---
title: "23 Lula Said Quotes By Janet Evanovich"
description: "23 Lula Said quotes by Janet Evanovich. Plus more from Janet Evanovich and more Lula Said sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/215/janet-evanovich-291_devil_good-thing-he-s-dead-lula-said-or-that-w_122716.png"
---

> [Good thing he's dead," Lula said, "or that would have hurt like the devil.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/good-thing-he-s-dead-lula-said-or-that-would-have-hurt-like-the-devil/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/215/janet-evanovich-291_devil_good-thing-he-s-dead-lula-said-or-that-w_122716.png)

> [“God bless YouTube,” Lula said. “You don’t even need to go to college no more because you could learn how to do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/god-bless-youtube-lula-said-you-don-t-even-need-to-go-to-college-no/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/68c/janet-evanovich-291_education_god-bless-youtube-lula-said-you-don-t-ev_2715330.png)

> [“Remember, so swashing anyone into the trunk of your car!” “Sure,” Lula said, “I know that”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/remember-so-swashing-anyone-into-the-trunk-of-your-car-sure-lula-said/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e44/janet-evanovich-291_humor_remember-so-swashing-anyone-into-the-tru_756353.png)

> [“I bet,” Lula said. “If it was me I would have been burning out the motor on my intimate appliances.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/i-bet-lula-said-if-it-was-me-i-would-have-been-burning-out-the-motor/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d20/janet-evanovich-291_lula-said_i-bet-lula-said-if-it-was-me-i-would-hav_1598815.png)

> [I always wanted to eat with a Negro,” Grandma said. Yeah, well I always wanted to eat with a boney- assed old…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/i-always-wanted-to-eat-with-a-negro-grandma-said-yeah-well-i-always/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/729/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_i-always-wanted-to-eat-with-a-negro-gran_1034886.png)

> [“Holy bejeezus,” Lula said, eyes bugged out, looking at the building. “This is scaring the crap out of me. This is like…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/holy-bejeezus-lula-said-eyes-bugged-out-looking-at-the-building-this/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4d3/janet-evanovich-291_dracula_holy-bejeezus-lula-said-eyes-bugged-out_947434.jpg)

> [As Stephanie and Lula were going after the bad guys, Lula was making preparations from the trunk of her Firebird. Stephanie looked…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/as-stephanie-and-lula-were-going-after-the-bad-guys-lula-was-making/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e6d/janet-evanovich-291_bad-guy_as-stephanie-and-lula-were-going-after-t_2608023.png)

> [“We gotta be professional about this," Lula said, aiming us toward Route 1. "We need a plan. How about we get the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/we-gotta-be-professional-about-this-lula-said-aiming-us-toward-route/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a7b/janet-evanovich-291_nail-polish_we-gotta-be-professional-about-this-lula_1986706.png)

> [“He's hot, Lula said, but he's a pig. All men are pigs. Do you really believe that? No but it's a point…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/he-s-hot-lula-said-but-he-s-a-pig-all-men-are-pigs-do-you-really/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/924/janet-evanovich-291_humor_he-s-hot-lula-said-but-he-s-a-pig-all-me_3020537.png)

> [“Play the role,” Lula said. “That’s what we do. We pick a role and we play it. What role you want to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/play-the-role-lula-said-that-s-what-we-do-we-pick-a-role-and-we-play/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b09/janet-evanovich-291_role_play-the-role-lula-said-that-s-what-we-d_361571.jpg)

> [“You know, sometimes you can be real scary. I don't what you were thinking back there when you took those shoes off,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/you-know-sometimes-you-can-be-real-scary-i-don-t-what-you-were/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e0c/janet-evanovich-291_lula-said_you-know-sometimes-you-can-be-real-scary_3165644.jpg)

> [“I don’t think there’s a degree in protesting.” “There’s a lot to learn,” Lula said. “You gotta know about making signs and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/i-don-t-think-there-s-a-degree-in-protesting-there-s-a-lot-to-learn/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5fb/janet-evanovich-291_protesting_i-don-t-think-there-s-a-degree-in-protes_2559226.png)

> [“You know what your problem is? You got too many scruples. One or two is okay, but you get too many of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/you-know-what-your-problem-is-you-got-too-many-scruples-one-or-two-is/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b39/janet-evanovich-291_enough-is-enough_you-know-what-your-problem-is-you-got-to_317786.jpg)

> [You know what this is?" Lula said. "This here's plane rage." Plane rage isn't allowed. It got taken off the allowed activities…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/you-know-what-this-is-lula-said-this-here-s-plane-rage-plane-rage-isn/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e92/janet-evanovich-291_belts_you-know-what-this-is-lula-said-this-her_2346966.png)

> [“Oh boy,” Lula said when she saw me. “Think we got a good story walking in the door, here. What’s with the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/oh-boy-lula-said-when-she-saw-me-think-we-got-a-good-story-walking-in/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/90f/janet-evanovich-291_gaze_oh-boy-lula-said-when-she-saw-me-think-w_1846949.jpg)

> [“I trudged down the stairs and stood on the sidewalk examining my car. Deep scratch in the roof from a misplaced bullet.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/i-trudged-down-the-stairs-and-stood-on-the-sidewalk-examining-my-car/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ea5/janet-evanovich-291_cars_i-trudged-down-the-stairs-and-stood-on-t_1984696.png)

> [“DeAngelo blew up my bus, so I filled his car with shit. Genius, right?" "DeAngelo didn't blow up the bus," Connie said.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/deangelo-blew-up-my-bus-so-i-filled-his-car-with-shit-genius-right/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/751/janet-evanovich-291_humor_deangelo-blew-up-my-bus-so-i-filled-his_271713.jpg)

> [“Lula hauled herself up off the floor and put her hand to her neck. “Do I got holes? Am I bleeding? Do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/lula-hauled-herself-up-off-the-floor-and-put-her-hand-to-her-neck-do/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3f6/janet-evanovich-291_vampire-told_lula-hauled-herself-up-off-the-floor-and_72257.png)

> [ “\[Stephanie\] "This won't be so bad," I said to her, making an effort at convincing myself. "How about your blanket? We could… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/stephanie-this-won-t-be-so-bad-i-said-to-her-making-an-effort-at/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3d9/janet-evanovich-291_gaze_stephanie-this-won-t-be-so-bad-i-said-to_1197917.png)

> [Thats what her cars do," Lula said. "They explode. But I gotta tell you this was the best. This here's the first…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/thats-what-her-cars-do-lula-said-they-explode-but-i-gotta-tell-you/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/102/janet-evanovich-291_car_thats-what-her-cars-do-lula-said-they-ex_2929220.png)

> [Amen" Lula said and she made the sign of the cross. "I thought you were Baptist." "Yeah, but we don't got any…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/amen-lula-said-and-she-made-the-sign-of-the-cross-i-thought-you-were/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/294/janet-evanovich-291_amen_amen-lula-said-and-she-made-the-sign-of_2133373.png)

> [I'm underrealized," Lula said. "I gotta lot of untapped potential. Yesterday my horoscope said I gotta expand my horizons." "You expand any…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/i-m-underrealized-lula-said-i-gotta-lot-of-untapped-potential/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/847/janet-evanovich-291_dresses_i-m-underrealized-lula-said-i-gotta-lot_880435.png)

> [“Hey," Lula said to Ranger's man."You want to watch it? I just had my hair done. I don't need plaster in it.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/hey-lula-said-to-ranger-s-man-you-want-to-watch-it-i-just-had-my-hair/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f45/janet-evanovich-291_next-time_hey-lula-said-to-ranger-s-man-you-want-t_2600438.png)

## More by Janet Evanovich

> [“His pager beeped, and he looked at the readout. “I have to get back to Deal. Do you have any secret weapons in your…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/his-pager-beeped-and-he-looked-at-the-readout-i-have-to-get-back-to/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

> [You gonna take the case?" It's not a case. It's a missing person. Sort of." You're gonna have a devil of a time finding…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/you-gonna-take-the-case-it-s-not-a-case-it-s-a-missing-person-sort-of/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

> [Are we fighting?" I asked Morelli. "No. Were discussing." "Are you sure?" "Am I yelling?" Morelli asked. "Is my face purple? Are the cords…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/are-we-fighting-i-asked-morelli-no-were-discussing-are-you-sure-am-i/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

> [“changed expression. Wariness, maybe. I felt a body move so close it was skimming my own, and a warm hand protectively settled at the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/changed-expression-wariness-maybe-i-felt-a-body-move-so-close-it-was/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

> [I need to look like an idiot at least twice a day to keep myself humble.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/i-need-to-look-like-an-idiot-at-least-twice-a-day-to-keep-myself/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

> [Mooner was walking around laying his hands on the cars, divining karma. "this is it", he said, standing by a small khaki-colored jeep."this car…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/mooner-was-walking-around-laying-his-hands-on-the-cars-divining-karma/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

> [“Ranger was waiting. He was dressed in black slacks, a form-fitting black T-shirt, and a black blazer.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/ranger-was-waiting-he-was-dressed-in-black-slacks-a-form-fitting/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

> [I guessed my mother figured if my father got right down to the task of eating he wouldn’t be so inclined to jump up…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/i-guessed-my-mother-figured-if-my-father-got-right-down-to-the-task/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

> [You can get through very serious and sometimes horrible and sometimes embarrassing and very awkward situations with humor. It gives us a way out.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/you-can-get-through-very-serious-and-sometimes-horrible-and-sometimes/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

> [Way back before the 'Alex Barnaby' series was first published, we were talking with Dark Horse then about making it into a graphic novel…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/way-back-before-the-alex-barnaby-series-was-first-published-we-were/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

> [I made a choice that I was not going to be a pretentious writer.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/i-made-a-choice-that-i-was-not-going-to-be-a-pretentious-writer/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

> [“He wears jeans, untucked shirts, and a Glock 19, and he has a big shaggy dog named Bob.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/he-wears-jeans-untucked-shirts-and-a-glock-19-and-he-has-a-big-shaggy/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

> [I write to entertain. When people read one of my books I want them to finish with a smile on their faces, feeling a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/i-write-to-entertain-when-people-read-one-of-my-books-i-want-them-to/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

> [“I hate shopping for clothes," Kate said. "I liked when I was in the military and all I needed was camouflage gear." "Shopping can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/i-hate-shopping-for-clothes-kate-said-i-liked-when-i-was-in-the/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

> [“I’m told there’s a paint specialist in Denver who does wonderful work,” Judy said. “I’ve started a GoFundMe page for Mr. Murphy.” “That’s a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/i-m-told-there-s-a-paint-specialist-in-denver-who-does-wonderful-work/)

[Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/)

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                        "text": "I always wanted to eat with a Negro,” Grandma said. Yeah, well I always wanted to eat with a boney- assed old white woman,” Lula said. “So I guess this works out good.",
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                        "text": "“Holy bejeezus,” Lula said, eyes bugged out, looking at the building. “This is scaring the crap out of me. This is like where Dracula would live if he didn’t have any money and was a crack-head. I bet it’s filled with rabid bats and killer snakes and hairy spiders as big as dinner plated.”",
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                        "text": "As Stephanie and Lula were going after the bad guys, Lula was making preparations from the trunk of her Firebird. Stephanie looked inside and stopped breathing for a beat. \"That's a rocket launcher!\" \"Yep,\" Lula said. \"It's a big boy. I got it at a yard sale in the projects.",
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                        "text": "“We gotta be professional about this,\" Lula said, aiming us toward Route 1. \"We need a plan. How about we get the nail polish first, then we get the guy?”",
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                        "text": "“He's hot, Lula said, but he's a pig. All men are pigs. Do you really believe that? No but it's a point of view to keep in mind . You don't want to go around thinkin' shit is your fault. Next thing you know, they got you makin' pot roast ad you're cutting up your mastercard.”",
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                        "text": "“Play the role,” Lula said. “That’s what we do. We pick a role and we play it. What role you want to play?” “I want to be smart, and I want to be brave.” “Go for it,” Lula said.”",
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                        "text": "“You know, sometimes you can be real scary. I don't what you were thinking back there when you took those shoes off, but all hair stood up on the back of my next.\" I had airport rage.\" Fuckin' A,\" Lula said.”",
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                        "text": "“I don’t think there’s a degree in protesting.” “There’s a lot to learn,” Lula said. “You gotta know about making signs and holding them up in the right fashion. And there’s ways to be obnoxious and provoke a fight. Then you gotta shout slogans and such.”",
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                        "text": "“You know what your problem is? You got too many scruples. One or two is okay, but you get too many of them, and it clogs everything up.\" What she said made no sense at all, but was probably right. \"I got some scruples,\" Lula said, \"but I know when to stop. There's a point where you have to say enough is enough and screw scruples.”",
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                        "text": "You know what this is?\" Lula said. \"This here's plane rage.\" Plane rage isn't allowed. It got taken off the allowed activities list along with eating. If you make a scene they'll hual you off in leg irons.\" Stephanie said. I'm tired of being stapped in here, too,\" Lula said. \"This seat belt's too tight and it's giving me gas.\" Anything else?\" There's no movie.",
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                        "text": "“Oh boy,” Lula said when she saw me. “Think we got a good story walking in the door, here. What’s with the handcuff?” “I thought it would look good with the cheese balls in my hair. You know, dress up the outfit.” “I hope it was Morelli,” Connie said. “I wouldn’t mind being cuffed by Morelli.” “Close,” I said. “It was Ranger.” “Uh-oh,” Lula said. “Think I just wet my pants.” “It wasn’t anything sexual,” I said. “It was … an accident. And then we lost the key.” Connie fanned herself with a manila folder. “I’m having a hot flash.”",
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                        "text": "“I trudged down the stairs and stood on the sidewalk examining my car. Deep scratch in the roof from a misplaced bullet. Hole in windsheild plus embeddedbullet in passenger seat. Bashed-in right rear quarter panel and right passenger-side door from slegehammer. Previous damage from creepy gun attack by insane stalker, And someone had spray painted EAT ME on the driver's side door. \"Your car's a mess,\"Lula said. \"I don't know what it is with you and cars.”",
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                        "text": "“DeAngelo blew up my bus, so I filled his car with shit. Genius, right?\" \"DeAngelo didn't blow up the bus,\" Connie said. \"I just got the report from the fire marshal. The coffeemaker shorted out and started the fire.\" Some of the color left Vinnie's face. \"Say what?\" \"Oh man,\" Lula said. \"DeAngelo is gonna be pissed. Least he won't know who did it.\" \"I left a note,\" Vinnie said. Lula gave a hoot of laughter and fell off her chair.”",
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                        "text": "“Lula hauled herself up off the floor and put her hand to her neck. “Do I got holes? Am I bleeding? Do I look like I’m turning into a vampire?” “No, no, and no,” I told her. “He doesn’t have his teeth in. He was just gumming you.” “That’s disgustin’,” Lula said. “I been gummed by a old vampire. I feel gross. My neck’s all wet. What’s on my neck?” I squinted over at Lula. “Looks like a hickey.” “Are you shitting me? This worthless bag of bones gave me a hickey?” Lula pulled a mirror out of her purse and checked her neck out. “I’m not happy,” Lula said. “First off I don’t know if I got vampire cooties from this. And second, how am I gonna explain a hickey to my date tonight”",
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                        "text": "“[Stephanie] \"This won't be so bad,\" I said to her, making an effort at convincing myself. \"How about your blanket? We could wrap him up in the blanket. Then we could pick him up without actually touching him.\" \"I suppose that'd be all right,\" Lula said. \"We could give it a try\" I spread the blanket on the ground beside Elliot Harp, took a deep breath, hooked my fingers around his belt and rolled him onto the blanket. I jumped back, squeezed my eyes closed tight and exhaled. No matter how much violent death I saw, I would never get used to it. \"I'm gonna definitely have the runs,\" Lula said. \"I can feel it coming on.\" \"Forget about the runs and help me with this body!\" Lula grabbed hold of the head end of the blanket, and I grabbed hold of the foot end. Harp had full rigor and wouldn't bend, so we put him in the trunk headfirst with his legs sticking out. We carefully closed the lid on Harp's knees and secured the lid with a piece of rope Lula had in her trunk. \"Hold on,\" Lula said, pulling a red flowered scarf from her coat pocket, tying the scarf on Harp's foot like a flag. \"Don't want to get a ticket. I hear the police are real picky about having things sticking out of your trunk.\" Especially dead guys.”",
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                        "text": "Thats what her cars do,\" Lula said. \"They explode. But I gotta tell you this was the best. This here's the first time she exploded a garbage truck. One time her truck got hit with an antitank missile. That wasn't bad either, but it couldn't compare to this.",
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                        "text": "Amen\" Lula said and she made the sign of the cross. \"I thought you were Baptist.\" \"Yeah, but we don't got any hand signals for an occasion like this.",
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                        "text": "I'm underrealized,\" Lula said. \"I gotta lot of untapped potential. Yesterday my horoscope said I gotta expand my horizons.\" \"You expand any more in that dress, and you'll get yourself arrested,\" Connie said. -- Twelve Sharp",
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                        "text": "“Hey,\" Lula said to Ranger's man.\"You want to watch it? I just had my hair done. I don't need plaster in it. Next time just shoot a hole is this punk-ass loser, will you?”",
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