---
title: "1 Like Toilet Quotes By Richard Jeni"
description: "1 Like Toilet quotes by Richard Jeni. Plus more from Richard Jeni and more Like Toilet sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b5d/richard-jeni-12490_important_success-is-like-toilet-paper-it-only-see_1290514.png"
---

> [Success is like toilet paper, it only seems important when you don't have it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-jeni/success-is-like-toilet-paper-it-only-seems-important-when-you-don-t/)

[Richard Jeni](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-jeni/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b5d/richard-jeni-12490_important_success-is-like-toilet-paper-it-only-see_1290514.png)

## More by Richard Jeni

> [It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-jeni/it-is-a-sad-fact-that-50-percent-of-marriages-in-this-country-end-in/)

[Richard Jeni](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-jeni/)

> [There is no romance without some lying. That's what romance is - a little bit of Vaseline on the camera lens of life.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-jeni/there-is-no-romance-without-some-lying-that-s-what-romance-is-a/)

[Richard Jeni](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-jeni/)

> [I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-jeni/i-think-that-s-how-chicago-got-started-a-bunch-of-people-in-new-york/)

[Richard Jeni](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-jeni/)

> [I met a girl, we ate, we drank, had sex, got married, had affairs, broke up - God, what a night that was!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-jeni/i-met-a-girl-we-ate-we-drank-had-sex-got-married-had-affairs-broke-up/)

[Richard Jeni](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-jeni/)

> [Ridiculous that some people feel superior to the gay minority. They're the only couples you'll ever find poking around for ceramics and candle holders…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-jeni/ridiculous-that-some-people-feel-superior-to-the-gay-minority-they-re/)

[Richard Jeni](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-jeni/)

> [Success is made up of courage, brains, and luck. Since the first two are a function of the third, it's pretty much all luck.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-jeni/success-is-made-up-of-courage-brains-and-luck-since-the-first-two-are/)

[Richard Jeni](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-jeni/)

> [Easiest job you could ever have... whoever gets to put Michael Jackson in a witness chair and create reasonable doubt.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-jeni/easiest-job-you-could-ever-have-whoever-gets-to-put-michael-jackson/)

[Richard Jeni](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-jeni/)

> [A bunch of money-grubbin', greenhouse-gasing, seal-clubbing, oil-drilling, Bible-thumping, missile-firing, right-to-life-ing, lethal-injecting hypocrites. People whose idea of a good time is strapping a dead panda…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-jeni/a-bunch-of-money-grubbin-greenhouse-gasing-seal-clubbing-oil-drilling/)

[Richard Jeni](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-jeni/)

> [Say whatever you want. But the United States has a kickass military and really good bullshit marketing people. If this country was a person…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-jeni/say-whatever-you-want-but-the-united-states-has-a-kickass-military/)

[Richard Jeni](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-jeni/)

> [It's always the guy who gets the diarrhea on the commercial at an inconvenient moment. As if you've ever been in a situation: 'You…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-jeni/it-s-always-the-guy-who-gets-the-diarrhea-on-the-commercial-at-an/)

[Richard Jeni](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-jeni/)

> [Lobsters one of the only animals that have to put up with being alive in the restaurant. If you go to a steakhouse, folks…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-jeni/lobsters-one-of-the-only-animals-that-have-to-put-up-with-being-alive/)

[Richard Jeni](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-jeni/)

> [Imagine my surprise when it turned out the main thing that I was qualified for was to get another degree and teach Political Science…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-jeni/imagine-my-surprise-when-it-turned-out-the-main-thing-that-i-was/)

[Richard Jeni](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-jeni/)

> [The way I see life, it's like we're all flying on the Hindenburg, why fight over the window seats?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-jeni/the-way-i-see-life-it-s-like-we-re-all-flying-on-the-hindenburg-why/)

[Richard Jeni](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-jeni/)

> [Religious war at its simplest is killing each other over who has the best imaginary friend.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-jeni/religious-war-at-its-simplest-is-killing-each-other-over-who-has-the/)

[Richard Jeni](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-jeni/)

> [You know what the average person is? Average.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-jeni/you-know-what-the-average-person-is-average/)

[Richard Jeni](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-jeni/)

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