---
title: "8 Last night Quotes By Steven Wright"
description: "8 Last night quotes by Steven Wright. Plus more from Steven Wright and more Last night sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/208/steven-wright-432_bigs_i-went-to-this-restaurant-last-night-tha_60519.jpg"
---

> [I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-went-to-this-restaurant-last-night-that-was-set-up-like-a-big/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/208/steven-wright-432_bigs_i-went-to-this-restaurant-last-night-tha_60519.jpg)

> [“I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wakeup letter.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-stayed-in-a-really-old-hotel-last-night-they-sent-me-a-wakeup-letter/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/67f/steven-wright-432_hotel_i-stayed-in-a-really-old-hotel-last-nigh_229305.jpg)

> [Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/last-night-somebody-broke-into-my-apartment-and-replaced-everything/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2fd/steven-wright-432_apartment_last-night-somebody-broke-into-my-apartm_1048050.jpg)

> [Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/last-night-i-played-a-blank-tape-at-full-blast-the-mime-next-door/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/feb/steven-wright-432_blank_last-night-i-played-a-blank-tape-at-full_1346774.jpg)

> [Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/last-night-i-stayed-up-late-playing-poker-with-tarot-cards-i-got-a/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/78c/steven-wright-432_cards_last-night-i-stayed-up-late-playing-poke_1824548.jpg)

> [Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish. My dreams were broadcast all over the world.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/last-night-i-fell-asleep-in-a-satellite-dish-my-dreams-were-broadcast/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/186/steven-wright-432_dishes_last-night-i-fell-asleep-in-a-satellite_1978006.jpg)

> [I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-stayed-in-a-really-old-hotel-last-night-they-sent-me-a-wake-up/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/40f/steven-wright-432_hotel_i-stayed-in-a-really-old-hotel-last-nigh_2126770.jpg)

> [I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-went-for-a-walk-last-night-and-she-asked-me-how-long-i-was-going-to/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eb3/steven-wright-432_gone_i-went-for-a-walk-last-night-and-she-ask_2835195.jpg)

## Other authors on Last night

## More by Steven Wright

> [Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/depression-is-merely-anger-without-enthusiasm/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/my-dental-hygienist-is-cute-every-time-i-visit-i-eat-a-whole-package/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/if-lawyers-are-disbarred-and-clergymen-defrocked-doesn-t-it-follow/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/if-i-ever-had-twins-i-d-use-one-for-parts/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. While both criminal, they're very different circumstances.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/nobody-can-really-compare-a-relationship-in-which-the-victim-is-15/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-saw-a-tree-fall-in-the-woods-and-i-didn-t-hear-it/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/it-s-very-intense-to-be-in-front-of-a-live-audience-it-s-just-an/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-got-pulled-over-by-a-cop-and-he-said-do-you-know-the-speed-limit/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/babies-don-t-need-a-vacation-but-i-still-see-them-at-the-beach-it/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-just-got-out-of-the-hospital-i-was-in-a-speed-reading-accident-i/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/when-i-m-on-stage-it-s-really-intense-my-mind-is-going-a-million/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-don-t-like-politicians-and-i-don-t-like-politics-i-definitely-don-t/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-went-to-this-restaurant-last-night-that-was-set-up-like-a-big/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/why-isn-t-the-number-11-pronounced-onety-one/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/a-conscience-is-what-hurts-when-all-your-other-parts-feel-so-good/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

```json
{
    "@context": "https://schema.org",
    "@graph": [
        {
            "@type": "ItemList",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/last-night/steven-wright/#itemlist",
            "name": "8 Last night Quotes By Steven Wright",
            "numberOfItems": 8,
            "itemListElement": [
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 1,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Steven Wright"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-went-to-this-restaurant-last-night-that-was-set-up-like-a-big/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/208/steven-wright-432_bigs_i-went-to-this-restaurant-last-night-tha_60519.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/208/steven-wright-432_bigs_i-went-to-this-restaurant-last-night-tha_60519.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/208/steven-wright-432_bigs_i-went-to-this-restaurant-last-night-tha_60519.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd…” — Steven Wright",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 2,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wakeup letter.”",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Steven Wright"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-stayed-in-a-really-old-hotel-last-night-they-sent-me-a-wakeup-letter/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/67f/steven-wright-432_hotel_i-stayed-in-a-really-old-hotel-last-nigh_229305.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/67f/steven-wright-432_hotel_i-stayed-in-a-really-old-hotel-last-nigh_229305.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/67f/steven-wright-432_hotel_i-stayed-in-a-really-old-hotel-last-nigh_229305.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wakeup letter.” — Steven Wright",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 3,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, \"Do I know you?",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Steven Wright"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/last-night-somebody-broke-into-my-apartment-and-replaced-everything/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2fd/steven-wright-432_apartment_last-night-somebody-broke-into-my-apartm_1048050.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2fd/steven-wright-432_apartment_last-night-somebody-broke-into-my-apartm_1048050.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2fd/steven-wright-432_apartment_last-night-somebody-broke-into-my-apartm_1048050.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed…” — Steven Wright",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 4,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Steven Wright"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/last-night-i-played-a-blank-tape-at-full-blast-the-mime-next-door/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/feb/steven-wright-432_blank_last-night-i-played-a-blank-tape-at-full_1346774.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/feb/steven-wright-432_blank_last-night-i-played-a-blank-tape-at-full_1346774.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/feb/steven-wright-432_blank_last-night-i-played-a-blank-tape-at-full_1346774.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.” — Steven Wright",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 5,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Steven Wright"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/last-night-i-stayed-up-late-playing-poker-with-tarot-cards-i-got-a/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/78c/steven-wright-432_cards_last-night-i-stayed-up-late-playing-poke_1824548.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/78c/steven-wright-432_cards_last-night-i-stayed-up-late-playing-poke_1824548.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/78c/steven-wright-432_cards_last-night-i-stayed-up-late-playing-poke_1824548.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.” — Steven Wright",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 6,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish. My dreams were broadcast all over the world.",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Steven Wright"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/last-night-i-fell-asleep-in-a-satellite-dish-my-dreams-were-broadcast/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/186/steven-wright-432_dishes_last-night-i-fell-asleep-in-a-satellite_1978006.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/186/steven-wright-432_dishes_last-night-i-fell-asleep-in-a-satellite_1978006.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/186/steven-wright-432_dishes_last-night-i-fell-asleep-in-a-satellite_1978006.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish. My dreams were broadcast all over the world.” — Steven Wright",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 7,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Steven Wright"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-stayed-in-a-really-old-hotel-last-night-they-sent-me-a-wake-up/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/40f/steven-wright-432_hotel_i-stayed-in-a-really-old-hotel-last-nigh_2126770.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/40f/steven-wright-432_hotel_i-stayed-in-a-really-old-hotel-last-nigh_2126770.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/40f/steven-wright-432_hotel_i-stayed-in-a-really-old-hotel-last-nigh_2126770.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.” — Steven Wright",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 8,
                    "item": {
                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The whole time.",
                        "creator": {
                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Steven Wright"
                        },
                        "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-went-for-a-walk-last-night-and-she-asked-me-how-long-i-was-going-to/",
                        "image": {
                            "@type": "ImageObject",
                            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eb3/steven-wright-432_gone_i-went-for-a-walk-last-night-and-she-ask_2835195.jpg",
                            "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eb3/steven-wright-432_gone_i-went-for-a-walk-last-night-and-she-ask_2835195.jpg",
                            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eb3/steven-wright-432_gone_i-went-for-a-walk-last-night-and-she-ask_2835195.jpg",
                            "width": 1080,
                            "height": 1080,
                            "caption": "“I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The whole time.” — Steven Wright",
                            "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                            "creator": {
                                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                            }
                        }
                    }
                }
            ]
        },
        {
            "@type": "CollectionPage",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/last-night/steven-wright/#webpage",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/last-night/steven-wright/",
            "name": "Last night Quotes by Steven Wright",
            "isPartOf": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website"
            },
            "mainEntity": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/last-night/steven-wright/#itemlist"
            },
            "primaryImageOfPage": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/208/steven-wright-432_bigs_i-went-to-this-restaurant-last-night-tha_60519.jpg"
            },
            "description": "8 Last night quotes by Steven Wright. Plus more from Steven Wright and more Last night sayings from other authors.",
            "breadcrumb": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/last-night/steven-wright/#breadcrumb"
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "BreadcrumbList",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/last-night/steven-wright/#breadcrumb",
            "itemListElement": [
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 1,
                    "name": "Home",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 2,
                    "name": "Quotes",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 3,
                    "name": "Topics",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/categories/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 4,
                    "name": "Last Night",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/last-night/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 5,
                    "name": "Steven Wright",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/last-night/steven-wright/"
                }
            ]
        },
        {
            "@type": "WebSite",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "publisher": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "Organization",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "logo": {
                "@type": "ImageObject",
                "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png",
                "width": 512,
                "height": 512
            }
        }
    ]
}
```