--- title: "3 Masturbation Quotes By Mark Twain" description: "3 Masturbation quotes by Mark Twain. Plus more from Mark Twain and more Masturbation sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0e6/mark-twain-22_art_of-all-the-various-kinds-of-sexual-inter_559414.png" --- > [“Of all the various kinds of sexual intercourse, this has the least to recommend it. As an amusement, it is too fleeting;…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/of-all-the-various-kinds-of-sexual-intercourse-this-has-the-least-to/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0e6/mark-twain-22_art_of-all-the-various-kinds-of-sexual-inter_559414.png) > [“Homer, in the second book of the Iliad says with fine enthusiasm, "Give me masturbation or give me death." Caesar, in his…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/homer-in-the-second-book-of-the-iliad-says-with-fine-enthusiasm-give/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/344/mark-twain-22_benjamin-franklin_homer-in-the-second-book-of-the-iliad-sa_682406.png) > [Protestant parents still keep a Bible handy in the house, so that the children can study it, and one of the first…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/protestant-parents-still-keep-a-bible-handy-in-the-house-so-that-the/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fbc/mark-twain-22_bible_protestant-parents-still-keep-a-bible-ha_1778173.jpg) ## Other authors on Masturbation - [Mokokoma Mokhonoana 9 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/masturbation/mokokoma-mokhonoana/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b025/author-woody-allen-96336.jpg) Woody Allen 5 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/masturbation/woody-allen/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b007/author-chuck-palahniuk-24118.jpg) Chuck Palahniuk 5 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/masturbation/chuck-palahniuk/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b005/author-betty-dodson-17590.jpg) Betty Dodson 5 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/masturbation/betty-dodson/) ## More by Mark Twain > [Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/sing-like-no-one-s-listening-love-like-you-ve-never-been-hurt-dance/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/if-you-had-made-the-acquiring-of-ignorance-the-study-of-your-life-you/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [“The Creator sat upon the throne, thinking. Behind him stretched the illimitable continent of heaven, steeped in a glory of light and color; before…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/the-creator-sat-upon-the-throne-thinking-behind-him-stretched-the/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [It's easy to quit smoking. I've done it hundreds of times.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/it-s-easy-to-quit-smoking-i-ve-done-it-hundreds-of-times/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [“It is never wrong to do the right thing.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/it-is-never-wrong-to-do-the-right-thing/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [A man accustomed to American food and American domestic cookery would not starve to death suddenly in Europe, but I think he would gradually…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/a-man-accustomed-to-american-food-and-american-domestic-cookery-would/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [There is nothing training can't cannot do. Nothing is above its reach.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/there-is-nothing-training-can-t-cannot-do-nothing-is-above-its-reach/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/i-never-write-metropolis-for-seven-cents-because-i-can-get-the-same/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture; he will never get…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/the-higher-animals-get-their-teeth-without-pain-or-inconvenience-man/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [“As far as I can see, Italy, for fifteen hundred years, has turned all her energies, all her finances, and all her industry to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/as-far-as-i-can-see-italy-for-fifteen-hundred-years-has-turned-all/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [Begin with the determination to succeed and the work is half done already.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/begin-with-the-determination-to-succeed-and-the-work-is-half-done/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/many-public-school-children-seem-to-know-only-two-dates-1492-and-4th/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [If we could imagine such a man, that is a man who could invent the fly and send him out on his mission and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/if-we-could-imagine-such-a-man-that-is-a-man-who-could-invent-the-fly/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/you-perceive-now-that-these-things-are-all-impossible-except-in-a/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/lord-save-us-all-from-a-hope-tree-that-has-lost-the-faculty-of/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/masturbation/mark-twain/#itemlist", "name": "3 Masturbation Quotes By Mark Twain", "numberOfItems": 3, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Of all the various kinds of sexual intercourse, this has the least to recommend it. As an amusement, it is too fleeting; as an occupation, it is too wearing; as a public exhibition, there is no money in it. It is unsuited to the drawing room, and in the most cultured society it has long been banished from the social board. It has at last, in our day of progress and improvement, been degraded to brotherhood with flatulence. 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They that are penniless are yet rich, in that they still have this majestic diversion.\" In another place this experienced observer has said, \"There are times when I prefer it to sodomy.\" Robinson Crusoe says, \"I cannot describe what I owe to this gentle art.\" Queen Elizabeth said, \"It is the bulwark of virginity.\" Cetewayo, the Zulu hero, remarked, \"A jerk in the hand is worth two in the bush.\" The immortal Franklin has said, \"Masturbation is the best policy.\" Michelangelo and all of the other old masters--\"old masters,\" I will remark, is an abbreviation, a contraction--have used similar language. Michelangelo said to Pope Julius II, \"Self-negation is noble, self-culture beneficent, self-possession is manly, but to the truly great and inspiring soul they are poor and tame compared with self-abuse.\" Mr. Brown, here, in one of his latest and most graceful poems, refers to it in an eloquent line which is destined to live to the end of time--\"None knows it but to love it; none name it but to praise.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mark Twain" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/homer-in-the-second-book-of-the-iliad-says-with-fine-enthusiasm-give/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/344/mark-twain-22_benjamin-franklin_homer-in-the-second-book-of-the-iliad-sa_682406.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/344/mark-twain-22_benjamin-franklin_homer-in-the-second-book-of-the-iliad-sa_682406.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/344/mark-twain-22_benjamin-franklin_homer-in-the-second-book-of-the-iliad-sa_682406.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Homer, in the second book of the Iliad says with fine enthusiasm, \"Give me masturbation or give me death.\"…” — Mark Twain", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Protestant parents still keep a Bible handy in the house, so that the children can study it, and one of the first things the little boys and girls learn is to be righteous and holy and not piss against the wall. 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