--- title: "20 Life Quotes By Dana Gould" description: "20 Life quotes by Dana Gould. Plus more from Dana Gould and more Life sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cc9/dana-gould-1290_art-of-living_the-best-part-of-living-in-constant-terr_2756215.png" --- > [The best part of living in constant terror is you always have a place to live.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/the-best-part-of-living-in-constant-terror-is-you-always-have-a-place/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cc9/dana-gould-1290_art-of-living_the-best-part-of-living-in-constant-terr_2756215.png) > [Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/life-is-like-jury-duty-just-do-it-and-get-it-over-with/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1d4/dana-gould-1290_bites_life-is-like-jury-duty-just-do-it-and-ge_2360619.png) > [Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/life-is-like-the-muppet-show-but-instead-of-muppets-there-s-anxiety/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e3f/dana-gould-1290_anxiety_life-is-like-the-muppet-show-but-instead_2671583.png) > [When you break life down, it's about 100% time management.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/when-you-break-life-down-it-s-about-100-time-management/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4ca/dana-gould-1290_break_when-you-break-life-down-it-s-about-100_1534722.png) > [Life imitates art but art intimidates life.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/life-imitates-art-but-art-intimidates-life/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b2c/dana-gould-1290_art_life-imitates-art-but-art-intimidates-li_3202958.png) > [Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/chihuahuas-are-the-perfect-pet-if-you-don-t-have-a-person-in-your/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/df2/dana-gould-1290_animal_chihuahuas-are-the-perfect-pet-if-you-do_1712323.png) > [As I die, and my life flashes before my eyes, I want to see who made faces at me when I turned…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/as-i-die-and-my-life-flashes-before-my-eyes-i-want-to-see-who-made/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d67/dana-gould-1290_dies_as-i-die-and-my-life-flashes-before-my-e_694066.png) > [Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/here-s-something-you-never-hear-now-that-i-ve-worked-through-all-my/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7fc/dana-gould-1290_emotional_here-s-something-you-never-hear-now-that_3163489.png) > [As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/as-hard-as-i-try-to-live-with-some-degree-of-faith-in-my-life-i-just/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0c3/dana-gould-1290_believe_as-hard-as-i-try-to-live-with-some-degre_11225.png) > [I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-don-t-want-to-appear-to-be-placing-blame-but-as-far-my-life-is/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6e2/dana-gould-1290_balls_i-don-t-want-to-appear-to-be-placing-bla_3008597.png) > [We all enter this world in the same way: naked, screaming, soaked in blood. But if you live your life right, that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/we-all-enter-this-world-in-the-same-way-naked-screaming-soaked-in/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c3f/dana-gould-1290_blood_we-all-enter-this-world-in-the-same-way_3116871.png) > [My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/my-life-is-just-like-breaking-bad-except-instead-of-a-chemistry/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/795/dana-gould-1290_breaking-bad_my-life-is-just-like-breaking-bad-except_1830023.png) > [I used to fear living a life untouched by God, but now, for some reason I've gone back to being afraid of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-used-to-fear-living-a-life-untouched-by-god-but-now-for-some-reason/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fde/dana-gould-1290_afraid_i-used-to-fear-living-a-life-untouched-b_2694872.png) > [I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-got-mugged-about-six-months-ago-the-oddest-thing-about-the-entire/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/592/dana-gould-1290_emotion_i-got-mugged-about-six-months-ago-the-od_112812.png) > [What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/what-if-you-died-and-you-found-out-that-when-you-died-we-all-went-to/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/748/dana-gould-1290_arguing_what-if-you-died-and-you-found-out-that_1125732.jpg) > [We broke up, and my first reaction was 'Fine - I've been through this too many times. I can't change your mind.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/we-broke-up-and-my-first-reaction-was-fine-i-ve-been-through-this-too/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d08/dana-gould-1290_broke_we-broke-up-and-my-first-reaction-was-fi_1370813.jpg) > [When you're 17 years old, you have no idea who you are as a person, so there's no way you can be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/when-you-re-17-years-old-you-have-no-idea-who-you-are-as-a-person-so/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/834/dana-gould-1290_awkward_when-you-re-17-years-old-you-have-no-ide_1311180.jpg) > [Reality TV is the perfect antidote to people who don't have enough self-centered douchebags in their life.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/reality-tv-is-the-perfect-antidote-to-people-who-don-t-have-enough/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/367/dana-gould-1290_antidote_reality-tv-is-the-perfect-antidote-to-pe_455047.png) > [If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/if-life-begins-at-conception-but-you-can-be-born-again-later-only-to/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e61/dana-gould-1290_after-death_if-life-begins-at-conception-but-you-can_223742.png) > [The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/the-hard-part-about-living-in-the-present-is-it-forces-you-to-abandon/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/198/dana-gould-1290_abandon_the-hard-part-about-living-in-the-presen_1385972.jpg) ## Other authors on Life - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b022/author-sunday-adelaja-87912.jpg) Sunday Adelaja 2,086 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/sunday-adelaja/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b001/author-nishan-panwar-14.jpg) Nishan Panwar 1,901 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/nishan-panwar/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b019/author-paulo-coelho-74345.jpg) Paulo Coelho 1,045 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/paulo-coelho/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b001/author-ritu-ghatourey-5.jpg) Ritu Ghatourey 893 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/ritu-ghatourey/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b010/author-frederick-lenz-36205.jpg) Frederick Lenz 659 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/frederick-lenz/) - [Lailah Gifty Akita 630 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/lailah-gifty-akita/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b001/author-anurag-prakash-ray-38.jpg) Anurag Prakash Ray 621 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/anurag-prakash-ray/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b022/author-steve-maraboli-87325.jpg) Steve Maraboli 550 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/steve-maraboli/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b001/author-melchor-lim-61.jpg) Melchor Lim 538 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/melchor-lim/) - [Mehmet Murat ildan 452 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/mehmet-murat-ildan/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b011/author-henry-david-thoreau-41473.jpg) Henry David Thoreau 432 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/henry-david-thoreau/) - [Ralph Waldo Emerson 430 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/ralph-waldo-emerson/) ## More by Dana Gould > [As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/as-hard-as-i-try-to-live-with-some-degree-of-faith-in-my-life-i-just/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [The older I get, the more I look like my favorite shoes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/the-older-i-get-the-more-i-look-like-my-favorite-shoes/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [Somewhere, there's someone who's masturbation ritual ends with them setting up ventriloquist dummies facing the bed. I mean, someone else.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/somewhere-there-s-someone-who-s-masturbation-ritual-ends-with-them/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [I feel very uncomfortable when I eat in restaurants. I'm obnoxiously polite with the waiters: 'I just want a tuna sandwich. I'll go get…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-feel-very-uncomfortable-when-i-eat-in-restaurants-i-m-obnoxiously/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/cowboy-boots-with-a-suit-you-re-a-rough-tough-businessman-chaps-with/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [Despite a primitive brain, the octopus possesses an intricate system that helps it decide which tentacle to masturbate with.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/despite-a-primitive-brain-the-octopus-possesses-an-intricate-system/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-got-mugged-about-six-months-ago-the-oddest-thing-about-the-entire/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-m-the-forrest-gump-of-comedy/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/it-s-gonna-be-awesome-a-suspected-pedophile-dunks-my-kids-head-in-a/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/if-i-ever-go-into-a-coma-one-of-you-has-to-promise-to-come-by/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/they-say-that-god-is-in-the-details-then-again-they-also-say-that-the/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-have-one-phobia-snakes-and-by-snakes-i-mean-intimacy/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [My whole approach to marriage is simple: my wife will do something that drives me insane, I won't say anything, and then, later, I'll…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/my-whole-approach-to-marriage-is-simple-my-wife-will-do-something/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/wrote-a-science-fiction-novel-about-a-man-who-wins-an-argument-with/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/if-life-begins-at-conception-but-you-can-be-born-again-later-only-to/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/dana-gould/#itemlist", "name": "20 Life Quotes By Dana Gould", "numberOfItems": 20, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The best part of living in constant terror is you always have a place to live.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dana Gould" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/the-best-part-of-living-in-constant-terror-is-you-always-have-a-place/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cc9/dana-gould-1290_art-of-living_the-best-part-of-living-in-constant-terr_2756215.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cc9/dana-gould-1290_art-of-living_the-best-part-of-living-in-constant-terr_2756215.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cc9/dana-gould-1290_art-of-living_the-best-part-of-living-in-constant-terr_2756215.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The best part of living in constant terror is you always have a place to live.” — Dana Gould", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Life is like jury duty. 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That's all I want to see.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dana Gould" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/as-i-die-and-my-life-flashes-before-my-eyes-i-want-to-see-who-made/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d67/dana-gould-1290_dies_as-i-die-and-my-life-flashes-before-my-e_694066.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d67/dana-gould-1290_dies_as-i-die-and-my-life-flashes-before-my-e_694066.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d67/dana-gould-1290_dies_as-i-die-and-my-life-flashes-before-my-e_694066.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“As I die, and my life flashes before my eyes, I want to see who made faces at me when I turned my head…” — Dana Gould", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dana Gould" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/here-s-something-you-never-hear-now-that-i-ve-worked-through-all-my/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7fc/dana-gould-1290_emotional_here-s-something-you-never-hear-now-that_3163489.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7fc/dana-gould-1290_emotional_here-s-something-you-never-hear-now-that_3163489.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7fc/dana-gould-1290_emotional_here-s-something-you-never-hear-now-that_3163489.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate…” — Dana Gould", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dana Gould" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/as-hard-as-i-try-to-live-with-some-degree-of-faith-in-my-life-i-just/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0c3/dana-gould-1290_believe_as-hard-as-i-try-to-live-with-some-degre_11225.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0c3/dana-gould-1290_believe_as-hard-as-i-try-to-live-with-some-degre_11225.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0c3/dana-gould-1290_believe_as-hard-as-i-try-to-live-with-some-degre_11225.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can…” — Dana Gould", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dana Gould" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-don-t-want-to-appear-to-be-placing-blame-but-as-far-my-life-is/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6e2/dana-gould-1290_balls_i-don-t-want-to-appear-to-be-placing-bla_3008597.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6e2/dana-gould-1290_balls_i-don-t-want-to-appear-to-be-placing-bla_3008597.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6e2/dana-gould-1290_balls_i-don-t-want-to-appear-to-be-placing-bla_3008597.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my…” — Dana Gould", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "We all enter this world in the same way: naked, screaming, soaked in blood. 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Thanks for nothing, now.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dana Gould" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/the-hard-part-about-living-in-the-present-is-it-forces-you-to-abandon/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/198/dana-gould-1290_abandon_the-hard-part-about-living-in-the-presen_1385972.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/198/dana-gould-1290_abandon_the-hard-part-about-living-in-the-presen_1385972.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/198/dana-gould-1290_abandon_the-hard-part-about-living-in-the-presen_1385972.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. 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