---
title: "31 Mean Quotes By James Patterson"
description: "31 Mean quotes by James Patterson. Plus more from James Patterson and more Mean sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/89f/james-patterson-171_mean_what-you-mean-is-he-s-a-total-asshat-268_2688452.png"
---

> [“What you mean is, he’s a total asshat,”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/what-you-mean-is-he-s-a-total-asshat/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/89f/james-patterson-171_mean_what-you-mean-is-he-s-a-total-asshat-268_2688452.png)

> [i play a mean harmonica](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/i-play-a-mean-harmonica/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c67/james-patterson-171_harmonica_i-play-a-mean-harmonica-1194699_1194699.png)

> [Love means never having to be apart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/love-means-never-having-to-be-apart/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/06d/james-patterson-171_apart_love-means-never-having-to-be-apart-1674_1674417.png)

> [Love means you can never be apart.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/love-means-you-can-never-be-apart/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6a0/james-patterson-171_apart_love-means-you-can-never-be-apart-249271_2492719.png)

> [“But...if everyone was special, wouldn't that really mean that no one was special at all?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/but-if-everyone-was-special-wouldn-t-that-really-mean-that-no-one-was/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bde/james-patterson-171_mean_but-if-everyone-was-special-wouldn-t-tha_1106369.png)

> [Why, the little Voice inside my head, of course. You mean you don't have one? I did.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/why-the-little-voice-inside-my-head-of-course-you-mean-you-don-t-have/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b99/james-patterson-171_little_why-the-little-voice-inside-my-head-of-c_1720456.png)

> [Homework is a term that means grown up imposed yet self-afflicting torture.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/homework-is-a-term-that-means-grown-up-imposed-yet-self-afflicting/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/98c/james-patterson-171_education_homework-is-a-term-that-means-grown-up-i_629731.png)

> [Besides my great fashion sense? I play a mean harmonica.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/besides-my-great-fashion-sense-i-play-a-mean-harmonica/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a3f/james-patterson-171_fashion_besides-my-great-fashion-sense-i-play-a_1170648.png)

> [Being the leader means you have to make life or death decisions sometimes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/being-the-leader-means-you-have-to-make-life-or-death-decisions/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/359/james-patterson-171_decision_being-the-leader-means-you-have-to-make_1701805.png)

> [Congratulations. The fact that you're reading this means you've taken one giant step closer to surviving until your next birthday.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/congratulations-the-fact-that-you-re-reading-this-means-you-ve-taken/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f01/james-patterson-171_birthday_congratulations-the-fact-that-you-re-rea_2841402.png)

> [I blame Jeb for letting you be such a smart aleck.” I stared at her. “I blame you for altering my DNA!…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/i-blame-jeb-for-letting-you-be-such-a-smart-aleck-i-stared-at-her-i/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ade/james-patterson-171_blame_i-blame-jeb-for-letting-you-be-such-a-sm_302170.png)

> [I stood there watching Phoebe arrange the pillows and the sheets. She isn't thinking that I... I mean, she doesn't think that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/i-stood-there-watching-phoebe-arrange-the-pillows-and-the-sheets-she/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1cb/james-patterson-171_mean_i-stood-there-watching-phoebe-arrange-th_2758925.png)

> [Is dere anysing special about you? Anysing vorth saving?" Besides my fashion sense? I play a mean harmonica.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/is-dere-anysing-special-about-you-anysing-vorth-saving-besides-my/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/70b/james-patterson-171_fashion_is-dere-anysing-special-about-you-anysin_1352988.png)

> [You mean other than the wings? I once ate nine snicker bars in a row without barfing. It was a record.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/you-mean-other-than-the-wings-i-once-ate-nine-snicker-bars-in-a-row/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2fe/james-patterson-171_bars_you-mean-other-than-the-wings-i-once-ate_822182.png)

> [I mean, who cares about SpongeBob SquarePants? I'm sitting here with Wolverine! -random kid talking to Ari](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/i-mean-who-cares-about-spongebob-squarepants-i-m-sitting-here-with/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f93/james-patterson-171_care_i-mean-who-cares-about-spongebob-squarep_2634515.png)

> [Uh-huh," I said. "Because all you mad, evil scientists sit around whipping up batches of Pillsbury's finest during your coffee breaks. I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/uh-huh-i-said-because-all-you-mad-evil-scientists-sit-around-whipping/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f37/james-patterson-171_break_uh-huh-i-said-because-all-you-mad-evil-s_1038553.png)

> [Gazzy: "What does that mean?" (points to metal plaque warning to stay off the third rail that said Stay off the third…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/gazzy-what-does-that-mean-points-to-metal-plaque-warning-to-stay-off/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/44b/james-patterson-171_currents_gazzy-what-does-that-mean-points-to-meta_1751336.png)

> [I mean,he decided we'd be better apart,you know?it wasn't a joint decision.like, if your gonna make a decision about me and my…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/i-mean-he-decided-we-d-be-better-apart-you-know-it-wasn-t-a-joint/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d3/james-patterson-171_consulting_i-mean-he-decided-we-d-be-better-apart-y_727203.png)

> [When my son, Jack, was four, I had to make a trip to Los Angeles. I asked him if he was going…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/when-my-son-jack-was-four-i-had-to-make-a-trip-to-los-angeles-i-asked/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4d4/james-patterson-171_four_when-my-son-jack-was-four-i-had-to-make_48932.png)

> [My mom had a soft heart after all! Instead of being chained by both wrists, we were only chained by one ankle!…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/my-mom-had-a-soft-heart-after-all-instead-of-being-chained-by-both/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a4e/james-patterson-171_ankles_my-mom-had-a-soft-heart-after-all-instea_1105310.png)

> [It’s wherever you are. If it’s tapped into any of your senses, it knows where you are and what you’re doing.” Oh…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/it-s-wherever-you-are-if-it-s-tapped-into-any-of-your-senses-it-knows/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/592/james-patterson-171_bathroom_it-s-wherever-you-are-if-it-s-tapped-int_232126.png)

> [Just because life is hard, and always ends in a bad way, doesn't mean that all stories have to, even if that's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/just-because-life-is-hard-and-always-ends-in-a-bad-way-doesn-t-mean/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/908/james-patterson-171_different_just-because-life-is-hard-and-always-end_228857.jpg)

> [Kids don't read as much as you'd like them to, just in terms of seeing the world from different perspectives. I mean,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/kids-don-t-read-as-much-as-you-d-like-them-to-just-in-terms-of-seeing/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/909/james-patterson-171_about_kids-don-t-read-as-much-as-you-d-like-th_2288030.jpg)

> [Iggy nodded. “I’m bummed we couldn’t use Big Boy,” he said. “But I don’t want to waste it. We have to actually…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/iggy-nodded-i-m-bummed-we-couldn-t-use-big-boy-he-said-but-i-don-t/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e93/james-patterson-171_bigs_iggy-nodded-i-m-bummed-we-couldn-t-use-b_1773322.png)

> [NOOOO!" On the screen, a woman's eyes bugged almost out of her head, and I tried not to scream. Tried not to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/noooo-on-the-screen-a-woman-s-eyes-bugged-almost-out-of-her-head-and/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/09a/james-patterson-171_chins_noooo-on-the-screen-a-woman-s-eyes-bugge_3146864.jpg)

> [Man, you weigh a freaking ton. What have you been eating, rocks?" \* Max: "Why, is your head missing some?" o Chapter…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/man-you-weigh-a-freaking-ton-what-have-you-been-eating-rocks-max-why/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/489/james-patterson-171_chapters_man-you-weigh-a-freaking-ton-what-have-y_932972.jpg)

> [Total?" I called. He looked up alertly, then ran over to me, small pink tongue hanging out. Total?" I said when he…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/total-i-called-he-looked-up-alertly-then-ran-over-to-me-small-pink/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eae/james-patterson-171_dog_total-i-called-he-looked-up-alertly-then_2232415.png)

> [What I said yesterday didn't mean anything! I love everyone in the flock! Plus, it was the Valium talking!" "Uh-huh. You just…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/what-i-said-yesterday-didn-t-mean-anything-i-love-everyone-in-the/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/541/james-patterson-171_bathroom_what-i-said-yesterday-didn-t-mean-anythi_444518.jpg)

> [If by 'miracle kids' you mean innocent test-tube babies whose DNA was forcibly unraveled and merged with two percent avian genes, yeah,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/if-by-miracle-kids-you-mean-innocent-test-tube-babies-whose-dna-was/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5df/james-patterson-171_baby_if-by-miracle-kids-you-mean-innocent-tes_92879.jpg)

> [One of the nice things about books as opposed to television and movies to some extent is it's not a passive entertainment.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/one-of-the-nice-things-about-books-as-opposed-to-television-and/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/343/james-patterson-171_book_one-of-the-nice-things-about-books-as-op_2059775.png)

> [I'm a very good storyteller; I have a lot of compassion for people. That's very useful for a novelist. A lot of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/i-m-a-very-good-storyteller-i-have-a-lot-of-compassion-for-people/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/694/james-patterson-171_compassion_i-m-a-very-good-storyteller-i-have-a-lot_1640363.jpg)

## Other authors on Mean

## More by James Patterson

> [It was a little weird that they were friends. But then, maybe freaks just tended to find each other.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/it-was-a-little-weird-that-they-were-friends-but-then-maybe-freaks/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

> [“The next forty-five minutes in that office was about as much fun as a day at Disney World—when it’s pouring rain. And all there…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/the-next-forty-five-minutes-in-that-office-was-about-as-much-fun-as-a/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

> [As we go through this transition where a lot more people will be reading on devices, nobody is paying enough attention to make sure…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/as-we-go-through-this-transition-where-a-lot-more-people-will-be/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

> [Max—you have a bigger mission than finding the flock's parents. Focus on helping the whole world, not just your friends. I held my wings…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/max-you-have-a-bigger-mission-than-finding-the-flock-s-parents-focus/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

> [You're lying through your fangs," Iggy accused. Fang tried to play innocent--but "innocent Fang" is an oxymoron, so it didn't work.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/you-re-lying-through-your-fangs-iggy-accused-fang-tried-to-play/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

> [There are reasons people seek escape in books, and one of those reasons is that the boundary of what can happen is beyond what…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/there-are-reasons-people-seek-escape-in-books-and-one-of-those/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

> [I shot him the bird. (Get it? I shot him the—never mind.)](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/i-shot-him-the-bird-get-it-i-shot-him-the-never-mind/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

> [I get up every morning and chop wood, and I pretty much do it seven days a week, and I like to do it.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/i-get-up-every-morning-and-chop-wood-and-i-pretty-much-do-it-seven/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

> [Witihin seconds the headhunter had lost control of his car and it squealed, sliding sideways right into several other cars. Cool!' said the Gasman.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/witihin-seconds-the-headhunter-had-lost-control-of-his-car-and-it/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

> [“It was scary. More than Sara could possibly know. More than anybody ought to know, or ever would. History wasn't for the general public--it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/it-was-scary-more-than-sara-could-possibly-know-more-than-anybody/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

> [Did I want a dog? No. Did I need a dog? Also no. We were six kids running for our lives, not knowing where…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/did-i-want-a-dog-no-did-i-need-a-dog-also-no-we-were-six-kids-running/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

> [I'm a girl who has been tamping down her emotions and keeping them tightly guarded her whole life. And that works really well for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/i-m-a-girl-who-has-been-tamping-down-her-emotions-and-keeping-them/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

> [When my son, Jack, was four, I had to make a trip to Los Angeles. I asked him if he was going to miss…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/when-my-son-jack-was-four-i-had-to-make-a-trip-to-los-angeles-i-asked/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

> [“that kid’s nothing but a little hoodlum.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/that-kid-s-nothing-but-a-little-hoodlum/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

> [Jeezum—humans were like eggshells.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-patterson/jeezum-humans-were-like-eggshells/)

[James Patterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-patterson/)

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                        "text": "I blame Jeb for letting you be such a smart aleck.” I stared at her. “I blame you for altering my DNA! I mean, I have wings, lady! What were you thinking?",
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                        "text": "I stood there watching Phoebe arrange the pillows and the sheets. She isn't thinking that I... I mean, she doesn't think that she and I would... WHAT?",
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                        "text": "Is dere anysing special about you? Anysing vorth saving?\" Besides my fashion sense? I play a mean harmonica.",
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                        "text": "You mean other than the wings? I once ate nine snicker bars in a row without barfing. It was a record.",
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                        "text": "I mean, who cares about SpongeBob SquarePants? I'm sitting here with Wolverine! -random kid talking to Ari",
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                        "text": "Uh-huh,\" I said. \"Because all you mad, evil scientists sit around whipping up batches of Pillsbury's finest during your coffee breaks. I mean, this is pathetic.",
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                        "text": "Gazzy: \"What does that mean?\" (points to metal plaque warning to stay off the third rail that said Stay off the third rail!) Fang: \"It means the third rail has seven hundred volts of direct current running through it. Touch it and you're human popcorn.",
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                        "text": "My mom had a soft heart after all! Instead of being chained by both wrists, we were only chained by one ankle! I mean, if I’d been looking for proof that she really did love me, this was it, right?",
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                        "text": "Iggy nodded. “I’m bummed we couldn’t use Big Boy,” he said. “But I don’t want to waste it. We have to actually see them first. I mean, you do.” “Maybe tomorrow,” the Gasman said encouragingly. “We’ll go see what havoc we’ve wreaked.” “Wrought.",
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                        "text": "NOOOO!\" On the screen, a woman's eyes bugged almost out of her head, and I tried not to scream. Tried not to scream in exasperation, I mean. The serial killer was right in front of her, wide open! Clearly, instead of weeping like a moron, she could be lunging forward and administering a swift uppercut to the chin. Then this entire pointless ordeal would be over with, and I could go home.",
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                        "text": "Man, you weigh a freaking ton. What have you been eating, rocks?\" * Max: \"Why, is your head missing some?\" o Chapter 68 p. 214 + Fang carried Max while flying after she had \"a stroke or something\". Gazzy: \"I vill now destroy de Snickuhs bahs!\" ter Borcht: \"Is dere anysing special about you? Anysing vorth saving?\" Fang: \"Besides my fashion sense? I play a mean harmonica.",
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                        "text": "Total?\" I called. He looked up alertly, then ran over to me, small pink tongue hanging out. Total?\" I said when he was close. \"Can you talk?\" He flopped down on the grass, panting slightly. \"Yeah. So?\" Jeezum. I mean, mutant weirdos are nothing new to me, you know? But a talking dog?",
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                        "text": "What I said yesterday didn't mean anything! I love everyone in the flock! Plus, it was the Valium talking!\" \"Uh-huh. You just keep telling yourself that. You looove me.\" Max: (tries to punch him) \"Pick a tree. I'll go carve our initials in it.\" Max: (screams and runs into bathroom)",
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                        "text": "If by 'miracle kids' you mean innocent test-tube babies whose DNA was forcibly unraveled and merged with two percent avian genes, yeah, I guess that would be us,\" I said. \"Because it's a miracle that we're not complete nut jobs and mutant disasters.",
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                        "text": "One of the nice things about books as opposed to television and movies to some extent is it's not a passive entertainment. People really do get involved, and they do create, and they do have their own visions of what different characters look like and what should happen. It's great - it means their brains are working.",
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                        "text": "I'm a very good storyteller; I have a lot of compassion for people. That's very useful for a novelist. A lot of novelists are snots. They're just mean people. I'm not a terribly skilled stylist, nor do I want to be. I want a lot of people to read one of my stories and go, 'That was pretty cool.'",
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