--- title: "14 Might Quotes By Jack Handey" description: "14 Might quotes by Jack Handey. Plus more from Jack Handey and more Might sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/edf/jack-handey-829_animal_i-hope-some-animal-never-bores-a-hole-in_1641994.jpg" --- > [I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-hope-some-animal-never-bores-a-hole-in-my-head-and-lays-its-eggs-in/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/edf/jack-handey-829_animal_i-hope-some-animal-never-bores-a-hole-in_1641994.jpg) > [It's not good to let any kid near a container that has a skull and crossbones on it, because there might be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/it-s-not-good-to-let-any-kid-near-a-container-that-has-a-skull-and/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b70/jack-handey-829_costumes_it-s-not-good-to-let-any-kid-near-a-cont_702679.jpg) > [When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/when-you-die-if-you-get-a-choice-between-going-to-regular-heaven-or/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/66c/jack-handey-829_boys_when-you-die-if-you-get-a-choice-between_1504035.jpg) > [Any man, in the right situation, is capable of murder. But not any man is capable of being a good camper. So,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/any-man-in-the-right-situation-is-capable-of-murder-but-not-any-man/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/556/jack-handey-829_campers_any-man-in-the-right-situation-is-capabl_2387452.jpg) > [Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home, his face…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/better-not-take-a-dog-on-the-space-shuttle-because-if-he-sticks-his/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9ab/jack-handey-829_coming-home_better-not-take-a-dog-on-the-space-shutt_2079370.jpg) > [Why do there have to be rules for everything? It's gotten to the point that rules dominate just about every aspect of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/why-do-there-have-to-be-rules-for-everything-it-s-gotten-to-the-point/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/df7/jack-handey-829_aspect_why-do-there-have-to-be-rules-for-everyt_86230.jpg) > [To us, it might look like just a rag. But to the brave, embattled men of the fort, it was more than…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/to-us-it-might-look-like-just-a-rag-but-to-the-brave-embattled-men-of/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/df9/jack-handey-829_brave_to-us-it-might-look-like-just-a-rag-but_1472001.jpg) > [Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/instead-of-studying-for-finals-what-about-just-going-to-the-bahamas/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bdc/jack-handey-829_bahamas_instead-of-studying-for-finals-what-abou_775433.jpg) > [If you want to be the popular one at a party, here's a good thing to do: Go up to some people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/if-you-want-to-be-the-popular-one-at-a-party-here-s-a-good-thing-to/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b9e/jack-handey-829_deep-thought_if-you-want-to-be-the-popular-one-at-a-p_1291714.jpg) > [Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/fear-can-sometimes-be-a-useful-emotion-for-instance-let-s-say-you-re/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ddc/jack-handey-829_astronaut_fear-can-sometimes-be-a-useful-emotion-f_880404.jpg) > [Here's a good thing to do if you go to a party and you don't know anybody: First take out the garbage.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/here-s-a-good-thing-to-do-if-you-go-to-a-party-and-you-don-t-know/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/de4/jack-handey-829_busy_here-s-a-good-thing-to-do-if-you-go-to-a_1333541.jpg) > [If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/if-i-ever-opened-a-trampoline-store-i-don-t-think-i-d-call-it-trampo/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/04c/jack-handey-829_browsing_if-i-ever-opened-a-trampoline-store-i-do_2308221.jpg) > [Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-when-i-reflect-back-on-all-the-beer-i-drink-i-feel-ashamed/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1dc/jack-handey-829_ashamed_sometimes-when-i-reflect-back-on-all-the_3133373.jpg) > [Sometimes you have to be careful when selecting a new nickname for yourself. For instance, let's say you have chosen the nickname…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-you-have-to-be-careful-when-selecting-a-new-nickname-for/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d71/jack-handey-829_air_sometimes-you-have-to-be-careful-when-se_3047527.jpg) ## Other authors on Might ## More by Jack Handey > [Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-life-seems-like-a-dream-especially-when-i-look-down-and-see/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [I think the best Thanksgiving we ever had was one where we didn't even have a turkey. Mom and Dad sat us kids down…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-think-the-best-thanksgiving-we-ever-had-was-one-where-we-didn-t/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/at-first-i-thought-if-i-were-superman-a-perfect-secret-identity-would/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [Sometimes I wonder if I'm patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-i-wonder-if-i-m-patriotic-enough-yes-i-want-to-kill-people/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [I don't understand people who say life is a mystery, because what is it they want to know?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-don-t-understand-people-who-say-life-is-a-mystery-because-what-is/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/it-s-probably-not-a-good-idea-to-be-chewing-on-a-toothpick-if-you-re/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because WHERE DOES HE THINK…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/probably-to-a-shark-about-the-funniest-thing-there-is-is-a-wounded/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [I wish I lived back in the Old West days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I could buy…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-wish-i-lived-back-in-the-old-west-days-because-i-d-save-up-my-money/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [Why do there have to be rules for everything? It's gotten to the point that rules dominate just about every aspect of our lives.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/why-do-there-have-to-be-rules-for-everything-it-s-gotten-to-the-point/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/most-people-don-t-realize-that-large-pieces-of-coral-which-have-been/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [Here's a suggestion for a new animal, if some new ones get created or evolve: something that stings you, then laughs at you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/here-s-a-suggestion-for-a-new-animal-if-some-new-ones-get-created-or/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [When you go ice-skating, try not to swing your arms too much, because that really annoys me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/when-you-go-ice-skating-try-not-to-swing-your-arms-too-much-because/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [When you go to a party at somebody's house, don't automatically assume that the drinks are free. Ask, and ask often.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/when-you-go-to-a-party-at-somebody-s-house-don-t-automatically-assume/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/he-was-a-cowboy-mister-and-he-loved-the-land-he-loved-it-so-much-he/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [If you were a gladiator in olden days, I bet the inefficiency of how the gladiator fights were organized and scheduled would just drive…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/if-you-were-a-gladiator-in-olden-days-i-bet-the-inefficiency-of-how/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/might/jack-handey/#itemlist", "name": "14 Might Quotes By Jack Handey", "numberOfItems": 14, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you're having a good idea but it's just eggs hatching.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-hope-some-animal-never-bores-a-hole-in-my-head-and-lays-its-eggs-in/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/edf/jack-handey-829_animal_i-hope-some-animal-never-bores-a-hole-in_1641994.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/edf/jack-handey-829_animal_i-hope-some-animal-never-bores-a-hole-in_1641994.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/edf/jack-handey-829_animal_i-hope-some-animal-never-bores-a-hole-in_1641994.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "It's not good to let any kid near a container that has a skull and crossbones on it, because there might be a skeleton costume inside and the kid could put it on and really scare you.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/it-s-not-good-to-let-any-kid-near-a-container-that-has-a-skull-and/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b70/jack-handey-829_costumes_it-s-not-good-to-let-any-kid-near-a-cont_702679.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b70/jack-handey-829_costumes_it-s-not-good-to-let-any-kid-near-a-cont_702679.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b70/jack-handey-829_costumes_it-s-not-good-to-let-any-kid-near-a-cont_702679.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“It's not good to let any kid near a container that has a skull and crossbones on it, because there might be…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, ummmm, boy.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/when-you-die-if-you-get-a-choice-between-going-to-regular-heaven-or/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/66c/jack-handey-829_boys_when-you-die-if-you-get-a-choice-between_1504035.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/66c/jack-handey-829_boys_when-you-die-if-you-get-a-choice-between_1504035.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/66c/jack-handey-829_boys_when-you-die-if-you-get-a-choice-between_1504035.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Any man, in the right situation, is capable of murder. But not any man is capable of being a good camper. So, murder and camping are not as similar as you might think.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/any-man-in-the-right-situation-is-capable-of-murder-but-not-any-man/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/556/jack-handey-829_campers_any-man-in-the-right-situation-is-capabl_2387452.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/556/jack-handey-829_campers_any-man-in-the-right-situation-is-capabl_2387452.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/556/jack-handey-829_campers_any-man-in-the-right-situation-is-capabl_2387452.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Any man, in the right situation, is capable of murder. 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It's gotten to the point that rules dominate just about every aspect of our lives. In fact, it might be said that rules have become the foot-long sticks of mankind.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/why-do-there-have-to-be-rules-for-everything-it-s-gotten-to-the-point/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/df7/jack-handey-829_aspect_why-do-there-have-to-be-rules-for-everyt_86230.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/df7/jack-handey-829_aspect_why-do-there-have-to-be-rules-for-everyt_86230.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/df7/jack-handey-829_aspect_why-do-there-have-to-be-rules-for-everyt_86230.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Why do there have to be rules for everything? It's gotten to the point that rules dominate just about every…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "To us, it might look like just a rag. But to the brave, embattled men of the fort, it was more than that. It was a flag of surrender. And after that, it was torn up and used for shoe-shine rags, so the men would look nice for the surrender.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/to-us-it-might-look-like-just-a-rag-but-to-the-brave-embattled-men-of/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/df9/jack-handey-829_brave_to-us-it-might-look-like-just-a-rag-but_1472001.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/df9/jack-handey-829_brave_to-us-it-might-look-like-just-a-rag-but_1472001.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/df9/jack-handey-829_brave_to-us-it-might-look-like-just-a-rag-but_1472001.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“To us, it might look like just a rag. But to the brave, embattled men of the fort, it was more than that. It…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that's my point.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/instead-of-studying-for-finals-what-about-just-going-to-the-bahamas/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bdc/jack-handey-829_bahamas_instead-of-studying-for-finals-what-abou_775433.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bdc/jack-handey-829_bahamas_instead-of-studying-for-finals-what-abou_775433.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bdc/jack-handey-829_bahamas_instead-of-studying-for-finals-what-abou_775433.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If you want to be the popular one at a party, here's a good thing to do: Go up to some people who are talking and laughing and say, \"Well, technically that's illegal.\" It might fit in with what somebody just said. And even if it doesn't, so what, I hate this stupid party.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/if-you-want-to-be-the-popular-one-at-a-party-here-s-a-good-thing-to/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b9e/jack-handey-829_deep-thought_if-you-want-to-be-the-popular-one-at-a-p_1291714.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b9e/jack-handey-829_deep-thought_if-you-want-to-be-the-popular-one-at-a-p_1291714.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b9e/jack-handey-829_deep-thought_if-you-want-to-be-the-popular-one-at-a-p_1291714.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If you want to be the popular one at a party, here's a good thing to do: Go up to some people who are…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, \"Think again, bat man.\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/fear-can-sometimes-be-a-useful-emotion-for-instance-let-s-say-you-re/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ddc/jack-handey-829_astronaut_fear-can-sometimes-be-a-useful-emotion-f_880404.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ddc/jack-handey-829_astronaut_fear-can-sometimes-be-a-useful-emotion-f_880404.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ddc/jack-handey-829_astronaut_fear-can-sometimes-be-a-useful-emotion-f_880404.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Here's a good thing to do if you go to a party and you don't know anybody: First take out the garbage. Then go around and collect any extra garbage that people might have, like a crumpled napkin, and take that out too. Pretty soon people will want to meet the busy garbage guy.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/here-s-a-good-thing-to-do-if-you-go-to-a-party-and-you-don-t-know/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/de4/jack-handey-829_busy_here-s-a-good-thing-to-do-if-you-go-to-a_1333541.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/de4/jack-handey-829_busy_here-s-a-good-thing-to-do-if-you-go-to-a_1333541.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/de4/jack-handey-829_busy_here-s-a-good-thing-to-do-if-you-go-to-a_1333541.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Here's a good thing to do if you go to a party and you don't know anybody: First take out the garbage. Then…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/if-i-ever-opened-a-trampoline-store-i-don-t-think-i-d-call-it-trampo/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/04c/jack-handey-829_browsing_if-i-ever-opened-a-trampoline-store-i-do_2308221.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/04c/jack-handey-829_browsing_if-i-ever-opened-a-trampoline-store-i-do_2308221.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/04c/jack-handey-829_browsing_if-i-ever-opened-a-trampoline-store-i-do_2308221.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than to be selfish and worry about my liver.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-when-i-reflect-back-on-all-the-beer-i-drink-i-feel-ashamed/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1dc/jack-handey-829_ashamed_sometimes-when-i-reflect-back-on-all-the_3133373.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1dc/jack-handey-829_ashamed_sometimes-when-i-reflect-back-on-all-the_3133373.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1dc/jack-handey-829_ashamed_sometimes-when-i-reflect-back-on-all-the_3133373.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Sometimes you have to be careful when selecting a new nickname for yourself. For instance, let's say you have chosen the nickname \"Fly Head\". Normally, you would think that \"Fly Head\" would mean a person who had beautiful swept-back features, as if flying though the air. But think again. Couldn't it also mean \"having a head like a fly\"? I'm afraid some people might actually think that.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-you-have-to-be-careful-when-selecting-a-new-nickname-for/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d71/jack-handey-829_air_sometimes-you-have-to-be-careful-when-se_3047527.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d71/jack-handey-829_air_sometimes-you-have-to-be-careful-when-se_3047527.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d71/jack-handey-829_air_sometimes-you-have-to-be-careful-when-se_3047527.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Sometimes you have to be careful when selecting a new nickname for yourself. 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