---
title: "1 Like Masturbation Quotes By Susan Donovan"
description: "1 Like Masturbation quotes by Susan Donovan. Plus more from Susan Donovan and more Like Masturbation sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1c5/susan-donovan-38596_food_light-mayonnaise-is-like-masturbation-it_122857.jpg"
---

> [“Light mayonnaise is like masturbation—it approximates the real thing but leaves you unfulfilled, ultimately leading to fantasies about diving face-first into a big-ass jar of the real stuff.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-donovan/light-mayonnaise-is-like-masturbation-it-approximates-the-real-thing/)

[Susan Donovan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-donovan/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1c5/susan-donovan-38596_food_light-mayonnaise-is-like-masturbation-it_122857.jpg)

## More by Susan Donovan

> [“Light mayonnaise is like masturbation—it approximates the real thing but leaves you unfulfilled, ultimately leading to fantasies about diving face-first into a big-ass jar…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-donovan/light-mayonnaise-is-like-masturbation-it-approximates-the-real-thing/)

[Susan Donovan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-donovan/)

> [“A punching bag. The guy was pounding on a punching bag. That realization took about a nanosecond to register in her brain before the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-donovan/a-punching-bag-the-guy-was-pounding-on-a-punching-bag-that/)

[Susan Donovan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-donovan/)

> [“And I want cabana boys named Raoul to rub warm, fragrant oil all over me, from head to toe, all over my throat and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-donovan/and-i-want-cabana-boys-named-raoul-to-rub-warm-fragrant-oil-all-over/)

[Susan Donovan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-donovan/)

> [“As her lungs pumped and her head cleared, she wondered if all the effort she’d put into blotting out the pain had deadened her…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-donovan/as-her-lungs-pumped-and-her-head-cleared-she-wondered-if-all-the/)

[Susan Donovan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-donovan/)

> [“Dear God, there couldn't be a single thing more humiliating in this entire world. Unless, of course, Hairy had been out here in his…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-donovan/dear-god-there-couldn-t-be-a-single-thing-more-humiliating-in-this/)

[Susan Donovan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-donovan/)

> [I think we love who we love and there’s not a damn thing that can be done about it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-donovan/i-think-we-love-who-we-love-and-there-s-not-a-damn-thing-that-can-be/)

[Susan Donovan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-donovan/)

> [“She'd even violated the only sensible rule of dieting she'd ever run across, the sage advice of the Muppets' Miss Piggy, who recommended never…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-donovan/she-d-even-violated-the-only-sensible-rule-of-dieting-she-d-ever-run/)

[Susan Donovan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-donovan/)

> [“Have you ever met a man who looked so damn delicious that you wanted to sop him up with a hot buttermilk biscuit and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-donovan/have-you-ever-met-a-man-who-looked-so-damn-delicious-that-you-wanted/)

[Susan Donovan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-donovan/)

> [“That’s the kind of dress that belongs on the floor, all wrinkled up, with the zipper broken and the sleeves torn. That dress isn’t…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-donovan/that-s-the-kind-of-dress-that-belongs-on-the-floor-all-wrinkled-up/)

[Susan Donovan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-donovan/)

> [I wanted to be strong when I went back to Persuasion. Strong and beautiful and totally together. I dreamed of the day I’d get…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-donovan/i-wanted-to-be-strong-when-i-went-back-to-persuasion-strong-and/)

[Susan Donovan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-donovan/)

> [“Ah, Milk Duds. The official candy of pissed-off fat women everywhere”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-donovan/ah-milk-duds-the-official-candy-of-pissed-off-fat-women-everywhere/)

[Susan Donovan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-donovan/)

```json
{
    "@context": "https://schema.org",
    "@graph": [
        {
            "@type": "ItemList",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/like-masturbation/susan-donovan/#itemlist",
            "name": "1 Like Masturbation Quotes By Susan Donovan",
            "numberOfItems": 1,
            "itemListElement": [
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 1,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“Light mayonnaise is like masturbation—it approximates the real thing but leaves you unfulfilled, ultimately leading to fantasies about diving face-first into a big-ass jar of the real stuff.”",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Susan Donovan"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-donovan/light-mayonnaise-is-like-masturbation-it-approximates-the-real-thing/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1c5/susan-donovan-38596_food_light-mayonnaise-is-like-masturbation-it_122857.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1c5/susan-donovan-38596_food_light-mayonnaise-is-like-masturbation-it_122857.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1c5/susan-donovan-38596_food_light-mayonnaise-is-like-masturbation-it_122857.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“Light mayonnaise is like masturbation—it approximates the real thing but leaves you unfulfilled, ultimately…” — Susan Donovan",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                }
            ]
        },
        {
            "@type": "CollectionPage",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/like-masturbation/susan-donovan/#webpage",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/like-masturbation/susan-donovan/",
            "name": "Like Masturbation Quotes by Susan Donovan",
            "isPartOf": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website"
            },
            "mainEntity": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/like-masturbation/susan-donovan/#itemlist"
            },
            "primaryImageOfPage": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1c5/susan-donovan-38596_food_light-mayonnaise-is-like-masturbation-it_122857.jpg"
            },
            "description": "1 Like Masturbation quotes by Susan Donovan. Plus more from Susan Donovan and more Like Masturbation sayings from other authors.",
            "breadcrumb": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/like-masturbation/susan-donovan/#breadcrumb"
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "BreadcrumbList",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/like-masturbation/susan-donovan/#breadcrumb",
            "itemListElement": [
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 1,
                    "name": "Home",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 2,
                    "name": "Quotes",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 3,
                    "name": "Topics",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/categories/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 4,
                    "name": "Like Masturbation",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/like-masturbation/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 5,
                    "name": "Susan Donovan",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/like-masturbation/susan-donovan/"
                }
            ]
        },
        {
            "@type": "WebSite",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "publisher": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "Organization",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "logo": {
                "@type": "ImageObject",
                "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png",
                "width": 512,
                "height": 512
            }
        }
    ]
}
```