---
title: "39 Knows Quotes By Zach Braff"
description: "39 Knows quotes by Zach Braff. Plus more from Zach Braff and more Knows sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/883/zach-braff-854_blind_being-around-blind-people-is-always-a-li_2274012.png"
---

> [Being around blind people is always a little frustrating to me because I know they have no idea how handsome I am.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/being-around-blind-people-is-always-a-little-frustrating-to-me/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/883/zach-braff-854_blind_being-around-blind-people-is-always-a-li_2274012.png)

> [I know I probably should be sad about my mother's cancer... but she still hasn't seen The Last Kiss, you know?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/i-know-i-probably-should-be-sad-about-my-mother-s-cancer-but-she/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e6b/zach-braff-854_cancer_i-know-i-probably-should-be-sad-about-my_256533.png)

> [I think a big part of being a success is confidence. Just look at me, I know I'm successful, and I am.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/i-think-a-big-part-of-being-a-success-is-confidence-just-look-at-me-i/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/73f/zach-braff-854_bigs_i-think-a-big-part-of-being-a-success-is_1440007.png)

> [You want to know the secret of my success? Let me tell you about eugenics...](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/you-want-to-know-the-secret-of-my-success-let-me-tell-you-about/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d11/zach-braff-854_eugenics_you-want-to-know-the-secret-of-my-succes_2597486.png)

> [You know I was just taking a dump one day, and then as I sat there I realized, I really do deserve…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/you-know-i-was-just-taking-a-dump-one-day-and-then-as-i-sat-there-i/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a68/zach-braff-854_deserve_you-know-i-was-just-taking-a-dump-one-da_2638398.png)

> [It's not that I think the Nazis were right, or anything. It's just that, we weren't there, we don't know.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/it-s-not-that-i-think-the-nazis-were-right-or-anything-it-s-just-that/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f7f/zach-braff-854_inspirational_it-s-not-that-i-think-the-nazis-were-rig_2960164.png)

> [I know the Bible isn't real because it never once mentions me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/i-know-the-bible-isn-t-real-because-it-never-once-mentions-me/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eef/zach-braff-854_bible_i-know-the-bible-isn-t-real-because-it-n_2832351.png)

> [I heard about the Dalai Lama, you know and I thought to myself, why not me?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/i-heard-about-the-dalai-lama-you-know-and-i-thought-to-myself-why-not/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/071/zach-braff-854_dalai_i-heard-about-the-dalai-lama-you-know-an_222946.png)

> [I figure it this way - if a woman claims she didn't want me to fudge her, then you already know she's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/i-figure-it-this-way-if-a-woman-claims-she-didn-t-want-me-to-fudge/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/47b/zach-braff-854_claims_i-figure-it-this-way-if-a-woman-claims-s_1639539.jpg)

> [To say I live a cursed life is an understatement. I have to get up every day and work with people who…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/to-say-i-live-a-cursed-life-is-an-understatement-i-have-to-get-up/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/27a/zach-braff-854_cursed_to-say-i-live-a-cursed-life-is-an-unders_1590289.png)

> [Ya know, Hitler was this evil, evil man. But with the World Bank and Israel manipulating America, he might have been on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/ya-know-hitler-was-this-evil-evil-man-but-with-the-world-bank-and/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ca2/zach-braff-854_america_ya-know-hitler-was-this-evil-evil-man-bu_1297960.jpg)

> [When I was told they wanted the show to be about doctors, I was a bit reluctant to sign on, you know?…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/when-i-was-told-they-wanted-the-show-to-be-about-doctors-i-was-a-bit/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/88c/zach-braff-854_bits_when-i-was-told-they-wanted-the-show-to_2219995.png)

> [I've had to remove all mirrors from my home. I just can't seem to look at myself without having to buff the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/i-ve-had-to-remove-all-mirrors-from-my-home-i-just-can-t-seem-to-look/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1e7/zach-braff-854_bishops_i-ve-had-to-remove-all-mirrors-from-my-h_1531603.png)

> [I'm sick of people saying I hate blacks, women, and gays. It's false and slanderous. Everyone who knows me knows I hate…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/i-m-sick-of-people-saying-i-hate-blacks-women-and-gays-it-s-false-and/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/284/zach-braff-854_chinese_i-m-sick-of-people-saying-i-hate-blacks_2113418.png)

> [For me, acting in scenes with other people is like playing soccer with a bunch of legless five year olds. It's not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/for-me-acting-in-scenes-with-other-people-is-like-playing-soccer-with/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/879/zach-braff-854_acting_for-me-acting-in-scenes-with-other-peopl_2743422.png)

> [Some people just don't want to put in the effort. I just show up and say some lines and I'm famous. Anyone…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/some-people-just-don-t-want-to-put-in-the-effort-i-just-show-up-and/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d7c/zach-braff-854_effort_some-people-just-don-t-want-to-put-in-th_732835.png)

> [The thing about all these charities is that who sees where the money goes? I don't and you don't. For all I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/the-thing-about-all-these-charities-is-that-who-sees-where-the-money/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d62/zach-braff-854_charity_the-thing-about-all-these-charities-is-t_2398435.png)

> [ I know that \[Mike\] Tyson talked about wanting to eat his opponent's children, but I don't think he ever had the balls… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/i-know-that-mike-tyson-talked-about-wanting-to-eat-his-opponent-s/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6ea/zach-braff-854_balls_i-know-that-mike-tyson-talked-about-want_953019.jpg)

> [I really don't know why we need a whole month dedicated to blacks. It's not like they're the only ones that suffered.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/i-really-don-t-know-why-we-need-a-whole-month-dedicated-to-blacks-it/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2c3/zach-braff-854_deals_i-really-don-t-know-why-we-need-a-whole_3181043.jpg)

> [I lot of people remember when that kid spray-painted my brand new Porsche for Punk'd. That was pretty funny. He got me…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/i-lot-of-people-remember-when-that-kid-spray-painted-my-brand-new/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1fd/zach-braff-854_bedroom_i-lot-of-people-remember-when-that-kid-s_3020671.png)

> [Well, I've thought about donating, but they get so many damn donations already. I read about one foundation that raised over 100…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/well-i-ve-thought-about-donating-but-they-get-so-many-damn-donations/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d73/zach-braff-854_alcoholics_well-i-ve-thought-about-donating-but-the_710885.jpg)

> [I could see why someone would want to make a website about me, and my quotes. They are all gold. How many…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/i-could-see-why-someone-would-want-to-make-a-website-about-me-and-my/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fa1/zach-braff-854_direct_i-could-see-why-someone-would-want-to-ma_2061768.png)

> [I don't know why people were so upset with me. Prince got his own symbol. I just wanted to adopt the handicap…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/i-don-t-know-why-people-were-so-upset-with-me-prince-got-his-own/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9a2/zach-braff-854_giving_i-don-t-know-why-people-were-so-upset-wi_790737.png)

> [You know how they do that effect in movies, where they make it look like you have a twin, but it's really…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/you-know-how-they-do-that-effect-in-movies-where-they-make-it-look/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/81e/zach-braff-854_actor_you-know-how-they-do-that-effect-in-movi_2068553.jpg)

> [First I took a crap on the hooker's chest, then I told her I'd pay her a thousand dollars to eat it.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/first-i-took-a-crap-on-the-hooker-s-chest-then-i-told-her-i-d-pay-her/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/128/zach-braff-854_beats_first-i-took-a-crap-on-the-hooker-s-ches_1085500.jpg)

> [They don't know I'm staring, what does it matter if I keep on doing it?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/they-don-t-know-i-m-staring-what-does-it-matter-if-i-keep-on-doing-it/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e19/zach-braff-854_doe_they-don-t-know-i-m-staring-what-does-it_2154587.png)

> [I actually did ponder doing the Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie thing and get a kid from Ethiopia. But you know, I already have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/i-actually-did-ponder-doing-the-brad-pitt-angelina-jolie-thing-and/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/04b/zach-braff-854_ashtrays_i-actually-did-ponder-doing-the-brad-pit_2901391.png)

> [Well I can understand why men want it to be legal. Obviously they're all hoping they might get to marry me someday.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/well-i-can-understand-why-men-want-it-to-be-legal-obviously-they-re/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b97/zach-braff-854_bubbles_well-i-can-understand-why-men-want-it-to_273313.png)

> [A child's death is really of less value than an adult's. I mean, what could you really accomplish in a year? Not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/a-child-s-death-is-really-of-less-value-than-an-adult-s-i-mean-what/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/28f/zach-braff-854_accomplish_a-child-s-death-is-really-of-less-value_676394.jpg)

> [I'm not saying eating babies should be legal, but when they're so delicious, what's the harm in it? I don't know what…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/i-m-not-saying-eating-babies-should-be-legal-but-when-they-re-so/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2fb/zach-braff-854_baby_i-m-not-saying-eating-babies-should-be-l_602989.png)

> [I definitely try to play a common man in my roles so people can identify with my characters, but the truth of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/i-definitely-try-to-play-a-common-man-in-my-roles-so-people-can/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/571/zach-braff-854_character_i-definitely-try-to-play-a-common-man-in_2056491.png)

> [Whenever I'm feeling a bit down, I always visit the local children's hospital. Knowing that those cancer-kids wont be able to live…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/whenever-i-m-feeling-a-bit-down-i-always-visit-the-local-children-s/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/02d/zach-braff-854_able_whenever-i-m-feeling-a-bit-down-i-always_2353613.png)

> [You know, I think there should be a Zach Braff Day. We could have it on December 25th and then people can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/you-know-i-think-there-should-be-a-zach-braff-day-we-could-have-it-on/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eb6/zach-braff-854_ask-me_you-know-i-think-there-should-be-a-zach_1208542.png)

> [I mean, I know thousands of people died and everything, but if it happened today, there's just no excuse. They'd be much…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/i-mean-i-know-thousands-of-people-died-and-everything-but-if-it/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/09b/zach-braff-854_alive_i-mean-i-know-thousands-of-people-died-a_1873376.jpg)

> [I wouldn't say I'm bigger than Jesus. If I had to guess, I'd say probably, yeah, but as far as I know,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/i-wouldn-t-say-i-m-bigger-than-jesus-if-i-had-to-guess-i-d-say/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b65/zach-braff-854_bible_i-wouldn-t-say-i-m-bigger-than-jesus-if_2673458.png)

> [You know, I've occasionally tried to watch other shows besides Scrubs, but comparing them is a bit like me competing in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/you-know-i-ve-occasionally-tried-to-watch-other-shows-besides-scrubs/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c35/zach-braff-854_bits_you-know-i-ve-occasionally-tried-to-watc_1411534.png)

> [I'm a busy guy; I just get a lot of people that sound like me to go out and visit them. They…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/i-m-a-busy-guy-i-just-get-a-lot-of-people-that-sound-like-me-to-go/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/975/zach-braff-854_busy_i-m-a-busy-guy-i-just-get-a-lot-of-peopl_517406.jpg)

> [It really is fascinating stuff, and I've picked it up on Scrubs. Memorizing lines is at least as hard as studying a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/it-really-is-fascinating-stuff-and-i-ve-picked-it-up-on-scrubs/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/762/zach-braff-854_book_it-really-is-fascinating-stuff-and-i-ve_849145.png)

> [People are always saying bad things about them, but really they think they're just trying to clean up our planet. I'm not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/people-are-always-saying-bad-things-about-them-but-really-they-think/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/16d/zach-braff-854_bad-thing_people-are-always-saying-bad-things-abou_903881.png)

## Other authors on Knows

## More by Zach Braff

> [The thing about hitting kids is, think about if you were doing the same thing to another adult. Hitting your kid is really the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/the-thing-about-hitting-kids-is-think-about-if-you-were-doing-the/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

> [The greatest charity you can contribute to is yourself. Instead of spending a dollar to help feed hungry children, why not spend that dollar…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/the-greatest-charity-you-can-contribute-to-is-yourself-instead-of/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

> [When you're the director and the writer, you never have to remember your lines, and there's no one to call you on it. On…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/when-you-re-the-director-and-the-writer-you-never-have-to-remember/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

> [Yea, he's alright...but he's no Zach Braff.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/yea-he-s-alright-but-he-s-no-zach-braff/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

> [It was really starting to get pathetic, everyday they would come in looking for one thing or another. 'Zach, can you give me some…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/it-was-really-starting-to-get-pathetic-everyday-they-would-come-in/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

> [People ask me, 'Did the fame come too fast? Do you ever wish for your old life?' I always tell them that there's nothing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/people-ask-me-did-the-fame-come-too-fast-do-you-ever-wish-for-your/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

> [I wouldn't exactly call it 'Intelligent', but somebody has to be behind designing the human form other than just biological necessity. Why else would…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/i-wouldn-t-exactly-call-it-intelligent-but-somebody-has-to-be-behind/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

> [People have called me fake, but personally, I don't think I'm fake because I'm so insincere.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/people-have-called-me-fake-but-personally-i-don-t-think-i-m-fake/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

> [When things seem to be slowing down, there's this little trick I like to play. I'd plow this virgin who's on her period, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/when-things-seem-to-be-slowing-down-there-s-this-little-trick-i-like/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

> [I want to take piano lessons, I want to study at university, I want to travel, I want to do other parts, make another…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/i-want-to-take-piano-lessons-i-want-to-study-at-university-i-want-to/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

> [If John McCain were really a war hero he would've won Vietnam.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/if-john-mccain-were-really-a-war-hero-he-would-ve-won-vietnam/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

> [If I could change anything about Garden State, it would be to cast somebody else for the female lead. Natalie just isn't really that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/if-i-could-change-anything-about-garden-state-it-would-be-to-cast/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

> [Well it's not that I HATE them, but honestly if I saw two homeless people begging for money, one white and one black, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/well-it-s-not-that-i-hate-them-but-honestly-if-i-saw-two-homeless/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

> [I never looked at bread the same way again](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/i-never-looked-at-bread-the-same-way-again/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

> [I don't belive Oprah's sexual abuse stories, I mean who would take a black girl when there are plenty of white?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/i-don-t-belive-oprah-s-sexual-abuse-stories-i-mean-who-would-take-a/)

[Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/)

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                        "text": "The thing about all these charities is that who sees where the money goes? I don't and you don't. For all I know, the president of Make a Wish just used all the money to buy himself a mansion and a yacht. That's why I keep all of my money for myself, at least then I know I'm doing good for at least one person for sure.",
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                        "text": "I know that [Mike] Tyson talked about wanting to eat his opponent's children, but I don't think he ever had the balls to do it. I'm different - when I kidnapped Bill Lawrence's daughter, I cut off all of her fingers before sending my demands so that I wouldn't have to sit there and wait for him to ignore them. We worked things about about nine hours in, which is good because I ate her thumb as a midnight snack.",
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                        "text": "I really don't know why we need a whole month dedicated to blacks. It's not like they're the only ones that suffered. I mean, what about us whites? We're the ones that have to deal with these monkeys everyday, but you don't see us demanding a whole month to ourselves.",
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                        "text": "I lot of people remember when that kid spray-painted my brand new Porsche for Punk'd. That was pretty funny. He got me pretty good. Of course, most people don't know I eventually got him back with my own show. I call it a show, really it's just an hour-long video shot in my bedroom featuring the two of us.",
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                        "text": "Well, I've thought about donating, but they get so many damn donations already. I read about one foundation that raised over 100 million dollars. Well where the hell did that go? For all I know every starving child has a 2 story house by now. Or maybe they're all raging alcoholics, like homeless people. Homeless people who are more effective when it comes to raising money. Who wants to support alcoholic children? Not me.",
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                        "text": "I could see why someone would want to make a website about me, and my quotes. They are all gold. How many people have written, directed AND starred in their own movies. I just don't know why they would want to put words into my mouth, I mean I did write, direct AND star in a critically acclaimed movie.",
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                        "text": "I don't know why people were so upset with me. Prince got his own symbol. I just wanted to adopt the handicap symbol as my own so I could park in handicap spots. Deformed people should be honored to park so close to me. Meeting a celebrity like me may give them hope in their mistake of a life.",
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                        "text": "You know how they do that effect in movies, where they make it look like you have a twin, but it's really just the same actor playing both characters in the scene? I knew this would be the best route, but I just wasn't comfortable dressing as a woman, so I had to hire other actors.",
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                        "text": "First I took a crap on the hooker's chest, then I told her I'd pay her a thousand dollars to eat it. She was addicted to crack, so of course she did it. It was so gross, though, it made her throw up, so I said I'd pay her another thousand to lick all that up, too. She started to, but for some reason she started crying as she was doing it, saying, 'I went to college! I have a degree!' Oh man, it was hilarious. I don't know if it was technically sex because I just beat off on her face, but definitely one of my most intense orgasms.",
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                        "text": "They don't know I'm staring, what does it matter if I keep on doing it?",
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                        "text": "I actually did ponder doing the Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie thing and get a kid from Ethiopia. But you know, I already have an ashtray.",
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                        "text": "Well I can understand why men want it to be legal. Obviously they're all hoping they might get to marry me someday. I hate to burst their bubble, but they should just give it up now. Zach Braff doesn't sway that way, you know?",
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                        "text": "A child's death is really of less value than an adult's. I mean, what could you really accomplish in a year? Not much, and that's not even talking about, you know, pay-wise.",
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                        "text": "I'm not saying eating babies should be legal, but when they're so delicious, what's the harm in it? I don't know what tastes better, their innocence or their gooey rib butter.",
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                        "text": "I definitely try to play a common man in my roles so people can identify with my characters, but the truth of the matter is that it doesn't really matter what I do or my lines are, I'm still Zach Braff, and people know I'm better than them.",
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