---
title: "108 Letterman Quotes by 96 authors"
description: "Browse 108 Letterman quotes by 96 authors. Discover the best Letterman sayings and thoughts."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/25b/jesse-ventura-1236_comedy_the-david-letterman-show-is-a-show-of-co_1052490.png"
---

> ['The David Letterman Show' is a show of comedy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jesse-ventura/the-david-letterman-show-is-a-show-of-comedy/)

[Jesse Ventura](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jesse-ventura/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/25b/jesse-ventura-1236_comedy_the-david-letterman-show-is-a-show-of-co_1052490.png)

> [I'm a big Letterman fan.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andy-samberg/i-m-a-big-letterman-fan/)

[Andy Samberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andy-samberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ed6/andy-samberg-8077_big_i-m-a-big-letterman-fan-2733002_2733002.jpg)

> [I went and saw Letterman when I was 15, and that had a profound impact on me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pete-holmes/i-went-and-saw-letterman-when-i-was-15-and-that-had-a-profound-impact/)

[Pete Holmes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pete-holmes/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/df8/pete-holmes-4618_impact_i-went-and-saw-letterman-when-i-was-15-a_2467227.png)

> [I've done things like Letterman and Jimmy Fallon.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/guy-sebastian/i-ve-done-things-like-letterman-and-jimmy-fallon/)

[Guy Sebastian](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/guy-sebastian/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/923/guy-sebastian-5217_done_i-ve-done-things-like-letterman-and-jimm_387467.jpg)

> [I'd like to see David Letterman adopt the inclusion rider on his Netflix show.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nell-scovell/i-d-like-to-see-david-letterman-adopt-the-inclusion-rider-on-his/)

[Nell Scovell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nell-scovell/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/83f/nell-scovell-6875_inclusion_i-d-like-to-see-david-letterman-adopt-th_625729.jpg)

> [Never tell 'em how many lettermen you've got coming back. Tell 'em how many you lost.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/knute-rockne/never-tell-em-how-many-lettermen-you-ve-got-coming-back-tell-em-how/)

[Knute Rockne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/knute-rockne/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4ac/knute-rockne-12759_coming-back_never-tell-em-how-many-lettermen-you-ve_755161.jpg)

> [Hey, you know what, I've gotta go on that 'Letterman' show. That show is so lame.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/al-gore/hey-you-know-what-i-ve-gotta-go-on-that-letterman-show-that-show-is/)

[Al Gore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/al-gore/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d19/al-gore-609_hey_hey-you-know-what-i-ve-gotta-go-on-that_57538.jpg)

> [I've never been a TV junkie. I remember watching Letterman way back when he had a morning show.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/todd-barry/i-ve-never-been-a-tv-junkie-i-remember-watching-letterman-way-back/)

[Todd Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/todd-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/865/todd-barry-11294_back_i-ve-never-been-a-tv-junkie-i-remember-w_1783125.jpg)

> [Welcome to the program. My name is Dave Letterman, and tonight I'm giving my two-week notice.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/welcome-to-the-program-my-name-is-dave-letterman-and-tonight-i-m/)

[David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7bb/david-letterman-378_dave_welcome-to-the-program-my-name-is-dave-l_997581.jpg)

> [I don't know about you, but I can never get enough David Letterman.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/barbara-walters/i-don-t-know-about-you-but-i-can-never-get-enough-david-letterman/)

[Barbara Walters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/barbara-walters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7f1/barbara-walters-7622_enough_i-don-t-know-about-you-but-i-can-never-g_881058.jpg)

> [David Letterman was my guy growing up. My parents recorded the tenth anniversary special for me, and I watched it 40 times.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/timothy-simons/david-letterman-was-my-guy-growing-up-my-parents-recorded-the-tenth/)

[Timothy Simons](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/timothy-simons/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c3a/timothy-simons-11427_anniversary_david-letterman-was-my-guy-growing-up-my_2314305.jpg)

> [I grew up watching Letterman, 'Seinfeld,' 'SNL,' and Monty Python movies. But nothing made me want to get into comedy more than…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joe-mande/i-grew-up-watching-letterman-seinfeld-snl-and-monty-python-movies-but/)

[Joe Mande](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joe-mande/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/74f/joe-mande-38727_comedy_i-grew-up-watching-letterman-seinfeld-sn_3029171.jpg)

> [I've been obsessed with David Letterman forever, and I'd love to be the drag version of David Letterman.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/katya-zamolodchikova/i-ve-been-obsessed-with-david-letterman-forever-and-i-d-love-to-be/)

[Katya Zamolodchikova](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/katya-zamolodchikova/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f0e/katya-zamolodchikova-15369_david_i-ve-been-obsessed-with-david-letterman_3220260.jpg)

> [I gotta tell you, I do not envy whoever they try to put in David Letterman's chair. Folks those are some huge…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/i-gotta-tell-you-i-do-not-envy-whoever-they-try-to-put-in-david/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/05a/stephen-colbert-503_bigs_i-gotta-tell-you-i-do-not-envy-whoever-t_369582.png)

> [At the very beginning, I was a page at Letterman, and I freelanced for any place that would let me write any…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ben-schwartz/at-the-very-beginning-i-was-a-page-at-letterman-and-i-freelanced-for-2/)

[Ben Schwartz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ben-schwartz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/09e/ben-schwartz-20775_let-me_at-the-very-beginning-i-was-a-page-at-le_594482.jpg)

> [“Smiled like a homecoming queen, Pit Bull Terrier with a new collar, actress on the Letterman show.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dennis-vickers/smiled-like-a-homecoming-queen-pit-bull-terrier-with-a-new-collar/)

[Dennis Vickers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dennis-vickers/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a2c/dennis-vickers-9116_homecoming-queen_smiled-like-a-homecoming-queen-pit-bull_2696704.jpg)

> [I've always loved David Letterman. There was an irreverence to his show that I remember, especially in 'Late Night' - it always…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-rudd/i-ve-always-loved-david-letterman-there-was-an-irreverence-to-his/)

[Paul Rudd](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-rudd/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eb0/paul-rudd-3187_always_i-ve-always-loved-david-letterman-there_1673417.jpg)

> [Letterman, despite whatever idiotic (or worse?) things he may have done with women on his staff, was wise enough to realize that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alafair-burke/letterman-despite-whatever-idiotic-or-worse-things-he-may-have-done/)

[Alafair Burke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alafair-burke/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8ff/alafair-burke-22538_bought_letterman-despite-whatever-idiotic-or-wo_2108582.png)

> [I was told David Letterman and Kaufman had heart attacks on the same day: David Letterman's heart attack was at a hospital…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/howard-stern/i-was-told-david-letterman-and-kaufman-had-heart-attacks-on-the-same/)

[Howard Stern](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/howard-stern/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8de/howard-stern-7904_amsterdam_i-was-told-david-letterman-and-kaufman-h_958497.jpg)

> [I grew up loving David Letterman and Pee-wee Herman, but as far as live performance comedy, all I knew were the Jerry…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/scott-aukerman/i-grew-up-loving-david-letterman-and-pee-wee-herman-but-as-far-as/)

[Scott Aukerman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/scott-aukerman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/af1/scott-aukerman-8951_about_i-grew-up-loving-david-letterman-and-pee_1395610.jpg)

> [I mean, if they're doing a television show every night like Jon Stewart, or Ellen, or David Letterman, then they have their…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bruce-vilanch/i-mean-if-they-re-doing-a-television-show-every-night-like-jon/)

[Bruce Vilanch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bruce-vilanch/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8ae/bruce-vilanch-19171_bunch_i-mean-if-they-re-doing-a-television-sho_1367995.png)

> [From 1985 to 1994, I lived in Manhattan in a big old loft right off Times Square. I could walk to work,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/penn-jillette/from-1985-to-1994-i-lived-in-manhattan-in-a-big-old-loft-right-off/)

[Penn Jillette](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/penn-jillette/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/56b/penn-jillette-1046_bigs_from-1985-to-1994-i-lived-in-manhattan-i_1819742.jpg)

> [I'm not sure about that role any longer. The role used to be to mix things up and I think to a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jules-feiffer/i-m-not-sure-about-that-role-any-longer-the-role-used-to-be-to-mix/)

[Jules Feiffer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jules-feiffer/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/313/jules-feiffer-11086_cartoon_i-m-not-sure-about-that-role-any-longer_3038798.jpg)

> [When I was young, I'd watch guys on 'The Tonight Show', Buddy Hackett, guys like that, where all they'd be is funny.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/when-i-was-young-i-d-watch-guys-on-the-tonight-show-buddy-hackett/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d67/norm-macdonald-1825_buddy_when-i-was-young-i-d-watch-guys-on-the-t_2940667.jpg)

> [When I was a freshman in high school, I got a letterman jacket, which you'd think would be great stock. The jacket…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carson-daly/when-i-was-a-freshman-in-high-school-i-got-a-letterman-jacket-which/)

[Carson Daly](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carson-daly/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/875/carson-daly-15974_baseball_when-i-was-a-freshman-in-high-school-i-g_2696785.jpg)

> [I was a huge David Letterman fan, even going back to when he was on NBC. My parents would only let me…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/trevor-moore/i-was-a-huge-david-letterman-fan-even-going-back-to-when-he-was-on/)

[Trevor Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/trevor-moore/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/457/trevor-moore-40304_back_i-was-a-huge-david-letterman-fan-even-go_155651.jpg)

> [Half the stuff I've written was written when I was half asleep watching the David Letterman show when some boring actress was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-bozzio/half-the-stuff-i-ve-written-was-written-when-i-was-half-asleep/)

[Terry Bozzio](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-bozzio/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/609/terry-bozzio-11117_actresses_half-the-stuff-i-ve-written-was-written_266082.jpg)

> [Sure, losing an election hurts, but I've experienced worse. And at an age when every day is precious, brooding over what might…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-dole/sure-losing-an-election-hurts-but-i-ve-experienced-worse-and-at-an/)

[Bob Dole](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-dole/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/909/bob-dole-8280_age_sure-losing-an-election-hurts-but-i-ve-e_1901851.jpg)

> [The main problem is just that people think that other people care about them way more than they do. Anything that you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mandy-stadtmiller/the-main-problem-is-just-that-people-think-that-other-people-care/)

[Mandy Stadtmiller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mandy-stadtmiller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8d1/mandy-stadtmiller-63250_brad_the-main-problem-is-just-that-people-thi_2777937.jpg)

> [Between me and my wife, there's this joke where I'll be doing some fun interview, and I'll get off the phone and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-flansburgh/between-me-and-my-wife-there-s-this-joke-where-i-ll-be-doing-some-fun/)

[John Flansburgh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-flansburgh/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f33/john-flansburgh-14315_fidelity_between-me-and-my-wife-there-s-this-joke_2475997.jpg)

> [I'd been on everybody else's show and there was always a preinterview. Somebody would come with a tape recorder and you'd talk…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-lipton/i-d-been-on-everybody-else-s-show-and-there-was-always-a-preinterview/)

[James Lipton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-lipton/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/13c/james-lipton-13418_answers_i-d-been-on-everybody-else-s-show-and-th_2753414.jpg)

> [Letterman... he got his problems. We don't get along too well.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harvey-pekar/letterman-he-got-his-problems-we-don-t-get-along-too-well/)

[Harvey Pekar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harvey-pekar/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8f7/harvey-pekar-4945_along_letterman-he-got-his-problems-we-don-t-g_3235678.jpg)

> [I refused David Letterman's proposal of marriage for obvious reasons, but thanks for asking.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/teri-garr/i-refused-david-letterman-s-proposal-of-marriage-for-obvious-reasons/)

[Teri Garr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/teri-garr/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3c6/teri-garr-13679_asking_i-refused-david-letterman-s-proposal-of_2811058.jpg)

> [You know the quickest way to get comedians to hate you? Do Letterman at age 24.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mike-birbiglia/you-know-the-quickest-way-to-get-comedians-to-hate-you-do-letterman/)

[Mike Birbiglia](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mike-birbiglia/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2dc/mike-birbiglia-1343_age_you-know-the-quickest-way-to-get-comedia_1217704.png)

> [Did you know David Letterman was offered millions of dollars to do a commercial for dog food?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tracey-ullman/did-you-know-david-letterman-was-offered-millions-of-dollars-to-do-a/)

[Tracey Ullman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tracey-ullman/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/77c/tracey-ullman-11932_did-you-know_did-you-know-david-letterman-was-offered_793731.jpg)

> [I hope to do the 'Letterman' show, 'Leno,' all that.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matt-cassel/i-hope-to-do-the-letterman-show-leno-all-that/)

[Matt Cassel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matt-cassel/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/33c/matt-cassel-6404_hope_i-hope-to-do-the-letterman-show-leno-all_2650235.jpg)

> [Cookies at both of them. The cookies are probably better at Letterman though.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-gaffigan/cookies-at-both-of-them-the-cookies-are-probably-better-at-letterman/)

[Jim Gaffigan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-gaffigan/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4d3/jim-gaffigan-580_cookies_cookies-at-both-of-them-the-cookies-are_91714.jpg)

> [On Letterman and Leno, it always bothers me when they go outside the studio and it's daytime.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jimmy-kimmel/on-letterman-and-leno-it-always-bothers-me-when-they-go-outside-the/)

[Jimmy Kimmel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jimmy-kimmel/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5d5/jimmy-kimmel-12942_always_on-letterman-and-leno-it-always-bothers_830453.jpg)

> [I used to write sketches. I loved David Letterman in the '80s. I used to write Top 10 lists for him, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-schneider/i-used-to-write-sketches-i-loved-david-letterman-in-the-80s-i-used-to/)

[Dan Schneider](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-schneider/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b7f/dan-schneider-11092_away_i-used-to-write-sketches-i-loved-david-l_2737853.jpg)

> [Going on Letterman is like going off the high dive. It's exhilarating, but after a while it wasn't the kind of thrill…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lynda-barry/going-on-letterman-is-like-going-off-the-high-dive-it-s-exhilarating/)

[Lynda Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lynda-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/865/lynda-barry-3343_adventure_going-on-letterman-is-like-going-off-the_2911533.jpg)

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                        "text": "Never tell 'em how many lettermen you've got coming back. Tell 'em how many you lost.",
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                        "text": "Hey, you know what, I've gotta go on that 'Letterman' show. That show is so lame.",
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                        "text": "David Letterman was my guy growing up. My parents recorded the tenth anniversary special for me, and I watched it 40 times.",
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                        "text": "I grew up watching Letterman, 'Seinfeld,' 'SNL,' and Monty Python movies. But nothing made me want to get into comedy more than when 'Mr. Show' started airing.",
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                        "text": "I've been obsessed with David Letterman forever, and I'd love to be the drag version of David Letterman.",
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                        "text": "I gotta tell you, I do not envy whoever they try to put in David Letterman's chair. Folks those are some huge shoes to fill, and some really big pants.",
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                        "text": "At the very beginning, I was a page at Letterman, and I freelanced for any place that would let me write any word. I wanted to do this so badly.",
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                        "text": "“Smiled like a homecoming queen, Pit Bull Terrier with a new collar, actress on the Letterman show.”",
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                        "text": "I've always loved David Letterman. There was an irreverence to his show that I remember, especially in 'Late Night' - it always seemed so fresh.",
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                        "text": "Letterman, despite whatever idiotic (or worse?) things he may have done with women on his staff, was wise enough to realize that silence isn't permanent and peace of mind can't be bought.",
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                        "text": "I was told David Letterman and Kaufman had heart attacks on the same day: David Letterman's heart attack was at a hospital in NYC. Kaufman's heart attack was at the red light district in Amsterdam, Holland. I think Kaufman had more fun. You're a great artist. I just love the way you painted my portrait.",
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                        "text": "I grew up loving David Letterman and Pee-wee Herman, but as far as live performance comedy, all I knew were the Jerry Seinfeld-type comedians of the world, and that's what I thought live performance comedy was all about.",
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                        "text": "I mean, if they're doing a television show every night like Jon Stewart, or Ellen, or David Letterman, then they have their bunch of people who are sitting on a payroll someplace, who are coming up with material every day of the week. Those are the people who wind up doing the bulk of the work for them when they host the thing, because that's their team.",
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                        "text": "From 1985 to 1994, I lived in Manhattan in a big old loft right off Times Square. I could walk to work, which was in a couple of Broadway theaters, to Howard Stern's studio, and to 30 Rock for 'Letterman' and 'SNL.' Even in New York, walking to work is homey and folksy, like living in a small town.",
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                        "text": "I'm not sure about that role any longer. The role used to be to mix things up and I think to a great extent it still is, but the quality of the work of the political cartoon has been succeeded by the wisecrack, the gag cartoon, so that the cartoonist becomes more of the equivalent of the Jay Leno monologues, or David Letterman monologues.",
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                        "text": "When I was young, I'd watch guys on 'The Tonight Show', Buddy Hackett, guys like that, where all they'd be is funny. Later, I remember, on 'Late Night with Letterman', I remember he'd have Jay Leno and Richard Lewis as first guests and the entire point was to entertain and be funny, and I think talk shows have kind of lost that.",
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                        "text": "When I was a freshman in high school, I got a letterman jacket, which you'd think would be great stock. The jacket had the big S on it, for Santa Monica. But rather than having a football or a baseball on the S, I had a little nine iron. Girls thought it was a flute.",
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                        "text": "I was a huge David Letterman fan, even going back to when he was on NBC. My parents would only let me watch a half hour of television a day, so I would record Letterman the night before and then watch it when I came home from school. That's what made me want to do a T.V. show.",
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                        "text": "Half the stuff I've written was written when I was half asleep watching the David Letterman show when some boring actress was on talking about herself. I would just mute the TV, look over to the computer and start plugging in notes. Then the next morning you go \"Wow, I like this\". I'd almost forget what I did, and then it would inspire me to go on and do the next thing. That's what I do. Just kind of follow my own little thing.",
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                        "text": "Sure, losing an election hurts, but I've experienced worse. And at an age when every day is precious, brooding over what might have been is self-defeating. In conceding the 1996 election, I remarked that \"tomorrow will be the first time in my life I don't have anything to do.\" I was wrong. Seventy-two hours after conceding the election, I was swapping wisecracks with David Letterman on his late-night show.",
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                        "text": "The main problem is just that people think that other people care about them way more than they do. Anything that you do, that requires anyone to do an ounce of work that's about you, is a mistake. Because unless you are Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, or David Letterman, or just a really, really giant celebrity, or you're maybe at the center of a media storm where everyone is trying to get in touch with you, people don't want to have to do any work to remember who you are, what you're selling, or what your website is.",
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                        "text": "Between me and my wife, there's this joke where I'll be doing some fun interview, and I'll get off the phone and be like, \"That guy was an idiot.\" A lot of times, interviews are like being asked a list of questions. Invariably, there will be this part where they think you're a writer for Letterman: \"Just off the top of your head, tell me the 10 most influential bands on you.\" And you're actually asked to come up with a spontaneous list. It's like, \"Dude, I'm not living in High Fidelity.\"",
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                        "text": "I'd been on everybody else's show and there was always a preinterview. Somebody would come with a tape recorder and you'd talk for three or four hours, and they'd take it back and it would be transcribed, and it would be given to the writers, those many writers you see on all those shows, Larry King, Letterman, Leno, etc. And then they choose the answers that will be most evocative on their show.",
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                        "text": "Letterman... he got his problems. We don't get along too well.",
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                        "text": "I refused David Letterman's proposal of marriage for obvious reasons, but thanks for asking.",
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                        "text": "You know the quickest way to get comedians to hate you? Do Letterman at age 24.",
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                        "text": "Cookies at both of them. The cookies are probably better at Letterman though.",
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