---
title: "10 Knows Quotes By Phyllis Diller"
description: "10 Knows quotes by Phyllis Diller. Plus more from Phyllis Diller and more Knows sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d5a/phyllis-diller-1622_funny_you-know-what-keeps-me-humble-mirrors-67_673028.png"
---

> [You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/you-know-what-keeps-me-humble-mirrors/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d5a/phyllis-diller-1622_funny_you-know-what-keeps-me-humble-mirrors-67_673028.png)

> [You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/you-know-you-re-old-when-your-walker-has-an-airbag/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/71d/phyllis-diller-1622_airbags_you-know-you-re-old-when-your-walker-has_599297.png)

> [How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/how-do-you-know-they-re-growing-up-well-the-bite-marks-are-higher/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/39b/phyllis-diller-1622_bite_how-do-you-know-they-re-growing-up-well_2966319.png)

> [get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/get-married-with-the-feeling-it-is-going-to-last-not-like-the-bride-i/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/10d/phyllis-diller-1622_brides_get-married-with-the-feeling-it-is-going_2304437.png)

> [I don't know how you feel about old age... but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/i-don-t-know-how-you-feel-about-old-age-but-in-my-case-i-didn-t-even/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2c9/phyllis-diller-1622_60th-birthday_i-don-t-know-how-you-feel-about-old-age_36607.png)

> [I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/i-m-eighteen-years-behind-in-my-ironing-there-s-no-use-doing-it-now/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/715/phyllis-diller-1622_behinds_i-m-eighteen-years-behind-in-my-ironing_3095607.png)

> [Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/everybody-knows-how-lazy-he-is-one-day-the-neighbors-saw-fang-mow-the/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d4c/phyllis-diller-1622_cards_everybody-knows-how-lazy-he-is-one-day-t_3185556.png)

> [ \[On plastic surgery:\] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age. ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/on-plastic-surgery-when-i-die-god-won-t-know-me-there-are-no-two/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/980/phyllis-diller-1622_age_on-plastic-surgery-when-i-die-god-won-t_2492123.png)

> [Everybody knows how much time Fang spends in bed. A local store that gives a 30 days' trial on mattresses gives Fang…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/everybody-knows-how-much-time-fang-spends-in-bed-a-local-store-that/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/938/phyllis-diller-1622_bed_everybody-knows-how-much-time-fang-spend_1340329.png)

> [This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/this-woman-goes-into-a-gun-shop-and-says-i-want-to-buy-a-gun-for-my/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9a0/phyllis-diller-1622_clerks_this-woman-goes-into-a-gun-shop-and-says_394465.png)

## Other authors on Knows

## More by Phyllis Diller

> [My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/my-mother-in-law-must-be-the-probation-officer-i-got-for-the-crime-i/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [I don't know how you feel about old age... but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/i-don-t-know-how-you-feel-about-old-age-but-in-my-case-i-didn-t-even/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/if-it-weren-t-for-baseball-many-kids-wouldn-t-know-what-a-millionaire/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night... and reduce the crime rate.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/i-m-the-only-woman-who-can-walk-in-central-park-at-night-and-reduce/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/i-was-the-world-s-ugliest-baby-when-i-was-born-the-doctor-slapped/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/by-far-the-most-common-craving-of-pregnant-women-is-not-to-be-pregnant/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/for-fang-getting-out-of-bed-in-the-morning-is-a-career-move/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/women-want-men-careers-money-children-friends-luxury-comfort/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/i-admit-i-have-a-tremendous-sex-drive-my-boyfriend-lives-forty-miles/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/the-reason-women-don-t-play-football-is-because-11-of-them-would/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/if-you-don-t-have-wrinkles-you-haven-t-laughed-enough/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [“A smile is a curve that sets things right.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/a-smile-is-a-curve-that-sets-things-right/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/every-time-i-go-near-the-stove-the-dog-howls/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [Some wives have model husbands, I got one that needed remodeling.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/some-wives-have-model-husbands-i-got-one-that-needed-remodeling/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/my-idea-of-exercise-is-a-good-brisk-sit/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

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