--- title: "12 Life Quotes By Artie Lange" description: "12 Life quotes by Artie Lange. Plus more from Artie Lange and more Life sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eec/artie-lange-7262_black_when-i-black-out-it-s-the-happiest-time_482600.jpg" --- > [When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/when-i-black-out-it-s-the-happiest-time-of-my-life/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eec/artie-lange-7262_black_when-i-black-out-it-s-the-happiest-time_482600.jpg) > [Whiskey will always be a part of my life.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/whiskey-will-always-be-a-part-of-my-life/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5ae/artie-lange-7262_life_whiskey-will-always-be-a-part-of-my-life_3059351.jpg) > [But I live an interesting life and I can tell a pretty good story and it has helped my career. But the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/but-i-live-an-interesting-life-and-i-can-tell-a-pretty-good-story-and/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e3d/artie-lange-7262_careers_but-i-live-an-interesting-life-and-i-can_2132180.jpg) > [I am not the easiest guy to live with. It is probably the lack of stability in my life.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/i-am-not-the-easiest-guy-to-live-with-it-is-probably-the-lack-of/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8d6/artie-lange-7262_guy_i-am-not-the-easiest-guy-to-live-with-it_1742077.jpg) > [The road is a lonely place, and that sounds like a cliche, you know, like what is my life?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/the-road-is-a-lonely-place-and-that-sounds-like-a-cliche-you-know/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b29/artie-lange-7262_cliche_the-road-is-a-lonely-place-and-that-soun_2836308.jpg) > [It's a life of five-card draw, and you know what? When God asked me - I'm fine with the card I got.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/it-s-a-life-of-five-card-draw-and-you-know-what-when-god-asked-me-i-m/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/771/artie-lange-7262_cards_it-s-a-life-of-five-card-draw-and-you-kn_1474258.jpg) > [Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/historically-a-successful-life-in-comedy-is-a-dream-that-s-as-equally/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4d7/artie-lange-7262_astronaut_historically-a-successful-life-in-comedy_1130140.jpg) > [You know you're on stage being the life of the party and trying to get laughs, and then, in a lot of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/you-know-you-re-on-stage-being-the-life-of-the-party-and-trying-to/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/40a/artie-lange-7262_anything_you-know-you-re-on-stage-being-the-life_3065036.jpg) > [When I got on Stern I realized that this was the one job where you could be really honest and open, almost…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/when-i-got-on-stern-i-realized-that-this-was-the-one-job-where-you/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1ba/artie-lange-7262_about_when-i-got-on-stern-i-realized-that-this_2211022.jpg) > [Only when you're in that ditch, lying there in the muddy runoff you've made of your life, gazing up at the peak…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/only-when-you-re-in-that-ditch-lying-there-in-the-muddy-runoff-you-ve/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/625/artie-lange-7262_ditch_only-when-you-re-in-that-ditch-lying-the_2121393.jpg) > [As a child, as far as I was concerned, my dad had an amazing job, and we had all the money we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/as-a-child-as-far-as-i-was-concerned-my-dad-had-an-amazing-job-and-we/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/53e/artie-lange-7262_amazing_as-a-child-as-far-as-i-was-concerned-my_3176875.jpg) > [When you're an adult, when times are good, entire years go by in what feels like the space of one season. But…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/when-you-re-an-adult-when-times-are-good-entire-years-go-by-in-what/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d91/artie-lange-7262_adult_when-you-re-an-adult-when-times-are-good_1073905.jpg) ## Other authors on Life - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b022/author-sunday-adelaja-87912.jpg) Sunday Adelaja 2,086 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/sunday-adelaja/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b001/author-nishan-panwar-14.jpg) Nishan Panwar 1,901 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/nishan-panwar/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b019/author-paulo-coelho-74345.jpg) Paulo Coelho 1,045 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/paulo-coelho/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b001/author-ritu-ghatourey-5.jpg) Ritu Ghatourey 893 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/ritu-ghatourey/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b010/author-frederick-lenz-36205.jpg) Frederick Lenz 659 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/frederick-lenz/) - [Lailah Gifty Akita 630 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/lailah-gifty-akita/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b001/author-anurag-prakash-ray-38.jpg) Anurag Prakash Ray 621 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/anurag-prakash-ray/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b022/author-steve-maraboli-87325.jpg) Steve Maraboli 550 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/steve-maraboli/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b001/author-melchor-lim-61.jpg) Melchor Lim 538 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/melchor-lim/) - [Mehmet Murat ildan 452 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/mehmet-murat-ildan/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b011/author-henry-david-thoreau-41473.jpg) Henry David Thoreau 432 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/henry-david-thoreau/) - [Ralph Waldo Emerson 430 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/ralph-waldo-emerson/) ## More by Artie Lange > [The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/the-point-of-drinking-in-moderation-is-that-sometimes-you-don-t-drink/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) > [It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/it-is-funny-because-the-guy-who-is-my-boss-now-howard-stern-has-a/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) > [It's weird because standup can be like therapy. Comedians can't be satisfied with just having fun with our friends. We've got to figure out…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/it-s-weird-because-standup-can-be-like-therapy-comedians-can-t-be/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) > [A-Rod wants to be like Babe Ruth. And people don't realize this, he's a lot like Babe Ruth. Before the playoffs a couple of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/a-rod-wants-to-be-like-babe-ruth-and-people-don-t-realize-this-he-s-a/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) > [At the Mirage Sportsbook, you can get a line on 2 kid playing wiffleball in the backyard in Minnesota](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/at-the-mirage-sportsbook-you-can-get-a-line-on-2-kid-playing/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) > [Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/of-course-in-show-business-there-are-two-ways-to-play-it-and-i-am-not/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) > [By the time I am Howard's age I hope to be long retired. I don't plan on working that long.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/by-the-time-i-am-howard-s-age-i-hope-to-be-long-retired-i-don-t-plan/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) > [The regular guy still relates to him and Howard is a $500 million guy now who dates a model and drives about in a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/the-regular-guy-still-relates-to-him-and-howard-is-a-500-million-guy/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) > [The only reason I can't recommend heroin to kids is because the effects wear off.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/the-only-reason-i-can-t-recommend-heroin-to-kids-is-because-the/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) > [When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/when-i-black-out-it-s-the-happiest-time-of-my-life/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) > [Richard Lewis has this incredible ability to look like he's just... you know it's an act that's been honed. What you have to do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/richard-lewis-has-this-incredible-ability-to-look-like-he-s-just-you/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) > [In Hollywood, there is another name for a woman's 40th birthday party, it's a retirement party.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/in-hollywood-there-is-another-name-for-a-woman-s-40th-birthday-party/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) > [Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/everytime-i-go-to-vegas-i-seem-to-incur-some-kind-of-fine/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) > [It's not a drug problem, until you run out of money. Until then it's just drugs.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/it-s-not-a-drug-problem-until-you-run-out-of-money-until-then-it-s/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) > [Artie is going to do what ever Artie wants to do.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/artie-is-going-to-do-what-ever-artie-wants-to-do/) [Artie Lange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/artie-lange/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/artie-lange/#itemlist", "name": "12 Life Quotes By Artie Lange", "numberOfItems": 12, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Artie Lange" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/when-i-black-out-it-s-the-happiest-time-of-my-life/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eec/artie-lange-7262_black_when-i-black-out-it-s-the-happiest-time_482600.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eec/artie-lange-7262_black_when-i-black-out-it-s-the-happiest-time_482600.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eec/artie-lange-7262_black_when-i-black-out-it-s-the-happiest-time_482600.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life.” — Artie Lange", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Whiskey will always be a part of my life.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Artie Lange" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/whiskey-will-always-be-a-part-of-my-life/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5ae/artie-lange-7262_life_whiskey-will-always-be-a-part-of-my-life_3059351.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5ae/artie-lange-7262_life_whiskey-will-always-be-a-part-of-my-life_3059351.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5ae/artie-lange-7262_life_whiskey-will-always-be-a-part-of-my-life_3059351.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Whiskey will always be a part of my life.” — Artie Lange", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "But I live an interesting life and I can tell a pretty good story and it has helped my career. 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When God asked me - I'm fine with the card I got. I'm gonna play this.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Artie Lange" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/it-s-a-life-of-five-card-draw-and-you-know-what-when-god-asked-me-i-m/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/771/artie-lange-7262_cards_it-s-a-life-of-five-card-draw-and-you-kn_1474258.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/771/artie-lange-7262_cards_it-s-a-life-of-five-card-draw-and-you-kn_1474258.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/771/artie-lange-7262_cards_it-s-a-life-of-five-card-draw-and-you-kn_1474258.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“It's a life of five-card draw, and you know what? When God asked me - I'm fine with the card I got. 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You can be honest about your life and get laughs.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Artie Lange" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/when-i-got-on-stern-i-realized-that-this-was-the-one-job-where-you/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1ba/artie-lange-7262_about_when-i-got-on-stern-i-realized-that-this_2211022.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1ba/artie-lange-7262_about_when-i-got-on-stern-i-realized-that-this_2211022.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1ba/artie-lange-7262_about_when-i-got-on-stern-i-realized-that-this_2211022.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When I got on Stern I realized that this was the one job where you could be really honest and open, almost…” — Artie Lange", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Only when you're in that ditch, lying there in the muddy runoff you've made of your life, gazing up at the peak you fell from, do you truly know how small you are and understand how tall you used to be.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Artie Lange" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/only-when-you-re-in-that-ditch-lying-there-in-the-muddy-runoff-you-ve/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/625/artie-lange-7262_ditch_only-when-you-re-in-that-ditch-lying-the_2121393.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/625/artie-lange-7262_ditch_only-when-you-re-in-that-ditch-lying-the_2121393.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/625/artie-lange-7262_ditch_only-when-you-re-in-that-ditch-lying-the_2121393.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Only when you're in that ditch, lying there in the muddy runoff you've made of your life, gazing up at the…” — Artie Lange", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "As a child, as far as I was concerned, my dad had an amazing job, and we had all the money we needed. My life was so fun and carefree that I didn't realize at all that we weren't rich - until I met someone rich. Still, I've never met a rich kid who grew up as happy as I did.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Artie Lange" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/as-a-child-as-far-as-i-was-concerned-my-dad-had-an-amazing-job-and-we/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/53e/artie-lange-7262_amazing_as-a-child-as-far-as-i-was-concerned-my_3176875.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/53e/artie-lange-7262_amazing_as-a-child-as-far-as-i-was-concerned-my_3176875.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/53e/artie-lange-7262_amazing_as-a-child-as-far-as-i-was-concerned-my_3176875.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“As a child, as far as I was concerned, my dad had an amazing job, and we had all the money we needed. 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But the worst trick time plays on you is just how slowly the worst times in your life take you to live through.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Artie Lange" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/artie-lange/when-you-re-an-adult-when-times-are-good-entire-years-go-by-in-what/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d91/artie-lange-7262_adult_when-you-re-an-adult-when-times-are-good_1073905.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d91/artie-lange-7262_adult_when-you-re-an-adult-when-times-are-good_1073905.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d91/artie-lange-7262_adult_when-you-re-an-adult-when-times-are-good_1073905.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When you're an adult, when times are good, entire years go by in what feels like the space of one season…” — Artie Lange", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } } ] }, { "@type": "CollectionPage", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/artie-lange/#webpage", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/artie-lange/", "name": "Life Quotes by Artie Lange", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/artie-lange/#itemlist" }, "primaryImageOfPage": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eec/artie-lange-7262_black_when-i-black-out-it-s-the-happiest-time_482600.jpg" }, "description": "12 Life quotes by Artie Lange. 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