--- title: "12 Long Quotes By Lewis Black" description: "12 Long quotes by Lewis Black. Plus more from Lewis Black and more Long sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3f1/lewis-black-1143_hanukkah_you-know-i-don-t-think-i-m-gonna-be-jewi_2922713.png" --- > [You know. I don't think I'm gonna be Jewish for very long.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/you-know-i-don-t-think-i-m-gonna-be-jewish-for-very-long/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3f1/lewis-black-1143_hanukkah_you-know-i-don-t-think-i-m-gonna-be-jewi_2922713.png) > [The fine line that you do when you do political comedy is, as long as you have that laugh, you're fine.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/the-fine-line-that-you-do-when-you-do-political-comedy-is-as-long-as/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8b7/lewis-black-1143_comedy_the-fine-line-that-you-do-when-you-do-po_2437080.png) > [ How long can we go without real leadership? It's like an experiment. It's \[a problem with\] both parties, it's beyond belief. ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/how-long-can-we-go-without-real-leadership-it-s-like-an-experiment-it/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/00c/lewis-black-1143_belief_how-long-can-we-go-without-real-leadersh_1037091.png) > [My review of 2001, the year, is the same as my review of 2001: A Space Odyssey. It went on too long,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/my-review-of-2001-the-year-is-the-same-as-my-review-of-2001-a-space/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/87b/lewis-black-1143_2001-a-space-odyssey_my-review-of-2001-the-year-is-the-same-a_1038327.png) > [These ballot initiatives remind us that America is the land where people are free to dream whatever they want, so long as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/these-ballot-initiatives-remind-us-that-america-is-the-land-where/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6b9/lewis-black-1143_america_these-ballot-initiatives-remind-us-that_1536883.png) > [I have no religion because I was born and raised Jewish. And on the first night of Hanukkah, my parents, when I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/i-have-no-religion-because-i-was-born-and-raised-jewish-and-on-the/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9f7/lewis-black-1143_born_i-have-no-religion-because-i-was-born-an_828000.jpg) > [I knew that I'd lived in New York too long when, a few years ago, I was on a subway going downtown,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/i-knew-that-i-d-lived-in-new-york-too-long-when-a-few-years-ago-i-was/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a3d/lewis-black-1143_boards_i-knew-that-i-d-lived-in-new-york-too-lo_165926.png) > [It took forever for me to get work because I was a political comic, and now it's become good business, and God…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/it-took-forever-for-me-to-get-work-because-i-was-a-political-comic/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bf7/lewis-black-1143_after_it-took-forever-for-me-to-get-work-becau_2119639.jpg) > [Christians have created a holiday that has become a beast that cannot be fed. Christmas gets longer and longer and longer, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/christians-have-created-a-holiday-that-has-become-a-beast-that-cannot/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8f2/lewis-black-1143_ass_christians-have-created-a-holiday-that-h_3049298.png) > [I was broke until I was 40. Really broke. I could get by, but I had nothing. No health insurance, so if…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/i-was-broke-until-i-was-40-really-broke-i-could-get-by-but-i-had/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/725/lewis-black-1143_broke_i-was-broke-until-i-was-40-really-broke_343682.png) > [Behind me, I heard a young woman of 25 say, "If it weren’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/behind-me-i-heard-a-young-woman-of-25-say-if-it-weren-t-for-my-horse/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/566/lewis-black-1143_bears_behind-me-i-heard-a-young-woman-of-25-sa_430924.png) > [People go to Vegas, and they don't know what to do; here's what you do. You go to the casino in your…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/people-go-to-vegas-and-they-don-t-know-what-to-do-here-s-what-you-do/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/478/lewis-black-1143_arrivals_people-go-to-vegas-and-they-don-t-know-w_3135878.png) ## Other authors on Long ## More by Lewis Black > [I think one reason people play golf is it allows them to obsess about something other than the daily crap. It takes your mind…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/i-think-one-reason-people-play-golf-is-it-allows-them-to-obsess-about/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) > [If you're going to vote for somebody because you think they have a great faith in God, you'd better be sure that God has…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/if-you-re-going-to-vote-for-somebody-because-you-think-they-have-a/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) > [I think that I don't panic as much as the folks on the left or the right do. I don't have that sense of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/i-think-that-i-don-t-panic-as-much-as-the-folks-on-the-left-or-the/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) > [“I don't know if you've noticed, but our two-party system is a bowl of shit looking at itself in the mirror.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/i-don-t-know-if-you-ve-noticed-but-our-two-party-system-is-a-bowl-of/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) > [These ballot initiatives against same sex marriage remind us that America is the land where people are free to dream whatever they want, so…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/these-ballot-initiatives-against-same-sex-marriage-remind-us-that/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) > [If you're going to pick a book and you want to base a system of government around it, why not 'Harry Potter?'](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/if-you-re-going-to-pick-a-book-and-you-want-to-base-a-system-of/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) > [No matter what, your parents are going to worry about you. I had a tour bus, and my mother still thought I was broke.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/no-matter-what-your-parents-are-going-to-worry-about-you-i-had-a-tour/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) > [I'm always amazed when I hear people saying, "That George Bush, he's a great leader". And I wonder, where can one find a drug…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/i-m-always-amazed-when-i-hear-people-saying-that-george-bush-he-s-a/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) > [I knew that I'd lived in New York too long when, a few years ago, I was on a subway going downtown, and it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/i-knew-that-i-d-lived-in-new-york-too-long-when-a-few-years-ago-i-was/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) > [If you're seeing a psychiatrist, you're wasting money because all you've got to do is get on a plane, get on a subway tomorrow…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/if-you-re-seeing-a-psychiatrist-you-re-wasting-money-because-all-you/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) > [Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/well-first-of-all-i-d-just-like-to-say-that-2005-was-a-great-year-if/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) > [I'd like the campaigning to be about all the things they're not going to do. Just tell me what you're not going do! Don't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/i-d-like-the-campaigning-to-be-about-all-the-things-they-re-not-going/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) > [All food is comfort food. Maybe I just like to chew.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/all-food-is-comfort-food-maybe-i-just-like-to-chew/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) > [Johnny Vassilaros is the man who has created the finest cup of coffee ever served in the city of New York.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/johnny-vassilaros-is-the-man-who-has-created-the-finest-cup-of-coffee/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) > [“At seven p.m., hope is sparked again when some new chirpy airline employee announces that a new plane without that nasty mechanical problem -…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/at-seven-p-m-hope-is-sparked-again-when-some-new-chirpy-airline/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/long/lewis-black/#itemlist", "name": "12 Long Quotes By Lewis Black", "numberOfItems": 12, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "You know. 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It's like an experiment. It's [a problem with] both parties, it's beyond belief.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Lewis Black" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/how-long-can-we-go-without-real-leadership-it-s-like-an-experiment-it/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/00c/lewis-black-1143_belief_how-long-can-we-go-without-real-leadersh_1037091.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/00c/lewis-black-1143_belief_how-long-can-we-go-without-real-leadersh_1037091.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/00c/lewis-black-1143_belief_how-long-can-we-go-without-real-leadersh_1037091.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“How long can we go without real leadership? It's like an experiment. 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It went on too long, it was hard to follow, and you could only enjoy it if you were really, really, *really* stoned.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Lewis Black" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/my-review-of-2001-the-year-is-the-same-as-my-review-of-2001-a-space/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/87b/lewis-black-1143_2001-a-space-odyssey_my-review-of-2001-the-year-is-the-same-a_1038327.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/87b/lewis-black-1143_2001-a-space-odyssey_my-review-of-2001-the-year-is-the-same-a_1038327.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/87b/lewis-black-1143_2001-a-space-odyssey_my-review-of-2001-the-year-is-the-same-a_1038327.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“My review of 2001, the year, is the same as my review of 2001: A Space Odyssey. It went on too long, it was…” — Lewis Black", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 5, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "These ballot initiatives remind us that America is the land where people are free to dream whatever they want, so long as that dream doesn't make Midwesterners feel icky!", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Lewis Black" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/these-ballot-initiatives-remind-us-that-america-is-the-land-where/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6b9/lewis-black-1143_america_these-ballot-initiatives-remind-us-that_1536883.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6b9/lewis-black-1143_america_these-ballot-initiatives-remind-us-that_1536883.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6b9/lewis-black-1143_america_these-ballot-initiatives-remind-us-that_1536883.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“These ballot initiatives remind us that America is the land where people are free to dream whatever they…” — Lewis Black", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 6, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I have no religion because I was born and raised Jewish. And on the first night of Hanukkah, my parents, when I was very young, gave me a top to play with. They called it a dreidel. I knew it was a top. And as I looked at that top, I said, 'You know. I don't think I'm gonna be Jewish for very long.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Lewis Black" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/i-have-no-religion-because-i-was-born-and-raised-jewish-and-on-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9f7/lewis-black-1143_born_i-have-no-religion-because-i-was-born-an_828000.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9f7/lewis-black-1143_born_i-have-no-religion-because-i-was-born-an_828000.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9f7/lewis-black-1143_born_i-have-no-religion-because-i-was-born-an_828000.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I have no religion because I was born and raised Jewish. And on the first night of Hanukkah, my parents…” — Lewis Black", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I knew that I'd lived in New York too long when, a few years ago, I was on a subway going downtown, and it stopped at 14th Street. At the station, the doors opened, and the conductor announced that there was a bomb on board and we should evacuate immediately. Nobody moved. We just looked at each other, 'Do you see a bomb?' 'I don't see a bomb.' 'There's no bomb.' 'I've only got two stops - let's go for it.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Lewis Black" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/i-knew-that-i-d-lived-in-new-york-too-long-when-a-few-years-ago-i-was/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a3d/lewis-black-1143_boards_i-knew-that-i-d-lived-in-new-york-too-lo_165926.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a3d/lewis-black-1143_boards_i-knew-that-i-d-lived-in-new-york-too-lo_165926.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a3d/lewis-black-1143_boards_i-knew-that-i-d-lived-in-new-york-too-lo_165926.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I knew that I'd lived in New York too long when, a few years ago, I was on a subway going downtown, and it…” — Lewis Black", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "It took forever for me to get work because I was a political comic, and now it's become good business, and God knows how long that'll last. You have to do it night after night after night to kind of make it. I still find myself on 'Piers Morgan' or on some show and I think, 'I hope this is funny.'", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Lewis Black" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/it-took-forever-for-me-to-get-work-because-i-was-a-political-comic/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bf7/lewis-black-1143_after_it-took-forever-for-me-to-get-work-becau_2119639.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bf7/lewis-black-1143_after_it-took-forever-for-me-to-get-work-becau_2119639.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bf7/lewis-black-1143_after_it-took-forever-for-me-to-get-work-becau_2119639.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“It took forever for me to get work because I was a political comic, and now it's become good business, and…” — Lewis Black", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Christians have created a holiday that has become a beast that cannot be fed. Christmas gets longer and longer and longer, and you don't care, do you? You just take more and more of the calendar for yourself. It's unbelievable. How long does it take you people to shop? It's beyond belief. It's insane. When I was a kid, Halloween was Halloween, and Santa wasn't poking his ass into it.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Lewis Black" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/christians-have-created-a-holiday-that-has-become-a-beast-that-cannot/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8f2/lewis-black-1143_ass_christians-have-created-a-holiday-that-h_3049298.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8f2/lewis-black-1143_ass_christians-have-created-a-holiday-that-h_3049298.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8f2/lewis-black-1143_ass_christians-have-created-a-holiday-that-h_3049298.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Christians have created a holiday that has become a beast that cannot be fed. Christmas gets longer and…” — Lewis Black", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I was broke until I was 40. Really broke. I could get by, but I had nothing. No health insurance, so if something happened I was screwed. I was lucky my parents had money and my brother was willing to support me for a long time. Once I started doing standup, I had an income, and that was amazing to me.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Lewis Black" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/i-was-broke-until-i-was-40-really-broke-i-could-get-by-but-i-had/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/725/lewis-black-1143_broke_i-was-broke-until-i-was-40-really-broke_343682.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/725/lewis-black-1143_broke_i-was-broke-until-i-was-40-really-broke_343682.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/725/lewis-black-1143_broke_i-was-broke-until-i-was-40-really-broke_343682.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I was broke until I was 40. Really broke. I could get by, but I had nothing. No health insurance, so if…” — Lewis Black", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Behind me, I heard a young woman of 25 say, \"If it weren’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college.\" Now, I'm gonna repeat that, because it bears repeating. \"If it weren't for my horse...\" as in, giddyup, giddyup, let's go — \"I wouldn't have spent that year in college,\" which is a degree-granting institution. Don't think about that too long, or BLOOD will shoot out your NOSE!", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Lewis Black" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/behind-me-i-heard-a-young-woman-of-25-say-if-it-weren-t-for-my-horse/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/566/lewis-black-1143_bears_behind-me-i-heard-a-young-woman-of-25-sa_430924.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/566/lewis-black-1143_bears_behind-me-i-heard-a-young-woman-of-25-sa_430924.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/566/lewis-black-1143_bears_behind-me-i-heard-a-young-woman-of-25-sa_430924.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Behind me, I heard a young woman of 25 say, \"If it weren’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in…” — Lewis Black", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "People go to Vegas, and they don't know what to do; here's what you do. You go to the casino in your hotel. On your arrival, you get $100 in quarters. Take that $100 back to your hotel room and stare at it for a long, long time. Why? Because you're never going to see them again. Then you take those quarters to the bathroom and you flush them, one by one by one. And the nice thing about that is that every so often the toilet will back up, and you'll feel like a WINNER!", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Lewis Black" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/people-go-to-vegas-and-they-don-t-know-what-to-do-here-s-what-you-do/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/478/lewis-black-1143_arrivals_people-go-to-vegas-and-they-don-t-know-w_3135878.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/478/lewis-black-1143_arrivals_people-go-to-vegas-and-they-don-t-know-w_3135878.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/478/lewis-black-1143_arrivals_people-go-to-vegas-and-they-don-t-know-w_3135878.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“People go to Vegas, and they don't know what to do; here's what you do. 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