--- title: "14 Knows Quotes By Norm MacDonald" description: "14 Knows quotes by Norm MacDonald. Plus more from Norm MacDonald and more Knows sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/079/norm-macdonald-1825_alcoholic_they-re-like-you-re-an-alcoholic-i-go-no_2254630.png" --- > [They're like ''You're an alcoholic.'' I go ''No, I'm not.'' and then-apparently that's what alcoholics say too, you know?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/they-re-like-you-re-an-alcoholic-i-go-no-i-m-not-and-then-apparently/) [Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/079/norm-macdonald-1825_alcoholic_they-re-like-you-re-an-alcoholic-i-go-no_2254630.png) > [ Louis \[C.K.\] is great. But I don't know how many you could do. ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/louis-c-k-is-great-but-i-don-t-know-how-many-you-could-do/) [Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b78/norm-macdonald-1825_great_louis-c-k-is-great-but-i-don-t-know-how_138817.png) > [If you watch that show and you didn't know it was called Seinfeld, you'd think it was called 'The George Costanza Show'.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/if-you-watch-that-show-and-you-didn-t-know-it-was-called-seinfeld-you/) [Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/997/norm-macdonald-1825_ifs_if-you-watch-that-show-and-you-didn-t-kn_505138.png) > [My dad died, and my grandfather died, and my great-grandfather died. And the guy before him, I don't know. Probably died.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/my-dad-died-and-my-grandfather-died-and-my-great-grandfather-died-and/) [Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3ed/norm-macdonald-1825_comedy_my-dad-died-and-my-grandfather-died-and_122018.png) > [I hate fame. I hate being recognized, because I don't know how to talk to people.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/i-hate-fame-i-hate-being-recognized-because-i-don-t-know-how-to-talk/) [Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/caf/norm-macdonald-1825_fame_i-hate-fame-i-hate-being-recognized-beca_763675.png) > [I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/i-don-t-know-the-difference-between-a-hippie-and-a-hipster-but-it-s/) [Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cb0/norm-macdonald-1825_beats_i-don-t-know-the-difference-between-a-hi_1025537.png) > [You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/you-know-with-hitler-the-more-i-learn-about-that-guy-the-more-i-don-t/) [Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b35/norm-macdonald-1825_care_you-know-with-hitler-the-more-i-learn-ab_858072.png) > [There's that saying, "I don't know art, but I know what I like." The inverse is kind of true. I know art,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/there-s-that-saying-i-don-t-know-art-but-i-know-what-i-like-the/) [Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/578/norm-macdonald-1825_appeals_there-s-that-saying-i-don-t-know-art-but_1085532.png) > [This is a thing I read by a scientist... it said scientists now say that a man thinks about sex once every…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/this-is-a-thing-i-read-by-a-scientist-it-said-scientists-now-say-that/) [Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/411/norm-macdonald-1825_bunch_this-is-a-thing-i-read-by-a-scientist-it_2481931.jpg) > [Man, them engagement rings, boy, they cost a lot. I was looking at 'em. Cost like a thousand bucks, two thousand bucks,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/man-them-engagement-rings-boy-they-cost-a-lot-i-was-looking-at-em/) [Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2b6/norm-macdonald-1825_bigs_man-them-engagement-rings-boy-they-cost_3022279.png) > [Actually, with those dirty movies, I find like, they're good for about fifteen, twenty minutes. I'm really interested. And, then, uh, there's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/actually-with-those-dirty-movies-i-find-like-they-re-good-for-about/) [Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fd6/norm-macdonald-1825_ashamed_actually-with-those-dirty-movies-i-find_1238104.png) > [I was in my peak physical condition when I was about like, uh... one. Oh God, I looked good, young and fresh!…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/i-was-in-my-peak-physical-condition-when-i-was-about-like-uh-one-oh/) [Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/742/norm-macdonald-1825_age_i-was-in-my-peak-physical-condition-when_262253.jpg) > [Women of no beauty may yet be flattered to believe they possess some; others of a moderate share that they have a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/women-of-no-beauty-may-yet-be-flattered-to-believe-they-possess-some/) [Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b67/norm-macdonald-1825_beauty_women-of-no-beauty-may-yet-be-flattered_2851036.png) > [It's tough to know who's better in cliff diving. Like, you see a guy diving off a cliff and you go, Oh,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/it-s-tough-to-know-who-s-better-in-cliff-diving-like-you-see-a-guy/) [Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/63f/norm-macdonald-1825_champion_it-s-tough-to-know-who-s-better-in-cliff_2155792.png) ## Other authors on Knows ## More by Norm MacDonald > [In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/in-estimating-the-adversities-of-life-we-would-seldom-have-much/) [Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/) > [Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/chastity-is-oftener-owing-to-diffidence-and-shame-than-to-fortitude/) [Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/) > [The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/the-first-principle-of-solid-wisdom-is-discretion-without-it-all-the/) [Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/) > [I'd say Jon Stewart has remained funny the entire time. Jon always makes it funny first. And he's just, he's talking about serious things,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/i-d-say-jon-stewart-has-remained-funny-the-entire-time-jon-always/) [Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/) > [Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/liberty-like-health-appears-most-precious-when-lost/) [Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/) > [In theatres, you're kind of disconnected. Also, it's way too big for the likes of me. Unless you're Robin Williams or someone that can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/in-theatres-you-re-kind-of-disconnected-also-it-s-way-too-big-for-the/) [Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/) > [After months of speculation, the sitcom star Ellen DeGeneres admitted that yes, she's gay. Inspired by her courage, today, diet-guru Richard Simmons admitted that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/after-months-of-speculation-the-sitcom-star-ellen-degeneres-admitted/) [Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/) > [So much in L.A. is waiting. It's so irritating. That's what's good about stand-up. You can go away, and you don't have to sit…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/so-much-in-l-a-is-waiting-it-s-so-irritating-that-s-what-s-good-about/) [Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/) > [You ever hear guys with small cocks talk about sex? Can't talk about it enough. They even got poems. They'll say, 'It's not the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/you-ever-hear-guys-with-small-cocks-talk-about-sex-can-t-talk-about/) [Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/) > [My dad died, and my grandfather died, and my great-grandfather died. And the guy before him, I don't know. Probably died.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/my-dad-died-and-my-grandfather-died-and-my-great-grandfather-died-and/) [Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/) > [ Louis \[C.K.\] is great. But I don't know how many you could do. ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/louis-c-k-is-great-but-i-don-t-know-how-many-you-could-do/) [Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/) > [I don't have any ego about it, but I find there's not a great work ethic in show business. A lot of people are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/i-don-t-have-any-ego-about-it-but-i-find-there-s-not-a-great-work/) [Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/) > [Many people are skeptical about marriage of Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Pressley. They say, Lisa Marie is more of a sit at home…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/many-people-are-skeptical-about-marriage-of-michael-jackson-and-lisa/) [Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/) > [Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/back-in-the-old-days-a-man-could-just-get-sick-and-die-now-they-have/) [Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/) > [The man that does not fear punishment, little regards crime.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/the-man-that-does-not-fear-punishment-little-regards-crime/) [Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/knows/norm-macdonald/#itemlist", "name": "14 Knows Quotes By Norm MacDonald", "numberOfItems": 14, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "They're like ''You're an alcoholic.'' 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I know art, but I don't know what I like. You get so immersed in it that nothing appeals to you.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Norm MacDonald" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/there-s-that-saying-i-don-t-know-art-but-i-know-what-i-like-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/578/norm-macdonald-1825_appeals_there-s-that-saying-i-don-t-know-art-but_1085532.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/578/norm-macdonald-1825_appeals_there-s-that-saying-i-don-t-know-art-but_1085532.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/578/norm-macdonald-1825_appeals_there-s-that-saying-i-don-t-know-art-but_1085532.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“There's that saying, \"I don't know art, but I know what I like.\" The inverse is kind of true. I know art…” — Norm MacDonald", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "This is a thing I read by a scientist... it said scientists now say that a man thinks about sex once every 7.3 seconds. Now, I know what I think every 7.3 seconds. It's just a bunch of meaningless gibberish.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Norm MacDonald" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/this-is-a-thing-i-read-by-a-scientist-it-said-scientists-now-say-that/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/411/norm-macdonald-1825_bunch_this-is-a-thing-i-read-by-a-scientist-it_2481931.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/411/norm-macdonald-1825_bunch_this-is-a-thing-i-read-by-a-scientist-it_2481931.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/411/norm-macdonald-1825_bunch_this-is-a-thing-i-read-by-a-scientist-it_2481931.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“This is a thing I read by a scientist... it said scientists now say that a man thinks about sex once every…” — Norm MacDonald", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Man, them engagement rings, boy, they cost a lot. I was looking at 'em. Cost like a thousand bucks, two thousand bucks, y'know. Three thousand bucks. Something like that- four thousand bucks. Big number divisible by a thousand, anyways.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Norm MacDonald" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/man-them-engagement-rings-boy-they-cost-a-lot-i-was-looking-at-em/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2b6/norm-macdonald-1825_bigs_man-them-engagement-rings-boy-they-cost_3022279.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2b6/norm-macdonald-1825_bigs_man-them-engagement-rings-boy-they-cost_3022279.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2b6/norm-macdonald-1825_bigs_man-them-engagement-rings-boy-they-cost_3022279.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Man, them engagement rings, boy, they cost a lot. I was looking at 'em. Cost like a thousand bucks, two…” — Norm MacDonald", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Actually, with those dirty movies, I find like, they're good for about fifteen, twenty minutes. I'm really interested. And, then, uh, there's one point, that all of a sudden I'm bored. You know? I just lose interest completely and I feel deeply ashamed.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Norm MacDonald" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/actually-with-those-dirty-movies-i-find-like-they-re-good-for-about/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fd6/norm-macdonald-1825_ashamed_actually-with-those-dirty-movies-i-find_1238104.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fd6/norm-macdonald-1825_ashamed_actually-with-those-dirty-movies-i-find_1238104.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fd6/norm-macdonald-1825_ashamed_actually-with-those-dirty-movies-i-find_1238104.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Actually, with those dirty movies, I find like, they're good for about fifteen, twenty minutes. I'm really…” — Norm MacDonald", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I was in my peak physical condition when I was about like, uh... one. Oh God, I looked good, young and fresh! You wouldn't know me now if you'd seen me when I was one, you know? I even looked good for my age. People would come up to me and go, what are you, zero? And I'd go, no, I'm one over here!", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Norm MacDonald" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/i-was-in-my-peak-physical-condition-when-i-was-about-like-uh-one-oh/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/742/norm-macdonald-1825_age_i-was-in-my-peak-physical-condition-when_262253.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/742/norm-macdonald-1825_age_i-was-in-my-peak-physical-condition-when_262253.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/742/norm-macdonald-1825_age_i-was-in-my-peak-physical-condition-when_262253.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I was in my peak physical condition when I was about like, uh... one. Oh God, I looked good, young and…” — Norm MacDonald", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Women of no beauty may yet be flattered to believe they possess some; others of a moderate share that they have a great deal; but those of elegance and charm generally know the perfection of their external graces so well, that they seem to covet that flattery most which heightens the opinion of their wit and judgment.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Norm MacDonald" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/women-of-no-beauty-may-yet-be-flattered-to-believe-they-possess-some/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b67/norm-macdonald-1825_beauty_women-of-no-beauty-may-yet-be-flattered_2851036.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b67/norm-macdonald-1825_beauty_women-of-no-beauty-may-yet-be-flattered_2851036.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b67/norm-macdonald-1825_beauty_women-of-no-beauty-may-yet-be-flattered_2851036.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Women of no beauty may yet be flattered to believe they possess some; others of a moderate share that they…” — Norm MacDonald", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "It's tough to know who's better in cliff diving. Like, you see a guy diving off a cliff and you go, Oh, man, a guy diving off a cliff! And then another guy'd dive- Oh, there's another guy diving off a cliff there. But you can't tell who's better, y'know? Like, uh- if you survive at all, hey, you're a great- you're a great cliff diver there. There's only two classifications in cliffdiving. There's, uh- 'Grand Champion' and then, uh- 'Stuff On a Rock.' Very hard to make a comeback in that sport, I'll tell you that.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Norm MacDonald" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/it-s-tough-to-know-who-s-better-in-cliff-diving-like-you-see-a-guy/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/63f/norm-macdonald-1825_champion_it-s-tough-to-know-who-s-better-in-cliff_2155792.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/63f/norm-macdonald-1825_champion_it-s-tough-to-know-who-s-better-in-cliff_2155792.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/63f/norm-macdonald-1825_champion_it-s-tough-to-know-who-s-better-in-cliff_2155792.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“It's tough to know who's better in cliff diving. 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