That hurts them instantly.",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Christopher Titus"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/my-dad-don-t-like-lies-he-says-it-hurts-people-in-the-long-race-he/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/096/christopher-titus-1916_dad_my-dad-don-t-like-lies-he-says-it-hurts_2987031.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/096/christopher-titus-1916_dad_my-dad-don-t-like-lies-he-says-it-hurts_2987031.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/096/christopher-titus-1916_dad_my-dad-don-t-like-lies-he-says-it-hurts_2987031.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“My dad don't like lies. He says it hurts people in the long race. He prefers the truth. That hurts them…” — Christopher Titus",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 24,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "My mom shot and killed her last husband. Yeah, my dad used to say \"Hey, dodged that bullet. Ha ha.\"",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Christopher Titus"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/my-mom-shot-and-killed-her-last-husband-yeah-my-dad-used-to-say-hey/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fed/christopher-titus-1916_bullets_my-mom-shot-and-killed-her-last-husband_1552748.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fed/christopher-titus-1916_bullets_my-mom-shot-and-killed-her-last-husband_1552748.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fed/christopher-titus-1916_bullets_my-mom-shot-and-killed-her-last-husband_1552748.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“My mom shot and killed her last husband. Yeah, my dad used to say \"Hey, dodged that bullet. Ha ha.\"” — Christopher Titus",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 25,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Everybody has hope for the perfect love. Normal people are raised to believe that there's someone out there who's your soulmate, your best friend, your lover. My dad always told me that when you find that person, \"You gotta nail her\"!",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Christopher Titus"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/everybody-has-hope-for-the-perfect-love-normal-people-are-raised-to/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5e1/christopher-titus-1916_believe_everybody-has-hope-for-the-perfect-love_508206.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5e1/christopher-titus-1916_believe_everybody-has-hope-for-the-perfect-love_508206.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5e1/christopher-titus-1916_believe_everybody-has-hope-for-the-perfect-love_508206.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“Everybody has hope for the perfect love. Normal people are raised to believe that there's someone out there…” — Christopher Titus",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 26,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "My parents got divorced. Early and ugly. My mum was nuts so I lived with my dad. We used to play a father/son games. Pin the blame on me, rock, paper, get me another beer, casino night.",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Christopher Titus"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/my-parents-got-divorced-early-and-ugly-my-mum-was-nuts-so-i-lived/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d5f/christopher-titus-1916_beer_my-parents-got-divorced-early-and-ugly-m_3063743.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d5f/christopher-titus-1916_beer_my-parents-got-divorced-early-and-ugly-m_3063743.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d5f/christopher-titus-1916_beer_my-parents-got-divorced-early-and-ugly-m_3063743.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“My parents got divorced. Early and ugly. My mum was nuts so I lived with my dad. We used to play a…” — Christopher Titus",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 27,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "How far would you go for someone you love ? I heard this story, about this woman, who actually lifted a car off of her baby. 'Course I would have said, Dude! Back up. But, wasn't my kid. When I was born, if I'd have known all the stuff my dad was going to do for me, I'd have crawled right back in.",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Christopher Titus"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/how-far-would-you-go-for-someone-you-love-i-heard-this-story-about/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ff6/christopher-titus-1916_baby_how-far-would-you-go-for-someone-you-lov_389286.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ff6/christopher-titus-1916_baby_how-far-would-you-go-for-someone-you-lov_389286.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ff6/christopher-titus-1916_baby_how-far-would-you-go-for-someone-you-lov_389286.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“How far would you go for someone you love ? I heard this story, about this woman, who actually lifted a car…” — Christopher Titus",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 28,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "My father? A hard drinking man from the 70's. We actually have no pictures of my dad where he is not holding a beer. Weddings, Funerals, Water Skiing, Parent-Teacher Conference. When I got sick around him as a kid growing up, he'd always warm me up a shot of 100 proof whiskey. Never got sick... that I can remember.",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Christopher Titus"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/my-father-a-hard-drinking-man-from-the-70-s-we-actually-have-no/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3c2/christopher-titus-1916_beer_my-father-a-hard-drinking-man-from-the-7_29448.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3c2/christopher-titus-1916_beer_my-father-a-hard-drinking-man-from-the-7_29448.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3c2/christopher-titus-1916_beer_my-father-a-hard-drinking-man-from-the-7_29448.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“My father? A hard drinking man from the 70's. We actually have no pictures of my dad where he is not holding…” — Christopher Titus",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 29,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "I swore I would never get involved in my dad's life. But then he started blowing it. So I had to get involved, you know, but he's my dad, I can't send him to his room or ground him or go to his first grade play and scream, \"Look at the fairy!\" I was a wood nymph.",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Christopher Titus"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/i-swore-i-would-never-get-involved-in-my-dad-s-life-but-then-he/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1d4/christopher-titus-1916_blowing-it_i-swore-i-would-never-get-involved-in-my_2565810.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1d4/christopher-titus-1916_blowing-it_i-swore-i-would-never-get-involved-in-my_2565810.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1d4/christopher-titus-1916_blowing-it_i-swore-i-would-never-get-involved-in-my_2565810.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“I swore I would never get involved in my dad's life. But then he started blowing it. So I had to get…” — Christopher Titus",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 30,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "I had a real job at fourteen years old. At seventeen, I was on my own. At twenty, I cut the liver out of a drifter and gave it to my father! 'Cause my dad's a drinker and I love my dad. And for eighty bucks, you can do anything in Mexico!",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Christopher Titus"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-titus/i-had-a-real-job-at-fourteen-years-old-at-seventeen-i-was-on-my-own/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/91f/christopher-titus-1916_bucks_i-had-a-real-job-at-fourteen-years-old-a_1764912.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/91f/christopher-titus-1916_bucks_i-had-a-real-job-at-fourteen-years-old-a_1764912.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/91f/christopher-titus-1916_bucks_i-had-a-real-job-at-fourteen-years-old-a_1764912.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“I had a real job at fourteen years old. At seventeen, I was on my own. At twenty, I cut the liver out of a…” — Christopher Titus",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                }
            ]
        },
        {
            "@type": "CollectionPage",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/my-dad/christopher-titus/#webpage",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/my-dad/christopher-titus/",
            "name": "My dad Quotes by Christopher Titus",
            "isPartOf": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website"
            },
            "mainEntity": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/my-dad/christopher-titus/#itemlist"
            },
            "primaryImageOfPage": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/98a/christopher-titus-1916_armadillos_if-you-ask-my-dad-for-help-he-ll-help-li_329445.jpg"
            },
            "description": "30 My dad quotes by Christopher Titus. Plus more from Christopher Titus and more My dad sayings from other authors.",
            "breadcrumb": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/my-dad/christopher-titus/#breadcrumb"
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "BreadcrumbList",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/my-dad/christopher-titus/#breadcrumb",
            "itemListElement": [
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 1,
                    "name": "Home",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 2,
                    "name": "Quotes",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 3,
                    "name": "Topics",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/categories/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 4,
                    "name": "My Dad",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/my-dad/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 5,
                    "name": "Christopher Titus",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/my-dad/christopher-titus/"
                }
            ]
        },
        {
            "@type": "WebSite",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "publisher": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "Organization",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "logo": {
                "@type": "ImageObject",
                "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png",
                "width": 512,
                "height": 512
            }
        }
    ]
}
```