--- title: "15 Marriage Quotes By Various" description: "15 Marriage quotes by Various. Plus more from Various and more Marriage sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5cc/various-1467_marriage_my-wife-complained-786257_786257.jpg" --- > [“My wife complained”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/my-wife-complained/) Various [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5cc/various-1467_marriage_my-wife-complained-786257_786257.jpg) > [“Q: Why does a divorce cost so much? A: Because it's worth it.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/q-why-does-a-divorce-cost-so-much-a-because-it-s-worth-it/) Various [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/974/various-1467_divorce_q-why-does-a-divorce-cost-so-much-a-beca_928506.jpg) > [“My wife said that, for her birthday, she would like to go somewhere where she had not been for a long time.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/my-wife-said-that-for-her-birthday-she-would-like-to-go-somewhere/) Various [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5c3/various-1467_kitchen_my-wife-said-that-for-her-birthday-she-w_2759468.jpg) > [“There can be no disparity in marriage like unsuitability of mind and purpose’ -‘no disparity in marriage like unsuitability of mind and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/there-can-be-no-disparity-in-marriage-like-unsuitability-of-mind-and-2/) Various [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/03d/various-1467_disparity_there-can-be-no-disparity-in-marriage-li_2477410.jpg) > [“So put on Jesus Christ this wedding garment; and, 1. He shall cover the shame of thy nakedness with the white linen…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/so-put-on-jesus-christ-this-wedding-garment-and-1-he-shall-cover-the/) Various [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d36/various-1467_marriage_so-put-on-jesus-christ-this-wedding-garm_498329.jpg) > [“Marriage is lawful, merchandise is lawful, husbandry is lawful, but never one of these is lawful when they hinder thee from the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/marriage-is-lawful-merchandise-is-lawful-husbandry-is-lawful-but/) Various [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0f0/various-1467_marriage_marriage-is-lawful-merchandise-is-lawful_948176.jpg) > [“Q: What's the best way to ensure that you'll always remember your wife's birthday? A: Forget it once.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/q-what-s-the-best-way-to-ensure-that-you-ll-always-remember-your-wife/) Various [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/654/various-1467_birthday_q-what-s-the-best-way-to-ensure-that-you_2882104.jpg) > [“My wife complained the other day that our kitchen clock almost killed her mother. It fell seconds after where she had been…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/my-wife-complained-the-other-day-that-our-kitchen-clock-almost-killed/) Various [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/88b/various-1467_marriage_my-wife-complained-the-other-day-that-ou_1908024.jpg) > [“My wife has never really thought much of me. Just the other night she turned to me and said, "George, do you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/my-wife-has-never-really-thought-much-of-me-just-the-other-night-she/) Various [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4b1/various-1467_marriage_my-wife-has-never-really-thought-much-of_1709334.jpg) > [“The husband, on his deathbed, called over his wife and said, "One month after I die, I want you to marry Larry."…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/the-husband-on-his-deathbed-called-over-his-wife-and-said-one-month/) Various [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/97f/various-1467_marriage_the-husband-on-his-deathbed-called-over_3223566.jpg) > [“Wife: "Wake up, honey. Some thieves have broken into our house. I think they're eating the food I made last night." Husband:…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/wife-wake-up-honey-some-thieves-have-broken-into-our-house-i-think/) Various [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/787/various-1467_husband_wife-wake-up-honey-some-thieves-have-bro_810296.jpg) > [“Q: Why is it that after they get married, a husband and wife are like two sides of a coin? A: Because…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/q-why-is-it-that-after-they-get-married-a-husband-and-wife-are-like/) Various [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c94/various-1467_husband-and-wife_q-why-is-it-that-after-they-get-married_962904.jpg) > [“One evening, a wife drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/one-evening-a-wife-drew-her-husband-s-attention-to-the-couple-next/) Various [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/47c/various-1467_marriage_one-evening-a-wife-drew-her-husband-s-at_1598270.jpg) > [“It was the funeral of a woman who had henpecked her husband, driven her kids half nuts, scrapped with the neighbors at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/it-was-the-funeral-of-a-woman-who-had-henpecked-her-husband-driven/) Various [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/49a/various-1467_cat-and-dog_it-was-the-funeral-of-a-woman-who-had-he_2086922.jpg) > [“logically speaking, you have a house." "Yes, I do have a house." "And because you have a house, I think that you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/logically-speaking-you-have-a-house-yes-i-do-have-a-house-and-because/) Various [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b18/various-1467_family_logically-speaking-you-have-a-house-yes_412466.jpg) ## Other authors on Marriage - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b018/author-nikhil-saluja-71464.jpg) Nikhil Saluja 233 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/marriage/nikhil-saluja/) - [Jarod Kintz 103 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/marriage/jarod-kintz/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b012/author-jane-austen-47065.jpg) Jane Austen 101 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/marriage/jane-austen/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b019/author-oscar-wilde-72846.jpg) Oscar Wilde 98 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/marriage/oscar-wilde/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b024/author-william-shakespeare-95899.jpg) William Shakespeare 95 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/marriage/william-shakespeare/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b001/author-vikrant-parsai-70.jpg) Vikrant Parsai 87 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/marriage/vikrant-parsai/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b021/author-rodney-dangerfield-80610.jpg) Rodney Dangerfield 84 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/marriage/rodney-dangerfield/) - [Suzanne Finnamore 78 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/marriage/suzanne-finnamore/) - [Mokokoma Mokhonoana 78 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/marriage/mokokoma-mokhonoana/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b010/author-gary-chapman-36937.jpg) Gary Chapman 76 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/marriage/gary-chapman/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b020/author-rajneesh-77002.jpg) Rajneesh 72 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/marriage/rajneesh/) ## More by Various > [“TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/tv-installer-walks-into-a-bar-and-orders-a-beer-the-bartender-says/) Various > [“I'll just have a glass of water.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/i-ll-just-have-a-glass-of-water/) Various > [“Must the Earth forever be arranged like an ocean steamer, with large, luxurious rooms and luxurious food for a select few, and underneath in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/must-the-earth-forever-be-arranged-like-an-ocean-steamer-with-large/) Various > [“God is worming out His and our adversaries, which He will do by little and little, till they be consumed. The covenant is seasonable.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/god-is-worming-out-his-and-our-adversaries-which-he-will-do-by-little/) Various > [“it is no less since this same Confession of Faith was first subscribed and sworn to. And it has been still in use yearly…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/it-is-no-less-since-this-same-confession-of-faith-was-first/) Various > [“sees the Sights, under Perplexing Difficulties. The native borned Gothamite mite have notissed, a short time since, a venerable lookin' ex-Statesman,”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/sees-the-sights-under-perplexing-difficulties-the-native-borned/) Various > [“What do you call a hundred blondes stacked on top of each other? An air mattress.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/what-do-you-call-a-hundred-blondes-stacked-on-top-of-each-other-an/) Various > [“Thou wouldst never have chosen Him, if that loving and gracious God had not chosen thee.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/thou-wouldst-never-have-chosen-him-if-that-loving-and-gracious-god/) Various > [“Behold, and be awakened; behold, and be excited; behold, and be comforted; behold, and admire; behold, and wonder, that the King of heaven's Son…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/behold-and-be-awakened-behold-and-be-excited-behold-and-be-comforted/) Various > [“seal. ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦ A bartender walks into a church, a temple and a mosque. He has no idea how jokes work. ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦ A baseball walks…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/seal-a-bartender-walks-into-a-church-a-temple-and-a-mosque-he-has-no/) Various > [“I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?" "Yeah." "Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I presume you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/i-ll-give-you-an-example-do-you-own-a-weed-eater-yeah-then-logically/) Various > [Craig Jones: We ain't got no sugar. Smokey: No sugar? Damn. Y'all ain't never got two things that match. Either y'all got Kool-aid, no…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/craig-jones-we-ain-t-got-no-sugar-smokey-no-sugar-damn-y-all-ain-t/) Various > [“I heard that if you play a Windows CD backwards, you'll get a satanic message. But the most frightening thing is that if you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/i-heard-that-if-you-play-a-windows-cd-backwards-you-ll-get-a-satanic/) Various > [“holiness is a privilege, as well as a duty; it is a reward, a benefit to him who walks therein.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/holiness-is-a-privilege-as-well-as-a-duty-it-is-a-reward-a-benefit-to/) Various > [“Music touches our hearts and moves our souls. Music has moods. Music can make us happy, relaxed or exhilarated. Music is sounds and voices…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/music-touches-our-hearts-and-moves-our-souls-music-has-moods-music/) Various ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/marriage/various/#itemlist", "name": "15 Marriage Quotes By Various", "numberOfItems": 15, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“My wife complained”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Various" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/my-wife-complained/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5cc/various-1467_marriage_my-wife-complained-786257_786257.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5cc/various-1467_marriage_my-wife-complained-786257_786257.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5cc/various-1467_marriage_my-wife-complained-786257_786257.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“My wife complained” — Various", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Q: Why does a divorce cost so much? 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Just the other night she turned to me and said, \"George, do you know that you are depriving a small village, somewhere out there, of an idiot?\" ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Various" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/my-wife-has-never-really-thought-much-of-me-just-the-other-night-she/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4b1/various-1467_marriage_my-wife-has-never-really-thought-much-of_1709334.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4b1/various-1467_marriage_my-wife-has-never-really-thought-much-of_1709334.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4b1/various-1467_marriage_my-wife-has-never-really-thought-much-of_1709334.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“My wife has never really thought much of me. Just the other night she turned to me and said, \"George, do you…” — Various", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“The husband, on his deathbed, called over his wife and said, \"One month after I die, I want you to marry Larry.\" \"Larry? But he is your enemy!\" \"Yes, I know that. I've suffered all these years, so let him suffer now.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Various" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/the-husband-on-his-deathbed-called-over-his-wife-and-said-one-month/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/97f/various-1467_marriage_the-husband-on-his-deathbed-called-over_3223566.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/97f/various-1467_marriage_the-husband-on-his-deathbed-called-over_3223566.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/97f/various-1467_marriage_the-husband-on-his-deathbed-called-over_3223566.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The husband, on his deathbed, called over his wife and said, \"One month after I die, I want you to marry…” — Various", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Wife: \"Wake up, honey. Some thieves have broken into our house. I think they're eating the food I made last night.\" Husband: \"Oh! We better call an ambulance, then.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Various" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/wife-wake-up-honey-some-thieves-have-broken-into-our-house-i-think/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/787/various-1467_husband_wife-wake-up-honey-some-thieves-have-bro_810296.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/787/various-1467_husband_wife-wake-up-honey-some-thieves-have-bro_810296.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/787/various-1467_husband_wife-wake-up-honey-some-thieves-have-bro_810296.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Wife: \"Wake up, honey. Some thieves have broken into our house. I think they're eating the food I made last…” — Various", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Q: Why is it that after they get married, a husband and wife are like two sides of a coin? A: Because although they cannot bear to face one another, they remain together.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Various" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/q-why-is-it-that-after-they-get-married-a-husband-and-wife-are-like/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c94/various-1467_husband-and-wife_q-why-is-it-that-after-they-get-married_962904.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c94/various-1467_husband-and-wife_q-why-is-it-that-after-they-get-married_962904.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c94/various-1467_husband-and-wife_q-why-is-it-that-after-they-get-married_962904.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Q: Why is it that after they get married, a husband and wife are like two sides of a coin? A: Because…” — Various", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“One evening, a wife drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, \"Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?\" \"I would love to,\" replied the husband, \"But I don't know her well enough.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Various" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/one-evening-a-wife-drew-her-husband-s-attention-to-the-couple-next/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/47c/various-1467_marriage_one-evening-a-wife-drew-her-husband-s-at_1598270.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/47c/various-1467_marriage_one-evening-a-wife-drew-her-husband-s-at_1598270.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/47c/various-1467_marriage_one-evening-a-wife-drew-her-husband-s-at_1598270.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“One evening, a wife drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, \"Do you see that couple?…” — Various", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“It was the funeral of a woman who had henpecked her husband, driven her kids half nuts, scrapped with the neighbors at the slightest opportunity, and even made neurotics of their cat and dog with her explosive temper. As the casket was lowered into the grave, a violent thunderstorm broke, and the pastor's benediction was drowned out by a blinding flash of lightning, followed by terrific thunder. \"Well, at least we know she got there all right,\" commented her husband.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Various" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/it-was-the-funeral-of-a-woman-who-had-henpecked-her-husband-driven/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/49a/various-1467_cat-and-dog_it-was-the-funeral-of-a-woman-who-had-he_2086922.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/49a/various-1467_cat-and-dog_it-was-the-funeral-of-a-woman-who-had-he_2086922.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/49a/various-1467_cat-and-dog_it-was-the-funeral-of-a-woman-who-had-he_2086922.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“It was the funeral of a woman who had henpecked her husband, driven her kids half nuts, scrapped with the…” — Various", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 15, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“logically speaking, you have a house.\" \"Yes, I do have a house.\" \"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family.\" \"Yes, I have a family.\" \"So, because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual.\" \"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing! You were able to find out all of that just because I have a weed eater.\" Excited to take the class, Jim shakes the dean's hand and leaves to go meet Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes, and how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic. \"Logic?\" Bob says, \"What's that?\" \"I'll give you an example,\" says Jim. \"Do you have a weed eater?\" \"No.\" \"Then you're gay.\" ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Various" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/various/logically-speaking-you-have-a-house-yes-i-do-have-a-house-and-because/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b18/various-1467_family_logically-speaking-you-have-a-house-yes_412466.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b18/various-1467_family_logically-speaking-you-have-a-house-yes_412466.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b18/various-1467_family_logically-speaking-you-have-a-house-yes_412466.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“logically speaking, you have a house.\" \"Yes, I do have a house.\" \"And because you have a house, I think that…” — Various", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } } ] }, { "@type": "CollectionPage", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/marriage/various/#webpage", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/marriage/various/", "name": "Marriage Quotes by Various", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/marriage/various/#itemlist" }, "primaryImageOfPage": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5cc/various-1467_marriage_my-wife-complained-786257_786257.jpg" }, "description": "15 Marriage quotes by Various. 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