---
title: "13 Lasts Quotes By Steven Wright"
description: "13 Lasts quotes by Steven Wright. Plus more from Steven Wright and more Lasts sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/feb/steven-wright-432_blank_last-night-i-played-a-blank-tape-at-full_1346774.jpg"
---

> [Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/last-night-i-played-a-blank-tape-at-full-blast-the-mime-next-door/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/feb/steven-wright-432_blank_last-night-i-played-a-blank-tape-at-full_1346774.jpg)

> [Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/last-week-i-forgot-how-to-ride-a-bicycle/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f5b/steven-wright-432_bicycle_last-week-i-forgot-how-to-ride-a-bicycle_2878400.jpg)

> [Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/last-year-we-drove-across-the-country-we-had-one-cassette-tape-to/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0f6/steven-wright-432_cassette-tapes_last-year-we-drove-across-the-country-we_1007228.jpg)

> [I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was "Quote" so the last thing I said before I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-wish-when-i-was-first-born-the-first-thing-i-said-was-quote-so-the/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/111/steven-wright-432_born_i-wish-when-i-was-first-born-the-first-t_2287065.jpg)

> [Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/last-night-somebody-broke-into-my-apartment-and-replaced-everything/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2fd/steven-wright-432_apartment_last-night-somebody-broke-into-my-apartm_1048050.jpg)

> [Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish. My dreams were broadcast all over the world.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/last-night-i-fell-asleep-in-a-satellite-dish-my-dreams-were-broadcast/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/186/steven-wright-432_dishes_last-night-i-fell-asleep-in-a-satellite_1978006.jpg)

> [Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/sometimes-i-wish-my-first-word-was-quote-so-that-on-my-death-bed-my/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/915/steven-wright-432_bed_sometimes-i-wish-my-first-word-was-quote_404583.jpg)

> [The other day I went to a tourist information booth and asked, 'Tell me about some of the people who were here…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/the-other-day-i-went-to-a-tourist-information-booth-and-asked-tell-me/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/15a/steven-wright-432_information_the-other-day-i-went-to-a-tourist-inform_1102207.jpg)

> [I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-went-for-a-walk-last-night-and-she-asked-me-how-long-i-was-going-to/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eb3/steven-wright-432_gone_i-went-for-a-walk-last-night-and-she-ask_2835195.jpg)

> [I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-once-tried-to-commit-suicide-by-jumping-off-a-building-i-changed-my/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/49e/steven-wright-432_building_i-once-tried-to-commit-suicide-by-jumpin_2650311.jpg)

> [I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-went-to-this-restaurant-last-night-that-was-set-up-like-a-big/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/208/steven-wright-432_bigs_i-went-to-this-restaurant-last-night-tha_60519.jpg)

> [I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-have-a-map-of-the-united-states-actual-size-it-says-scale-1-mile-1/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5b4/steven-wright-432_ask-me_i-have-a-map-of-the-united-states-actual_2188759.jpg)

> [You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/you-know-when-you-re-sitting-on-a-chair-and-you-lean-back-so-you-re/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/21a/steven-wright-432_chairs_you-know-when-you-re-sitting-on-a-chair_2782145.jpg)

## Other authors on Lasts

## More by Steven Wright

> [Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/depression-is-merely-anger-without-enthusiasm/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/my-dental-hygienist-is-cute-every-time-i-visit-i-eat-a-whole-package/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/if-lawyers-are-disbarred-and-clergymen-defrocked-doesn-t-it-follow/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/if-i-ever-had-twins-i-d-use-one-for-parts/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. While both criminal, they're very different circumstances.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/nobody-can-really-compare-a-relationship-in-which-the-victim-is-15/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-saw-a-tree-fall-in-the-woods-and-i-didn-t-hear-it/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/it-s-very-intense-to-be-in-front-of-a-live-audience-it-s-just-an/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-got-pulled-over-by-a-cop-and-he-said-do-you-know-the-speed-limit/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/babies-don-t-need-a-vacation-but-i-still-see-them-at-the-beach-it/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-just-got-out-of-the-hospital-i-was-in-a-speed-reading-accident-i/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/when-i-m-on-stage-it-s-really-intense-my-mind-is-going-a-million/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-don-t-like-politicians-and-i-don-t-like-politics-i-definitely-don-t/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-went-to-this-restaurant-last-night-that-was-set-up-like-a-big/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/why-isn-t-the-number-11-pronounced-onety-one/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/a-conscience-is-what-hurts-when-all-your-other-parts-feel-so-good/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

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