--- title: "17 Littles Quotes By Jack Handey" description: "17 Littles quotes by Jack Handey. Plus more from Jack Handey and more Littles sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/abf/jack-handey-829_animal_if-you-re-pretty-happy-but-you-have-a-li_2683110.jpg" --- > [If you're pretty happy, but you have a little Chihuahua that's always biting you on the ankles, still that's pretty good isn't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/if-you-re-pretty-happy-but-you-have-a-little-chihuahua-that-s-always/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/abf/jack-handey-829_animal_if-you-re-pretty-happy-but-you-have-a-li_2683110.jpg) > [Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a dungeon. But some days, when there was a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/most-of-the-time-it-was-probably-real-bad-being-stuck-down-in-a/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/040/jack-handey-829_boys_most-of-the-time-it-was-probably-real-ba_1961255.jpg) > [If you're a blacksmith, probably the proudest day of your life is when you get your first anvil. How innocent you are,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/if-you-re-a-blacksmith-probably-the-proudest-day-of-your-life-is-when/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2e6/jack-handey-829_anvils_if-you-re-a-blacksmith-probably-the-prou_1248594.jpg) > [I can see why it would be prohibited to throw most things off the top of the Empire State Building, but what's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-can-see-why-it-would-be-prohibited-to-throw-most-things-off-the-top/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ce9/jack-handey-829_break_i-can-see-why-it-would-be-prohibited-to_2082478.jpg) > [I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-wish-outer-space-guys-would-conquer-the-earth-and-make-people-their/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/13a/jack-handey-829_animal_i-wish-outer-space-guys-would-conquer-th_1010567.jpg) > [I think that a hat which has a little cannon that fires and then goes back inside the hat is at least…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-think-that-a-hat-which-has-a-little-cannon-that-fires-and-then-goes/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/24f/jack-handey-829_cannons_i-think-that-a-hat-which-has-a-little-ca_2544096.jpg) > [If you want to sue somebody, just get a little plastic skeleton and lay it in their yard. Then tell them their…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/if-you-want-to-sue-somebody-just-get-a-little-plastic-skeleton-and/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c30/jack-handey-829_ants_if-you-want-to-sue-somebody-just-get-a-l_1134697.jpg) > [One day I saw a big kid beating up a little kid. I went over to the little kid and gave him…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/one-day-i-saw-a-big-kid-beating-up-a-little-kid-i-went-over-to-the/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/609/jack-handey-829_beating_one-day-i-saw-a-big-kid-beating-up-a-lit_2835002.jpg) > [I think the best Thanksgiving we ever had was one where we didn't even have a turkey. Mom and Dad sat us…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-think-the-best-thanksgiving-we-ever-had-was-one-where-we-didn-t/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d3d/jack-handey-829_bedroom_i-think-the-best-thanksgiving-we-ever-ha_14322.jpg) > [One day one of my little nephews came up to me and asked me if the equator was a real line that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/one-day-one-of-my-little-nephews-came-up-to-me-and-asked-me-if-the/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ab8/jack-handey-829_deep-thought_one-day-one-of-my-little-nephews-came-up_944640.jpg) > [One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/one-thing-kids-like-is-to-be-tricked-for-instance-i-was-going-to-take/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f51/jack-handey-829_burned_one-thing-kids-like-is-to-be-tricked-for_1929652.jpg) > [I wouldn't be surprised if someday some fisherman caught a big shark and cut it open, and there inside was a whole…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-wouldn-t-be-surprised-if-someday-some-fisherman-caught-a-big-shark/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dbf/jack-handey-829_baby_i-wouldn-t-be-surprised-if-someday-some_3022640.jpg) > [The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/the-next-time-i-have-meat-and-mashed-potatoes-i-think-i-ll-put-a-very/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/03c/jack-handey-829_ask-me_the-next-time-i-have-meat-and-mashed-pot_640785.jpg) > [If your kid makes one of those little homemade guitars out of a cigar box and rubber bands, don't let him just…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/if-your-kid-makes-one-of-those-little-homemade-guitars-out-of-a-cigar/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/295/jack-handey-829_band_if-your-kid-makes-one-of-those-little-ho_1058292.jpg) > [The people in the village were real poor, so none of the children had any toys. But this one little boy had…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/the-people-in-the-village-were-real-poor-so-none-of-the-children-had/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bdc/jack-handey-829_bags_the-people-in-the-village-were-real-poor_291352.jpg) > [Higher beings from outer space may not want to tell us the secrets of life, because we're not ready. But maybe they'll…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/higher-beings-from-outer-space-may-not-want-to-tell-us-the-secrets-of/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/70b/jack-handey-829_deep-thought_higher-beings-from-outer-space-may-not-w_1421583.jpg) > [Something tells me that the first mousetrap wasn't designed to catch mice at all, but to protect little cheese "gems" from burglars.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/something-tells-me-that-the-first-mousetrap-wasn-t-designed-to-catch/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fba/jack-handey-829_cheese_something-tells-me-that-the-first-mouset_1568342.jpg) ## Other authors on Littles ## More by Jack Handey > [Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-life-seems-like-a-dream-especially-when-i-look-down-and-see/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [I think the best Thanksgiving we ever had was one where we didn't even have a turkey. Mom and Dad sat us kids down…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-think-the-best-thanksgiving-we-ever-had-was-one-where-we-didn-t/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/at-first-i-thought-if-i-were-superman-a-perfect-secret-identity-would/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [Sometimes I wonder if I'm patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/sometimes-i-wonder-if-i-m-patriotic-enough-yes-i-want-to-kill-people/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [I don't understand people who say life is a mystery, because what is it they want to know?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-don-t-understand-people-who-say-life-is-a-mystery-because-what-is/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/it-s-probably-not-a-good-idea-to-be-chewing-on-a-toothpick-if-you-re/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because WHERE DOES HE THINK…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/probably-to-a-shark-about-the-funniest-thing-there-is-is-a-wounded/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [I wish I lived back in the Old West days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I could buy…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-wish-i-lived-back-in-the-old-west-days-because-i-d-save-up-my-money/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [Why do there have to be rules for everything? It's gotten to the point that rules dominate just about every aspect of our lives.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/why-do-there-have-to-be-rules-for-everything-it-s-gotten-to-the-point/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/most-people-don-t-realize-that-large-pieces-of-coral-which-have-been/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [Here's a suggestion for a new animal, if some new ones get created or evolve: something that stings you, then laughs at you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/here-s-a-suggestion-for-a-new-animal-if-some-new-ones-get-created-or/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [When you go ice-skating, try not to swing your arms too much, because that really annoys me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/when-you-go-ice-skating-try-not-to-swing-your-arms-too-much-because/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [When you go to a party at somebody's house, don't automatically assume that the drinks are free. Ask, and ask often.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/when-you-go-to-a-party-at-somebody-s-house-don-t-automatically-assume/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/he-was-a-cowboy-mister-and-he-loved-the-land-he-loved-it-so-much-he/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [If you were a gladiator in olden days, I bet the inefficiency of how the gladiator fights were organized and scheduled would just drive…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/if-you-were-a-gladiator-in-olden-days-i-bet-the-inefficiency-of-how/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/littles/jack-handey/#itemlist", "name": "17 Littles Quotes By Jack Handey", "numberOfItems": 17, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If you're pretty happy, but you have a little Chihuahua that's always biting you on the ankles, still that's pretty good isn't it? I'm going to go ahead and keep you in the \"happy\" category.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/if-you-re-pretty-happy-but-you-have-a-little-chihuahua-that-s-always/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/abf/jack-handey-829_animal_if-you-re-pretty-happy-but-you-have-a-li_2683110.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/abf/jack-handey-829_animal_if-you-re-pretty-happy-but-you-have-a-li_2683110.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/abf/jack-handey-829_animal_if-you-re-pretty-happy-but-you-have-a-li_2683110.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If you're pretty happy, but you have a little Chihuahua that's always biting you on the ankles, still that's…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a dungeon. But some days, when there was a bad storm outside, you'd look out your little window and think, \"Boy, I'm glad I'm not out in THAT.\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/most-of-the-time-it-was-probably-real-bad-being-stuck-down-in-a/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/040/jack-handey-829_boys_most-of-the-time-it-was-probably-real-ba_1961255.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/040/jack-handey-829_boys_most-of-the-time-it-was-probably-real-ba_1961255.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/040/jack-handey-829_boys_most-of-the-time-it-was-probably-real-ba_1961255.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a dungeon. But some days, when there was a bad…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If you're a blacksmith, probably the proudest day of your life is when you get your first anvil. How innocent you are, little blacksmith.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/if-you-re-a-blacksmith-probably-the-proudest-day-of-your-life-is-when/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2e6/jack-handey-829_anvils_if-you-re-a-blacksmith-probably-the-prou_1248594.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2e6/jack-handey-829_anvils_if-you-re-a-blacksmith-probably-the-prou_1248594.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2e6/jack-handey-829_anvils_if-you-re-a-blacksmith-probably-the-prou_1248594.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If you're a blacksmith, probably the proudest day of your life is when you get your first anvil. How…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I can see why it would be prohibited to throw most things off the top of the Empire State Building, but what's wrong with little bits of cheese? They probably break down into their various gases before they even hit.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-can-see-why-it-would-be-prohibited-to-throw-most-things-off-the-top/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ce9/jack-handey-829_break_i-can-see-why-it-would-be-prohibited-to_2082478.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ce9/jack-handey-829_break_i-can-see-why-it-would-be-prohibited-to_2082478.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ce9/jack-handey-829_break_i-can-see-why-it-would-be-prohibited-to_2082478.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I can see why it would be prohibited to throw most things off the top of the Empire State Building, but…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 5, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-wish-outer-space-guys-would-conquer-the-earth-and-make-people-their/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/13a/jack-handey-829_animal_i-wish-outer-space-guys-would-conquer-th_1010567.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/13a/jack-handey-829_animal_i-wish-outer-space-guys-would-conquer-th_1010567.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/13a/jack-handey-829_animal_i-wish-outer-space-guys-would-conquer-th_1010567.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 6, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I think that a hat which has a little cannon that fires and then goes back inside the hat is at least a decade away.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-think-that-a-hat-which-has-a-little-cannon-that-fires-and-then-goes/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/24f/jack-handey-829_cannons_i-think-that-a-hat-which-has-a-little-ca_2544096.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/24f/jack-handey-829_cannons_i-think-that-a-hat-which-has-a-little-ca_2544096.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/24f/jack-handey-829_cannons_i-think-that-a-hat-which-has-a-little-ca_2544096.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I think that a hat which has a little cannon that fires and then goes back inside the hat is at least a…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If you want to sue somebody, just get a little plastic skeleton and lay it in their yard. Then tell them their ants ate your baby.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/if-you-want-to-sue-somebody-just-get-a-little-plastic-skeleton-and/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c30/jack-handey-829_ants_if-you-want-to-sue-somebody-just-get-a-l_1134697.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c30/jack-handey-829_ants_if-you-want-to-sue-somebody-just-get-a-l_1134697.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c30/jack-handey-829_ants_if-you-want-to-sue-somebody-just-get-a-l_1134697.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If you want to sue somebody, just get a little plastic skeleton and lay it in their yard. Then tell them…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "One day I saw a big kid beating up a little kid. I went over to the little kid and gave him a swift kick. He probably deserved it.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/one-day-i-saw-a-big-kid-beating-up-a-little-kid-i-went-over-to-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/609/jack-handey-829_beating_one-day-i-saw-a-big-kid-beating-up-a-lit_2835002.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/609/jack-handey-829_beating_one-day-i-saw-a-big-kid-beating-up-a-lit_2835002.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/609/jack-handey-829_beating_one-day-i-saw-a-big-kid-beating-up-a-lit_2835002.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“One day I saw a big kid beating up a little kid. I went over to the little kid and gave him a swift kick. He…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I think the best Thanksgiving we ever had was one where we didn't even have a turkey. Mom and Dad sat us kids down and explained that business hadn't been good at Dad's store, so we couldn't afford a turkey. We had vegetables and bread and pie, and it was just fine. Later on, I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom to thank them and I caught them eating a little turkey. I guess that really wasn't the best Thanksgiving.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-think-the-best-thanksgiving-we-ever-had-was-one-where-we-didn-t/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d3d/jack-handey-829_bedroom_i-think-the-best-thanksgiving-we-ever-ha_14322.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d3d/jack-handey-829_bedroom_i-think-the-best-thanksgiving-we-ever-ha_14322.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d3d/jack-handey-829_bedroom_i-think-the-best-thanksgiving-we-ever-ha_14322.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I think the best Thanksgiving we ever had was one where we didn't even have a turkey. Mom and Dad sat us…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "One day one of my little nephews came up to me and asked me if the equator was a real line that went around the Earth, or just an imaginary one. I had to laugh. Laugh and laugh. Because I didn't know, and I thought that maybe by laughing he would forget what he asked me.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/one-day-one-of-my-little-nephews-came-up-to-me-and-asked-me-if-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ab8/jack-handey-829_deep-thought_one-day-one-of-my-little-nephews-came-up_944640.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ab8/jack-handey-829_deep-thought_one-day-one-of-my-little-nephews-came-up_944640.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ab8/jack-handey-829_deep-thought_one-day-one-of-my-little-nephews-came-up_944640.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“One day one of my little nephews came up to me and asked me if the equator was a real line that went around…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. \"Oh, no,\" I said, \"Disneyland burned down.\" He cried and cried, but I think deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/one-thing-kids-like-is-to-be-tricked-for-instance-i-was-going-to-take/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f51/jack-handey-829_burned_one-thing-kids-like-is-to-be-tricked-for_1929652.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f51/jack-handey-829_burned_one-thing-kids-like-is-to-be-tricked-for_1929652.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f51/jack-handey-829_burned_one-thing-kids-like-is-to-be-tricked-for_1929652.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I wouldn't be surprised if someday some fisherman caught a big shark and cut it open, and there inside was a whole person. Then they cut the person open, and in him is a little baby shark. And in the baby shark there isn't a person, because it would be too small. But there's a little doll or something, like a Johnny Combat little toy guy-something like that.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/i-wouldn-t-be-surprised-if-someday-some-fisherman-caught-a-big-shark/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dbf/jack-handey-829_baby_i-wouldn-t-be-surprised-if-someday-some_3022640.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dbf/jack-handey-829_baby_i-wouldn-t-be-surprised-if-someday-some_3022640.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dbf/jack-handey-829_baby_i-wouldn-t-be-surprised-if-someday-some_3022640.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I wouldn't be surprised if someday some fisherman caught a big shark and cut it open, and there inside was a…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn't get more meat, I'll just say, \"Oh, you mean this?\" and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I've hidden it. Good magic trick, huh?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/the-next-time-i-have-meat-and-mashed-potatoes-i-think-i-ll-put-a-very/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/03c/jack-handey-829_ask-me_the-next-time-i-have-meat-and-mashed-pot_640785.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/03c/jack-handey-829_ask-me_the-next-time-i-have-meat-and-mashed-pot_640785.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/03c/jack-handey-829_ask-me_the-next-time-i-have-meat-and-mashed-pot_640785.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If your kid makes one of those little homemade guitars out of a cigar box and rubber bands, don't let him just play it once or twice and then throw it away. Make him practice on it, every day, for about three hours a day. Later, he'll thank you.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/if-your-kid-makes-one-of-those-little-homemade-guitars-out-of-a-cigar/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/295/jack-handey-829_band_if-your-kid-makes-one-of-those-little-ho_1058292.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/295/jack-handey-829_band_if-your-kid-makes-one-of-those-little-ho_1058292.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/295/jack-handey-829_band_if-your-kid-makes-one-of-those-little-ho_1058292.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If your kid makes one of those little homemade guitars out of a cigar box and rubber bands, don't let him…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 15, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The people in the village were real poor, so none of the children had any toys. But this one little boy had gotten an old enema bag and filled it with rocks, and he would go around and whap the other children across the face with it. Man, I think my heart almost broke. Later the boy came up and offered to give me the toy. This was too much! I reached out my hand, but then he ran away. I chased him down and took the enema bag. He cried a little, but that's the way of these people.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/the-people-in-the-village-were-real-poor-so-none-of-the-children-had/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bdc/jack-handey-829_bags_the-people-in-the-village-were-real-poor_291352.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bdc/jack-handey-829_bags_the-people-in-the-village-were-real-poor_291352.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bdc/jack-handey-829_bags_the-people-in-the-village-were-real-poor_291352.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The people in the village were real poor, so none of the children had any toys. But this one little boy had…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 16, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Higher beings from outer space may not want to tell us the secrets of life, because we're not ready. But maybe they'll change their tune after a little torture.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/higher-beings-from-outer-space-may-not-want-to-tell-us-the-secrets-of/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/70b/jack-handey-829_deep-thought_higher-beings-from-outer-space-may-not-w_1421583.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/70b/jack-handey-829_deep-thought_higher-beings-from-outer-space-may-not-w_1421583.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/70b/jack-handey-829_deep-thought_higher-beings-from-outer-space-may-not-w_1421583.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Higher beings from outer space may not want to tell us the secrets of life, because we're not ready. But…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 17, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Something tells me that the first mousetrap wasn't designed to catch mice at all, but to protect little cheese \"gems\" from burglars.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Handey" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/something-tells-me-that-the-first-mousetrap-wasn-t-designed-to-catch/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fba/jack-handey-829_cheese_something-tells-me-that-the-first-mouset_1568342.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fba/jack-handey-829_cheese_something-tells-me-that-the-first-mouset_1568342.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fba/jack-handey-829_cheese_something-tells-me-that-the-first-mouset_1568342.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Something tells me that the first mousetrap wasn't designed to catch mice at all, but to protect little…” — Jack Handey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } } ] }, { "@type": "CollectionPage", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/littles/jack-handey/#webpage", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/littles/jack-handey/", "name": "Littles Quotes by Jack Handey", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/littles/jack-handey/#itemlist" }, "primaryImageOfPage": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/abf/jack-handey-829_animal_if-you-re-pretty-happy-but-you-have-a-li_2683110.jpg" }, "description": "17 Littles quotes by Jack Handey. Plus more from Jack Handey and more Littles sayings from other authors.", "breadcrumb": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/littles/jack-handey/#breadcrumb" } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/littles/jack-handey/#breadcrumb", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Topics", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/categories/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "Littles", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/littles/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 5, "name": "Jack Handey", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/littles/jack-handey/" } ] }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```