--- title: "24 Lasts Quotes By Bill Maher" description: "24 Lasts quotes by Bill Maher. Plus more from Bill Maher and more Lasts sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5b4/bill-maher-211_future-plans_donald-rumsfeld-also-lost-his-gig-last-w_1440654.png" --- > [Donald Rumsfeld also lost his gig last week. When asked what his future plans are, Rumsfeld said, 'What's a plan?'](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/donald-rumsfeld-also-lost-his-gig-last-week-when-asked-what-his/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5b4/bill-maher-211_future-plans_donald-rumsfeld-also-lost-his-gig-last-w_1440654.png) > [Based on every statement I’ve heard out of any Republican in the last two years, the Israelis are controlling our government.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/based-on-every-statement-i-ve-heard-out-of-any-republican-in-the-last/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/759/bill-maher-211_controlling-governme_based-on-every-statement-i-ve-heard-out_2811872.png) > [A new biography of Madonna came out last week, and apparently the biography lists all the men she's slept with. The book…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/a-new-biography-of-madonna-came-out-last-week-and-apparently-the/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/59b/bill-maher-211_biographies_a-new-biography-of-madonna-came-out-last_2592411.png) > [Last week, I suggested the candidates take up mushrooms. I'll be damned if Rick Perry didn't take me up on that.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/last-week-i-suggested-the-candidates-take-up-mushrooms-i-ll-be-damned/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d8/bill-maher-211_lasts_last-week-i-suggested-the-candidates-tak_1644316.png) > [Obama has had more fundraisers than the last six presidents combined. And he's still losing in the money race!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/obama-has-had-more-fundraisers-than-the-last-six-presidents-combined/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e45/bill-maher-211_fundraiser_obama-has-had-more-fundraisers-than-the_978223.png) > [New Jersey Mayor Corey Booker last night personally rescued a woman from a burning building. Or as Fox News reported it, 'black…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/new-jersey-mayor-corey-booker-last-night-personally-rescued-a-woman/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/988/bill-maher-211_black_new-jersey-mayor-corey-booker-last-night_2395496.png) > [Did you see the 2000 Republican Presidential Convention? The last time the Republicans had that many Black people on a stage, they…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/did-you-see-the-2000-republican-presidential-convention-the-last-time/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a9c/bill-maher-211_black_did-you-see-the-2000-republican-presiden_481444.png) > [During the debate, Bush was asked by a lady to name three mistakes he's made. And Bush responded, this debate, the last…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/during-the-debate-bush-was-asked-by-a-lady-to-name-three-mistakes-he/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ff9/bill-maher-211_debate_during-the-debate-bush-was-asked-by-a-la_259997.png) > [I was watching Ashlee Simpson on Jay's show last night... She was really singing, and I was saying, 'Bring back the lip…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/i-was-watching-ashlee-simpson-on-jay-s-show-last-night-she-was-really/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/306/bill-maher-211_band_i-was-watching-ashlee-simpson-on-jay-s-s_2124413.jpg) > [New Rule: Someone must x-ray my stomach to see if the Peeps I ate on Easter are still in there, intact and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/new-rule-someone-must-x-ray-my-stomach-to-see-if-the-peeps-i-ate-on/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/72e/bill-maher-211_easter_new-rule-someone-must-x-ray-my-stomach-t_88364.png) > [Down in Texas, Rick Perry announced he will not run for reelection. He said 'I executed one last woman, that fertilizer plant…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/down-in-texas-rick-perry-announced-he-will-not-run-for-reelection-he/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/19b/bill-maher-211_abortion_down-in-texas-rick-perry-announced-he-wi_1103330.png) > [New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/new-rule-there-is-no-devil-so-stop-blaming-your-screw-ups-on-him-last/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a72/bill-maher-211_america_new-rule-there-is-no-devil-so-stop-blami_32006.png) > [Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/just-because-your-tattoo-has-chinese-characters-in-it-doesn-t-make/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/043/bill-maher-211_ass_just-because-your-tattoo-has-chinese-cha_1351008.png) > [Even somebody like Bill Clinton, who I happen to admire very much, the second he was out of office, I remember, he…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/even-somebody-like-bill-clinton-who-i-happen-to-admire-very-much-the/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f57/bill-maher-211_admire_even-somebody-like-bill-clinton-who-i-ha_1277328.png) > [New Rule: You're never going to pick up women at a coffee shop pretending to be working on your laptop. You don't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/new-rule-you-re-never-going-to-pick-up-women-at-a-coffee-shop/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/357/bill-maher-211_adam_new-rule-you-re-never-going-to-pick-up-w_2765219.png) > [McCain was introduced at the convention last night by his wife -- I won't say 'trophy wife' -- but she did $300,000…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/mccain-was-introduced-at-the-convention-last-night-by-his-wife-i-won/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/443/bill-maher-211_bars_mccain-was-introduced-at-the-convention_2444703.png) > [Sarah Palin has already had an effect on foreign relations... The new president of Pakistan, Ali Zardari, is in hot water, because…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/sarah-palin-has-already-had-an-effect-on-foreign-relations-the-new/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2a7/bill-maher-211_class_sarah-palin-has-already-had-an-effect-on_1168238.jpg) > [Over the last 30 odd years, Democrats have moved to the right and the right has moved into the mental hospital. So…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/over-the-last-30-odd-years-democrats-have-moved-to-the-right-and-the/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/34d/bill-maher-211_agriculture_over-the-last-30-odd-years-democrats-hav_288566.png) > [The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/the-jury-could-get-the-case-as-early-as-next-week-but-the-defense/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0d5/bill-maher-211_cases_the-jury-could-get-the-case-as-early-as_1743599.jpg) > [The idea that I hear from the right wing in the last few decades, is that any sort of sacrifice is an…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/the-idea-that-i-hear-from-the-right-wing-in-the-last-few-decades-is/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ac4/bill-maher-211_affront_the-idea-that-i-hear-from-the-right-wing_3221669.png) > [At some point in the last 20 years, the left moved to the center, and the right moved into a mental institution.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/at-some-point-in-the-last-20-years-the-left-moved-to-the-center-and/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/88d/bill-maher-211_europe_at-some-point-in-the-last-20-years-the-l_2574586.png) > [Last week John McCain said the fundamentals of our economy are strong. This week, he said it's the worst crisis since World…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/last-week-john-mccain-said-the-fundamentals-of-our-economy-are-strong/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a8d/bill-maher-211_ads_last-week-john-mccain-said-the-fundament_3066341.png) > [Guns aren't just a tool of last resort. They're awesome. That's why people stroke them. And name them, and take pictures with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/guns-aren-t-just-a-tool-of-last-resort-they-re-awesome-that-s-why/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/888/bill-maher-211_amendment_guns-aren-t-just-a-tool-of-last-resort-t_1030430.jpg) > [The comedy gods are smiling on me tonight, because I have been saying, for the longest time, that president Bush must set…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/the-comedy-gods-are-smiling-on-me-tonight-because-i-have-been-saying/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aee/bill-maher-211_ass_the-comedy-gods-are-smiling-on-me-tonigh_843495.png) ## Other authors on Lasts ## More by Bill Maher > [A lot of people say they are dyslexic; some have to realize that they are just stupid.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/a-lot-of-people-say-they-are-dyslexic-some-have-to-realize-that-they/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) > [I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad's room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/i-saw-this-anti-drug-commercial-that-showed-a-kid-smoking-pot-in-his/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) > [To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/to-all-conservative-women-out-there-if-you-are-so-sure-the-embryo/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) > [Curious people are intersting people, I wonder why that is.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/curious-people-are-intersting-people-i-wonder-why-that-is/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) > [You see, the difference is the Republicans' hatred of Obama is based on a paranoid feeling about what he might do, what he's thinking,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/you-see-the-difference-is-the-republicans-hatred-of-obama-is-based-on/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) > [The food is out of this world!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/the-food-is-out-of-this-world/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) > [New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in America, the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/new-rule-there-is-no-devil-so-stop-blaming-your-screw-ups-on-him-last/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) > [If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/if-we-were-a-dog-and-god-owned-us-the-cops-would-come-and-take-us-away/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) > [“New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/new-rule-the-white-house-doesn-t-have-to-release-the-dead-bin-laden/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) > [I think religion is bad and drugs are good.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/i-think-religion-is-bad-and-drugs-are-good/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) > [I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/i-don-t-hate-america-i-love-america-i-want-it-to-be-better-the-only/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) > [“New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/new-rule-americans-must-realize-what-makes-nfl-football-so-great/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) > [So many kids are fat drug addicts these days, it's almost as if Rush Limbaugh had puppies.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/so-many-kids-are-fat-drug-addicts-these-days-it-s-almost-as-if-rush/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) > [What we don't know is about Jeb Bush and cocaine. But we do know that he did once had his brother Florida on a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/what-we-don-t-know-is-about-jeb-bush-and-cocaine-but-we-do-know-that/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) > [“I find that the world is changing much, much faster than I can even bitch about it.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/i-find-that-the-world-is-changing-much-much-faster-than-i-can-even/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/lasts/bill-maher/#itemlist", "name": "24 Lasts Quotes By Bill Maher", "numberOfItems": 24, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Donald Rumsfeld also lost his gig last week. 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The book is apparently called the Manhattan Telephone Directory.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Bill Maher" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/a-new-biography-of-madonna-came-out-last-week-and-apparently-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/59b/bill-maher-211_biographies_a-new-biography-of-madonna-came-out-last_2592411.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/59b/bill-maher-211_biographies_a-new-biography-of-madonna-came-out-last_2592411.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/59b/bill-maher-211_biographies_a-new-biography-of-madonna-came-out-last_2592411.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“A new biography of Madonna came out last week, and apparently the biography lists all the men she's slept…” — Bill Maher", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Last week, I suggested the candidates take up mushrooms. I'll be damned if Rick Perry didn't take me up on that.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Bill Maher" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/last-week-i-suggested-the-candidates-take-up-mushrooms-i-ll-be-damned/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d8/bill-maher-211_lasts_last-week-i-suggested-the-candidates-tak_1644316.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d8/bill-maher-211_lasts_last-week-i-suggested-the-candidates-tak_1644316.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d8/bill-maher-211_lasts_last-week-i-suggested-the-candidates-tak_1644316.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Last week, I suggested the candidates take up mushrooms. 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And he's still losing in the money race!", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Bill Maher" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/obama-has-had-more-fundraisers-than-the-last-six-presidents-combined/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e45/bill-maher-211_fundraiser_obama-has-had-more-fundraisers-than-the_978223.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e45/bill-maher-211_fundraiser_obama-has-had-more-fundraisers-than-the_978223.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e45/bill-maher-211_fundraiser_obama-has-had-more-fundraisers-than-the_978223.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Obama has had more fundraisers than the last six presidents combined. 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Or as Fox News reported it, 'black man loots house, steals white woman.'", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Bill Maher" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/new-jersey-mayor-corey-booker-last-night-personally-rescued-a-woman/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/988/bill-maher-211_black_new-jersey-mayor-corey-booker-last-night_2395496.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/988/bill-maher-211_black_new-jersey-mayor-corey-booker-last-night_2395496.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/988/bill-maher-211_black_new-jersey-mayor-corey-booker-last-night_2395496.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“New Jersey Mayor Corey Booker last night personally rescued a woman from a burning building. 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The last time the Republicans had that many Black people on a stage, they were selling them!", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Bill Maher" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/did-you-see-the-2000-republican-presidential-convention-the-last-time/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a9c/bill-maher-211_black_did-you-see-the-2000-republican-presiden_481444.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a9c/bill-maher-211_black_did-you-see-the-2000-republican-presiden_481444.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a9c/bill-maher-211_black_did-you-see-the-2000-republican-presiden_481444.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Did you see the 2000 Republican Presidential Convention? The last time the Republicans had that many Black…” — Bill Maher", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "During the debate, Bush was asked by a lady to name three mistakes he's made. And Bush responded, this debate, the last debate and the next debate.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Bill Maher" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/during-the-debate-bush-was-asked-by-a-lady-to-name-three-mistakes-he/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ff9/bill-maher-211_debate_during-the-debate-bush-was-asked-by-a-la_259997.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ff9/bill-maher-211_debate_during-the-debate-bush-was-asked-by-a-la_259997.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ff9/bill-maher-211_debate_during-the-debate-bush-was-asked-by-a-la_259997.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“During the debate, Bush was asked by a lady to name three mistakes he's made. 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I'm talking about the last time I celebrated Easter, in 1962.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Bill Maher" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/new-rule-someone-must-x-ray-my-stomach-to-see-if-the-peeps-i-ate-on/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/72e/bill-maher-211_easter_new-rule-someone-must-x-ray-my-stomach-t_88364.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/72e/bill-maher-211_easter_new-rule-someone-must-x-ray-my-stomach-t_88364.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/72e/bill-maher-211_easter_new-rule-someone-must-x-ray-my-stomach-t_88364.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“New Rule: Someone must x-ray my stomach to see if the Peeps I ate on Easter are still in there, intact and…” — Bill Maher", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Down in Texas, Rick Perry announced he will not run for reelection. He said 'I executed one last woman, that fertilizer plant exploded, I returned abortions to back alleys where it belongs, my work here is done.' I think that's what he said, he was chewing a crayon.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Bill Maher" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/down-in-texas-rick-perry-announced-he-will-not-run-for-reelection-he/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/19b/bill-maher-211_abortion_down-in-texas-rick-perry-announced-he-wi_1103330.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/19b/bill-maher-211_abortion_down-in-texas-rick-perry-announced-he-wi_1103330.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/19b/bill-maher-211_abortion_down-in-texas-rick-perry-announced-he-wi_1103330.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Down in Texas, Rick Perry announced he will not run for reelection. 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Or as Fox News reported it, 'John Kerry hates our troops'.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Bill Maher" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/new-rule-there-is-no-devil-so-stop-blaming-your-screw-ups-on-him-last/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a72/bill-maher-211_america_new-rule-there-is-no-devil-so-stop-blami_32006.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a72/bill-maher-211_america_new-rule-there-is-no-devil-so-stop-blami_32006.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a72/bill-maher-211_america_new-rule-there-is-no-devil-so-stop-blami_32006.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. 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You're just high.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Bill Maher" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/just-because-your-tattoo-has-chinese-characters-in-it-doesn-t-make/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/043/bill-maher-211_ass_just-because-your-tattoo-has-chinese-cha_1351008.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/043/bill-maher-211_ass_just-because-your-tattoo-has-chinese-cha_1351008.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/043/bill-maher-211_ass_just-because-your-tattoo-has-chinese-cha_1351008.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack…” — Bill Maher", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Even somebody like Bill Clinton, who I happen to admire very much, the second he was out of office, I remember, he was interview in Rolling Stone and he said he thought we should have legalized marijuana. And I thought, gosh, if only you were in some sort of position to affect change in the last eight years where you could have done something about that.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Bill Maher" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/even-somebody-like-bill-clinton-who-i-happen-to-admire-very-much-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f57/bill-maher-211_admire_even-somebody-like-bill-clinton-who-i-ha_1277328.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f57/bill-maher-211_admire_even-somebody-like-bill-clinton-who-i-ha_1277328.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f57/bill-maher-211_admire_even-somebody-like-bill-clinton-who-i-ha_1277328.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Even somebody like Bill Clinton, who I happen to admire very much, the second he was out of office, I…” — Bill Maher", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 15, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "New Rule: You're never going to pick up women at a coffee shop pretending to be working on your laptop. You don't look like you're sensitive, you look like you're homeless.The last guy to pick up a chick with an Apple was Adam. And when you sit across from another dateless loser with a laptop, it still doesn't look like you're working--it looks like you're playing Battleship.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Bill Maher" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/new-rule-you-re-never-going-to-pick-up-women-at-a-coffee-shop/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/357/bill-maher-211_adam_new-rule-you-re-never-going-to-pick-up-w_2765219.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/357/bill-maher-211_adam_new-rule-you-re-never-going-to-pick-up-w_2765219.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/357/bill-maher-211_adam_new-rule-you-re-never-going-to-pick-up-w_2765219.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“New Rule: You're never going to pick up women at a coffee shop pretending to be working on your laptop. You…” — Bill Maher", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 16, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "McCain was introduced at the convention last night by his wife -- I won't say 'trophy wife' -- but she did $300,000 worth of clothes and jewelry on, no matter to the party of the little guy. But Cindy McCain talked about how his character, honor and integrity made him the exact kind of married man she was looking to pick up at a bar.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Bill Maher" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/mccain-was-introduced-at-the-convention-last-night-by-his-wife-i-won/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/443/bill-maher-211_bars_mccain-was-introduced-at-the-convention_2444703.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/443/bill-maher-211_bars_mccain-was-introduced-at-the-convention_2444703.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/443/bill-maher-211_bars_mccain-was-introduced-at-the-convention_2444703.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“McCain was introduced at the convention last night by his wife -- I won't say 'trophy wife' -- but she did…” — Bill Maher", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 17, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Sarah Palin has already had an effect on foreign relations... The new president of Pakistan, Ali Zardari, is in hot water, because last week, Sarah was on a class trip to New York, where she met foreign leaders... And one of the leaders she met was Zardari, and he was gushing over her. He said, oh, you're more gorgeous in person than you are on TV. And so the people in his home country of Pakistan, the Islamists, they issued a fatwa on him, for being too 'flirty.' And when Sarah today was told that Zardari had gotten a fatwa because of her, she said, 'I know, I felt it when he hugged me.'", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Bill Maher" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/sarah-palin-has-already-had-an-effect-on-foreign-relations-the-new/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2a7/bill-maher-211_class_sarah-palin-has-already-had-an-effect-on_1168238.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2a7/bill-maher-211_class_sarah-palin-has-already-had-an-effect-on_1168238.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2a7/bill-maher-211_class_sarah-palin-has-already-had-an-effect-on_1168238.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Sarah Palin has already had an effect on foreign relations... 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He's not even a liberal.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Bill Maher" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/over-the-last-30-odd-years-democrats-have-moved-to-the-right-and-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/34d/bill-maher-211_agriculture_over-the-last-30-odd-years-democrats-hav_288566.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/34d/bill-maher-211_agriculture_over-the-last-30-odd-years-democrats-hav_288566.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/34d/bill-maher-211_agriculture_over-the-last-30-odd-years-democrats-hav_288566.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Over the last 30 odd years, Democrats have moved to the right and the right has moved into the mental…” — Bill Maher", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 19, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute load of crap.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Bill Maher" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/the-jury-could-get-the-case-as-early-as-next-week-but-the-defense/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0d5/bill-maher-211_cases_the-jury-could-get-the-case-as-early-as_1743599.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0d5/bill-maher-211_cases_the-jury-could-get-the-case-as-early-as_1743599.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0d5/bill-maher-211_cases_the-jury-could-get-the-case-as-early-as_1743599.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one…” — Bill Maher", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 20, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The idea that I hear from the right wing in the last few decades, is that any sort of sacrifice is an affront to my liberty as an American to be a pig the way I want to.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Bill Maher" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/the-idea-that-i-hear-from-the-right-wing-in-the-last-few-decades-is/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ac4/bill-maher-211_affront_the-idea-that-i-hear-from-the-right-wing_3221669.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ac4/bill-maher-211_affront_the-idea-that-i-hear-from-the-right-wing_3221669.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ac4/bill-maher-211_affront_the-idea-that-i-hear-from-the-right-wing_3221669.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The idea that I hear from the right wing in the last few decades, is that any sort of sacrifice is an…” — Bill Maher", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 21, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "At some point in the last 20 years, the left moved to the center, and the right moved into a mental institution.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Bill Maher" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/at-some-point-in-the-last-20-years-the-left-moved-to-the-center-and/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/88d/bill-maher-211_europe_at-some-point-in-the-last-20-years-the-l_2574586.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/88d/bill-maher-211_europe_at-some-point-in-the-last-20-years-the-l_2574586.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/88d/bill-maher-211_europe_at-some-point-in-the-last-20-years-the-l_2574586.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“At some point in the last 20 years, the left moved to the center, and the right moved into a mental…” — Bill Maher", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 22, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Last week John McCain said the fundamentals of our economy are strong. This week, he said it's the worst crisis since World War II. So he suspended his campaign, unless you count doing interviews, airing attack ads, sending out surrogates on TV to attack Obama.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Bill Maher" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/last-week-john-mccain-said-the-fundamentals-of-our-economy-are-strong/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a8d/bill-maher-211_ads_last-week-john-mccain-said-the-fundament_3066341.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a8d/bill-maher-211_ads_last-week-john-mccain-said-the-fundament_3066341.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a8d/bill-maher-211_ads_last-week-john-mccain-said-the-fundament_3066341.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Last week John McCain said the fundamentals of our economy are strong. This week, he said it's the worst…” — Bill Maher", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 23, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Guns aren't just a tool of last resort. They're awesome. That's why people stroke them. And name them, and take pictures with them. You guys aren't just firearm enthusiasts — you're ammosexuals. And before you try and deny you have some sort of unnatural romantic relationship with your gun, consider this. You're taking it out to dinner! Because it completes you. Get a room.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Bill Maher" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/guns-aren-t-just-a-tool-of-last-resort-they-re-awesome-that-s-why/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/888/bill-maher-211_amendment_guns-aren-t-just-a-tool-of-last-resort-t_1030430.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/888/bill-maher-211_amendment_guns-aren-t-just-a-tool-of-last-resort-t_1030430.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/888/bill-maher-211_amendment_guns-aren-t-just-a-tool-of-last-resort-t_1030430.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Guns aren't just a tool of last resort. They're awesome. That's why people stroke them. 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So now we don't know where it is, but at least for once in my life, I get to see the words \"Bush\", \"operation\", and \"success\" in the same sentence.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Bill Maher" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/the-comedy-gods-are-smiling-on-me-tonight-because-i-have-been-saying/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aee/bill-maher-211_ass_the-comedy-gods-are-smiling-on-me-tonigh_843495.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aee/bill-maher-211_ass_the-comedy-gods-are-smiling-on-me-tonigh_843495.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aee/bill-maher-211_ass_the-comedy-gods-are-smiling-on-me-tonigh_843495.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The comedy gods are smiling on me tonight, because I have been saying, for the longest time, that president…” — Bill Maher", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } } ] }, { "@type": "CollectionPage", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/lasts/bill-maher/#webpage", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/lasts/bill-maher/", "name": "Lasts Quotes by Bill Maher", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/lasts/bill-maher/#itemlist" }, "primaryImageOfPage": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5b4/bill-maher-211_future-plans_donald-rumsfeld-also-lost-his-gig-last-w_1440654.png" }, "description": "24 Lasts quotes by Bill Maher. 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