---
title: "34 Marriage Quotes By Ree Drummond"
description: "34 Marriage quotes by Ree Drummond. Plus more from Ree Drummond and more Marriage sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9f9/ree-drummond-818_hard_i-want-people-to-see-how-hard-my-husband_2024376.png"
---

> [I want people to see how hard my husband and kids work on the ranch.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/i-want-people-to-see-how-hard-my-husband-and-kids-work-on-the-ranch/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9f9/ree-drummond-818_hard_i-want-people-to-see-how-hard-my-husband_2024376.png)

> [I'm a thirty-something ranch wife, mother of four, moderately agoraphobic middle child who grew up on a golf course in the city.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/i-m-a-thirty-something-ranch-wife-mother-of-four-moderately/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f7d/ree-drummond-818_children_i-m-a-thirty-something-ranch-wife-mother_773176.png)

> [I'm not a chef, and I'm not an expert at anything. I'm just a mom and a wife.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/i-m-not-a-chef-and-i-m-not-an-expert-at-anything-i-m-just-a-mom-and-a/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4a4/ree-drummond-818_anything_i-m-not-a-chef-and-i-m-not-an-expert-at_2416007.png)

> [Oats are great - you can make meatloaf and use oats instead of bread as the binder, or you can make oatmeal…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/oats-are-great-you-can-make-meatloaf-and-use-oats-instead-of-bread-as/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/520/ree-drummond-818_bread_oats-are-great-you-can-make-meatloaf-and_2917026.jpg)

> [“I love you,” he whispered as I died right there on the spot. It wasn’t convenient, my dying the night before my…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/i-love-you-he-whispered-as-i-died-right-there-on-the-spot-it-wasn-t/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/96d/ree-drummond-818_dying_i-love-you-he-whispered-as-i-died-right_2195577.jpg)

> [In many ways, our marriage is anything but traditional. When I started my blog in 2006, Ladd was the only one that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/in-many-ways-our-marriage-is-anything-but-traditional-when-i-started/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f70/ree-drummond-818_anything_in-many-ways-our-marriage-is-anything-bu_571347.jpg)

> [“It wasn’t about me anymore. I had a child. A husband who needed me to be there for him in the midst…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/it-wasn-t-about-me-anymore-i-had-a-child-a-husband-who-needed-me-to-2/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eef/ree-drummond-818_children_it-wasn-t-about-me-anymore-i-had-a-child_1117988.png)

> [“In the coming year, real life would come crashing in around us. Within days of our wedding, we would receive unexpected, startling…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/in-the-coming-year-real-life-would-come-crashing-in-around-us-within/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8bb/ree-drummond-818_death_in-the-coming-year-real-life-would-come_2759546.png)

> [“Of course, no china--however intricate and inviting--was as seductive as my fiancé, my future husband, who continued to eat me alive with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/of-course-no-china-however-intricate-and-inviting-was-as-seductive-as-2/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d61/ree-drummond-818_every-night_of-course-no-china-however-intricate-and_2627698.jpg)

> [“When we arrived at the wedding at Marlboro Man’s grandparents’ house, I gasped. People were absolutely everywhere: scurrying and mingling and sipping…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/when-we-arrived-at-the-wedding-at-marlboro-man-s-grandparents-house-i-2/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c04/ree-drummond-818_first-person_when-we-arrived-at-the-wedding-at-marlbo_1129117.jpg)

> [“ I now pronounce you husband and wife. I hadn’t considered the kiss. Not once. I suppose I’d assumed it would be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/i-now-pronounce-you-husband-and-wife-i-hadn-t-considered-the-kiss-not-2/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b28/ree-drummond-818_husband-and-wife_i-now-pronounce-you-husband-and-wife-i-h_532239.jpg)

> [“I have to give you your wedding present,” Marlboro Man said before I could ask where we were going. “I can’t wait…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/i-have-to-give-you-your-wedding-present-marlboro-man-said-before-i/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e4/ree-drummond-818_marriage_i-have-to-give-you-your-wedding-present_1632754.png)

> [“The week of a girl’s wedding was supposed to be a happy time. I should have been leaping gleefully around my parents’…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/the-week-of-a-girl-s-wedding-was-supposed-to-be-a-happy-time-i-should/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6bb/ree-drummond-818_marriage_the-week-of-a-girl-s-wedding-was-suppose_1269297.jpg)

> [“That night, Marlboro Man and I had a date. It was the Thursday night before our wedding, and the rehearsal dinner was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/that-night-marlboro-man-and-i-had-a-date-it-was-the-thursday-night/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e8d/ree-drummond-818_day-night_that-night-marlboro-man-and-i-had-a-date_409192.png)

> [“One morning, after I choked down a bowl of cereal, I looked outside the window and saw a mountain lion siting on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/one-morning-after-i-choked-down-a-bowl-of-cereal-i-looked-outside-the/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4f3/ree-drummond-818_heart-beat_one-morning-after-i-choked-down-a-bowl-o_1303727.png)

> [“Two days before our wedding, we were making out in a dark, hazy movie theater. It was one of the most romantic…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/two-days-before-our-wedding-we-were-making-out-in-a-dark-hazy-movie/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3c6/ree-drummond-818_first-place_two-days-before-our-wedding-we-were-maki_1589061.jpg)

> [“I walked proudly out of the church, the new wife of Marlboro Man. When we exited the same doors through which my…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/i-walked-proudly-out-of-the-church-the-new-wife-of-marlboro-man-when/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e51/ree-drummond-818_marriage_i-walked-proudly-out-of-the-church-the-n_25373.jpg)

> [“ Come on, Ree, get a grip , I told myself. Something was going on…this was more than simply a reaction to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/come-on-ree-get-a-grip-i-told-myself-something-was-going-on-this-was/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/665/ree-drummond-818_marriage_come-on-ree-get-a-grip-i-told-myself-som_807598.jpg)

> [“I excused myself to the bathroom to freshen up and put on a champagne satin negligee in an effort to thwart the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/i-excused-myself-to-the-bathroom-to-freshen-up-and-put-on-a-champagne/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0b3/ree-drummond-818_marriage_i-excused-myself-to-the-bathroom-to-fres_2411318.png)

> [“Marlboro Man picked me up the next evening, exactly one month before our wedding day. Our evening apart had made the heart…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/marlboro-man-picked-me-up-the-next-evening-exactly-one-month-before/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/146/ree-drummond-818_independent-woman_marlboro-man-picked-me-up-the-next-eveni_90687.png)

> [“Of course, no china--however intricate and inviting--was as seductive as my fiancé, my future husband, who continued to eat me alive with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/of-course-no-china-however-intricate-and-inviting-was-as-seductive-as/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/413/ree-drummond-818_big-city_of-course-no-china-however-intricate-and_1885429.jpg)

> [“While I was deep in my fantasy, in yet another episode of perfect timing, Marlboro Man called from the road. “Hey,” he…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/while-i-was-deep-in-my-fantasy-in-yet-another-episode-of-perfect/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b35/ree-drummond-818_cell-phone_while-i-was-deep-in-my-fantasy-in-yet-an_1513373.jpg)

> [“ I now pronounce you husband and wife. I hadn’t considered the kiss. Not once. I suppose I’d assumed it would be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/i-now-pronounce-you-husband-and-wife-i-hadn-t-considered-the-kiss-not-4/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f6f/ree-drummond-818_family-home_i-now-pronounce-you-husband-and-wife-i-h_2942242.jpg)

> [“When we arrived at the wedding at Marlboro Man’s grandparents’ house, I gasped. People were absolutely everywhere: scurrying and mingling and sipping…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/when-we-arrived-at-the-wedding-at-marlboro-man-s-grandparents-house-i/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7ef/ree-drummond-818_first-person_when-we-arrived-at-the-wedding-at-marlbo_40250.png)

> [“I looked around and realized we were headed down a different road than Marlboro Man would normally take. “I have to give…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/i-looked-around-and-realized-we-were-headed-down-a-different-road/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/63e/ree-drummond-818_dark-room_i-looked-around-and-realized-we-were-hea_2610431.jpg)

> [“ I now pronounce you husband and wife. I hadn’t considered the kiss. Not once. I suppose I’d assumed it would be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/i-now-pronounce-you-husband-and-wife-i-hadn-t-considered-the-kiss-not/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/942/ree-drummond-818_family-home_i-now-pronounce-you-husband-and-wife-i-h_151298.jpg)

> [“ I now pronounce you husband and wife. I hadn’t considered the kiss. Not once. I suppose I’d assumed it would be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/i-now-pronounce-you-husband-and-wife-i-hadn-t-considered-the-kiss-not-3/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7da/ree-drummond-818_first-time_i-now-pronounce-you-husband-and-wife-i-h_1153417.png)

> [“Once the wedding gift was out of the way, Marlboro Man and I had to check one last item off our list…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/once-the-wedding-gift-was-out-of-the-way-marlboro-man-and-i-had-to/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c94/ree-drummond-818_country-boy_once-the-wedding-gift-was-out-of-the-way_2656261.jpg)

> [“The wedding rehearsal itself was uneventful until Father Johnson decided it was time to show Marlboro Man and me the proper way…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/the-wedding-rehearsal-itself-was-uneventful-until-father-johnson/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3d8/ree-drummond-818_marriage_the-wedding-rehearsal-itself-was-unevent_2221013.jpg)

> [“I turned my focus to clothes, immediately endeavoring to find just the right dress for the occasion. This was huge--my debut as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/i-turned-my-focus-to-clothes-immediately-endeavoring-to-find-just-the/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/034/ree-drummond-818_fashion_i-turned-my-focus-to-clothes-immediately_2401358.jpg)

> [“ Dearly beloved: We have come together in the presence of God to witness and bless the joining together of this man…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/dearly-beloved-we-have-come-together-in-the-presence-of-god-to/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/74b/ree-drummond-818_evening-light_dearly-beloved-we-have-come-together-in_1563217.png)

> [“It wasn’t about me anymore. I had a child. A husband who needed me to be there for him in the midst…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/it-wasn-t-about-me-anymore-i-had-a-child-a-husband-who-needed-me-to/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/17e/ree-drummond-818_children_it-wasn-t-about-me-anymore-i-had-a-child_501010.png)

> [“ Will you have this man to be your husband; to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love him,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/will-you-have-this-man-to-be-your-husband-to-live-together-in-the/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b6f/ree-drummond-818_death_will-you-have-this-man-to-be-your-husban_1761707.png)

> [“When I exited the bathroom this time, Marlboro Man was standing right outside the door--just as he’d been at his grandmother’s house…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/when-i-exited-the-bathroom-this-time-marlboro-man-was-standing-right/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6f9/ree-drummond-818_first-time_when-i-exited-the-bathroom-this-time-mar_889080.jpg)

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## More by Ree Drummond

> [“What else haven’t you told me?” I thought for a minute. “Actually, yes…there is,” I replied, pausing to consider my words carefully, “I eat…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/what-else-haven-t-you-told-me-i-thought-for-a-minute-actually-yes/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

> [Butter, cream, and bacon. That's such a great foundation right there.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/butter-cream-and-bacon-that-s-such-a-great-foundation-right-there/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

> [“More and more, I began helping around the homestead. I learned to operate my John Deere mower so I could keep the yard around…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/more-and-more-i-began-helping-around-the-homestead-i-learned-to/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

> [“I walked proudly out of the church, the new wife of Marlboro Man. When we exited the same doors through which my dad and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/i-walked-proudly-out-of-the-church-the-new-wife-of-marlboro-man-when/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

> [“When we arrived at the wedding at Marlboro Man’s grandparents’ house, I gasped. People were absolutely everywhere: scurrying and mingling and sipping champagne and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/when-we-arrived-at-the-wedding-at-marlboro-man-s-grandparents-house-i/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

> [“What is it?” I asked, pasting a magazine photo of a football--found in an old Seventeen magazine spread--on my beloved’s collage. “Well, a bunch…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/what-is-it-i-asked-pasting-a-magazine-photo-of-a-football-found-in-an/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

> [“When I arrived, I immediately saw the mother of an ex-boyfriend, the kind of ex-boyfriend that would make you want to look as good…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/when-i-arrived-i-immediately-saw-the-mother-of-an-ex-boyfriend-the/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

> [“At times the differences concerned me. Could I ever be with a man who’d never, in his entire life, eaten sushi? Could I, a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/at-times-the-differences-concerned-me-could-i-ever-be-with-a-man-who/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

> [“You did not do my homework assignment for me,” he said, grabbing the collage again and looking it over. “I had insomnia,” I said.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/you-did-not-do-my-homework-assignment-for-me-he-said-grabbing-the/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

> [“I couldn’t bear the thought of a ham sandwich. Imagining milk trickling down my esophagus almost sent me over the edge. Even the saltines…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/i-couldn-t-bear-the-thought-of-a-ham-sandwich-imagining-milk/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

> [“Marlboro Man picked me up the next evening, exactly one month before our wedding day. Our evening apart had made the heart grow fonder,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/marlboro-man-picked-me-up-the-next-evening-exactly-one-month-before/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

> [“I’ll send the nurse in here in a minute, okay?” Waste of time , I thought. “Okay, but…do you think there’s anything we can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/i-ll-send-the-nurse-in-here-in-a-minute-okay-waste-of-time-i-thought/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

> [“How come I wasn’t riding around in his middle seat? Was I supposed to initiate this? Was this expected of me? Because I probably…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/how-come-i-wasn-t-riding-around-in-his-middle-seat-was-i-supposed-to/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

> [“I’ll see you in the morning. Oh, and hey…if I don’t answer the door right away it probably means I’m doing some weight training…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/i-ll-see-you-in-the-morning-oh-and-hey-if-i-don-t-answer-the-door/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

> [“Minutes later, we were back at the sliding glass door that led inside the house--me, leaning against the glass, Marlboro Man anchoring me there…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/minutes-later-we-were-back-at-the-sliding-glass-door-that-led-inside/)

[Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/)

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                        "text": "Oats are great - you can make meatloaf and use oats instead of bread as the binder, or you can make oatmeal cookies, my husband's favorite.",
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                        "text": "In many ways, our marriage is anything but traditional. When I started my blog in 2006, Ladd was the only one that really understood what I was doing, probably before I even understood what I was doing. He wasn't tech-savvy, but he just got it and was totally on board with it.",
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                        "text": "“It wasn’t about me anymore. I had a child. A husband who needed me to be there for him in the midst of what was turning out to be a terrible time to be making a living in agriculture. I didn’t have time to get mired in the angst of my own circumstances anymore. I didn’t have time for the past. My family--my new family--was all that mattered to me. My child. And always and forever, Marlboro Man.”",
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                        "text": "“In the coming year, real life would come crashing in around us. Within days of our wedding, we would receive unexpected, startling news that would cause us to cut our honeymoon short. Within weeks, we would endure the jarring turmoil of death…divorce…and disappointment. In the first year of our life together, we would be faced with difficult decisions, painful conflict, and drastic changes in plans. And through every step of the way, it would be the passion that sustained us.”",
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                        "text": "“Of course, no china--however intricate and inviting--was as seductive as my fiancé, my future husband, who continued to eat me alive with one glance from his icy-blue eyes. Who greeted me not at the door of his house when I arrived almost every night of the week, but at my car. Who welcomed me not with a pat on the arm or even a hug but with an all-enveloping, all-encompassing embrace. Whose good-night kisses began the moment I arrived, not hours later when it was time to go home.”",
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                        "text": "“When we arrived at the wedding at Marlboro Man’s grandparents’ house, I gasped. People were absolutely everywhere: scurrying and mingling and sipping champagne and laughing on the lawn. Marlboro Man’s mother was the first person I saw. She was an elegant, statuesque vision in her brown linen dress, and she immediately greeted and welcomed me. “What a pretty suit,” she said as she gave me a warm hug. Score. Success. I felt better about life.”",
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                        "text": "“ I now pronounce you husband and wife. I hadn’t considered the kiss. Not once. I suppose I’d assumed it would be the way a wedding kiss should be. Restrained. Appropriate. Mild. A nice peck. Save the real kisses for later, when you’re deliciously alone. Country club girls don’t make out in front of others. Like gum chewing, it should always be done in private, where no one else can see. But Marlboro Man wasn’t a country club boy. He’d missed the memo outlining the rules and regulations of proper ways to kiss in public.”",
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                        "text": "“I have to give you your wedding present,” Marlboro Man said before I could ask where we were going. “I can’t wait a month before I give it to you.” Butterflies fluttered in my stomach. “But…,” I stammered. “I haven’t gotten yours yet.” Marlboro Man clasped my hand, continuing to look forward at the road. “Yes you have,” he said, bringing my hand to his lips and turning me to a pool of melted butter right in his big Ford truck.”",
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                        "text": "“The week of a girl’s wedding was supposed to be a happy time. I should have been leaping gleefully around my parents’ house, using a glitter-infused feather duster to sparkle up my wedding gifts, which adorned every flat surface in the house. I should have been eating melon balls and laughing in the kitchen with my mom and sister about how it’s almost here! Don’t you love this Waterford vase? Oooh, the cake is going to be soooooo pretty. Instead, I was in my bathroom holding my face at gunpoint, forcing it to exfoliate on command.”",
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                        "text": "“That night, Marlboro Man and I had a date. It was the Thursday night before our wedding, and the rehearsal dinner was the following night. It would be our last night alone together before we’d say I do. I couldn’t wait to see him; it had been two whole days. Forty-eight excruciating hours. I missed him fiercely. When he arrived on my parents’ doorstep, I opened the door and smiled. He looked gorgeous. Solid. Irresistible. Grinning, he stepped forward and kissed me. “You look good,” he said softly, stepping back. “You got some sun today.” I gulped, flashing back to the agony of my facial that afternoon and fearing for the future of my face. I should have just stayed home and packed all day.”",
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                        "text": "“One morning, after I choked down a bowl of cereal, I looked outside the window and saw a mountain lion siting on the hood of my car, licking his paws--likely, I imagined, after tearing a neighboring rancher’s wife from limb to limb and eating her for breakfast. I darted to the phone and called Marlboro Man, telling him there was a mountain lion sitting on my car. My heart beat inside my chest. I had no idea mountain lions were indigenous to the area. “It’s probably just a bobcat,” Marlboro Man reassured me. I didn’t believe him. “No way--it’s huge,” I cried. “It’s seriously got to be a mountain lion!” “I’ve gotta go,” he said. Cows mooed in the background. I hung up the phone, incredulous at Marlboro Man’s lack of concern, and banged on the window with the palm of my hand, hoping to scare the wild cat away. But it only looked up and stared at me through the window, imagining me on a plate with a side of pureed trout.”",
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                        "text": "“Two days before our wedding, we were making out in a dark, hazy movie theater. It was one of the most romantic moments of my life. Until Marlboro Man’s whiskers scratched my sensitive face, and I winced in pain. When we returned to my parents’ house, Marlboro Man walked me to the door, his arm tightly around my waist. “You’d better get some sleep,” he said. My stomach jumped inside my body. “I know,” I said, stopping and holding him close. “I can’t believe it’s almost here.” “I’m glad you didn’t move to Chicago,” Marlboro Man whispered, chuckling the soft chuckle that started all this trouble in the first place. I remember being in that same spot, in that same position, the night Marlboro Man had asked me not to go. To stay and give us a chance. I still couldn’t believe we were here.”",
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                        "text": "“I walked proudly out of the church, the new wife of Marlboro Man. When we exited the same doors through which my dad and I had walked thirty minutes earlier, Marlboro Man’s arm wriggled loose from my grasp and instinctively wrapped around my waist, where it belonged. The other arm followed, and before I knew it we were locked in a sweet, solidifying embrace, relishing the instant of solitude before our wedding party--sisters, cousins, brothers, friends--followed closely behind. We were married. I drew a deep, life-giving breath and exhaled.”",
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                        "text": "“ Come on, Ree, get a grip , I told myself. Something was going on…this was more than simply a reaction to the August humidity. I was having some kind of nervous psycho sweat attack--think Albert Brooks in Broadcast News --and I was being held captive by my perspiration in the upstairs bathroom of Marlboro Man’s grandmother’s house in the middle of his cousin’s wedding reception. I felt the waistband of my skirt stick to my skin. Oh, God…I was in trouble. Desperate, I stripped off my skirt and the stifling control-top panty hose I’d made the mistake of wearing; they peeled off my legs like a soggy banana skin. And there I stood, naked and clammy, my auburn bangs becoming more waterlogged by the minute. So this is it , I thought. This is hell. ”",
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                        "text": "“I excused myself to the bathroom to freshen up and put on a champagne satin negligee in an effort to thwart the external forces that were trying to rob me of my husband’s attention. I brushed my teeth and spritzed myself with Jil Sander perfume before opening the door to the bedroom, where I would seduce my Marlboro Man away from his worries. I knew I could win if only I applied myself. He was just getting off the phone when I entered the room. “Dammit,” I heard him mumble as he plopped down onto the enormous king-size bed. Oh no. Jil Sander had her work cut out for her.”",
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                        "text": "“Marlboro Man picked me up the next evening, exactly one month before our wedding day. Our evening apart had made the heart grow fonder, and we greeted each other with a magnificently tight embrace. It filled my soul, the way his arms gripped me…how he almost always used his superior strength to lift me off the ground. A wannabe strong, independent woman, I was continually surprised by how much I loved being swept, quite literally, off my feet. We drove straight into the sunset, arriving on his ranch just as the sky was changing from salmon to crimson, and I gasped. I’d never seen anything so brilliant and beautiful. The inside of Marlboro Man’s pickup glowed with color, and the tallgrass prairie danced in the evening breeze. Things were just different in the country. The earth was no longer a mere place where I lived--it was alive. It had a heartbeat. The sight of the country absolutely took my breath away--the vast expanse of the flat pastures, the endless view of clouds. Being there was a spiritual experience.”",
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                        "text": "“Of course, no china--however intricate and inviting--was as seductive as my fiancé, my future husband, who continued to eat me alive with one glance from his icy-blue eyes. Who greeted me not at the door of his house when I arrived almost every night of the week, but at my car. Who welcomed me not with a pat on the arm or even a hug but with an all-enveloping, all-encompassing embrace. Whose good-night kisses began the moment I arrived, not hours later when it was time to go home. We were already playing house, what with my almost daily trips to the ranch and our five o’clock suppers and our lazy movie nights on his thirty-year-old leather couch, the same one his parents had bought when they were a newly married couple. We’d already watched enough movies together to last a lifetime. Giant with James Dean, The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, Reservoir Dogs, Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner, The Graduate, All Quiet on the Western Front, and, more than a handful of times, Gone With the Wind. I was continually surprised by the assortment of movies Marlboro Man loved to watch--his taste was surprisingly eclectic--and I loved discovering more and more about him through the VHS collection in his living room. He actually owned The Philadelphia Story . With Marlboro Man, surprises lurked around every corner. We were already a married couple--well, except for the whole “sleepover thing” and the fact that we hadn’t actually gotten hitched yet. We stayed in, like any married couple over the age of sixty, and continued to get to know everything about each other completely outside the realm of parties, dates, and gatherings. All of that was way too far away, anyway--a minimum hour-and-a-half drive to the nearest big city--and besides that, Marlboro Man was a fish out of water in a busy, crowded bar. As for me, I’d been there, done that--a thousand and one times. Going out and panting the town red was unnecessary and completely out of context for the kind of life we’d be building together. This was what we brought each other, I realized. He showed me a slower pace, and permission to be comfortable in the absence of exciting plans on the horizon. I gave him, I realized, something different. Different from the girls he’d dated before--girls who actually knew a thing or two about country life. Different from his mom, who’d also grown up on a ranch. Different from all of his female cousins, who knew how to saddle and ride and who were born with their boots on. As the youngest son in a family of three boys, maybe he looked forward to experiencing life with someone who’d see the country with fresh eyes. Someone who’d appreciate how miraculously countercultural, how strange and set apart it all really is. Someone who couldn’t ride to save her life. Who didn’t know north from south, or east from west. If that defined his criteria for a life partner, I was definitely the woman for the job.”",
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                        "text": "“While I was deep in my fantasy, in yet another episode of perfect timing, Marlboro Man called from the road. “Hey,” he said, the mid-1990s spotty cell phone service only emphasizing the raspy charm of his voice. “Oh! Just the person I want to talk to,” I said, grabbing paper and a pen. “I have a question for you--” “I bought your wedding present today,” Marlboro Man interrupted. “Huh?” I said, caught off guard. “Wedding present?” For someone steeped in the proper way of doing things, I was ashamed that a wedding gift for Marlboro Man had never crossed my mind. “Yep,” he said. “And you need to hurry up and marry me so I can give it to you.” I giggled. “So…what is it?” I asked. I couldn’t even imagine. I hoped it wasn’t a tennis bracelet. “You have to marry me to find out,” he answered. Yikes. What was it? Wasn’t the wedding ring itself supposed to be the present? That’s what I’d been banking on. What would I ever get him? Cuff links? An Italian leather briefcase? A Montblanc pen? What do you give a man who rides a horse to work every day? “So, woman,” Marlboro Man said, changing the subject, “what did you want to ask me?” “Oh!” I said, focusing my thoughts back to the reception. “Okay, I need you to name your absolute favorite foods in the entire world.” He paused. “Why?” “I’m just taking a survey,” I answered. “Hmmm…” He thought for a minute. “Probably steak.” Duh. “Well, besides steak,” I said. “Steak,” he repeated. “And what else?” I asked. “Well…steak is pretty good,” he answered. “Okay,” I responded. “I understand that you like steak. But I need a little more to work with here.” “But why?” he asked. “Because I’m taking a survey,” I repeated. Marlboro Man chuckled. “Okay, but I’m really hungry right now, and I’m three hours from home.” “I’ll factor that in,” I said. “Biscuits and gravy…tenderloin…chocolate cake…barbecue ribs…scrambled eggs,” he said, rattling off his favorite comfort foods. Bingo , I thought, smiling. “Now, hurry up and marry me,” he commanded. “I’m tired of waiting on you.” I loved it when he was bossy.”",
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                        "text": "“ I now pronounce you husband and wife. I hadn’t considered the kiss. Not once. I suppose I’d assumed it would be the way a wedding kiss should be. Restrained. Appropriate. Mild. A nice peck. Save the real kisses for later, when you’re deliciously alone. Country club girls don’t make out in front of others. Like gum chewing, it should always be done in private, where no one else can see. But Marlboro Man wasn’t a country club boy. He’d missed the memo outlining the rules and regulations of proper ways to kiss in public. I found this out when the kiss began--when he wrapped his loving, protective arms around me and kissed me like he meant it right there in my Episcopal church. Right there in front of my family, and his, in front of Father Johnson and Ms. Altar Guild and our wedding party and the entire congregation, half of whom were meeting me for the first time that night. But Marlboro Man didn’t seem to care. He kissed me exactly the way he’d kissed me the night of our first date--the night my high-heeled boot had gotten wedged in a crack in my parents’ sidewalk and had caused me to stumble. The night he’d caught me with his lips. We were making out in church--there was no way around it. And I felt every bit as swept away as I had that first night. The kiss lasted hours, days, weeks…probably ten to twelve seconds in real time, which, in a wedding ceremony setting, is a pretty long kiss. And it might have been longer had the passionate moment not been interrupted by the sudden sound of a person clapping his hands. “ Woohoo! All right! ” the person shouted. “ Yes! ” It was Mike. The congregation broke out in laughter as Marlboro Man and I touched our foreheads together, cementing the moment forever in our memory. We were one; this was tangible to me now. It wasn’t just an empty word, a theological concept, wishful thinking. It was an official, you-and-me-against-the-world designation. We’d both left our separateness behind. From that moment forward, nothing either of us did or said or planned would be in a vacuum apart from the other. No holiday would involve our celebrating separately at our respective family homes. No last-minute trips to Mexico with friends, not that either of us was prone to last-minute trips to Mexico with friends. But still. The kiss had sealed the deal in so many ways. I walked proudly out of the church, the new wife of Marlboro Man. When we exited the same doors through which my dad and I had walked thirty minutes earlier, Marlboro Man’s arm wriggled loose from my grasp and instinctively wrapped around my waist, where it belonged. The other arm followed, and before I knew it we were locked in a sweet, solidifying embrace, relishing the instant of solitude before our wedding party--sisters, cousins, brothers, friends--followed closely behind. We were married. I drew a deep, life-giving breath and exhaled. The sweating had finally stopped. And the robust air-conditioning of the church had almost completely dried my lily-white Vera.”",
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                        "text": "“When we arrived at the wedding at Marlboro Man’s grandparents’ house, I gasped. People were absolutely everywhere: scurrying and mingling and sipping champagne and laughing on the lawn. Marlboro Man’s mother was the first person I saw. She was an elegant, statuesque vision in her brown linen dress, and she immediately greeted and welcomed me. “What a pretty suit,” she said as she gave me a warm hug. Score. Success. I felt better about life. After the ceremony, I’d meet Cousin T., Cousin H., Cousin K., Cousin D., and more aunts, uncles, and acquaintances than I ever could have counted. Each family member was more gracious and welcoming than the one before, and it didn’t take long before I felt right at home. This was going well. This was going really, really well. It was hot, though, and humid, and suddenly my lightweight wool suit didn’t feel so lightweight anymore. I was deep in conversation with a group of ladies--smiling and laughing and making small talk--when a trickle of perspiration made its way slowly down my back. I tried to ignore it, tried to will the tiny stream of perspiration away, but one trickle soon turned into two, and two turned into four. Concerned, I casually excused myself from the conversation and disappeared into the air-conditioned house. I needed to cool off. I found an upstairs bathroom away from the party, and under normal circumstances I would have taken time to admire its charming vintage pedestal sinks and pink hexagonal tile. But the sweat profusely dripping from all pores of my body was too distracting. Soon, I feared, my jacket would be drenched. Seeing no other option, I unbuttoned my jacket and removed it, hanging it on the hook on the back of the bathroom door as I frantically looked around the bathroom for an absorbent towel. None existed. I found the air vent on the ceiling, and stood on the toilet to allow the air-conditioning to blast cool air on my face. Come on, Ree, get a grip , I told myself. Something was going on…this was more than simply a reaction to the August humidity. I was having some kind of nervous psycho sweat attack--think Albert Brooks in Broadcast News --and I was being held captive by my perspiration in the upstairs bathroom of Marlboro Man’s grandmother’s house in the middle of his cousin’s wedding reception. I felt the waistband of my skirt stick to my skin. Oh, God…I was in trouble. Desperate, I stripped off my skirt and the stifling control-top panty hose I’d made the mistake of wearing; they peeled off my legs like a soggy banana skin. And there I stood, naked and clammy, my auburn bangs becoming more waterlogged by the minute. So this is it , I thought. This is hell. I was in the throes of a case of diaphoresis the likes of which I’d never known. And it had to be on the night of my grand entrance into Marlboro Man’s family. Of course, it just had to be. I looked in the mirror, shaking my head as anxiety continued to seep from my pores, taking my makeup and perfumed body cream along with it. Suddenly, I heard the knock at the bathroom door. “Yes? Just a minute…yes?” I scrambled and grabbed my wet control tops. “Hey, you…are you all right in there?” God help me. It was Marlboro Man.”",
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                        "text": "“I looked around and realized we were headed down a different road than Marlboro Man would normally take. “I have to give you your wedding present,” Marlboro Man said before I could ask where we were going. “I can’t wait a month before I give it to you.” Butterflies fluttered in my stomach. “But…,” I stammered. “I haven’t gotten yours yet.” Marlboro Man clasped my hand, continuing to look forward at the road. “Yes you have,” he said, bringing my hand to his lips and turning me to a pool of melted butter right in his big Ford truck. We wound through several curves in the road, and I tried to discern whether I’d been there before. My sense of direction was lousy; everything looked the same to me. Finally, just as the sun was dipping below the horizon, we came upon an old barn. Marlboro Man pulled up beside it and parked. Confused, I looked around. He got me a barn? “What…what are we doing here?” I asked. Marlboro Man didn’t answer. Instead, he just turned off the pickup, turned to me…and smiled. “What is it?” I asked as Marlboro Man and I exited the pickup and walked toward the barn. “You’ll see,” he replied. He definitely had something up his sleeve. I was nervous. I always hated opening gifts in front of the person who gave them to me. It made me uncomfortable, as if I were sitting in a dark room with a huge spotlight shining on my head. I squirmed with discomfort. I wanted to turn and run away. Hide in his pickup. Hide in the pasture. Lie low for a few weeks. I didn’t want a wedding present. I was weird that way. “But…but…,” I said, trying to back out. “But I don’t have your wedding present yet.” As if anything would have derailed him at that point. “Don’t worry about that,” Marlboro Man replied, hugging me around the waist as we walked. He smelled so good, and I inhaled deeply. “Besides, we can share this one.” That’s strange , I thought. Any fleeting ideas I’d had that he’d be giving me a shiny bracelet or sparkly necklace or other bauble suddenly seemed far-fetched. How could he and I share the same tennis bracelet? Maybe he got me one of those two-necklace sets, the ones with the halved hearts , I thought, and he’ll wear one half and I’ll wear the other. I couldn’t exactly picture it, but Marlboro Man had never been above surprising me. Then again, we were walking toward a barn.”",
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                        "text": "“ I now pronounce you husband and wife. I hadn’t considered the kiss. Not once. I suppose I’d assumed it would be the way a wedding kiss should be. Restrained. Appropriate. Mild. A nice peck. Save the real kisses for later, when you’re deliciously alone. Country club girls don’t make out in front of others. Like gum chewing, it should always be done in private, where no one else can see. But Marlboro Man wasn’t a country club boy. He’d missed the memo outlining the rules and regulations of proper ways to kiss in public. I found this out when the kiss began--when he wrapped his loving, protective arms around me and kissed me like he meant it right there in my Episcopal church. Right there in front of my family, and his, in front of Father Johnson and Ms. Altar Guild and our wedding party and the entire congregation, half of whom were meeting me for the first time that night. But Marlboro Man didn’t seem to care. He kissed me exactly the way he’d kissed me the night of our first date--the night my high-heeled boot had gotten wedged in a crack in my parents’ sidewalk and had caused me to stumble. The night he’d caught me with his lips. We were making out in church--there was no way around it. And I felt every bit as swept away as I had that first night. The kiss lasted hours, days, weeks…probably ten to twelve seconds in real time, which, in a wedding ceremony setting, is a pretty long kiss. And it might have been longer had the passionate moment not been interrupted by the sudden sound of a person clapping his hands. “ Woohoo! All right! ” the person shouted. “ Yes! ” It was Mike. The congregation broke out in laughter as Marlboro Man and I touched our foreheads together, cementing the moment forever in our memory. We were one; this was tangible to me now. It wasn’t just an empty word, a theological concept, wishful thinking. It was an official, you-and-me-against-the-world designation. We’d both left our separateness behind. From that moment forward, nothing either of us did or said or planned would be in a vacuum apart from the other. No holiday would involve our celebrating separately at our respective family homes. No last-minute trips to Mexico with friends, not that either of us was prone to last-minute trips to Mexico with friends. But still. The kiss had sealed the deal in so many ways.”",
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                        "text": "“ I now pronounce you husband and wife. I hadn’t considered the kiss. Not once. I suppose I’d assumed it would be the way a wedding kiss should be. Restrained. Appropriate. Mild. A nice peck. Save the real kisses for later, when you’re deliciously alone. Country club girls don’t make out in front of others. Like gum chewing, it should always be done in private, where no one else can see. But Marlboro Man wasn’t a country club boy. He’d missed the memo outlining the rules and regulations of proper ways to kiss in public. I found this out when the kiss began--when he wrapped his loving, protective arms around me and kissed me like he meant it right there in my Episcopal church. Right there in front of my family, and his, in front of Father Johnson and Ms. Altar Guild and our wedding party and the entire congregation, half of whom were meeting me for the first time that night. But Marlboro Man didn’t seem to care. He kissed me exactly the way he’d kissed me the night of our first date--the night my high-heeled boot had gotten wedged in a crack in my parents’ sidewalk and had caused me to stumble. The night he’d caught me with his lips.”",
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                        "text": "“Once the wedding gift was out of the way, Marlboro Man and I had to check one last item off our list before we entered the Wedding Zone: premarital counseling. It was a requirement of the Episcopal church, these one-hour sessions with the semiretired interim priest who led our church at the time. Logically, I understood the reasoning behind the practice of premarital discussions with a man of the cloth. Before a church sanctions a marriage union, it wants to ensure the couple grasps the significance and gravity of the (hopefully) eternal commitment they’re making. It wants to give the couple things to think about, ideas to ponder, matters to get straight. It wants to make sure it’s not sending two young lovers into what could be an avoidable domestic catastrophe. Logically, I grasped the concept. Practically, however, it was an uncomfortable hour of sitting across from a sweet minister who meant well and asked the right questions, but who had clearly run out of juice in the zest-for-marriage department. It was emotional drudgery for me; not only did I have to rethink obvious things I’d already thought about a thousand times, but I also had to watch Marlboro Man, a quiet, shy country boy, assimilate and answer questions put to him by a minister he’d only recently met on the subject of love, romance, and commitment, no less. Though he was polite and reverent, I felt for him. These were things cowboys rarely talked about with a third party.”",
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                        "text": "“The wedding rehearsal itself was uneventful until Father Johnson decided it was time to show Marlboro Man and me the proper way to walk to the marriage altar. Evidently, all of Father Johnson’s theological studies and work was destined to culminate in whether or not Marlboro Man and I approached the altar in the perfectly correct and proper way, because he was intent on driving the point home. “At this point,” Father Johnson instructed, “you’ll start to turn and Ree will take your arm.” He lightly pushed Marlboro Man in the proper direction, and the two of us began walking forward. “Nope, nope, nope,” Father Johnson said authoritatively. “Come back, come back.” Marlboro Man’s college friends snickered. “Oh…what did we do wrong?” I asked Father Johnson humbly. Maybe he’d discovered the truth about the collages. He showed us again. Marlboro Man was to turn and begin walking, then wait for me briefly. Then, as I took his arm, he was to lead me to the altar. Wait. Wasn’t that what we just did? We tried again, and Father Johnson corrected us…again. “Nope, nope, nope,” he said, pulling us both by the arm until we were back in our starting position. Marlboro Man’s friends chuckled. My stomach growled. And Marlboro Man kept quietly restrained, despite the fact that he was being repeatedly corrected by his fiancée’s interim minister for something that arguably wasn’t all that relevant to the commitment we were making to spend the rest of our lives together. We went through no fewer than seven more takes, and with each redo I began to realize that this was Father Johnson’s final test for us. Forget the collage assignment--that was small potatoes. Whether we could keep our cool and take instruction when a nice steak dinner and drinks awaited us at the country club was Father Johnson’s real decider of whether or not Marlboro Man and I were mature, composed, and levelheaded enough to proceed with the wedding. And while I knew Marlboro Man would grit his teeth and bear it, I wasn’t entirely sure I could. But I didn’t have to. On the beginning of the eighth run, just after Father Johnson gave us another “Nope. You’re not getting it right, kids…” Mike’s loud voice echoed throughout the wood-and-marble sanctuary. “ Oh, c-c-c-c-come on, Father Johnson! ” The chuckles turned into laughter. And out of the corner of my eye I saw Tony giving Mike a subtle high five. Thank goodness for Mike. He was hungry. He wanted to get on to the party.”",
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                        "text": "“I turned my focus to clothes, immediately endeavoring to find just the right dress for the occasion. This was huge--my debut as the girlfriend of Marlboro Man--and I shopped with that in mind. Should I go for a sleek, sexy suit? That might seem too confident and brazen. A floral silk skirt? Too obvious for a wedding. A little black dress? Too conservative and safe. The options pummeled my brain as I browsed the choices on the racks. I tried on dress after dress, suit after suit, outfit after outfit, my frustration growing more acute with each zip of the zipper. I wanted to be a man. Men don’t agonize over what to wear to a wedding. They don’t spend seven hours trying on clothes. They don’t think of wardrobe choices as life-or-death decisions. That’s when I found it: a drop-dead gorgeous fitted suit the exact color of a stick of butter. It was snug, with just a slight hint of sexy, but the lovely, pure color made up for it. The fabric was a lightweight wool, but since the wedding would be at night, I knew it would be just fine. I loved the suit--not only would I feel pretty for Marlboro Man, but I’d also appear moderately, but not overly, confident to all his cousins, and appropriate and proper to his elderly grandmothers.”",
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                        "text": "“ Dearly beloved: We have come together in the presence of God to witness and bless the joining together of this man and this woman in Holy Matrimony. The bond and covenant of marriage was established by God in creation, and our Lord Jesus Christ adorned this manner of life by his presence and first miracle at a wedding in Cana of Galilee. It signifies to us the mystery of the union between Christ and his Church, and Holy Scripture commends it to be honored among all people. The union of husband and wife in heart, body, and mind is intended by God for their mutual joy; for the help and comfort given one another in prosperity and adversity; and, when it is God’s will, for the procreation of children and their nurture in the knowledge and love of the Lord. Therefore marriage is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, deliberately, and in accordance with the purposes for which it was instituted by God. I glanced at Marlboro Man, who was listening intently, taking in every word. I held his bicep in my hand, squeezing it lightly and trying to listen to Father Johnson despite the distraction of Marlboro Man’s work-honed muscles. Everything else was a blur: iron candlesticks attached to the end of each pew…my mother’s olive green silk jacket with the mandarin collar…Mike’s tuxedo…Mike’s bald head… Will you have this man to be your husband; to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live? “I will.” I breathed in. The scent of roses…the evening light coming through the stained-glass window. Will you have this woman to be your wife; to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live? “I will.” That voice. The voice from all the phone calls. I was marrying that voice. I couldn’t believe it.”",
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                        "text": "“It wasn’t about me anymore. I had a child. A husband who needed me to be there for him in the midst of what was turning out to be a terrible time to be making a living in agriculture. I didn’t have time to get mired in the angst of my own circumstances anymore. I didn’t have time for the past. My family--my new family--was all that mattered to me. My child. And always and forever, Marlboro Man. And then he appeared--walking down the basement steps in his Wranglers and rain-drenched boots. He stepped into the basement, a warm, gentle smile on his face. It was Marlboro Man. He was there. “Hey, Mama…,” he called. “It’s all fine.” The storm had passed us by, the funnel cloud dissipating before it could do any damage. “Hey, Daddy,” I answered. It was the first time I’d ever called him that. Looking on the ground at the water bottles and granola bars, he asked, “What’s all this for?” I shrugged. “I wasn’t sure how long I’d be down here.” He laughed. “You’re funny,” he said as he scooped our sleeping baby from my arms and threw the blanket over his shoulder. “Let’s go eat. I’m hungry.” We walked across the yard to our cozy little white house, where we ate pot roast with mashed potatoes and watched The Big Country with Gregory Peck…and spent the night listening to a blessed September thunderstorm send rain falling from the sky.”",
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                        "text": "“ Will you have this man to be your husband; to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live? “I will.” I breathed in. The scent of roses…the evening light coming through the stained-glass window. Will you have this woman to be your wife; to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live? “I will.” That voice. The voice from all the phone calls. I was marrying that voice. I couldn’t believe it. We faced each other, our hands intertwined. In the Name of God, I take you to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow. He stood before me, his face serious. My heart leaped in my chest. Then I spoke the words myself. In the Name of God, I take you to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow. Marlboro Man watched me as I spoke, and he listened. My voice broke; emotion moved in. It was a beautiful moment--the most beautiful moment since we’d met. Bless, O Lord, these rings to be a sign of the vows by which this man and this woman have bound themselves to each other. We kneeled, and Father Johnson administered the blessing. Most Gracious God…Let their love for each other be a seal upon their hearts, a mantle about their shoulders, and a crown upon their foreheads…Bless them in their work and in their companionship; in their sleeping and in their waking; in their joys and in their sorrows; in their life and in their death…Send therefore your blessing upon these your servants, that they may so love, honor, and cherish each other in faithfulness and patience, in wisdom and true godliness, that their home may be a haven of blessing and peace. My heart pounded in my chest. This was real, it was not a dream. His hand held mine. I now pronounce you husband and wife. ”",
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                        "text": "“When I exited the bathroom this time, Marlboro Man was standing right outside the door--just as he’d been at his grandmother’s house when I’d had my flop sweat episode at his cousin’s wedding. He put his arm around me as I dabbed the corners of my eyes with a Kleenex. The gagging had sent my tear ducts into overdrive. “What’s wrong, honey?” It was the first time he’d called me that. I felt married. “I have no idea!” I said. “I must have picked up a stomach bug or something. I’m so sorry!” “It’s okay--we can just head back to the hotel.” “No! I want you to eat…” “I’m fine--I just ate a whole basket of bread and had two Cokes. I’m good to go.” The nausea hit again, and I ran back into the bathroom. After vomiting again, I decided to take him up on his offer. Exiting the cab back at the hotel, I found walking to be difficult. I hadn’t ingested a single drop of liquor, but I suddenly couldn’t walk in a straight line. Grabbing Marlboro Man’s arm, I used him to steady myself until we got to the room, where I immediately fell on the bed and wrapped myself in the comforter. “I feel so sorry for you,” Marlboro Man said, sitting down on the bed beside me and gently playing with my hair, a gesture that proved to be too much for me. “Could you please not do that?” I said. “The motion kinda makes me sick.” I was a complete and utter mess. I was a nauseated loser. It was Marlboro Man who deserved the sympathy.”",
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